Chapter 10: Introducing Helga

To say I was afraid of love would be an understatement. I experienced love for the first time when I was very young, and it didn't end well. I'd seen the football headed love god escape my grasp so many times, and every time I died a little inside.

"Oh Arnold, flaxen haired angel. Why can't you see we're destined to be together?" I asked the golden locket I clutched. Caged inside the heart shaped borders was Arnold's tenth grade school picture, looking into my soul with a half-lidded smile. I lay on my back held it to my heart. "For so many years I've been obsessed, and without fail you always break my heart. I know you don't mean to my sweet, and I know I deserve it for all the years I personally abused you." I rolled over onto my stomach. A tear forming in the corner of my eye. "But we were so close." I whispered.

"Olga!" Big Bob yelled as he banged on my bedroom door. I cringed, tucking the locket back into my shirt.

"It's Helga, Dad!" I corrected him, in vain. I'd been called my older sister's name as long as I could remember.

"Yea, yea." He muttered. "Phone for you." It was Phoebe. Calling about Social class I have no doubt. I reached over and picked up the phone.

"I got it!" I yelled down to Bob. I heard a grumble and a click. "Hey Phoebs."

"Hello Helga. How are you?" She asked innocently. I waved her question off.

"Enough with the small talk, Phoebs. Get to the point." I waited.

"What are you going to do?" She asked after a moment. I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling.

"Child's play Phoebs. I'm not scared of little Miss Perfect the second. "

"Helga we both know she isn't like Lila. She just wants to be friends with you." I sat up, angrily.

"Who's side are you on anyway?" I demanded. She was silent. "Look Phoebs I gotta go, I'll call you later." I hung up the phone. I didn't mean to be so harsh to Phoebe but I couldn't deal with her at that moment. I was worried enough as it was.

"Skye, you'll be paired up with Helga for this project." Ms. Stiles, our social teacher announced from the front of the room. My heart dropped into my stomach. Skye turned to me with a smile and waved. I glared at her. The last person in the world I would want to be partnered with for the project on healthcare. I was prepared to sell my soul to be rid of her. She picked up her books and walked over to my desk.

"Hi partner." She said. I cringed. She laughed a little and set her books down as I turned away from her. "You really despise me, don't you?"

"Yes. I really , REALLY despise you." I hissed through my teeth. She shook her head.

"That's a shame. But you're going to lov

e this, Helga. I know why you despise me." I turned back to her and studied her face, for any sort of sign that she was lying. I saw none.

"You have no idea, Miss Perfect." She put her hands on my desk and leaned towards me, I fought the urge to lean away. She had a look on her face like she was ready to destroy me.

"You think I've stolen your man candy." She whispered. My eyes widened against my will. I said nothing, waiting for her next move. She took her hands off my desk and stood up straight again. "What do you say we work on this at my house tonight?" I could feel the eyes of the class on us. I leaned back in my chair. If she wanted a battle of wills, she was going to get one. I, Helga G. Pataki, was not backing down.

"Mine. 6:30. Be there or be square." I said. She smiled.

"I'll be there." The bell rang. "See you tonight, partner!" She chirped. I hated her.

Skye would be here soon. My social books were on my desk, waiting. I had a plan. I wasn't going to let Skye get a word in that wasn't about the project. If it came down to it I would even be nice to her, if that's really all she wanted maybe she wouldn't bring up what she saw in the alley last week. I hated being weak, but Arnold was hers, and as much as I hated her I didn't really want to ruin what they had. I don't know why, and Arnold doesn't know it, but all I really want is for him to be happy.

"See you tonight, partner!" I yelled behind me. I knew I had Helga right where I wanted her. I met Arnold at the door, he kissed my cheek and we started walking to lunch.

"That looked intense." He said.

"The winds of change are approaching, Arnold." I said. "Helga will be my friend yet, you'll see." Arnold's hand began pulling mine towards the wall of the hallway. He leaned against it and put his hands around my waist.

"I'll never understand why you care so much about Helga liking you," he smiled, "but it's just another thing I love about you." I blushed.

"I used to be her, Arnold. Helga hates herself. I want her to be happy." Arnold kissed me.

"You really are the greatest thing to happen to this city in a long time." I caught myself blushing, and it became worse when I tried to stop.

"Thanks. This city is the best thing to happen to me since…." I trailed off. He lifted up my chin.

"I know." He said.

I showed up at Helga's at 6:15. I was excited to work things out with her, so I couldn't wait until 6:30. I knocked on the door. Inside I heard voices arguing about who was going to answer the door. After an exasperated sigh a large man appeared before me. He had grey hair and a unibrow. Across his shirt were the words "Big Bob's Beepers."

"Olga's in her room." He mumbled as he left me standing there. Olga? I walked in and shut the door. Upstairs, I found Helga sitting on the floor writing vigorously in a little pink book. She looked up and shut the cover when I walked into her room.

"Showed up," she said, "I'm surprised."

"You shouldn't be," I said, "I want to talk." She stood up and walked away.

"That makes one of us, Red." I sighed in defeat and joined her by her desk. We worked on the project for a good half an hour, without any talk of feelings or working our squabbles out.

"I gotta use the can." She said suddenly. Attractive. I looked up from my textbook. She was already walking out the door. I put my textbook down and stretched out my wrists. They were cramped from writing. My attention soon fell on the little pink book Helga had left sitting in the corner of her desk. I knew it was wrong to read other peoples' diaries, but the curiosity got the better of me. I flipped open the front cover to reveal a poem. It was about Arnold. I continued flipping. Page after page about Arnold. His hair, his smell, his smile. She left nothing out. Admittedly, I was feeling a little defensive, Arnold was my boyfriend. But this level of obsession was more than jealousy. It was something much deeper.

"Bravo," I heard from the door, "you know my secret." Helga was standing there, expressionless. I closed the book and put it back down.

"Helga I want to talk about this." I said. She walked over to her bed and sat down.

"Stay away from your boyfriend. Got it." She said, looking down. I got up and joined her on the bed. She tensed up.

"No, that's not it. Helga, what is this? That book is full. It goes back long before Arnold and I started dating. Even before I moved here. Why didn't you tell him you felt this way before?" She scoffed.

"You don't know the back story."

"No," I admitted, "but I'd like to if you're willing to share." She looked up at me. I kindly smiled at her. I think she understood that I wasn't angry with her. I just wanted to understand. Did I interrupt something? Did I take the boy who was rightfully hers? She sighed long and hard. I waited patiently.

"I've loved Arnold forever. Since my first day of preschool I've been hopelessly obsessed. He was the only person in the world who noticed me. He was nice to me. But due to multiple factors, I became an angry bully. To protect myself, I guess. In the fourth grade, Lila Sawyer came to our class. It didn't take Arnold long to fall for her. She really was perfect, I even liked her. She was pretty, nice, funny. Everything I wasn't. All year Arnold tried, and Lila only liked him. Never 'liked him, liked him.'" Helga made air quotes. "The summer after fourth grade Lila went back to the country to spend her summer there. That was the summer our neighborhood almost got torn down. While helping him save the neighborhood, I told him my real feelings. After everything was said and done, we agreed to pretend it never happened. I assumed because he didn't feel the same way about me. Lila came back different in fifth grade. She was shallow and vain. At first it seemed like Arnold had gotten over her and at one point I even thought he liked me back."

"Why?" I asked.

"We were walking together after school one day and he told me he'd liked seeing that side of me. He kissed me on the cheek at the door. Lila somehow found out and the next day she told Arnold she liked him, liked him. That was all that ever came of us. I was destroyed. They dated until the ninth grade. We didn't speak the entire time they were dating. After she left, we talked about what had happened between us. I could see how much pain he was in, and in an attempt to lessen it I assured him I didn't have those feelings anymore. We agreed to be friends." Helga explained. She had tears in her eyes. I put my hand on her shoulder. Had Arnold really done this to her?

"It sounds like he hurt you as much as he got hurt himself." I said, more to myself than her. Helga shook her head.

"No. Lila ripped Arnold's heart out and used it as a stress ball. The entire four years that they were together she had a long distance boyfriend. When she moved away to start modeling, she didn't even tell Arnold in person. She left him a voicemail saying she wouldn't be needing him anymore and that she only wanted him so no one else could have him. It crushed him. Arnold loved her so much. He hadn't liked another girl since, until you. And he would shut down every time anyone said her name." She finished. I couldn't say anything. I thought about everything Helga had said. I'd never imagined Arnold could be capable of something so cruel. It would be one thing if he was still unaware of Helga's feelings, but he knew full well that he was the world to her. And he still left her behind. True, I didn't understand how much he felt for Lila, but it must have been something crippling to be able to make him be so heartless.

"Then why do you say it around him?" I asked. Helga shrugged.

"My own bitter revenge for what he did to me." I understood. I pulled Helga in for a hug. I couldn't help but think that so much pain was caused just by Arnold and Helga not being together. Maybe it was a sign that they were meant for each other in some weird undeniable way. The thought was making me uncomfortable. I loved Arnold, why was I thinking about him being with another girl?

"Helga, there's a lot of things I don't understand. I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't really know what it's like to love someone and have them turn their back on you, but I do know what it's like to love someone and lose them. Which I guess is the closest thing. That kind of emptiness, it just makes you mad. I understand that letting people in can be difficult, and it makes you cold and sometimes mean. You're beautiful Helga, you really are. Don't ever think that you're not, and I read your poems you have so much passion and talent. I know you are who you are but I know that you are capable of being a loving, kind person. I like who you are, even when you're being your worst. I know Arnold does too. Even if it's not romantically." Helga turned to me.

"Thanks, Red. No one has ever put it that way before." I smiled. She looked at me. "Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to." I nodded.

"Anything."

"Who did you lose?" I sighed. I didn't want people to know about my past, but I held Helga's biggest secret. It was only fair that I showed her I trusted her.

"My family. The man I live with isn't my father like everyone thinks he is. He's my Uncle. I lost my family when I was ten. They died." Her face fell.

"That's terrible." I nodded.

"It is. But sometimes bad things happen, and there's nothing that can be done about it." I got up and walked back over to the desk. I didn't want to depress Helga, or myself, any further. "Anyways, we've got a project to do." Helga nodded, wiped her eyes and joined me.

I decided to leave Helga's at 9.

"It's late," I said, "I should head out." Helga looked at the clock and frowned. We had been getting along really well for the past few hours. I think she was starting to like me.

"Yea I guess it is." She stood up and stretched. "Hey Skye?" I stood up and looked at her. She rubbed her arm and looked away.

"Thank you for not giving up on me. I hope you understand that I'm glad Arnold is happy with you. Friends?" She outstretched her arm. I shook her hand.

"I used to be even worse than you. Believe me. I'm glad we made it to this point. Friends."