Hey guys Im trying to get this out as fast as I could, because I know the last two chapters are going to take me longer to update, I think anyway. But I hope you all are enjoying this, as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Thanks to those who have been reviewing each chapter, I really look forward to reading what you have to say every time.
-- Rachel Green, I like placing Chloe in my stories, because I feel like even if they arent talking about it, she still is ever present in the back or Rachel's mind…so why not bring her out. In this story I thought it would be important to see how Ross would handle things between the two of them.
--Brittany, thanks for the reviews, I tried to resolve her issue in this chapter.
-- Imagine what if, My Chloe doesnt realize that Rachel knows, so shes being her cheery self. And I think you*ll get some answers in this next chapter, on the questions you asked at the end of your last review. I believe that Rachel has been left with many insecurities that shes finding in herself that we*re there before she believed that Ross cheated on her...she needs more convincing in a way.
"Hey Mon!" Rachel exclaimed as she heard Monica enter the apartment.
Monica smiled at her friends as she walked in front of them. Ross and Rachel were on the couch hand in hand watching a movie, while Ross's other free hand was rubbing Rachel's exposed baby bump.
"God Rach, youre getting so big!" Monica said with a smile on her face as she knelt down in front of them and put her hand on Rachel's belly.
"Not a comment Id usually like to hear" Rachel said with a laugh.
Monica shook her head "You know what I meant" she said with a grin "I just cant believe youre actually having a baby!"
Rachel glanced up lovingly at Ross " I know" she said sweetly as Ross bent over to kiss her on the top of her head.
"But hey, what are you doing home so early?" Rachel asked with a puzzled look on her face.
Monica shot her a confused look "Im not home early, its 2..." she explained.
"Two?!" Ross exclaimed, sitting up a little taller "Shoot, I have a meeting to go to"
Rachel shook her head in disbelief "I cant believe we*ve been sitting here all day" she said to Ross.
Ross nodded his head in agreement "Ive got to get going though, are you gonna be okay, or do you need anything?" he asked before rubbing her arm lovingly.
"No, Im going to be okay"
"Alright well, I*ll drop by later when I get out" Ross said before he bent over to kiss his girlfriend softly on the lips. He looked at Rachel smiling sweetly as he pulled away.
"I*ll cya later honey" Rachel called as Ross left.
Monica made her way to the kitchen and began cleaning up Rachels mess she had apparently made earlier in the day. "So what were you guys talking about all morning?" she asked.
"Oh just about the baby, I was freaking out a little…no big deal" Rachel said with an uneasy laugh, as she pulled down her shirt around her bump.
"About what?" Monica asked
Rachel looked at her friend uneasy "I am, well I was just worried that Im not going to be a good Mom." she explained "I had this dream last night….that uh, my baby didn't want me" Rachel mumbled "and it wouldn't stop crying…and I didn't know how to fix it…ugh Monica it was just awful."
Monica sent her friend a compassionate look "Feel any better?"
Rachel nodded her head slowly "Yeahh, I mean a little…Ross talked me through it"
Rachel sat for a few moments and contemplated her next move.
"Hey Mon, can I uh, talk to you about something?" Rachel paused "important"
"Oh yeah sure honey, whats up?" Monica asked as the two took a seat next to one another on the couch.
Rachel cleared her throat "Its ..Its hm, kinda personal…so its hard for me to talk about." She began slowly.
A concerned look broke out across Moncias face "Sweetie, is everything okay?" She asked placing her hand on Rachels leg.
Rachel looked down. She didn't exactly want to bring this up to Monica, but she was her best friend, and she needed to vent to someone. "So you know Ross and I have been together again for a little while now…right?"
Monica nodded her head allowing Rachel to continue
"We uh, we havent been having sex at all since we*ve been back together…" Rachel began before Monica cut her off.
"Rach uhh, ew" Monica exclaimed "I don't care if you and Ross are having sex!"
"Monica please!" Rachel yelled in frustration "I care!!"
"Okay okay!" Monica replied dejected "So um, does your boyfriend" she stressed the word boyfriend to try and get the fact that it was her brother out of her mind "Does he not want to sleep with you?"
Rachel laughed "Ohhh Nooo he does, and things have gotten heated sometimes, but I just, every time we get close, I cant do it." she looked down and shook her head "I just, I cant!"
"So then Don't" Monica laughed while getting up "Problem solved!"
"But I want to!!" Rachel whined causing her friend to take a seat again " Moncia I havent had sex in 6 months…6 monnnths!!" she moaned
"I know, I share a wall with you, its been quiet." Monica replied in a deadpan manner.
Rachel shot her a look. "Monica, I cant explain it. I love him so much, you know that…and I think everything is fine and great…and then when I go to sleep with him, I cant." Rachel let out fastly.
Monica looked at her friend confused "So whats the problem?"
Rachel shook her head hopeless "To be honest I don't even know how to fix this. I mean Ive moved on and Im great with every day stuff. Like I look over at him, and I cant get over what we have, and how special it is, and we*ve fallen right back in place, you know? " she paused before clearing her throat "Everyone but in uh, the bedroom. Like besides that, we are in a really good place right now, its like our relationship…before Mark. I mean weve argued and stuff, but we talk it out…and its been so much better"
"Well I mean you guys have only been back together about what, like a month and a half now…maybe you guys arent ready for that step again?" Monica tried to reason.
Rachel shot her friend a look "This is me though…And Ross" she whined, before pausing "Its not a matter of not being ready in the most typical sense"
"Well, what it is, why don't you think you can do it?" Monica paused "I mean if you want to so badly…just do it"
"Ugh I don't know" Rachel let out while running her hands down her face in aggravation "For a number of reasons I guess. I mean Monica…look at me, Im huge…would you want to have sex with this?"
"Rachel Ross loves you!" Monica reminded her, while rolling her eyes.
" I know" Rachel agreed "Im just afraid that when he sees me, he*ll be all…you know, turned off, this isn't exactly what hes used to" Rachel replied putting her head down.
She couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly. Normally she would never have second guessed her…appeal…to a man, but after their breakup Rachel hadn't exactly been feeling so secure on that level. Sure she knew that she was attractive, and she always had, after all it was why some girls hated her in high school.
Monica thought for a few moments, she understood what her friend must be going through "Well, hm, did you ever think of doing it with your shirt on…to make you a little less self conscious?" she suggested.
"Maybe…Ohh I don't know" she threw her head back 'its not just me, and how I look…exactly"
Monica shot her a confused look "what else is it then?"
Rachel brought her gaze to Monica and looked at her dejected "Monica he had sex…with her." she replied quietly.
Monica shot her a confused look.
"CHLOE" she exclaimed "I mean I can see them together in my mind…I can literally picture their sweaty bodies all over each other..and if that's not enough…I look like this. I mean, Monica what if I sleep with him and hes thinking Jesus, look at how disgusting she looks"
That had been what was really bothering her, and it wasn't just Chloe …Bonnie too…and any other woman for that matter. Since the last time they had been with one another Ross had slept with at least two woman…and she couldn't help but worry that when he saw her entire body in this state he wouldn't want her anymore. She wasn't exactly in the same shape she was the last time they had been together after all.
Monica grabbed her friends hand "Sweetie hes not going to think that, This is Ross we're talking about"
"And this is Ross who slept with Chloe" Rachel reminded Monica "Look honestly, im looking past all of that..and Ive forgiven him for it. Ross and I are happy now, its just…the last thing I want is for him to be turned off, and to be thinking of her, or anyone else for that matter while we're having sex" Rachel knew there was nothing really wrong with her body, afterall she was a pregnant woman…but that still didn't help set her mind at ease.
"I really think you need to talk to Ross about it" Monica paused "I mean if you want to work this out and feel okay with it…its what needs to be done"
Rachel nodded her head slowly in response "I know, I mean hes probably wondering what the hell is going on" she laughed
She knew that she needed, and that was security.
Rachel laid wide awake in Ross's bed. She glanced over at the clock.
" 12:27" she mumbled to herself. She had entered the room about an hour ago with hopes to get to sleep…but her mind got the best of her instead. Monica was right, she needed to talk to Ross, she just didn't know when or how.
She then wondered how trivial this all was when she would be having a baby in 3 months. It really shouldn't have taken up that much space in her mind in the long run. Instead of thinking about Ross and their issue, she tried to concern herself with all of the things they still needed to buy for the baby, and how exactly life would be after the baby.
Rachel was shaken from her endless jumble of thoughts as Ross entered the room.
He was startled to see her awake "Hey, I thought youd be fast asleep by now."
He striped down to a black tshirt and boxers before crawling in bed next to Rachel.
"Couldn't sleep" she replied simply, before rolling on her side to face him. He did the same. Rachel chuckled as she noticed his 'I dig you boxers' they were red and covered in dinosaurs. It had been a gag gift she had given him before they broke up.
Ross followed her glance intrigued to see what she was laughing at. When he realized, a goofy grin spread across his face "Do you still dig me?" he asked playfully, brushing a strand of loose hair out of her eyes.
"Oh I still dig you" Rachel said sweetly as she smiled back at him.
"Hows baby tonight?" Ross asked.
Rachel couldn't help but smile again at Ross's question. It was simple, and almost expected but she loved how concerned Ross had always been about the baby through this whole thing. He never went a day without asking how the situation was.
"Well" she began "She been thinking my bladder is a squeeze toy more and more each day" Rachel joked.
"Youre going to get so big pretty soon" Ross said as he reached over and began absentmindedly tracing circles onto her stomach "The last 3 months are nothing but weight gain for the baby" he explained. He couldn't help it, he was mesmerized by the fact that Rachel and he were actually having a baby. It was everything he had ever dreamed of.
"I was thinking about what you said earlier" Rachel stated
"hm" Ross replied, still in a trance.
"About me being a mom" she explained "And you really made me feel a lot better"
Ross took his gaze from her belly, to meet her eyes "Rach, I meant it, I think you*ll be an amazing mother….youre great with Ben" he paused "And I know that youre scared, but youre able to do whatever you put your heart into. I know that…and I know how loving and caring you are…our baby will adore you"
Rachel looked up at him, getting a little teary eyed. Hormones and an already emotional person didn't mix well. "You always know just what to say" she replied softly cupping his face with her hand.
Ross smiled sheepishly "Sweetie, it's the truth."
Rachel pulled his face to hers and kissed him sweetly "I love you" she whispered as she pulled away.
Ross looked at her and his heart melted. Of course it had every time it was just the two of them in situations like this. Ross leaned over again and pecked her lips softly "I love you too" he replied.
Just as Ross was about to roll over onto his side of the bed Rachel reached out and captured him in a lip lock once again, only this time it intensified with each passing second.
Rachel felt Ross's hands intertwine with her hair as she rolled over onto her back, causing the two of them to fall deeper into the kiss, Ross carefully held himself above her.
She needed to keep trying. She had to get past this road bump. So she allowed herself to fall into the man that she loved, hoping that tonight would be the night that she would be able to go through with it. She had after all wanted him more than anything right now. She couldn't resist.
She knew that Ross was getting eager himself, but was impressed with the way that he was always concerned with her first. She let out a small moan and she felt Ross's tongue roll seductively across her collar bone, before he began sucking on her neck. She felt herself finally letting go, and she wrapped her legs around Ross's lower back. Ross began to roam his free hand around her body, through her hair, and down her chest and then he finally began playing with the lace on the bottom of her tank top.
Rachel looked down "Ross, honey, don't" she stressed, panting in between words.
Ross ignored her comments, Rachel had often said things like that when they were being intimate. He began to slide the shirt off of Rachel.
"Ross please" Rachel couldn't help but moan, she closed her eyes, trying to regain control over the situation. Once she felt her shirt lift up a little bit past her belly she was able to regain control "Ross, please I don't know that Im comfortable with this" she forced out
Ross was caught off guard. This sounded more serious than normal, he lifted his head up to look at her face, and saw a worried expression. Noting how upset she was Ross began to rub her back "Rach, are you, is everything okay?" Ross asked confused.
All Rachel would do was shake her head slightly.
"Sweetie, that's fine, and im not trying to force you into anything, God I feel like such a big idiot, before I didn't now you actually wanted me to stop… I just" he paused "I just get so confused, because one minute it seems like you want to do it, and then a minute later youre off of me…is it me?" he asked concerned.
Rachel shook her head and began to play with the sheets in her hands "No honey, its not you." she looked down "Im just, well…look at me" she cried out as she pulled her shirt back down.
And Ross did. "What ?!" he asked confused.
"Jesus Ross, Im fat!" she exclaimed
He couldn't believe what she had just said. "Youre fat?" he laughed "Rachel, youre carrying our baby"
Rachel shook her head before she buried her face into her hands "But look at me Ross, Im disgusting"
Ross felt himself gasp, before he pulled her hands away from her face "Hey, stop talking about the woman I love like that" he said before smiling sweetly.
This caused Rachel to let out a small brief smile "Ross, I just…I …I don't want you to feel like you have to do this, because…once you see me…I know youre just going be well, well…I mean Im not exactly desirable right now. And the last few woman you were with….well they didn't look like this" Rachel stammered out. She felt as if she must have been so unattractive with the new changes in her body.
He shook his head in disbelief "Youre the most beautiful woman in the world to me" he said brushing some hair away from her face. He then leaned in and kissed her forehead sweetly. "When I fell in love with you when I was a kid, I didn't fall in love with your looks. You were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, but besides that I always figured I knew you better than any of the other guys."
Rachel eyed him confused before he continued " I knew the real Rachel. The Rachel who was such a good friend to my sister, the Rachel who was so caring and had a huge heart. That's the woman I am in love with, the woman I have always been in love with." He paused, before he reached over and grabbed her hand, intertwining his fingers with her own. "Rachel you could be 200 pounds and have 5 heads, and I would still love you. I love you Rachel…not what you look like. You*re gorgeous besides that, inside and out." He leaned again once more, and kissed the tears away from her cheeks. "And right now, youre carrying our baby, you have no idea how incredible you are to me"
Rachel looked at him speechless. She was being silly. Of course he loved her, and he would love her no matter what. Ross was different, and even though she was clouded by some unfortunate events, somewhere deep down Rachel had always known that. He really didn't care what she looked like, because he loved her for her. The first man who ever had, she recalled.
"Ross" she whispered softly. She didn't know what to say. "Im, you-tha, Im so glad…" she trailed off before shaking her head " no you know what…"
She lifted her hand up and pulled his head to hers so their foreheads where touching. She smiled at him for a moment before kissing him passionately.
She was ready. She had been reminded of all of the reasons that she loved Ross in those few short minutes, and also how deep his love for her was. All that had ever mattered was that she loved him, and he loved her. They could work through anything if they tried, and Rachel was learning how strong love could really be through this whole experience.
Chloe, the break, their insecurities. It didn't matter anymore ,nothing had mattered. Hell, the world didn't even matter when it came to the two of them. They were each others world. She was about to allow herself to be wrapped up in it. It was moments like this that they felt that were complete, as if they had one heart that beat between the two.
Please Review Everyone =)!!