Maybe I should have denied it more when Gakupo told me that she was dead. Why did I accept it so easily? Usually, people protested and required clarification to wrap their heads around the idea of death. It felt so familiar to me. I should have denied it more.
It would have been a waste of time anyway. Just sprinting down the abandoned streets confirmed it enough. Men and women stood with their doors cracked open, staring at me as I went past. The doors slammed closed a split second later. They were terrified, paranoid, mourning. None of that mattered, I had to get to Len.
My casual kimono still kept my legs from running quickly enough. Luka was going to kill me, but I halted and tore along the side to give me more mobility. Back to sprinting.
My heart ached like it never had before with the deaths of the parents I never truly knew or the grandparents who were only satisfied with perfection. But, I did not cry. I could only think of Len and how I just needed to see him, to be able to do anything that could ease his pain. He loved his mother. She was a great mother.
When the tori gate of Enobizaka's shrine and the Kagamine home came into view, I was taken aback by the amount of people milling about. Onlookers, mostly men and a few curious children, stood lost along the whole road. There were several men with clothing similar to Gakupo's and a hide chest plate securely tied around their shoulders. Soldiers from a close neighboring town.
When I first heard the whispers of "Murder," I stopped dead in my tracks.
Everyone seemed to be waiting. For what, I did not know. Corpses are usually brought to the shrine after passing; that step was already taken care of. I searched desperately for a head of golden hair amongst the people and ended up spotting two.
Sitting on the low stone wall next to the gate sat the boy I was looking for. He looked at the ground still and silent, clenched fists against the stone. Rin stood in front of him, wracking with dry sobs, and slowly put her hand on Len's shoulder. He immediately pushed it away. His sister said something that caused him to clench his teeth. She ran off and disappeared into the crowd who offered empty "I'm sorry"'s and hesitant comforting hands.
There was a moment of indecision. If Len did not want to be approached by his twin, what were the chances that I would be able to? I looked at him again, and my heart stirred.
How could I leave that idiot alone?
I came up to him carefully. He did not glance up. Gradually, I sat down next to him. I thought of all that is wrong about this situation. Screw it.
I wrapped my arms around his chest and laid my chin against his shoulder. I did not realize I was crying until the tears hit his haori. Len was startled and finally dared to look at me. I had no idea what he saw in my eyes but hopefully it was the sincerity in my sadness. His eyes teared up and soon he was crying against my shoulder. I held him and wondered who could do such a thing.
There were no suspects yet. A day had passed since her body was found, she was killed the night before, and still the soldiers had no idea who could have done it, who could have killed the ultimate woman role model of the town. The Kagamine's were more highly regarded than even the government-appointed leader of Enobizaka. They should have been the safe ones, but I supposed that did not make them any less mortal.
Someone was following her. But, who?
"Ne-san, your tea is growing cold."
I was snapped back from my thoughts by my sister who kneeled across from me at our kotatsu.
"Oh. Sorry."
Luka stared at me unblinkingly, gauging my emotions like testing the elasticity of our fabrics. How easily could my mind tear? I wished I knew.
There was a silence that I hoped would linger. My wish was not granted.
"What is wrong?" she asked.
I looked at her and wondered if she was serious or not. True, I had come home the day before without a word and locked myself in my room until that morning, but surely she should have heard. Everyone had heard.
"My friend's mother died," I replied monotonously. "She was a good woman."
"A good woman…"
"I wish I could have known her better. Maybe in another life."
"Will you be going to her funeral?"
"Of course. Everyone in town is going I think."
"I don't like going to funerals of people I did not know. I will be looking after the shop." Luka gulped down the rest of her cup of tea, stood up, and disappeared into the shrine room. She would not be out for a while.
I cleaned and put away the pots and cups and sat in the middle of the work room, looking absentmindedly at the work my sister was finishing before her inclination to invite me to tea. There was an incomplete green kimono smoothed on the ground. I noticed Mother's scissors were not there, and there were bits of gold thread spread around. She was experienced enough in our craft to know that you should never use gold to accent green. Maybe she was as out of it as the rest of the village after all.
In one of the drawers that contained my personal clothing, I found my black kimono I had worn on two past occasions. I made it myself, so it was as beautiful as my standards dictated. Usually, I would admire it, boast of it, but thinking of wearing it to the funeral made me sick. I took my own scissors and tore it in half. I got to work on a new one, a plain boring outfit that would never compare to the beauty of Meiko that day at the market.