A/N: OK, wow! 14 reviews for one chapter! That is a personal record! Thanks to Mediatrix, H2OSorceress, ruby890, Ash9, jayley, Moss to Elephants (your comment about how much you've been looking forward to my updates was more than I could have hoped for!), Darkmiror (heh, I think we can see from S5, she's easily got 9 lives!), Felicity P, Lady Willamina, TraciaChoLeem and Guests for your very kind reviews!
So, I must first apologise for the length of time it's taken to update...but it's kind of your own fault - all your reviews made me realise that you were all wanting answers which I had not necessarily dealt with! As such, I've been writing a sequel, which you'll be pleased to hear is almost finished!
This is the penultimate chapter.
Oh, yes - how good were the first two episodes of Season 5?!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Warmth and comfort were the first sensations he felt as he slowly drifted back to consciousness. Warmth and comfort, followed by aching. He was sore everywhere but the worst was around his shoulder and chest, where there was a deep, burning ache. He opened his eyes but bright sunlight streaming through the window forced him to shut them again and turn his head to the side before trying again. His vision was still bleary but he recognised his own room easily enough and relief flooded through him; he was home. They'd made it.
Or had they? He remembered Morgana stabbing him but not very much beyond then. If he was back did that mean Arthur was back as well? He'd been at Morgana's mercy, and without magic, there was little Arthur could do against her. Panic bubbled up within him and he jumped out of bed, intent on finding his friend. Except the sudden movement was more than his battered body could take and for a moment he thought he was about to pass out. Grasping the cupboard by the door for support, Merlin groaned and waited for the dizziness to pass. As it did, he caught sight of his hands and realised they were back to normal, but he was sure he'd been disguised the whole time he'd been with Arthur.
If Arthur knew I was 'Emrys', I'd have woken up in the cells not here.
Pulling the door to his room open, he stumbled down the steps and into the main room. Gaius stood by his work bench, swirling a clear liquid around in a glass jar impatiently but at the sound of Merlin leaving his room, he looked up from his project.
"Merlin?" Gaius said, putting the glass jar down and approaching him cautiously.
"Gaius!" replied the warlock, grinning happily. He had thought he might never see his mentor and surrogate father again - he never would have if it had not been for...He skipped away from that line of thought and pulled Gaius into a hug. "It's so good to see you!"
The old man returned his hug before stepping back and looking up at him, his eyes searching. "Is it really you, my boy?"
"What?" Merlin frowned in bemusement, "Yes, of course it's me! Is Arthur here? Did he make it back?"
Nodding sagely, Gaius gestured to the table. "He's well enough. Sit down and have something to eat. How do you feel?"
Merlin, his legs feeling watery, staggered unsteadily to the table and sank down gratefully on the closest stool. "Like I was trampled by a horse," he replied, as his guardian placed a plate of chicken and bread in front of him, which he began to dig into eagerly.
"That's understandable. You're lucky to be alive, you'd lost a lot of blood by the time Arthur brought you back here," explained Gaius, sitting opposite his ward. "Why does Arthur think you are dead?"
Merlin paused mid-bite, guilt washing through him. "Because I, er, died?" he smiled nervously.
"I don't understand. Then how are you here? How did you come to be disguised as an old man, slung over Arthur's horse?" demanded Gaius. "He came in here two days ago and told me how you had died protecting him in an ambush, all the while I knew you were asleep in your room! I've had Gwen and the knights coming down and offering their sympathies..." he stopped, realising that he had started ranting.
"I'm sorry, Gaius," said Merlin sincerely. "That is what happened. But...someone stopped me on my way to Avalon, they told me Arthur had been taken by Odin's men and that Odin was going to kill him. I couldn't let that happen Gaius! I knew I needed to come back but I couldn't. They, she, offered her life for mine and I took it."
Gaius shook his head in wonder. "You Mirrored life and death on your way to Avalon? Truly, I have never met another like you, my boy."
His appetite lost, Merlin pushed the plate away. How could he explain to Gaius that he hated the choice he'd had to make, hated the fact that he would make that choice again, that he would choose Arthur over everyone and everything, no matter how precious they were to him? It was not amazing or fascinating, it was monstrous.
"Why did you use the aging spell, then?" asked Gaius, oblivious to his ward's inner turmoil.
"Because I needed magic to rescue Arthur and I can't...I didn't want to have to come up with some excuse about why I was alive." Slowly he began to explain what had happened since he returned alive, well-buried under rocks, while Gaius listened patiently and with interest. When he finished his mentor reached over and covered his hand with his own, patting it gently.
"You've done very well," Gaius assured him proudly, "and once that shoulder has healed sufficiently, then you'll be able to tell Arthur you're alive without fear of him connecting you to Emrys."
Merlin frowned. "Tell Arthur I'm alive?"
"Of course," said Gauis, raising an eyebrow. "You can't honestly be thinking of letting him continue to believe you're dead?"
"You don't understand, Gaius!" exclaimed Merlin. "He's so close to trusting Emrys, to considering to possibility that magic is not inherently evil...If I could just talk to him some more, show him how much I can help him, I really think he'll listen this time!"
"Right now, the only person Arthur is listening to is himself." Gaius stated, his tone annoyed. "Gwen's been to see me a few times whilst you were resting and she tells me that he never goes out, barely eats, and rarely sleeps. He spends his whole time pouring over maps of Odin's kingdom and planning the war. She says she can't get through to him, that he is consumed with anger and thoughts of revenge. But not for himself, Merlin, for you."
Destiny. It ruled him, yet it was a fickle master, mapping out his life at one turn and casting him adrift at the other. It was his destiny to free magic and here was his chance - Arthur had been willing to talk to him, listen to what he said, and Merlin could tell he was beginning to doubt Uther's stance on magic. But could he allow his friend to grieve over him for the sake of such a destiny?
"What if this is my destiny, Gaius?" Merlin asked desperately. "What if this is my last chance?"
"Merlin, Arthur is a broken man because he thinks you are dead," said Gaius emphatically. "You have never been cruel or selfish but that it was you will be if you do not tell him you are alive. It cannot be your destiny to leave him like this, because like this, he is not Arthur! Arthur craves peace not war, he believes in justice not vengeance, but that has changed with your 'death'. He plans to kill Odin and he will destroy anyone and anything that stands in his way. Surely you cannot want this?"
"No, I don't," replied Merlin with a heavy sigh. "I'll tell him as soon as I can."
Destiny would have to wait.
A/N: Please review!