Chapter Ten

At the end of a project and the end of a class, I found myself walking the campus with Funatsu and a few others. He had become surprisingly more civil, though still competing with me every chance he got.

"After our classes, everyone is going out to eat. You can come if you want." Funatsu said. This time I thought it may be a better idea to head home so Kotoko wouldn't want to follow me.

"I'm good."

"That's right!" Hitomo said, "Irie's got a wife waiting for him at home. How enviable. I prefer a home-cooked meal to dining out any day." I didn't quite have the heart to tell him that Kotoko didn't have that knack, "I wish I were married too."

The others went on ahead of me and Funatsu, "That's too bad. I really wanted to discuss molecular and cellular biology over drinks."

I stopped. The rest of what he was saying started to drown out by what I saw. Keita smiled, Kotoko bouncing along next to him as they headed somewhere together. She said something and he ruffled her hair.

My blood ran cold, ice shooting through my veins. Every muscle in my body froze, save for my eyes which followed them as they got farther away. I felt like I couldn't move and anger took me over. There was something about the way she smiled at him that set me off. And with how much time she spent with him, which was definitely more time than she spent with me, who was to say she hadn't developed feelings for him as well?

"Irie?" I stared through where they'd walked, them now having disappeared behind a building.

"You know," I said, "I think I want to come with after all." The last thing I wanted was to get home before Kotoko, who looked like she was going somewhere else with Keita, and stare at the door waiting for her.

"Really?" Funatsu nodded, "Great. Well, we're going to a sushi bar I think. Let's catch up."

…

Funatsu had been right, we'd gone to a sushi bar. While I'd thought that going out to eat with the others would get my mind off of Kotoko getting her hair ruffled by Keita, I'd been wrong. Matter of fact, after a few drinks, it only became worse. Funatsu went on about molecular biology as I tried to listen. But every thought became darker.

I thought about every little touch Keita had placed on Kotoko, how he'd been touching her more and more and how I'd been touching her less. Something about him was putting me to a standstill in paying attention to her. Maybe she sensed this and was turning to him.

Maybe she would change her mind about me, for being married to me wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

No.

I couldn't allow myself to think that. This was Kotoko. She'd counted the days until she was able to be with me. She'd made me charms and cakes and confessed her love for me on a daily basis even when she'd thought it would get nowhere.

Hadn't she turned down Kinnosuke when he'd proposed too?

Right. That was right. I needed to relax, convince myself somehow that Keita wasn't a threat. That even though he thought he could treat Kotoko better than me, it didn't matter. Because I was with her.

I finished off the last of my drink and our party started to thin out. A quarter to ten, Kotoko had to have been home by now.

"I'm gonna leave. It's getting late." I said to Funatsu through his latest spiel.

"I think everyone else should be coming along." He said.

Sure enough, a few minutes later Funatsu, a couple others, and I were on our way out. Down the road from the sushi bar, I began to hear voices I recognized and I felt the anger swell up in me like a balloon.

I took a peek in the general direction from which they were coming and saw Kotoko. Not only was she out later than usual, she had Keita's arm looped around her shoulders as if he were staking a claim to her. Her other two friends couldn't seem to have cared less.

"Hey, it's the nursing students." Hitomo said.

"Hi, Irie-san!" Marina and the other male nurse grinned from ear to ear.

"Irie-kun!" Kotoko shrugged Keita's arm off of her shoulder and skipped toward me, but my unease grew, "What are you doing here?" Her eyes sparkled as they always had, but I wondered if they'd been sparkling for Keita.

"I had dinner with my classmates. Now I'm going home." I found it hard to look at her.

"I see." She said.

Funatsu commenced with getting after Marina for a date, but I simply didn't have the willingness to listen to their conversation. My drive for the night was diminishing. Now all I wanted was to go home alone.

"I went bowling with the others earlier." Kotoko continued as she snagged my arm with a broad smile.

"Bowling?" I said, trying to be normal with her. I couldn't let Keita win but his words nagged at the back of my head. And I'd noticed how she seemed a little off, perhaps noticing my discontent.

"Yeah! I'm pretty good at it. It was my first time bowling, but I got so many strikes while thinking of you. I wish you could've seen it." She hugged onto me, beaming. But all I could feel was that rush of indignation that I'd been feeling a lot of lately.

I hated Keita. Not the way I'd hated Kinnosuke, but in a way that any time I saw him or heard his name come out of her mouth, I could've spat. I buzzed with contempt for him this very moment.

I tugged my arm out of Kotoko's hands, feeling I needed to get away from all this.

"Well, I'm going now then." I said. I'd gone a few meters when Keita shouted at me.

"Hey!" He said, "Why don't you spend more time with your wife if you have time to party?" Was he trying to provoke me? Maybe make himself seem like her knight in shining armor, defending her against me? He had some nerve to try and make himself look like the good guy when he was the one going after a married woman, ruffling her hair, trying to kiss her, putting his arm over her.

The thought of it and his words made me clench my teeth.

"Keita, come on…" Kotoko went to his side rather than mine, adding insult to injury. Maybe she should be his wife.

"You're trying so hard to get her attention. I'm sick of your meddling." I said dully, although a fire burned within.

"That's mean, Irie-kun." Kotoko said. She frowned at me. I shouldn't have looked at her, as she looked like she wanted to cry. I had to look away from the tears that dampened her eyelashes. I'd caused that.

"Keita said that for my sake," there was his name again, "He knew I was feeling down…"

"Then you should just go home with him, since he's so very worried about you." I snapped, immediately regretting it.

"That's so mean!" Kotoko's lip quivered, "Why are you saying this to me? You idiot!" She ran away, I assumed to cry.

"Kotoko!" Marina called after her.

"Aren't you going to go after her?" Keita said, but he didn't need to pretend he wanted us to make up.

"If you're not going, I will!" Keita took off, his friends following him and telling him to slow down.

I stared at the ground, thinking about what I'd just said to her, about how I'd just hurt her. She'd never called me an idiot or stupid before, only ever how intelligent or talented I was, or how much she loved me.

I couldn't believe I could still be so cruel to her. I was really screwing up. How could I fix this? She must've thought I hated her. But I just couldn't look her in the face right now. Not only had I hurt her, but it hurt me as well to think she might start loving me less.

I couldn't bear that thought. There had to be a way I could fix this.