A/N: Warning: This chapter includes the first detailed Sachsenhausen concentration camp scene. I've put a scene in before it as a bumper so no one is accidentally exposed to upsetting material. But the story is marked M for a reason. From this point on, there are gong to be darker scenes.
Specifically in this chapter, mustard gas experiments and sexual arousal from pain.
Whew…long, tough chapter but I hope it works. And I hope you like it!
PART 10
Berlin, Late Summer of 1936
Nikolai woke to the smell of fresh coffee and filtered light from the midday sun brightening Klaus' studio. The smell of sauerbraten and potato dumplings woke his stomach as well. Nikolai stretched, then settled his arm back around Klaus' shoulders. A moment later, he fuzzily realized that Klaus was still curled up next to him, head pressed to his chest, snoring lightly. So who was cooking?
Nikolai opened his eyes and saw two women in the kitchen. One, a petite brunette with dark eyes and an easy laugh. The other had honey colored hair, blue eyes and full, sensuous lips. They chatted in soft tones as they worked in the kitchen. It was obvious from the surety of their movements that they were quite comfortable being in Klaus' studio.
Klaus murmured sleepily. He finally stirred and opened his eyes, greeting Nikolai with a knowing smile and quick kiss.
"My beautiful boy…"
"We have company."
"Oh?"
At that moment, the brunette noticed they were awake. She walked over, leaned across Nikolai and playfully kissed Klaus as she rumpled his hair. He grinned as she pulled away.
"Elfi!"
He quickly grabbed her wrists, pulling her off balance and tumbling her into the bed for another kiss. Nikolai was forced to move over and finally out of the bed. Scowling, he took his clothes to the bathroom to get dressed. When he returned, Klaus and Elfi were still in bed. He was nuzzling her neck. A moment later, she threw her head back, laughing at whatever he had said.
There was an easy companionship between them that Nikolai envied. An intimacy born of years of friendship. He wondered if he and Klaus would ever have that level of familiarity. Those knowing looks and secret laughs over experiences only they had shared.
The blonde came up to Nikolai, slipped her arm in his and tugged him towards the kitchen.
"They have been apart many months. Let them have their moment. Yes?"
She settled Nikolai into a seat and brought him a plate of food. "I am Sofia."
"Nikolai."
Sofia prepared a plate for herself and settled comfortably across from Nikolai. She patted his hand, smiling warmly.
"It is not easy to see one's lover in another's arms."
"No, it is not." Nikolai stabbed a fork into his food. He had quickly lost interest in eating. He looked at Sofia, suddenly understanding the meaning in what she had said.
"You and Elfi?"
"Have a-special-relationship, yes." She watched Elfi and Klaus, genuinely happy to see them reunited. "Whatever we are to them, we will never be what they are to each other."
"It does not bother you to see them so?"
Sofia shrugged delicately. "She is happy. And at the end of the day, I know it is my bed she will be in, not his."
At that moment, Klaus got out of bed, pulling Elfi to her feet as well and they joined Sofia and Nikolai in the kitchen. Elfi approached Nikolai. She smiled as she greeted him, hands held out to take his.
"You must be Kolya."
Nikolai crossed his arms, eyeing her coolly.
"You do not know me well enough to call me by that name."
"Nikolai, you are being rude!" Klaus chastised him.
"Is that so? I am being rude? I did not bring a woman to our bed!"
"Elfi is my fiancee. You know this."
He did know. Klaus had been very clear about his relationship with Elfi. But Elfi had not seemed real to Nikolai. Klaus spoke of her-and with affection-but she was a chanteuse in Paris and far removed from the day to day reality of their lives. Until now.
"Apologize, Nikolai."
"Klaus, it is not necessary." Elfi laid a hand on his arm. "Please, sit. Nikolai and I can become better acquainted over our meal."
Klaus had not taken his eyes off of Nikolai. "He will apologize or he will leave. I will not tolerate petulant, childish behavior from one who should know better."
"Klaus, no!" Elfi pleaded, clearly upset to be the cause of friction between Klaus and Nikolai.
Nikolai stood, shoved his chair hard against the table and spoke sharply to Elfi.
"I do not need you to defend me!"
He walked out, closing the door harder than he intended. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he thought he heard Klaus call his name. Nikolai kept walking.
Sachsenhausen, Late Summer of 1936
"We need more Russians."
Dachs nodded absently, barely acknowledging Dr. Heinz Baumkotter's repeated request as he toured the Infirmary at Sachsenhausen. He had quickly tired of the SS doctor's presence. However, listening to Dr. Baumkotter's prattle was the only feasible way he could have complete access to the Infirmary and Pathology areas, especially the mustard gas ward he was anxious to see.
"For the cold endurance tests." Dr. Baumkotter said, yet again.
"Unfortunately, Dr. Baumkotter-" Dachs explained impatiently, "-the qualities that make the Russians so suitable for your experiments are the same qualities which make them so desirable for the Klinkerwerk brick factory. They are quite a durable people."
They were near the mustard gas area. Dachs heard the pleading, whimpering moans and had to dig his nails into his palms to keep from crying out at how hard he had become. They reached the ward. He stood transfixed behind the protective glass.
Dr. Baumkotter adjusted his glasses, a nervous habit he had had since childhood and now, as the SS chief doctor of Sachsenhausen, relied on more than ever to calm himself. He was trying to impress upon Sgt. Dachs Schultz the importance of his cooperation in supplying them with appropriate subjects for their experiments. He noted Dachs' interest in the mustard gas trials. Perhaps if he played to those interests, he could get the sergeant to finally send them more Russians.
"As you see, Sgt. Schultz, these prisoners have been subjected to mustard gas burns. The burns are then contaminated with ground glass and dirt to encourage infection. Once infected, we expose the subjects to various antibiotics to determine which are most effective."
Dachs watched as a doctor lanced a burn blister then applied the rough glass mixture and rubbed it into the freshly opened wound. The patient screamed. He twisted against the straps holding him down, bucking against his restraints until he collapsed with a sobbing moan. Dachs licked his lips. He wondered how it would feel to have such a man beneath him, broken glass grinding between them as he forced himself in, feeling that body struggling against his. He closed his eyes and shuddered. The prisoner's quiet whimper nearly brought him to climax.
Dr. Baumkotter mistook Dachs' shudder as one of revulsion, not sexual arousal. He cleared his throat to get the sergeant's attention. "Perhaps we should move on."
Reluctantly, Dachs followed the doctor to the cold water tank immersion area.
Berlin, Late Summer of 1936
Nikolai sat nervously with his mother in the reception area of the Reich Central Office for the Combating of Homosexuality and Abortion. He had not known such a place existed. Not until yesterday when two SS officers appeared at their shop with a summons from a Sgt. Dachs Schultz. They were directed to present themselves at his office at 9:00 a.m. today. Nikolai glanced at the clock. Again. It was nearing 9:30.
"You will be the death of us!" His mother whispered, keeping her voice low so only Nikolai could hear. Her pale hands knotted together, her anxiety evident.
"I am not the one discussing our business in the center of an SS office." Nikolai whispered back, just as upset.
Finally, the receptionist called their names. She led them down the hallway to Sgt. Schultz's office. Dachs greeted them cordially even holding the chair for Frau Karofsky and politely offering her tea. To Nikolai, he merely nodded and gestured for him to take the empty chair next to his mother.
Dachs sat behind his desk, templed his fingers together and studied the Karofskys. He had observed Nikolai from a distance, but this was his first chance to examine him closely. Nikolai was of a good height. Muscular. Appeared quite healthy. Russian. He would be an excellent specimen for Dr. Baumkotter if Dachs chose to offer him as such.
However, Dachs was not so quickly inclined to give away such a prize. He looked deep into Nikolai's gold flecked hazel eyes. They did not compare to Klaus Hummel's, of course, still, Dachs had no doubt he would find great pleasure in adding those eyes to his personal collection of trophies.
And if Klaus were there watching as Dachs defiled his lover, so much the better.
Dachs turned his thoughts from possibility to practicality and addressed the matter at hand.
"Unfortunately, Frau Karofsky, your son has been observed associating with a suspected homophile." He glanced at Nikolai, who was blushing. "On several occasions."
"Is he under arrest?"
"Arrest is certainly a possibility. However, I would like to propose an alternative. The Sachsenhausen program utilizes a strict work ethic and precise scientific treatments to cure the homophilic affliction. The success rate for youths of your son's age are excellent."
"Cured? I am not ill." Nikolai protested.
Dachs smiled compassionately at Nikolai. "You are but you do not realize it." He turned back to Frau Karofsky. "Denial is part of the sickness."
Nikolai's mother nodded in agreement.
"Unfortunately, the longer one has suffered, the more resilient the disease is to even our best efforts. I am anxious to see Nikolai entered into the program immediately so that he may have the greatest chance of being cured."
"Of course, Herr Schultz."
Dachs dismissed Frau Karofsky's failure to address him by his rank as ignorance on her part. It was a small detail to overlook if it brought him closer to having Nikolai.
"I am not ill!" Nikolai raised his voice.
"Nikolai!" Frau Karofsky raised her voice as well.
"Frau Karofsky, may I have a moment alone with your son? If you would like to wait outside, I will see that the receptionist refreshes your tea."
Nikolai's mother gave him a warning look before she allowed Sgt. Schultz to walk her to the door and back into the waiting area. When he returned, Dachs closed the door and then came back to lean against the front of his desk, closer to Nikolai.
He opened his cigarette case, offered one to Nikolai, who declined, then took one for himself. He lit the cigarette. He inhaled slowly, then blew a ring of smoke into the air.
"Klaus Hummel."
"He is one of Frau Klein's customers." Nikolai had his arms crossed, eyes wary as he watched Dachs.
Dachs chuckled. "We do not need to pretend, you and I. He was my lover once, too." Nikolai looked skeptical. "He has a scar, here, on the inside of his thigh." Dachs didn't add that he was the one who had caused the scar.
Dachs blew out another puff of smoke.
"Did he promise to take you to Paris? Barcelona, perhaps? For me it was to be a grand tour of Italy to study the Renaissance masters." Dachs smiled knowingly. "Do not be angry with him. The homophilia-it corrupts the mind as well as the body. He cannot help how he is."
Nikolai felt his first misgivings about Klaus. He wondered if he had promised to go with Elfi, too, and changed his mind.
"Were you cured in Sachsenhausen?" Nikolai asked softly, not knowing that the concentration camp had only just been completed.
"Yes." Dachs lied as easily as he breathed. "As I told your mother, it is a strict but effective regimen. However, you are accustomed to early hours and hard labor at Frau Klein's bakery. Sachsenhausen will not be such a hardship for you I think."
"How did you know it was the right thing to do?"
"I did not." Dachs tapped his cigarette into an ashtray. "As you said, I did not feel ill, either." He made a play to win Nikolai's sympathy. "I was afraid. But, I have never regretted my decision."
Dachs leaned over to rest his hand on Nikolai's knee.
"Nikolai, I do not expect you to believe me. I am a stranger. Ask Klaus. When you see his reaction, you will know the truth of what I am telling you. Come. I expect your mother will be anxious to take you home."
Dachs escorted Nikolai back to his mother in the reception area. Before they left, he made one more move to ensure that the Karofskys believed he was looking out for Nikolai.
"Frau Karofsky, it is important that the decision to attend Sachsenhausen be made by Nikolai of his own free will. You must not pressure him."
Nikolai gave Dachs a grateful look before following his mother outside.
"Iakov?"
"Yes, little brother?"
"Do you think I am ill? That this-these feelings I have-are not as I was meant to be?"
Iakov loved his brother. More than his parents or even Zarya, he knew how happy Nikolai was with Klaus. Late at night, alone in the shop, Nikolai often confided in Iakov, whispering secrets with a shy smile and dancing eyes.
"I do not know, Kolya. I am a tailor, not a scientist."
They worked in silence, Iakov noting Nikolai's brow creased in thought as he concentrated on his stitches.
Iakov sighed. "Kolya."
Kolya looked up from his work.
"You should know that Mother wants you to go to Sachsenhausen as a distraction for the SS officers."
"A distraction?"
"To draw their attention away from us so that we may leave when the Jews are ready."
Kolya fell silent, considering his brother's words.
"Would it work do you think? If I went to Sachsenhausen, would you, Zarya and Papa be able to leave Berlin safely?"
Iakov dropped his work and grabbed Nikolai's shoulders, giving him firm shake.
"I would never ask that of you!"
Nikolai smiled sadly, "You are not asking, Iakov. I think, perhaps, I am offering."
Nikolai was not looking forward to seeing Klaus again, but when the invitation to join him for dinner arrived, he accepted. He hesitated just outside the studio. It seemed wrong somehow to use his key this time. He knocked instead.
Klaus opened the door, surprised that Nikolai had not entered on his own, relieved that he had shown up at all. He stepped aside to let Nikolai enter. The first thing Nikolai noticed was that they were alone.
"Where are Elfi and Sofia?"
"They have made other arrangements." Klaus let his fingers slide slowly down Nikolai's arms as he took his coat. "I have been inattentive to you, Kolya."
"You asked me to leave." Nikolai reminded him firmly.
"I was wrong. I missed you. Terribly."
He cupped Nikolai's face and kissed him softly. "You have my heart, ever and always." He deepened the kiss, teasing Nikolai's tongue, weaving one hand into Nikolai's hair and wrapping the other around his waist. "I will never set you aside for Elfi."
Nikolai thought how easy it would be to lose himself in the depths of Klaus' eyes, to be so easily persuaded by their startling deep blue sincerity he would accept anything Klaus said as truth.
Klaus pulled back, realizing that Nikolai had not responded to his advances as he had hoped. He led Nikolai to the kitchen where he had taken care to prepare his favorite foods.
They made small talk as they ate, awkward and stilted.
Finally, Klaus threw his knife and fork clattering onto his plate, frustrated by the way the evening had gone so far. His plan for a romantic dinner to apologize to Kolya was definitely not succeeding.
"What is on your mind, Kolya?"
"I do not think we will be going to Moscow. You canceled your commission for a winter coat."
Klaus bit back an angry reply and simply answered Nikolai's comment with the truth.
"Iakov said you would have a more suitable wool arriving in two weeks. So, yes, Kolya, I canceled the coat. I will commission another one when the warmer fabric arrives."
"You did not go to Paris with Elfi."
"No, I did not." Klaus agreed, trying to discern a pattern to Nikolai's conversation.
"You did not go to Italy with Dachs, either."
Klaus stiffened. "Do not speak of him to me."
"Would you would react so if you did not still have strong feelings for him?"
"Nikolai! I have asked you not to speak of him. Please, respect my wishes."
They ate in silence.
"Do you still love him?"
"Love him?" Klaus paled, thoughts flashing back to that night in Eldorado when he had first met Dachs. He remembered. Every moment. From the first insistent kiss to the last painful blow from Dachs' fists that had rendered him unconscious. Only to wake with his own blood pooling beneath him. And Elfi by his side. Elfi who had been there with her cool hands and soft reassurances.
Panicking, Klaus looked for Elfi now, momentarily forgetting in his fear that she was out with Sofia. He pushed away from the table, gasping. Nikolai caught him as he stumbled to his feet, carrying him to the bed before he collapsed. He had never seen Klaus so. Shaking, hands knotted in Nikolai's shirt, clinging to him for comfort.
Nikolai settled with Klaus on the bed, rocking him, pressing fervent kisses to his cheek and temple. "Forgive me." Klaus whimpered and trembled harder. Nikolai tightened his hold. "Forgive me." Eventually, exhausted, Klaus fell asleep in Nikolai's arms. Nikolai blinked back tears as he moved Klaus from his lap and laid him onto the bed. He laid down as well, taking Klaus in his arms once again.
He listened to Klaus' breathing as he thought through what Dachs had said, what Iakov had said and his own feelings. He had hurt Klaus. Again. Maybe it was a sign that homophilia was a disease and it was becoming worse. Dachs had said it affected the mind as well as the body. Not that he trusted Dachs completely. But if there was a cure…and he could protect his family as well…
Nikolai burrowed against the warmth of Klaus' body.
"…forgive me…"
The next morning, Nikolai was awake and drinking coffee long before Klaus stirred. He waited patiently. He was content to watch Klaus sleep. To see the smile that flickered across those lips, hoping he was having pleasant dreams after the trauma of the previous evening.
Klaus woke suddenly, green eyes quickly focusing on Nikolai. He sat up slowly, noting with annoyance that he had fallen asleep in his clothes. He looked ruefully at Nikolai.
"Well, that could have gone much better."
Nikolai smiled sadly at his lover's wry understatement. "Little Gosling…"
Klaus eased out of bed and joined Nikolai in the kitchen. He hated the lost, forlorn look in Nikolai's eyes. He ran the back of his fingers along Nikolai's jaw.
"Shh…every great love is tested in time…otherwise it would not be a great love, yes?" Klaus' lips quirked, hoping to coax a smile from Nikolai as well. "It would be only a mediocre love." He tilted Nikolai's face to his. "And a mediocre love is no love at all."
"I have heard that in Sachsenhausen there is a cure for…this."
"This?" Klaus moved his thumb up to trace Kolya's lower lip, felt his mouth tremble under his caress. "This is love, Kolya." He nudged Kolya's knees wider apart so he could move in and press his body closer to his lover's. Kolya's hands dropped to Klaus' hips and settled there, warm and familiar. "And if you seek to cure love, you will go mad."
Nikolai took Klaus' hands in his.
"I am going to Sachsenhausen."
Klaus laughed, not believing his words. He searched Kolya's eyes, seeking an explanation and found only the cold realization that Kolya was leaving him.
"If you go, do not expect me to follow and save you from your foolishness!" Klaus snapped, irritated.
"I am going." Kolya repeated softly.
Klaus shook his head. He had promised Nikolai he would never choose Elfi over him. He had never expected to be the one set aside. And for what?
Hurt and angry, Klaus shoved Nikolai.
"Then go!"
Klaus shoved him towards the door once more before turning his back and walking away.
"Klaus?"
Nikolai watched, heartbroken, as Klaus seemed to fold in on himself, wrapping his arms tightly against his body.
"Little Gosling?"
He took a hesitant step forward, wondering if perhaps he should rethink his decision.
"Will you not even kiss me goodbye?"
"A kiss? From a man? Why would I give you the very thing you wish to be cured of?"
Stung, Nikolai laid his key on the table as he left. Klaus listened as his footsteps faded to nothingness.
Historical Notes:
I came across somewhat conflicting information regarding the doctors that were present at Sachsenhausen.
Dr. Heinz Baumkotter is listed as the first camp doctor for Sachsenhausen but apparently served from 1941 to 1943. If there was a doctor prior to that, I wasn't able to find the information.
Dr. Josef Hattler is listed as serving at Sachsenhausen in 1941. It's possible he arrived after Dr. Baumkotter.
Dr. Werner Fischer is listed but I did not find a date for him. Also, apparently his experiments were focused only on the Roma/Gypsy population.
Karl Brandt is shown as the senior medical officer for the German government. I would presume he was a doctor but didn't find confirmation of that title.
There were over 40 types of experiments performed at Sachsenhausen which included vivisection, dissection, mustard gas wounds, castration, sterilization, immersion in cold water and many others.
Several doctors and other staff of Sachsenhausen were tried for murdering Russian prisoners and sentenced to life in prison. Russia did not have a death penalty at the time of the trials.