I do not own The Outsiders.

A/N Let me know if you think I should ever change the rating to M, I mean I'm really bad with this rating stuff.

. . .

Evie's Pov.

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Sit down Sam!" Rolling my eyes after he obeyed I turned around and started dishing out mashed potatoes onto his plate. I tried to move quickly, slowing only once dots of splattered potatoes appeared on the counter.

"Here, eat this." I shoved the plate in front of him, swearing lightly under my breath as I ran to my room. "Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap..." I shuffled through my clothes, throwing any possibilities for an outfit tonight onto my bed.

I was supposed to be at the movie house by now. I was meeting Steve and a few other friends there, but Mrs. Duran made me stay late after school, and when I got home mom was gone, so I had to fix Sam some supper before leaving.

I ran through my room to the bathroom, the only room with a mirror. I checked my outfit over, flattening my skirt a bit and tugging down my shirt. I eyed my thighs self-consciously, jumping up and down a bit before running back into my room and trading it for a slightly long looser one.

I had been working out for a week now, and only have lost one crummy pound. I probably couldn't even remember what sweets tasted like if you asked me it's been so long since I've touched them. I let my eyes travel down the length of my body one last time before running out of the house.

When I got to the movies I pushed open the door, it swinging open and shutting slowly, letting out a low groan as I slipped through. My eyes adjusted to the darkness as I hunted for a familiar figure. I slipped into a middle aisle and sat down quickly. "I'm so so sorry," I kept my voice in a hushed whisper trying not to disrupt anyone else. "I got kept in after school and then my mom wasn't home and the potatoes wouldn't cook and-"

"Shhh, s'all right Eves, I only got here a couple minutes ago, I thought you'd left." Steve's not so quiet voice said, earning a 'shh' from a couple behind us. I let out a breath of relief.

Steve turned around then, giving them a cold look before sliding back beside me, giving me a crooked grin they couldn't see. I settled my head into his chest happily, letting out a breath of air I was holding. I looked down at my legs, flattened against the seat. With a frown I propped my toes up, lifting them off the seat making them almost half the size. I focused on the movie, trying to figure out what had happened, which proved nearly impossible with Steve playing with my hair and running his fingers gently up and down my arms. I hit him lightly, giving him a happy grin when he gave me a guilty look.
"Hey Evie," he stopped suddenly, dropping his arm from around my shoulders. We were walking back from after the movie. "Look I get it if you don't wanna, all with what's happened, but if you wanna still go off for a weekend on your birthday, get a break, we can. It's up to though, I mean if you don't wanna it'd be fine, it might be nice though. . ."

He eyed me from where he stood in front of me. I bit my lip subconsciously and looked to the ground. It was true, with all that's happened I wasn't too sure about it anymore, I mean leaving all my worries and problems here for a bit would be nice and all, but I wasn't too keen on a whole weekend of just me and Steve either. I was pretty sure of what he'd want to do there.

Ever since we started dating I planned it all out, I wanted him to be my first, but after what happened . . . what if figured it out, realized that I wasn't a cherry and put the pieces together, or worse, didn't and figured I cheated on him? What if I couldn't go through with it? Sometimes I still wake up almost in tears from dreams where hewas there and doing it all over again? I can never fall asleep after those dreams; I could still feel his hands. . .

I glanced up at Steve who was studying me; I knew I had to answer soon. Steve. . . I couldn't believe how perfect he was acting, especially with all the bullshit I've been putting him through. He deserved someone better than me, someone make his life better, not worse. Be helping to fix his problems and not be piling their own on top of his. I looked back up to him, knowing my answer; it was the least I could do. . . "Sure, I mean it'll be fun,"

I watched as the corners of his mouth rose in a grin. I couldn't help but smile back as I watched him try to contain it. "Yeah it will be," he said reassuringly. "I'm starvin', how does a bit of dinner sound?"

Truthfully I wasn't all too hungry, but I nodded anyways. He looped his arm back around me as we made our way to the dinner. When we walked in and grabbed a seat in the corner booth I looked around, the checked floors and res leather booth seats seemed familiar. With a smile I realized it was the same diner Steve had token me to a day before 'it' happened. As I plopped down on the booth seat beside Steve and he took orders I thought about what I was thinking about the last time I was here, I wished I could go back and change everything, make my life simple again.

"Here you go," our waiter said with a grin, setting down a burger in front of me. I nearly laughed as I saw Steve take off the top bun and take off all the lettuce and tomatoes, leaving only cheese, the burger and onions. I shook my head. "How the hell do you eat a burger like that? Thing's got no flavour,"

He cocked an eyebrow in my direction. "Sure it does, it tastes like a burgers s'posed to, like a burger."

I shook my head disagreeing as I looked out at some of the other booths. I saw a group of girls in one, all sharing a single coke. They just sat there and talked the entire time, not once ordering food. At first I just casted my glanced by them, not making anything of it; but as once girl strutted by our booth to the bathroom I watched as her skinny legs moved back and forth in her little skirt until she walked into the bathroom. I was still thinking about it when I got home that night.

I smelt the liquor before I even was completely through the door. "Evsie. . . is that you?" A drunken called rang out from the living room. I walked towards it car fully.

It's been such a long time since I've seen her like this I was too shocked to move when I did. She sat slumped on the couch, nursing a bottle of clear liquid in one hand. She looked at me like she was shocked I was there. "Where was you?" she slurred, standing from the couch and stumbling towards me.

Ignoring her question I grabbed the bottle. "I thought you gave it up!" I yelled, holding up the bottle causing droplets to fly out of the bottle and onto the floor. She looked at me angrily. "Give it back!" she cried. I could hear her fumbling behind me as I ran through the house and out the back door. Gritting my teeth I threw the bottle through the dark air with all my might, losing sight of it before I heard the clunk I it hit the ground. She shrieked at me. "What have you done you stupid bitch!"

I blinked furiously trying to hold back the tears while I glared at her. "Screw you. . ." I seethed, walking back into the house, leaving her as she ran onto the grass, falling to her knees and searching for the bottle desperately.

I walked to the bathroom, glaring at my reflection in the mirror after I locked the door. I looked hideous, my hair was out of place from running from my mom, my eyes were wet and red, mascara smeared down my cheeks. I shut my eyes and saw Steve and me at the diner, those skinny girls, the bottle of liquor, and my mom.

I wasn't in control of myself, the monster drove my body. He shoved three fingers down my throat, my nails scratching the soft tissue of my mouth and throat as my fingers swirled around. I threw myself down in front of the toilet, banging my knees on the hard floor as I leaned into the toilet coughing up bits of my last meal. I did it again and again and again until nothing else would come up.

I lay slumped there for a while, my body too fatigued to get up. Tear streamed down my cheeks, the odd sob escaping my mouth jarring my whole body. I stared into the toilet in disgust until I finally hit the flusher with my hand. As I watched the bile swirl around and around with my life until it eventually disappeared from sight I wiped my mouth with the back of the sleeve.

I had lost all control then, the monster owned me.

. . .

Sorry guys, it took way too long to get this out. If it helps it was ready a couple of days ago, but FF wouldn't let me update. And if your reading my other story Travelin' Soldier, it's doing the same. As soon as I can fix it, it will be updated :)

Thanks so much to my amazing reviewers:
-GREEKBLOOD
-Believe in Something Bigger
-sammy4eva
-wishuy
-Independence Undervalued

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