A/N: Hey everyone, I know it's been a while. Sorry, been sick, kids back to school and homework, yada yada. Here's the next installment. A couple of quick things first.
Sorry if I didn't get back to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Like I said, it's been hectic. I know I promised a sneak peak to this chapter to all who reviewed, but as I wrote it, I had to make a few changes, and while the sneak peak will still make an appearance, it'll be in the chapter after this one. Sorry about that.
This is the second chapter in a row from Edward's POV. The next chapter will be from his POV too. Sorry if this upsets anyone, but I kind of forgot to mention at the beginning of the story that while this is an E & B story, it is mostly Edward's (as you may have been able to tell from the title). While I will try to keep the POVs alternating as much as possible, there may be times such as these when E's POV takes more than one chapter to tell. Again, sorry.
Ofcourse, thanks to Danna0724. I told you yesterday, but I'll tell you again, you mean the world to me sweets.
All characters belong to S. Meyer, I'm just moving them to the East Coast for a bit.
Anyway, here we go:
Song Rec for Chapter: I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
Chapter 9 - Bittersweet
EPOV
Rosalie stormed into my office later that day, after Bella left to meet with Jenks.
"What the hell Edward? Where's Bella?"
"She had a family emergency and had to leave," I replied evenly.
Rosalie glared at me through narrowed eyes, her hands at her waist. For a long minute, she just stood there, watching me and not saying a word. Studying me. I kept my body angled towards my laptop as I fiddled around with it and tried to ignore her.
"Edward, I'm going to say something."
Obviously. I sighed loudly and brought my eyes up to meet Rosalie's, massaging my temples with my fingers. Already, I could feel the effects of her words on my brain. "Go ahead."
"Now you know I don't give out compliments lightly, but in the short time Bella's been here, she's proven herself to be extremely capable and talented at what she does."
"I agree," I nodded.
"I'd like to see her go far in this agency. I…" – she paused – "In a few months, the dynamics in my office may change" – I frowned, but she went on before I could ask what the hell that meant – "and I'd like to see Bella take on more responsibility. I think she'd handle it extremely well."
She stopped and, setting her lips in a tight line, shot me a piercing look.
"And?" I prompted.
"And…I wouldn't want people around here to question Bella's increasing role in this agency. To insinuate that there were reasons other than her talent that helped her move ahead."
I leaned forward, raising my eyebrows. "Who exactly would insinuate that, and why?"
Rosalie came closer to my desk, placing four fingers from each hand on the edge. "Let's just say there are certain people on my team who haven't missed the" – she raised an eyebrow – "extra attention Bella's received from…certain execs in this agency. And maybe, a certain person on that team may have been under the impression that her…talents, and I don't mean her work-related talents, would help her advance here."
"I never gave anyone here that impression," I hissed, placing both palms down in front of me and leaning in even closer.
"Don't interrupt," she hissed back, and continued, although leaning back slightly. "Anyway, that team member might not be too happy if she thinks she's being replaced by Bella."
I drew back before responding, but my jaw remained tight. "First of all, you're not very subtle Rose. Second, you've got it all wrong. All of it."
"For Bella's sake, I really hope so. Believe me, no one knows better than I do how good she is at this, or how hard she works. She deserves to go far," Rosalie said coolly before her face softened somewhat. "The fact is Edward, I really like Bella. She's smart and tough and she knows how to get results. She doesn't deserve to be played around with, or to have her very promising career put in jeopardy by a thoughtless asshole" – she added through narrowed eyes – "who hasn't thought through to the consequences of whatever game he thinks he's playing."
I snorted and shook my head. "Believe me Rose, playing games is the last thing on said 'thoughtless asshole's' mind right now."
"Like I said, I hope so. Because Bella's not like that other team member that dumb ass was fooling around with before. And she and her daughter would have a lot to lose if that asshole fucked it all up somehow."
We glared at each other, neither one of us saying another word, for what seemed like forever. She looked like she was waiting for something, some sort of explanation, or confession, or plea. But her intimidation techniques didn't work on me, let her save that shit for my brother.
"Are you done?" I finally said.
"I suppose," she responded through pursed lips. She eyes me suspiciously for a few seconds longer before turning around and walking out of my office.
When the door closed behind her, I let out a deep breath. Shit. I lowered my head to my hand and pinched the bridge of my nose.
It wasn't even Rosalie I was irritated with. Not really. Fucking Lauren. Fuck, I wished I could go back in time and change that day and tell her to fuck off when she oh-so-subtly let me know she wasn't wearing any panties under her skirt and that the conference room was nice and empty. What the hell had I been thinking?
I snorted and shook my head. Fuck. I couldn't even really blame Lauren, could I? Just like I couldn't blame Rosalie for what she'd just accused me of. After the way I'd acted, not just that day, but for years, of course she'd think I was just playing games. It's what I'd done best, for so long. I snorted again, wondering what Rosalie would say if she knew I hadn't had sex in almost three months.
The hours passed by achingly slow, and the work day ended without my having heard a word back from Bella. At home, I couldn't concentrate. I changed into sweats and grabbing my cell phone, headed across the street to Central Park for a jog.
I tried to block everything out as I ran, the stares from strangers, the sounds of ambulances and fire trucks racing down the city streets, on their way to only God knew where. How many emergencies and fires could actually occur in this city a day?
The sound of Claire De Lune coming from my cell phone made me trip over a rock and I almost fell on my ass as I reached into my pocket for the phone. I was so anxious I picked it up without bothering to check the caller ID.
Warning: Always, Always, Always check your caller ID.
"Edward dahling, I've been calling and calling. I've missed you."
"Tanya," I breathed in frustration. I stopped and leaned over, bending my knees and placing one hand on top of one.
"Yes, dahling. I know it's been too long. You don't come to any of the clubs anymore. No one's seen or heard from you in weeks. If I didn't know better I'd think you were avoiding me."
"That's because I have been." Silence. I picked up the bottom of my t-shirt and brought it up to wipe the sweat off my face. Behind me, I heard some distinct gasps and giggles. Rolling my eyes, I started walking towards a park bench.
"Look Tanya, I've gotta go. I'm expecting a call and-"
"Edward," Tanya purred, and I rolled my eyes, "I know I was a bad girl last time we saw each other. I shouldn't have hurt your…pride that way."
"My pride?" I snorted, sitting down. She'd practically ripped my balls off in that car that night. Pride had been the last thing running through my mind at the time. I vaguely remembered wondering if she'd killed my chances to father children.
"I'm sorry baby. Let me make it up to you. When was the last time you had your…pride stroked properly?"
And being the fucking man that I was, my pride – no matter how involuntarily - stood at attention at that question.
Yeah, it'd been a while since my pride had been stroked. I leaned down and placed my elbows on my knees, feeling uncomfortably exposed.
"Tanya," I sighed, "You and I, we gave it a try, a few actually, and it didn't work out."
Instead of hanging up, she laughed, sounding amused.
"Dahling, I'm not calling to see if you want to get back together. I just wanted to see if you needed some company tonight. You and I were always so good together baby. Let me make you feel good and then…well, we'll see where it goes from there."
Ah. A one-night hookup. That's what she'd been hounding me for. One meaningless, lustful, carnal night. A quickie to relieve all the pent up sexual frustration that had been building up over the last three celibate months I'd been through.
Funny thing. I wasn't tempted. Now that my brain had had time to process the words and their source of delivery, my downstairs head realized there was nothing to get excited about; and my…pride was at ease again.
"Tanya, look. You don't seem to understand. I'm. Not. Interested. Period. Not in a one-night hookup, not in a relationship. It's over. Maybe someday we can be friends, but right now-"
She laughed again. I gritted my teeth and cringed. Her cackling had always gotten to me. The witch had a fucking way of getting under my skin and completely ignoring what I was trying to tell her.
"Look Tanya, I really have to go-"
"So," she interrupted me, "Are you still trying to work your way into the single mommy's pants, or did you get in already?"
"I'm hanging up now."
She giggled. "Did you flash her that special little grin of yours? I'm sure she must've dropped her panties faster than-"
I hung up.
When the phone rang again five seconds later, I was fuming.
"Listen Tanya," I hissed, "I don't know what the hell you want, but-"
"Edward?"
I closed my eyes and my face contorted. Shit. That soft, sweet, silky voice definitely didn't belong to Tanya.
Again, Warning: Always check your Caller ID.
"Bella?"
"Uhm, yeah. Sorry. Am I…were you…I didn't mean to interrupt if you were in the middle of something…"
"No! No! Please! You aren't interrupting. I mean, I wasn't in the middle of anything," I stuttered. "Bella," I breathed, "how are you? What's going on? What happened today?"
"I uh…" - she paused, hesitating – "I would've called earlier, but I wasn't sure- I mean, I called Alice because she'd been leaving me worried messages all day." I rolled my eyes. Rosalie must've told her Bella left work early because of an emergency. "I sort of told her, you know, what happened today, and I told her about my meeting with Jenks. She said maybe I should call you, and let you know how it went? But if you're busy-"
"Bella no," I interrupted her. "I told you, I wasn't busy. Please, tell me what happened with Jenks."
She was silent for a couple of seconds. In the background, I could hear pans clattering together and the clicking sound of a stove burner being switched on. Maddie's little voice sang along with some tune from the TV.
'Dora, Dora, Dora the Explorer…'
"Well, Jenks says he feels pretty confident that the law is on my side, and that…Paul," – she seemed to have trouble saying his name – "won't get very far with this."
I frowned. Pretty confident could be a shitload of miles away from confident, especially in crooked lawyer terms. No offense Uncle Aro, I thought.
"When I got divorced my lawyer filed some paperwork where Paul basically gave up his rights to Maddie, so he really shouldn't have a right to bring this claim forward now." I wondered incredulously what kind of father would voluntarily sign away his rights to his child, but I didn't ask. I could tell by her voice that although she wasn't as freaked out as she'd been this morning, she was still uneasy.
"So that's good then, right?" I asked.
I waited for her answer with growing apprehension. My eyes took in the reservoir surrounded by the five mile running loop around the Park. The still, dark waters reflected the scene around me. Large brown boulders protruding from the ground, some small, several large enough for both tourists and lovers to climb; the former for better pictures, the latter to lay down blankets and kiss under the large cypress trees; prickly needles turning brittle and coppery-bronze, making their way down slowly like dark drops of rain in the cool, fall air and encircling both tourists and lovers alike.
She sighed finally. "Yes, as long as he filed the right one. Jenks says there are basically two different Affidavits that can be filed for that type of action, which one gets filed depends on the circumstances of the case. But with one, all rights are relinquished, with the other, things are a bit less clear."
"Which affidavit did your lawyer file?"
"I'm not sure." She stopped. "God, I know how stupid that sounds. I should know this right? I mean, Jesus, probably one of the most important documents I'll ever have filed on my behalf, and I'm not even sure what it said."
I cursed internally for not having gone with her to Jenks' office today. I'd seen how terrified she'd been, I should've offered to come with her. But I knew there'd be personal matters she'd probably have to discuss with him, and as curious as I was, I hadn't wanted to intrude.
"Bella, don't beat yourself up over it. Just take a look at it-"
"It's not that easy. I don't have any of the divorce papers with me. They're all filed away at my dad's house in Forks. I know I should've brought them with me but" – she huffed loudly – "I just wanted to forget all of it when I left. I wanted to make believe that part of my life had never happened."
My heart sank. "So you have to go to Washington to get your documents?" I'd been hoping Jenks would find a way to make the whole thing disappear without Bella having to leave the state. For the kind of god-damn money he was planning on billing, he should've had a fucking magic wand and a black top hat to stuff Paul into permanently.
"No matter what, I still have to appear in court next week. Jenks says depending on how my old lawyer filed the Affidavit with the court, he may have to issue a couple of subpoenas for testimony on my behalf-"
"I'll testify," I offered.
She chuckled softly. "Thanks Edward, but it doesn't really work that way. He's got to subpoena a couple of people who were involved in my divorce, and…in the paternity issue."
"Jacob?" I asked, cringing when I realized the implications of what I'd just asked.
An uncomfortable silence filled my ears.
"Yes, Jacob," Bella answered quietly.
I wasn't sure how to respond, so instead focused on ordering my mind not to stray enough to wonder how Jacob figured into a paternity question involving Maddie. But my fucking mind apparently had a mind of its own, and it started straying.
"Anyway, the whole point is," Bella continued, bringing me back, "I've got to fly back to Washington right away, and dig up all the divorce papers, the paternity waiver, and Jenks said he's going to see if he can file an injunction on the DNA testing. There's no way in hell I'm putting my daughter through that. He's going to get things rolling from here, and then he'll meet me in Washington on Monday." She took a deep breath. "I won't be back at work this week. And I'll probably be out all of next. I'll miss the Cartwright meeting."
I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. Those douche bag Cartwrights were the last thing on my mind right now.
"Bella, that's not even, don't even worry about that."
"It's just, I know I'm still new, and to be taking so much time off-"
"You concentrate on doing what you need to do. This'll all still be here when you return."
She sighed in relief. "Thanks Edward."
I suddenly had the thought that Bella might not have called me because she needed to speak to me, as a friend, but because she needed to speak to me as her boss. Was that all I was to her, her boss, one of the owners of the agency?
I felt abruptly exhausted. Drained from the long fucking day, and tired of this roller coaster ride of emotions, of wondering what she felt and of wondering if she had even an inkling of how I felt.
"Bella, you know I'm here for you right? Not just as your…co-worker. I'm here for both you and Maddie, in any way you need me."
She was quiet again, and I held my breath, wondering again what she was thinking. She had to know what I meant, didn't she? Did I have to be clearer? God, I felt like such a girl; so 'Dear God, it's me Edward' like. When had I lost my peen and grown a vagina?
"You have been there for us Edward," she finally answered. "And I want to thank you again, for everything. I need you to know that I truly appreciate how great you've been to both of us."
For a second, I reveled in the sweetness in her voice; in the way her tone warmed me, until an unpleasant shiver ran up my spine and I focused more closely on what she was actually saying.
"Why do you sound like you're saying-"
"I don't know if I'll be back Edward," she murmured.
I sat up straighter, taken aback by her words. "What do you mean?" I finally asked.
"If things don't go well, if somehow my ex-husband gets his way-"
I stiffened. "Bella, listen to me. He is not getting his way. I promise you that." As I said it, I knew that no matter what, I'd make sure those words were true.
"You don't know Paul, Edward. When he wants something-"
"I told you. He is not getting his way. Not this time."
In the time I'd known Bella, I'd come to see she was a woman with a quiet confidence. She wasn't the outwardly tough she-devil Rosalie was, or even the happy-go-lucky banshee Alice was, but she had a reserved strength that was all her own.
But the Bella I'd seen today was frightened and unsure, and it infuriated me that whatever her ex had done to her had left her so wary. She was so young, so strong, so beautiful. She should've been made to feel happy and safe always, both she and Maddie; cherished like two invaluable treasures. I was struck by the realization that her ex-husband had once had the chance to make her feel happy and safe, and somehow he'd thrown it away and done the exact opposite. How stupid was this man? To have once been able to call Bella and Maddie his, and to give that up? Insane.
My muscles coiled at the thought that whatever he'd done must've broken her spirit so badly that she'd lost all belief in herself. My fists automatically curled, feeling a sudden need to hit something, someone in particular. Not having any way to release my irritation, I stood up and started circling the bench like a beast circling its prey, only I had no idea where my prey was. Not exactly. And once again I found myself contemplating the same thoughts that had instinctively jumped to the forefront of my mind earlier in the day, when I'd found Bella crying by the stairwell.
They're mine. Protect them.
I wasn't crazy enough to think that they were really mine. I had no right to call them that. But there it was. The thought I couldn't escape from; the thought I didn't want to escape from. No matter what, I would protect them both.
"Bella, I could come to Washington with you and Maddie." I didn't know where the words came from, but once they were out, I didn't want to take them back. If nothing else had told her that my interest for her went beyond that of a friend or co-worker, that sentence had to do it.
"I don't think that would be a good idea Edward."
I closed my eyes in defeat, sitting down hard as if my legs had lost their ability to hold me up.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Well, for one thing, you need to be here for the Cartwright meeting. You can't miss that," she pointed out calmly. "For another…" – she hesitated, and when the words poured out, her voice was shaky, not quite so calm anymore – "You've been really great to me Edward. And Maddie, she worships you, she really does. And I can tell you feel really close to her too. The way you are with her, the way you treat her and talk to her, I can't tell you what that's meant to me. It's so much more than what she ever got from her…from Paul. I'm so grateful for you Edward, and I know you want to be there for Maddie now, and make sure everything works out, but you've already done so much for her, more than I could've ever hoped for. I don't expect any more than that."
I could hear her uneven breathing on the other line.
"What if I want to give more than that?"
She didn't answer. Her silence was aggravated by the sudden quiet settling over the Park, now that the reds and oranges of sunset were giving way to an increasingly navy sky. Runners, children and lovers headed home; tourists headed to their overpriced hotels. Early fall evenings in the city were unpredictable, and this one had cooled considerably once the sun disappeared for the night behind the smooth silver buildings, leaving only the bright lights of the skyscrapers to illuminate the concrete jungle; Manhattan's ritzy version of stars.
"Bella, everything you just said about my feelings for Maddie, that's all true. You know that, you can see how special she's become to me. But is that all you see Bella?" I could hear the intensity in my voice, and I hoped she knew what it meant.
More silence.
"Don't you see that I may want to be there not just for her" – I swallowed thickly – "but for you?"
I heard her take in a sharp breath, and I closed my eyes in relief. For a split second, I'd been afraid she'd hung up.
"I don't know Edward," she whispered softly.
I opened my eyes again with renewed intensity and increasing determination. The softness in her voice belied her words. "What don't you know? You don't understand what I'm trying to tell you? Don't you hear it in my voice? Don't you see it in my eyes when I look at you? Or is it that you don't know if you want me there for you?"
"Edward, let's not do this now. Not like this. Not over the phone."
Now it was my turn to be silent.
"It's just…with this whole thing now…it's just not good timing, you know? I can't think about anything beyond this hearing. I can't...consider anything other than that. And I feel like there's things I'd need to tell you, and questions you'd have, and honestly, questions I might have, and I just can't do that right now. Not with this hearing looming next week."
"We can put all that aside for now; any questions and answers. It can all wait."
She laughed, but it wasn't a happy laugh.
"Put it all aside for now?" she repeated. "Edward," – she sighed heavily – "I've been trying to put it aside for years. You have no idea how much drama I've got in my life. I mean, it's been like a god-damn soap opera. And now it's all starting up again."
"I know you won't be able to focus on anything other than the hearing now Bella. I wouldn't expect you to. Hell, I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few days. I'm not asking you for anything; no explanations, no clarifications. Just let me be there for you."
"But Edward, that's just it. I can't let you be there for me without letting you know exactly what that means." She continued more slowly, as if measuring her words. "It wouldn't be fair to ask that of you. It's not…my life is not what you're used to Edward. I don't dance, I don't party, I don't smile pretty for the camera, I hate having my life scrutinized and examined from every angle, I like my privacy, I like my anonymity. I don't like being judged by others. My idea of a perfect night is staying home with my daughter, playing with her, and then curling up with a good book once she's gone to bed. Definitely not the glamorous life People Magazine would right a cover story about. And you know what? That suits me perfectly."
As if to magnify the meaning of her words, a bright white light flashed in the distance, and when I automatically turned towards it, a young man with a large lens camera snapped another quick picture before scurrying away. I scowled and put my head down, beginning to realize how little my life belonged to me.
"Bella, those things, those aren't me either. I mean maybe they used to be. But all the partying and dancing, that public life, that's not how I want to be seen. Not anymore. That's not what I want."
She was quiet for a while. I could hear her moving around, the clanking of cooking tools and things being poured and mixed. In the background, Maddie was quiet now, whatever show she'd been singing along with now ended. I wondered what else she did in the evenings while waiting for her mother to get dinner ready. Did she read? Did she color or draw? What would it be like to be in that little apartment right now, watching Bella cook, or helping her, or playing with Maddie? What would it feel like to share Bella's version of a perfect night?
Bella's quiet voice startled me, so lost had I been in my internal musings.
"Edward, this hearing, it's going to bring to light everything I've been trying to put behind me for the past couple of years. All the pain and embarrassment I've been trying to keep my dad and Jake from, it's all going to come out now." I heard the sound of a chair scraping against the floor, and then she huffed and the kitchen clanking stopped momentarily. I could picture her sitting down, exhausted, frustrated. She laughed again, but this time I could clearly hear the bitterness behind it. "I can practically hear the small-minded folks in Forks panting in excitement."
"Jesus, Bella. What the hell did they do to you over there?" Anger flared inside me at the thought of her having to face all those people in that little podunk town, who for some reason considered her problems their past-times. It had never been like that for me. I'd lived my life in the public eye for so long now, but I'd never cared. I'd never had anyone's life in my hands, no one else but myself to care about. All of a sudden, I hated the public eye.
I had no idea what had happened to Bella while she lived in Forks, but I knew it wasn't anyone's business but her own.
She sounded tired when she answered. "They did nothing to me Edward. I did it all to myself. And to Maddie, and my dad, and Jake…" –she sighed- "I did some things, I made some decisions in the past, and right or wrong, now they're coming back to haunt me. So you see, when you say you'll be there for me, you have no idea what that means."
"Bella, I don't care about any of that. If and when you decide to tell me what happened, I'll be more than willing to listen, but it doesn't change…it doesn't change how I feel."
When she spoke, she sounded almost like she was surrendering. "I'm going to be gone for at least a few days. I think…it would be a good time for you to stop and think. I won't be upset at you Edward, I promise, if you want to keep things the way they are now. Your friendship means a lot to me, and you're relationship with Maddie means the world to her. I don't want to ruin either one of those."
"I will be doing a lot of thinking while you're gone Bella," I answered. She was quiet. "But it won't be about what I want. I know that already. I've known it for a while."
Another long string of silence. I was starting to feel the cold chill seeping through my sweatpants and t-shirt. The five mile loop around the park had kept me warm at first. But now, sitting on this cement bench in the cool darkness and wondering if Bella would give me a chance, give us a chance, I could feel my body shivering.
"If I come back-"
"When you come back," I clarified.
She half-chuckled, half snorted. "When I come back, we can talk more…if you want. I'll tell you everything then. I can only imagine what you must be thinking of me…after the things you've heard today."
"The only thing I think of when I see you with Maddie is what a strong, beautiful and loving mother you are. Anything else you want to tell me beyond that is up to you, and I know it won't change that impression."
I didn't want to push her. I knew she wouldn't be able to focus on the possibility of 'us' with this hearing going on. And honestly, I agreed with her. I didn't want to do this over the phone. I wanted her in front of me when I told her how I felt about her. I wanted to show her. I wanted her to see it in my eyes. And Jesus, I wanted to kiss her. I needed to feel her soft lips finally melding with mine. I needed to lose my hands in her dark hair and pull her towards me and feel her warm body pressed up against mine. God, just the thought of a kiss with Bella was enough to get me worked up. For a second, I wondered if this stand at attention had anything to do with the self-induced dry spell I had going on. I shook my head, knowing full well that had nothing to do with it.
"When are you leaving?" I asked, resigned to stay behind, for now.
"Tomorrow morning. Alice is giving us a ride to the airport."
There was no way I wasn't going see her before she left.
"Let me take you to the airport."
"Edward, you have to go to the office."
"One of the perks of being one of the bosses is being able to come and go as you please."
She chuckled. "I don't know…" I heard her take in a breath. "Still got your cap and sunglasses?"
I smiled. "Yup. They're tucked away in the car's glove compartment." Scowling again as I thought of the dumb ass that had just snapped my picture, I made a mental note to upgrade my disguise.
"Well, alright then. I'll call Alice and let her know."
"Everything'll be fine Bella. You'll see." I tried to convince myself of the truth of my words as much as I was trying to convince her. "You and Maddie'll be back next week, and everything'll go back to normal."
"I hope you're right," she breathed, before we said goodbye and ended the call.
When I got back upstairs to my apartment, a message from Alice awaited me.
"What's up?" I asked when she answered her phone.
"What the hell is going on Edward? Why didn't you call me and tell me what happened this morning? Why do I have to hear from Rose that Bella had a family emergency and had to leave? Why do I have to hear from Bella that you knew all about it and didn't even bother to call me and tell me?"
I rolled my eyes while I waited for my sister to come up for air.
"I'm sorry Secret Agent Cullen. I guess I forgot to make my nightly covert phone call to report Bella's every move."
"Edward, you know that's not what I mean." She was quiet for a few moments, surprising for her. "I'm just…really worried. I love those two." I smiled into the phone, not at all surprised at how quickly she'd come to feel that way. "And Maddie, she reminds me so much of me at that age."
"First of all Alice, how could you remember yourself at that age? Second, God help Maddie if she's anything like you."
"Oh shut the hell up. She's just like me and you know it. Sweet and pretty and talented."
I snorted.
We settled on a time for me to stop and pick her up in the morning. I would've been fine with her not coming along at all, but considering the talk Bella and I had just had over the phone, I didn't want to risk making her uncomfortable if only I came to the airport with her. She said she wanted to wait until she came back to discuss anything further, and I'd abide by her wishes, even if it killed me.
Alice said Bella had told her she was going to call Rosalie and let her know what was going on, and that she wouldn't be at work for the next few days. I could imagine how nuts Rose was going to go when she found out Bella would be missing the Cartwright Presentation next week. I could only hope she'd find her heart under all those layers of designer clothes and realize the meeting was nothing in the face of what Bella was going through now. But freakin' Rose had been PMSing so much lately, I had no idea how she'd react.
The next morning Alice and I parked in front of Bella's apartment.
"Come on," Alice jerked her head towards the building as she opened the car door, signaling for me to follow.
Alice rang the downstairs doorbell and Bella buzzed us in. My heart begun beating a little quicker as we entered the small elevator and Alice pressed three. She appeared familiar with the surroundings. I wondered how often she visited Bella.
As we exited the elevator and Alice quickly made a right turn down the hallway, she mentioned nonchalantly, "I'm here about two to three times a week."
"Good for you," I answered, not even stopping to wonder how she'd known what I was thinking. That was just Alice.
I pressed my finger to the doorbell, hoping she didn't see the slight shiver that ran down my spine when Bella called out "Coming!"
She opened the door and looked slightly surprised when she saw me there with Alice.
"Edward," she smiled, "I wasn't expecting you to come up." She blushed nervously. "I mean, not that I mind, I just-"
Just then, Maddie peeked her head out from behind her mom.
"Edwood! You came up to see me!" She flung herself at me and wrapped her small arms around my legs.
My own arms instinctively moved around her small shoulders. "Good morning princess," I chuckled.
Quickly, she dropped her arms and tugged me by the hand, making Bella move out of the way quickly. I gave her an apologetic look that I was entering her apartment without her invitation, but she just smiled.
"Come see my room Edwood! You can see my pictures that I dwew, and the pretty pictures mommy painted on my walls, and the dream catcha Uncoe Jake gave me. I'm going to see him today, and my grampa Charlie!" Maddie quickly led me down a narrow corridor to a door and flung it open quickly.
The first thing I saw was a huge mural painted on the left wall. A sparkling white castle stood shimmering in the center of a bright green forest full of deer, rabbits, squirrels and all sorts of woodland creatures. One solitary unicorn stood to the side of the castle, his horn pointed down and one front leg bent slightly. Next to the mythical creature stood a little princess in a flowing pink tutu glittering with jewels and flowers. Her long brown hair cascaded in ringlets down her back and her feet were pointed out in one of those poses I'd seen Alice in so many times. Her small, caramel face was identical to that of the little princess holding on to my hand tightly and looking up at me through huge, brown eyes.
"Do you like it?" she asked expectantly.
I picked her up in my arms. "Is that you princess?" I asked, pointing to the painting.
"Uh huh," she nodded proudly. "My mommy painted that fuh me, because I missed dancing in the fahwest. But now I don't miss it so much anymore, because I get to dance with Ally and my fwends, but I still like to look at it. And today I'm going to see the fahwest again!" she clapped happily.
I couldn't help grinning at her excitement, even though I couldn't share her exuberance over her trip. I looked over at the mural again.
"Beautiful isn't it?" I heard Alice's voice from behind me and turned to find her and Bella standing by the door.
"You did this?" I asked Bella. I'd already known she was a great artist, but this was different. Nowadays, a lot of the graphic work done in advertising was electronic, and while talent played a huge part, there were programs that could do much of the work for you. But this…this mural was a true, hand drawn work of art.
She nodded sheepishly.
"It's perfect," I murmured, taking in all the small details, the blended green hues of the forest, the soft lines of the trees, the perfect dimensions of the unicorn, the chocolate shade of the dancing princess' eyes.
"Thanks," she whispered, a slight blush rising to her cheeks.
"And I dwew those!" Maddie exclaimed, pointing to her door. A large cork board held a few of her own works of art. She leaned towards them and I walked us closer.
"That one's of me and mommy having dinnuh, and that one's of me in Ally's ballet class, and that one's of me and Grampa and Uncoe Jake fishing" - and then with sparkling eyes she turned to me before pointing to the last picture – "and do you see that one theuh?"
She pointed at a picture of a little stick figure girl with long dark hair lying on a bed while a stick figure man with messy reddish brown hair sat next to her, with something on his lap.
"That one's of you reading me a bed-time story."
I stared at the picture, slightly speechless. Before I could think of anything to say, I heard Bella's voice behind me.
"Maddie honey, we have to go or we'll miss our flight." I looked at Bella and noticed her cheeks had flushed even redder.
"Where's the luggage Bella?" Alice asked once we were all in Bella's small living room.
Bella pointed at two small carry-ons propped up by the front door. "They're right there."
"Where's the rest of it?" Alice questioned in confusion.
"That's it. That's all there is."
Alice looked at the two bags incredulously. "That's all you're taking? God, that's not even enough room for my make up."
Bella rolled her eyes and went for the bags.
I reached them first and picked them up in one hand while still cradling Maddie in my other arm. "I've got it."
"Thanks Edward," Bella smiled, grabbing on to the bag's handles. "But they're not that big. I can manage them."
I smirked, seeing her independent streak rear its head. Though with what I'd learned in the past twenty-four hours, it was easier to understand why she was always struggling to prove how self-sufficient she was.
"I know you can manage Bella," I said, gently yet firmly tugging the bags away from her, "but I'm here. You don't have to do it on your own." I held her eyes in mine, hoping she understood what I meant. She stared at me for a moment, a hesitant look on her face, before letting go of the bags.
"Thanks," she murmured.
We arrived at JFK quickly; morning rush hour on the Belt Parkway had mostly died down by the time we left for the airport.
Bella checked herself and Maddie in with the airline, and then there was nothing left to do but wait.
The three of us sat in a quiet corner of one of the waiting areas before Security, while Maddie flitted around excitedly, looking forward to the airplane ride. Alice and Bella did what I supposed was the usual girl talk thing, with Alice jumping up every few seconds on her chair whenever Bella said anything that excited her, which didn't take much with Alice. Bella sat with her legs folded in front of her and her arms encircling them, but they bounced up and down nervously. Though she was trying her best to let Alice distract her, I could tell that she was nervous. It would be a six hour flight to Seattle, during which she'd have more than enough time to think. I sighed quietly as I watched her, wishing I could just reach over, take her in my arms and stop her nervous bouncing.
The airport wasn't very busy at this time of morning, but still, I hadn't wanted to risk being spotted by the crazies, or worse, by the paparazzi again. My conversation with Bella last night had left me aware of another change I had to make, and I'd added a large, dark hoodie to my cap and shades. I pulled the hoodie up higher and hoped the baggie jeans I wore completed my everyday 'guy from the hood' look. I'd never really made an effort at making myself un-noticeable.
Bella looked over at me and laughed, her eyes sparkling in amusement. "You know, you're not fooling anyone with that getup. One good look at you and all these tourists will be in camera-flashin' heaven."
I put on a hurt face. "You don't think I look all that?" I asked, tilting my head and putting both hands up in front of me pointed at each other with only my pinky and ring fingers down, in my best imitation of a homeboy pose.
She laughed harder this time, throwing her head back and rocking backwards with her arms still encircling her legs. For a second, she looked so carefree, and it felt so damn good to know I could make her forget her problems, even if just for a short moment.
"Oh please Edward. As if you don't know that you're all that," she said, imitating my pose and making me laugh this time. "Do you honestly think all those newspapers and magazines would trip over each other to get a picture of you if you weren't so...easy on the eyes?"
I arched an eyebrow, but I wasn't sure if she could see it through my shades. "Easy on the eyes?"
She grinned sheepishly and looked away, blushing furiously.
This reaction only encouraged me. "Easy on the eyes?" I asked again, leaning over to her. "What exactly do you mean by, 'easy on the eyes?'
She turned back to look at me with a mischievous expression, and I held my breath as I waited anxiously to hear what she was going to say. But before she could answer, Alice giggled loudly. For a minute there, I'd forgotten about her, and by the way Bella's blush deepened, I got the feeling she had too.
"Bella, please stop giving him a bigger head than he already has." She turned to me and flicked a finger at my hooded head.
"Ow, you little witch! That hurt!"
Alice laughed. "Big freakin' baby. Easy on the eyes?" she repeated, laughing. "Easy on the eyes is the last thing you are right now. You look like Eminem exploded all over you."
I glared at her.
"Easy on eyes," she laughed again, shaking her head.
I scowled and leaned back into my seat, mumbling. "Dumb witch."
"What'd you say there Slim Shady?" Alice asked.
I ignored her. But Bella was laughing hard by now. "I swear, watching you two together is enough to distract anyone for a few minutes. You're like the sibling version of Abbott and Costello."
Alice elbowed me. "Wanna do our impression of 'Who's on First?'"
I pursed my lips and turned away from her, irritated that she'd ruined my moment with Bella. I wondered what she'd been about to say, and was still pretty shocked she'd basically told me she thought I was good-looking. I mean, I knew the opposite sex tended to find me attractive, but hearing Bella say it was something else entirely.
Alice turned her attention back to Bella. "Now you make sure you call and keep us informed about what's going on," Alice reminded Bella once again.
"I will Alice. I promise."
"And Rose says to tell you not to worry about that big meeting you guys have next week. She says you've got it in the bag, and since you finished up all the graphic thingies or whatever, they've just gotta finish organizing the presentation."
Bella smiled, but her jean-clad legs were doing the nervous bouncing thing again. "Tell her I said thanks."
"And she says Emmett says to let him know if you need someone to go do some ass-kicking up there."
Bella laughed again, but I frowned. What the fuck, if she needed someone for that, I could do it just as well as he.
"And Jasper said he'd help."
I rolled my eyes.
Bella looked at her watch. "Well, I guess we'd better be heading through security. It might take a while."
Alice sighed. "Okay." She stood up and walked over to Maddie and picked her up, giving her a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek and telling her she'd miss her and would see her next week. When she put her down, I moved over to Maddie.
I took off my stupid glasses and knelt in front of her, putting my hands on her little shoulders until her big brown eyes met mine. I wasn't going to say good-bye. That, in my mind, wasn't even a possibility. I wouldn't even think it. And it wasn't denial. I just knew there was no way in hell I would allow that to happen.
"Now you listen to your mommy on the airplane okay?"
"Okay."
"And you make sure you wear your seatbelt like a good little girl. Even when the seatbelt light goes off, you keep it on anyway, okay?"
"Okay."
I drew in a deep breath. "I'll see you in a few days, princess."
Her little brows furrowed and she scrunched up her cute little button nose. "Edwood, why do you always call me pwincess?"
"Because that's what you are."
"Grampa calls me Maddie Mo, Uncoe Jake calls me Mad girl, and everyone else calls me Maddie."
"I won't call you princess if you don't want me to."
"No! Peeeeez! Peez don't stop calling me pwincess! I like it! No one else calls me that."
I chuckled. "Okay then. You'll be your grampa's Maddie Mo, Uncle Jake's Mad girl," I said, trying not to roll my eyes at the stupid nickname, "and my little princess."
"Yaaay!" she cried and threw her little arms around my neck. "Edwood, you're my very best fwend evuh!"
I swallowed thickly and held her tight for a few seconds before releasing her. "You're my best friend too princess. Take good care of yourself, and of your mommy."
"I will."
"Maddie, come over her for a second honey. I've got something to show you," Alice called out. Maddie skipped over to her. I looked up at Alice and she met my gaze, jerking her head in Bella's direction before taking Maddie's hand and walking with her towards the duty-free shop. "How 'bout a nice bar of Toblerone for the flight?" I heard her offering.
I stood up and turned to Bella. She was watching me with a funny expression on her face. We approached each other slowly.
"Please call me when you get there Bella. Just so I'll know you arrived safely."
She was silent for a few seconds.
"If you're sure you want me to Edward. Like I said, you've done so much for us already. You don't need to…you don't have to involve yourself in this any further." I could hear her unspoken words.
I reached out and grabbed her hand, feeling goose bumps rise all over me when she let me, and even tightened her grip slightly, sending little shock waves - like thousands of pins prickling my skin - all the way up my arm.
"Bella, I'm going to have a hard enough time functioning for the next few days. Please try to keep me informed of what's going on. I need to at least know you're both okay."
I hoped she heard my unspoken words. Not that I'd have any problem speaking them right now. I only held back for her.
"Okay then, I'll call you," she whispered.
"Take care of yourself...and of Maddie."
"I will."
"Tell her…tell her I'll have her sparkly dance tights waiting for her when she comes back."
Bella chuckled. "I will."
"I'll be waiting for your call."
"I'll call you soon," she promised.
I smiled, despite the fact that I wouldn't be seeing her for at least a few days. I refused to think beyond that.
Her mesmerizing dark eyes looked up, practically hypnotizing me as soon as I looked into them. Her long eyelashes fluttered softly, and I found that even if I'd wanted to, I couldn't have made myself look away. It was as if I was under some spell, but not a bad one. One that had me trapped in the most wonderful of ways, trapped in her gaze, in the deep pools of chocolate I saw in my nightly dreams and in my day dreams as well, every single day of my life since I'd met her.
And suddenly I couldn't wait any longer. Any attempt I'd been making to resist, to hold back, melted away in those eyes. With my heart beating so loudly in my chest that I was momentarily worried airport security would come after me, I leaned into her slowly, unable to stop myself. Had she pulled away, I would've made myself stop; I would've dug as deep as I had to and found the strength to pull back. But she didn't pull away. She stood frozen, her wide eyes moving between my eyes and my lips, but she remained perfectly still.
Yet as I drew in closer, I thought of what she'd said on the phone yesterday. She had enough things going on right now. We'd figure out this thing between us when she came back. And as much as I was dying to kiss her, to feel her against me and whisper in her ear that I didn't need time or explanations, at the same time, I didn't want to pressure her. It wasn't for me that I was holding back, it was for her.
The old Edward would've said fuck it, and thrown caution to the wind. But I didn't want to be the old Edward. I needed to be someone better, someone worthy of this woman and her daughter.
With a new resolve in place and no fucking clue where the hell I was getting the strength for it, I moved my lips to her forehead and placed a soft kiss there, and God, even that felt better than anything. She was so unbelievably warm and soft, and I could smell the scent of strawberries wafting around her hair. I closed my eyes, resisting the almost unbearable urge to pull her into me and bury my head between her neck and her hair and inhale, and heard her sigh softly; relief no doubt, that I hadn't gone against her wishes.
"Be safe," I murmured, pulling back slowly and meeting her eyes again. Her expression puzzled me; I could've sworn she looked almost disappointed. But her eyes changed suddenly, became deeper, more…determined. Her gaze moved from my eyes to my lips again, and one second I was watching her bite down on her lip, the next, those lips were on mine.
The electric shock that coursed through my body in that moment was mind-blowing. It was as if I'd been jolted by a live wire. As if every nerve ending in my body had been awakened. Every part of my body tingled in that instant, from the roots of my head, to the tips of my fingers, to the soles of my feet, and God, I didn't even want to think what else. And in the next millisecond, every single one of those nerves traveled with searing heat to my lips, until the rest of me became numb and the only part of my body that I was aware of were the lips that were being lightly traced by Bella's lips.
At first, her touch was as light as a feather, just a couple of slow, maybe even hesitant brushes of her warm mouth on mine. Before I could react, she pulled back ever so slowly, as if she were ending the kiss. And even though that would've been enough to keep me up all night, she shocked me even more by meeting my lips again, this time with hers parted just enough so that the very tip of her tongue grazed between my lips for a fraction of a second. And this time when she pulled away, her lips gently pulled mine with her as she backed away and brought her lips together again.
My legs almost buckled out from under me and I was left standing there breathless, in disbelief, and more than a little light-headed. I was grateful that her hand was still in mine, holding on tightly.
When I was finally able to focus, I noticed her cheeks were flushed a pretty red and her lips were still slightly pouted. Her eyes flashed up to me, sparkling. "I'm sorry," she murmured quietly. "I just had to." And then she turned and loosened her grip.
But I didn't loosen mine as I waited for her to face me again. "Don't ever apologize to me Bella," I said, when she met my eyes hesitantly. I gave her a crooked smile. "Especially not for that."
She gave me a shy smile. "Goodbye Edward."
I took her chin in my hand. "Hey. It's not goodbye." She bit her lip. "I promise you. It's not goodbye," I whispered intently. And then she smiled and nodded, and slowly walked away.
*** A/N: So, I hope that little kiss made up for the long wait, at least a little bit.
Okay, like I said, next chapter will still be from Edward's POV. Hope you guys don't mind too much.
And please, don't hate Rose for telling Edward off. She's been around him for a long time and she's seen him in action. Some people just have a harder time detecting a change in others, especially since she's got her own stuff going on right now, which we will be getting into later. But go ahead and feel free to hate Tanya as much as you want. Yes, she will be trouble.
So let me know what you think is going to happen with the hearing. Are we anxious to see Paul? or would we rather do without him? Let me know what you guys think happened between him and Bella (I'm curious to hear what you're all imagining.) I promise, the whole truth will be out in the next couple of chapters.
Reviews are better than watching Edward pull up his shirt to dry the sweat off his face (well, no, they're not really better than that! But they're pretty good anyway)!