Playlist:
LoTR: Two Towers soundtrack (Damn that album's fine.)
"…Ouroboros," he muttered, staring at the sign.
I shrugged uncomfortably. "That's what she said, too. Bunny, what the hell ARE these guys?"
He frowned, like a perplexed child facing an old puzzle with a new piece. "I'm… not sure. I only know they are a criminal organization that is primarily made up of NEXT. If she were a member…"
"But she's not," I interrupted him. "She said it herself, she was trying to get away from M… him."
I hadn't told him the name she'd given me in my dreams. It didn't feel right. He was so close to us, the heroes as a whole… and he was Bunny's uncle. I couldn't believe… maybe it was a different Maverick. I didn't know if he had any family, though. I was avoiding that subject as hard as I could. And anyway, it was just dreams. But I'd shown Bunny the sign she'd given me, and now he was staring at my clumsy drawing like he could make it burst into flame, and the whole bloody organization with it.
"Er… Bunny?"
"Hmm? Oh!" He shook himself and looked up at me again. "Yes?"
"Can I go pick up my car now?" I asked, pointing to the repair shop.
"Um." He snatched the paper from my hand and straightened, nodding imperiously. "Yes, you should probably do that."
I looked at him suspiciously. His entire face went red, and he frowned thunderously. I shrugged and meandered over to the shop, rubbing my right cheek. All the scratches I'd gotten from Jane's sandstorm still stung occasionally, usually when I was trying to think, so I've stopped. Thinking, that is. Except I can't.
There were still bruises on my throat, too, blue-ish purple ones, in the shape of fingers. There were a few on my face, from when she'd covered my ears, but mostly the only visible signs were the millions of tiny scrapes (the doctors had assured me they'd go away with time, but they were certainly taking a long while) all over my face. A lot of people looked at me weird on the street, but my beard had finally grown back, so I felt better ignoring them.
The dreams kept coming, too. I don't believe in ghosts; I believe in spirits, but not ghosts. And I'm superstitious. A spirit strong enough to keep a physical form should be strong enough to leave a thinking imprint, right? Certainly makes sense to me.
I wandered in, and stopped dead in my tracks.
"What..."
The mechanic looked up and grinned. "I take it you are glad of what I have done?"
I couldn't place his accent, and I didn't care. He was just finishing up the paint job, and GOD did it look gorgeous. The colors were brighter (of course they'd have to clean it to fix it properly), it looked perfect (every dent, nick, scratch, and scuff were nonexistent), and the roof was in tiptop shape (in fact, it was such a perfect curve that I wondered if they didn't take the whole thing off to run it through a press or something).
"This is gonna cost a fortune, isn't it?" I asked, feeling my feet walk but not hearing my brain telling me to do so. Why is this car one of my most prized possessions? Oh, right; I'm a lonely idiot with no friends and my car has a mind of its own. It's like Christine, only it's not trying to kill me and everyone I love. It's trying to lure me out of the city, so I can go to some abandoned country road and go as fast as mechanically possible.
The mechanic, with his luxurious mustache and thick gold chain barely hidden beneath his jumpsuit, laughed so hard the mustache bounced and the chain tried to escape. "For you, boy? I see your face, your arm; I see you on the television, with this beauty. For you, I will lower the price. How much will you pay?"
I bit the inside of my cheek for a minute, then grinned. "Well, if we're gonna haggle, I need to inspect it. But I'll start at $150."
"$1,075!" he retorted.
I made a big show of walking around my car, inspecting the outsides. Nothing to complain about, except… "It's not worth THAT much. I can see where you welded the tailpipe on, and it is sloppy. My ma can do better than that, and she's got a bad back." She can, too. That's where me and nii-san got our love of all things fast.
He looked too and scoffed. "It is perfect! $1,070!"
"You forgot to smooth it out, and it's crooked," (it wasn't really by that much, but ma taught to use every weapon) "So it can't POSSIBLY be over a thousand. $152.60, and only because I like the paint job."
His mustache quivered, trying to hide a smile. "The paint is high quality! $1,075."
Ooo, ouch. Jacking the price to original? You underhanded bastard. "It's uneven. $150."
"Because I am not done. $1,073."
We're breaking the rules by going odd numbers and cents, but like hell am I raising my price. "Hmmm… The steering wheel is still dented. $145."
"You must have knees of steel and brains of chaffed wheat to see that it is impossible to unbend a steering. However, I can replace. $1,080."
Damn. "I don't mean to be nitpicky, but I can see the seams," I traced them with my fingertips, "All along the front grille. What, did you really feel it necessary to replace it with a lower-quality material? $140."
He traced the same seam. "Ah. That I cannot claim as my own design; my nephew work here after school, and he is not yet good at evaluation. $1,060."
Dramatic drop. I'm getting somewhere. "Alright, show me the things YOU have fixed."
The mustache twitches higher. "With pleasure. This way."
We spent about two hours arguing, but eventually we reached a compromise of $575 (which is, in my book, a very fair price without inflation). We shook hands, I signed a paper and handed over my debit card for a quick swipe, we shook hands again, and I drove my car out into the sunlight, where it glistened proudly. I would've gone straight home so my neighbors could be jealous (yes, I am a Yuppie at heart), but I spotted Bunny watching me by his bike. I wanted to tell him to shove that hunk of metal in the back and ride with me, but before I could even roll down my window, he hopped on and drove off. I tried not to be disappointed. He's only Bunny, after all.
~~~\0/~~~
"It'll have to be replaced entirely," Doctor Shayla, M.D., grumbled as she inspected my x-rays. I'm always distracted by her eyes (they're very pale gray, with a darker circle around the edge of the iris), but this announcement made me snap out of it.
"Er… what?"
She gave me a little glare, with tight-pressed lips. I don't think she likes me. Maybe because I look at her in fascination instead of attraction, which I'm sure she gets from other male patients. "Your kneecap. It's irreparable at this point, so we'll have to replace it. Would you rather a metal knee, indestructible and heavy, or one of our newer, more organic ones, lighter but more susceptible to wear and tear?"
I like how frank she is. "Well, since I'm gonna be busting my knee a lot more in the future, I'd rather one that will last. Will my bones get to be plated in silver or somethin'?" I knew joking wouldn't get me any closer to being one of her least favorites, but by keeping my eyes down on my injury I managed to make it into a joke that someone would make to anyone, instead of a flirt-joke, which I'm sure it would've seemed to be. I poked at the brace gingerly; it'd helped, but it still hurt to walk. Pao Lin had already started making fun of me, calling me a hobbling old man (probably in jest, except it hurt), and Tony was getting insufferably protective. It's like he doesn't have a life or something. At least I have Bunny to hang out with when I feel needy.
"No, it'll be a special alloy that won't rust, won't cut into your bone, and will be able to accept a layer of natural cartilage, so we don't have to inject you." She tugged off the brace (I bit back a yelp) and set it aside, picking up a deadly-looking instrument that I had no way to describe. "Now, we just have to test your pain response one more time. For the charts."
Seeing the evil glint in her eye, I gulped down a moan of fear and just squeezed my eyes shut tight. Why, oh, why do I always get the sadistic ones?
~~~\0/~~~
"Surgery?!"
I stared at Bunny's aghast expression. "Well, yeah. That's what you do when there's something wrong. I've already got so many plates and screws and things I make metal detectors go crazy. One more kneecap won't be much."
"But—but—" He seemed genuinely bewildered. "But you won't—what about work?"
"What about it?" I tried not to frown too thunderously, but I don't think I managed. "So I'll have a few days where I'll throw things and break sinks and scream at everyone for being healthy, but it'll be easier once I'm all healed up. It won't break anymore, too, so that's a plus."
"Too much surgery is bad," he protested; he made it sound like I was going to go jump off a bridge or something equally stupid. "Your body gets weaker every time, and it doesn't matter if you're half-cyborg, all that metal weighs you down and makes your muscles work harder."
I stared for a few more seconds. Then I picked him up and slung him over my shoulder, ignoring his slightly-girly shriek of surprise. "I don't care. I'm strong enough as is. Want a piggyback-ride?"
"NO!" he shouted, and I laughed. "Put me down, this is humiliating!"
"Oh, it is?" I started walking to the more populated section of the training center. "Well, it's good practice for when you finally get a girlfriend and take her out in public."
"What has a girlfriend got to do with anything?" he snapped. He was slightly muffled, his head being behind me and somewhere at the level of where my belt would be. "Put! Me! Down!"
"No. You should shave your legs, they look like tarantulas. Hey guys!" I cheered, coming around the corner and stopping everyone in their tracks. "Look, I found a bunny chewing the powerlines!"
"I HATE YOU!"
"Aiya, no need to be so loud," I muttered, ignoring his thumping the small of my back with his fists so hard I stumbled. "Oy, broken knee, remember?"
"I hate you I hate you I hate you!"
"I hate you too, rabbit, but you don't see ME screamin' it to the world. Whoops!" I dropped him on one of the couches and pretended surprise. I'm bad at pretending, but to me it just made it funnier. "Sorry, I didn't know rodents are so slippery."
His face was so red he looked like a blond strawberry, and I wasn't surprised to hear Tony suddenly burst into hysteric laughter. The others didn't, but I could see Pao Lin struggling to hide a grin, and Rose had a distinctly smug look on her face. Everyone else just looked a little startled. What, you've never heard of joking around with friends before?
"Sorry, sorry," I chuckled, when I finished laughing at him, and ruffled his hair. "Couldn't help it. You were reminding me of nii-san, that's all." I don't know why, but I grinned like he was my little brother. He kind of is, but today, he just was. I miss having family.
His blushing didn't abate, but he ran his hand through his hair to fix the knots I'd made and stood up. I wanted so badly to noogie him, but he would've killed me. So I settled for rubbing my arm (still in a brace, but mending faster than I thought possible), and forcing myself not to laugh anymore. I'm sorry I humiliated you like that, but I wanted you to know what it's like. In a ruthless, cruel, vicious way, I was glad he knew what it felt like to be treated with such disrespect. Not exactly condescension, and not exactly all-out loathing; somewhere in the middle, where you send people you barely know and wait until you figure out how much you hate them.
He tackled me and twisted my broken arm up behind my back.
"OW OW OW OW NO FAIR YOU DIRTY BACKHANDED CHEATING SON OF A BITCH—"
"Don't insult my mother, old man," he reprimanded me coolly, and pulled harder. I will not scream I will not scream I will not scream. I couldn't stop my face from turning red with pain and shame. This is what I get, I know that. I used the tactic I'd learned from nii-san and laid as flat and still as possible. Do not give in. Do not scream.
"What the hell are you doing?!" That sounded like Keith. Huh. He can swear?
"Payback." I have never heard him so innocent and unassuming. Vision… narrowing… arm… straining… "Why are you so quiet, by the way? What happened to the little old crybaby?"
It's just like school. Don't cry. Don't let it hurt. I force myself to grin. "He ran away. You're dealing with the arsonist-killer."
"Hey. You didn't kill him, you just put him in a week-long coma." Tony's boots came into view right in front of my nose. "And he died of internal bleeding, not your beating him to a pulp. I think that kick I gave him helped, though."
"Aww, why do you have to ruin everything?" I whined, still keeping myself as still as possible. Bunny tugged a bit more, experimentally, and another surge of pain rolled from my arm up to my shoulder and spilled out like a delta. I clenched my teeth and waited it out. "Anyway. How long are you planning to sit on me?"
"Oh, about a half hour should do, I think," he drawled, but didn't tug again. I learned some interesting techniques from the class Tomoe took when she was pregnant; I just breathed the way they taught her, and managed to push it away a little more.
"I can wait."
"Hmm. Really?" He turned, keeping a tight grip on me, and bent my leg back, so my knee cracked and throbbed. I winced, but ignored it. No, I can't ignore it; I gave up on keeping my head upright and let it fall, then turn, my jaw smacking the thinly-carpeted concrete, my cheek cooling then heating again. I felt my eyes burn. Don't cry don't cry don't cry.
"Get off of him!"
"No," I muttered, then, louder, "No, I'm fine. Doesn't really matter." I managed to turn my head a bit more and grin at Bunny. It probably seemed rather manic. "You're still just a little kid. Benny."
His face twisted, I couldn't recognize how, and now he was gripping me so hard there were definitely welts starting on my arm at least. He's just a kid. He can't keep this up. I hope.
I put my other arm up behind my back. "I dare you."
He hesitated. I hoped desperately he wouldn't do it, but I dared him. He can't refuse a challenge.
His hand let go of my leg and closed on my arm. I gave in to the tide of pain as he twisted. I'm going to need bed rest for a couple days after this, probably. No; I will never do that. I've been through worse. Nothing else matters, I can only feel the pain and see the floor. It's not pain anymore. It's a test of endurance.
"Get OFF!"
His weight and grip suddenly disappeared, and I gasped, mostly out of surprise. I still stood, though; not a scramble, not a slow, old-man rising. I just stood up and told myself not to act like I was in pain. And I didn't.
Ivan had apparently switched bodies with someone brave and/or insane, and heaved Bunny off of me. I knew because Bunny was trying to get up, but the moment he rose more than two inches off the ground, Ivan roundhouse-kicked him in the chest, sending him sprawling back. I found a laugh somewhere. It wasn't relief, and it wasn't hysterics. It was just a laugh.
"Hey. Kabuki-kun. Leave him alone."
He stared at me for a second. "You… aren't angry?"
"Why should I be? I brought it on myself. Now leave that pig-headed idiot alone and practice, unless you're bored of punching bags. Aggie's gonna be pissed, and I am NOT dealing with her today." I stuffed my hands in my pockets and wandered towards the window. I had to walk past Bunny, so I nudged his hip with my toe as he sat up again, cautiously. "Play nice, kiddo."
He gave me a look like I would regret it later, but I know he doesn't mean it. I think he doesn't. I hope he doesn't.
~~~\0/~~~
"When are you going to realize that letting them beat you at everything is not the best thing for any of you?"
This is the first time I feel that she doesn't understand, at all, in any way, shape, or form. "I'm not letting them beat me, I'm doing what's right; and what's right is saving people, not using them as points to try and be famous."
She sighs as she binds my shoulder. My scars are old and pale, and the cream she put on the burn numbs me, but she kisses my shoulder anyway, and then my ear, and then my neck. I shiver, but not because I'm cold.
She smiles and wraps her arms around me. "Kaede is spending the weekend with your mother. Your brother is dropping her off, but we're going to have to pick her up on Monday."
"S-so we get the whole weekend to ourselves?" Why do I still get flustered when this happens? I pull her closer and hide my face against her collarbone as she laughs. "What're you laughing at?"
"You. You're so cute. And strong. And brave." She cups my face in her hands and makes me look at her. She's beautiful. "I love you."
"I love you more." It's true, I know it, I know it so deep inside that it hurts. I love her more than life. Love her more than death. With her…
"Impossible." She kisses me. "Oh, kitten, I love you."
"Love you more." It comes out husky this time, and it takes me a second to realize that her breath is as short and sharp as mine, and I can feel her heartbeat, and I am no longer in pain. "Tomoe…"
"I love you more," she retorts in a whisper, and kisses me.
~~~\0/~~~
The nurse arrived with a paper gown and stared.
I scowled. "What? I know the procedure, I'm jumping the gun." The hospital chill is already sinking into my arms and back. I kept on my pants because I'm not THAT eager to get things over with.
He nodded and handed over the rustling pile of supposed "clothing". "Okay. I'll wait outside. Just come on out when you're ready. Oh, without brace, too," he added hastily. "We've had some trouble with that lately."
"I haven't worn it since a few days ago. I got in a fight with one of my coworkers," I explained as he raised his eyebrows. "Hurt too much to put on, so I've been hopping a lot."
He nodded again, and his eyes caught on my left shoulder, on the multitude of scars (my right arm is a little less full). I unfolded the ugly blue thing and shook it a little. "Don't you have anything less embarrassing?" I complained. He finally looked away.
"No, that's standard issue. The more substantial garments are for out-of-surgery."
"I AM out of surgery," I pointed out; then, when he glared at me, added, "Hey, I'm being logical here. Can it PLEASE wait until last minute?"
He shook his head resolutely. I sighed and slumped, then kicked off my shoes. "Okay, okay, fine. Outside, please?"
When I was all naked and shamed and "dressed", I hesitated, then whipped out my phone and took a picture of myself. Not a full-body shot, just from my head to my chest. I stuck my tongue out at the camera and, at the little click, immediately put it in a message to Bunny, along with a text; See? I'm humiliated and about to be crippled. Happy?
After a minute, I bit my lip and deleted the text. For the record, I hate you. Deleted that, too.
Here, for your blackmail files. Deleted.
From the desk of Mr. Tiger, regarding your past violence. Deleted.
Thought you needed a bit of cheering up.
Sent.
~~~\0/~~~
A week later, I stopped getting fits of unreasonable anger, mainly because they let me out of the hospital. I was forced to use crutches (I tried not to) most of the time, but Bunny was unexpectedly nice. Tony jumped even further into Mama Bear mode, Nathan cooed absently sometimes, Keith was disgustingly encouraging, Ivan wouldn't even look at me (embarrassed by his moment of rage, probably; I gave him a cookie and a knock on the head and he seemed a little better), Pao Lin continued teasing me and dodging when I tried to hit her with my crutches (my evil, evil crutches), and Rose had weird fits and starts where I thought she might be on the verge of being nice.
But Bunny was almost apologetic. I wanted to punch him for that, but I caught him looking at his phone occasionally with a pained expression and held back. After another two weeks, they let me off the crutches, and I could walk normally. It felt a little odd at first, getting into the correct rhythm, but my hip and back stopped hurting. I set off a metal-detector going to the bank. I managed to scrounge myself several hundred points and shifted slowly upward in the ranks, almost tied with Tony. Bunny bought me lunch every day for a week.
When ma called me to check on my knee, I'd just come back from another exhausting incident, so I was a bit cranky. Eventually, though, she got me to crack a smile, and then she let me talk to Kaede. She immediately asked about Bunny. I dodged the subject for a few minutes, then finally admitted, "He's been sticking close to Wild Tiger, so I actually haven't seen him much. And I just got the cast off my arm, so I'm getting even MORE unpaid overtime for all the time I missed." A lie, but I'm tired, and she can see that, so I have to give her an excuse. "But he dragged me to Apollon headquarters a couple days ago to keep watch on Wild Tiger while he got us food. It was almost funny, watching him fuss." It is funny when he fusses, but I forgot about Kaede's feelings, and rubbed my nose to hide a guilty wince. "He'll get over it."
The beginnings of an unhappy frown became the beginnings of a hopeful eagerness. "Well… I guess so. Are you coming Wednesday?"
"Aiya! Of course." I grinned, to hide my sudden alarm. I'd forgotten all about it. "Want me to get him to visit?"
"YES PLEASE!" she cheered, and I laughed. God, I love making my baby happy.
~~~\0/~~~
The next day, I snuck up on him at work and pulled his chair down as far backwards as it would go, grinning at him upside down as he yelped. "You! You're coming to visit Kaede with me tomorrow. And don't claim you have previous engagements, I've looked at your calendar." I let the chair spring upright again and hopped up on the desk, ignoring his offended glare. "She really wants to see you, and I have no presents for her birthday. Maybe I can snag something at the general store, while you distract her with your pretty face and fake smiles, and ma can whip up enough food to fill all of us. Oh, and don't let nii-san get to you; he misses me, the stubborn bastard. Mostly because I drink with him."
Bunny stared at me for a second, perplexed. "Why are you so cheerful today?"
I laughed and ruffled his hair, too fast for him to block me, and slid off the desk again. "I dunno, I actually slept well last night? I'm not a psychiatrist, Bunny." I tried not to sound affectionate as I said his name, but I'm just so HAPPY, and I don't know why. But I can't help loving life, right now, at this moment; everything is perfect. I had a nice rousing fight yesterday, I only drank a third of what I normally do so I don't have a hangover, my daughter is excited to see me, and everything is right with the world.
I scared pretty much everyone because I was actually smiling and laughing, not as often as I would've if we hadn't been rivals and if I didn't hate all of them, but enough for it to be an abnormal occurrence. Bunny was the only one who played along and let me get hyped up over nothing, and even let me blow up at him over tiny things because our way of having fun is getting pissed off at each other. I think. I just know it was easier to relax after shouting at him and insulting his mother, and I know he was happy to insult mine in turn.
He doesn't hurt me anymore. We don't hurt each other. I miss sharing secrets with Benny, but exploiting weaknesses with Bunny is just as satisfying.
Of course, when not around other people, we weren't "mean". We laughed at Nate and Tony behind their backs, I gossiped about Tony and swore Bunny to secrecy, we speculated what Keith did with his free-time besides walk his dog, we talked about goats and I scolded him for being afraid of them, and for the first time in a long while, I… felt… happy.
I would almost call it bliss, except for the fact that I was aware of everything. I was aware the others were alarmed. I was aware this was strange of me. I was aware of the way the corners of Bunny's mouth turned up the more I laughed. By the end of the day, I'd almost used up my eagerness and energy, except for a little pocket that I was storing for tomorrow. I barely noticed how, um, personal Bunny's smiles were. I hadn't seen him look at anyone like that since he got a crush on one of the prettier journalists. At the time, I didn't notice.
When I got home, I threw myself down on the couch, snatched up the TV remote, and turned on said TV, to unexpectedly be confronted with the latest episode of HeroTV; I couldn't suppress a grin, seeing Tony get his ass handed to him on a silver platter by a woman with some intensely frightening hair (think Medusa standards). The camera panned over when she was finally caught to catch me mid-guffaw, pointing to Tony and holding my stomach as he shouted at me. Bunny was standing nearby, and was watching me with a weird look on his face. My grin dissipated. That expression was partly surprise and partly… no, that couldn't be admiration. It wasn't even straightforward admiring, like how I felt towards Mr. Legend. It was a strange new breed, that looked excited and surprised and warm. Warm in a disconcerting way.
I turned off the TV, tucked my hands behind my head, and stared at the ceiling until I got too hungry to think. I ate dinner and went to bed.
~~~\0/~~~
"Make a wish, kitten."
The candle flames flicker temptingly. I cross my arms tightly across my chest and slide down in my seat, pouting.
"Moo-ooom, I'm not a little kid!" I whine, refusing to look anyone in the eye. "I don't wanna!"
"Well, I want to!" nii-san cries, and shoves me half off the chair to blow out the candles for me. "I wish I had a different little brother! Mom, can we trade him in at the orphanage so he can't break my baseball bat again?"
My cheeks burn as I shove him back. "It's not my fault! It just happened!"
"Liar. You did it on purpose!"
"Muramasa, leave your brother alone," ma snaps, but she sounds tired. She leans down and kisses my cheek. "What do you wish for, kitten?"
My lip trembles, the burning in my cheeks gets worse; I don't want to say it, but I do, almost inaudibly. "I don't want to be a NEXT anymore."
~~~\0/~~~
I woke up to a soggy pillow and stuck-together eyes. My seventh birthday; the magic day when I became a kid instead of a baby. I remember…
My morning routine is so engrained that I did it all without thought, although I accidentally put Neosporin on my toothbrush instead of Crest. Shaving went well, at least. Where's all my happiness? Where's all the laughing, all the smiling? At the end of the day, my face had hurt from being so energetic. Now I felt kind of… empty.
I dressed, packed a small bag, and called Bunny, forcing myself to be cheerful.
"Kotetsu," he said immediately, when he picked up.
I grinned. "G'morning to you too, Bunny. Ready to head out into the wilderness and meet my family on their hometurf?"
"If you are. Are you giving me a ride, or can I drive myself so I can escape quickly?"
He sounds just as happy as me, and almost as eager. No time to think on that; I'm just glad he's not surly. I didn't know why, but I swiped Jane's ashes off the mantelpiece and tucked it in my bag between the socks and the shirts, carefully so she wouldn't jostle too much. "Eh. I was thinking of just taking the noon train, so we can just walk. Unless you really want to be seen in a car as ugly as mine." God, why is it so easy to joke with him like this?
A quick laugh. "No, no, I'll walk. It's been a while; I could do with a bit of fresh air."
I snorted. "Yeah, because car exhaust and smoke counts as fresh air. You're city-bred, aren't you?"
"Do you really need me to answer that?"
"Not really. At noon then."
"At noon. See ya."
I grinned as I hung up. Damn it, there is something wrong with how easy it is for him to put me in a good mood. He's inhuman. He's… nice, when he isn't being an idiot. I forgot he could do that. Tricksy bastard.
Morning in Sternbild is the same as evening in Sternbild; too much traffic, too many people, and pickpockets trying to steal my underwear. I almost laughed when the first one tried to get away with my wallet and I tripped him. He was very bad, and his face was bright red when I helped him up again. He didn't get anything from me. The second guy got my bag, but I tackled him and he broke his nose on the sidewalk. Jane's jar was safe, and for some reason, that was the foremost thing in my mind; if I left her alone or broke her, she might try to kill me again.
Superstitious idiot, remember?
Idiocy set aside, I got to the station way before noon and grabbed a few hotdogs from a nearby vendor. The waiting is always the worst part; I called ma to warn her about Bunny, but she didn't pick up. I tried nii-san, but he just said "Yeah, yeah, I'll tell her," in a vague, absentminded voice. I finished my food and stared at the clock and tried not to think too much.
Is Bunny gonna be here on time? Of course he will be; he's Bunny, he's on the verge of being OCD no matter what situation you put him in. Did I give him the right platform? Yes, yesterday he asked and I answered. Is he going to skip because he doesn't like my family? That will hurt, but I wouldn't be too surprised. He likes to say nothing and quietly back away. I knew that two years ago, I know it now.
Strange… two years ago he was the popular kid in school, had perfect grades, won all kinds of awards, and yet he was so lonely he had to talk to a stranger, an old guy, and called him his friend. Now, he's challenging the Hero King, is probably the most successful hero in history, is fawned over by everyone, and is still so lonely he has to go to the only person who doesn't care about that just to have a normal conversation/argument.
And I still don't care. He's Bunny, I know him, who he is; why should I care what his status in society as a whole is?
Fuck it.
I do care.
I rubbed my face with both hands to try and wipe off the bad feelings that were coming from the pit of my stomach. This is why I shouldn't be allowed to have a brain. He's got a pretty face, good manners, is "cool", has a huge fanbase, is rolling in the dough, has a famous uncle, has famous PARENTS, for gods' sakes… What have I got? A daughter? No, she's in love with HIM. A mother? She's turning away, because I'm not a baby, I can take care of myself (no I can't). A sibling? He doesn't care, I'm just a little brother. Friends? No… my students don't count, the fighters don't count, Mary is a drinking-buddy, not a friend, Tony isn't… oh, fuck, I just ruined my entire day. Bunny, where are you? I need to be angry at something. Anything.
"Hey, Kotetsu. Are you okay?"
I wanted to scream in his face. I wanted to blow up. I wanted to shout at him, tell him exactly how I feel about everything in the universe. I wanted to hit him until he bled.
I looked up and grinned. "'Bout time, rabbit. I thought you were ditching us."
He grinned back. "Now, why would I ditch meeting my biggest fan? I'm allowed to call her that, right?"
"Does it look like I give a damn?" I put my hands behind my head and leaned back, stretching my legs. "Just don't let nii-san go off on you. He's worse than me sometimes."
"I'm shaking in my boots." He sat next to me, on the opposite side of my bag. "Did you even bother to shower today?"
"For twenty minutes, I'll have you know," I scolded, nudging his shoulder with my elbow. "What about you? Did you get your hair cut yesterday and I didn't notice, or is it special for today?"
He combed his fingers through his hair nervously. It did look several inches shorter, but I couldn't tell if it looked good or not. "Er… I got a trim this morning. Thought I needed a change."
"Bullshit. You wanted a disguise. That's why you traded out your jacket too, right?"
He grinned again. "Didn't think you'd notice. Nobody else has."
"Yeah, well, I'm used to you by now. Little changes mean big ones up ahead. Are you gonna suddenly whip up a girlfriend out of thin air? Kaede would kill me if you did."
"Eh. I don't really need a girlfriend," he admitted with a shrug. "They always seem slightly useless. Not to slight anyone in a relationship, but I've never seen the point of dating."
"You date to find your soulmate," I told him, frowning a little. But no I have to stay happy for now. Be happy be happy be happy. "I dated at least three girls before I got married. And I know there are people my age who've dated ten, twenty people and still aren't happy. It's like testing the waters; you find someone you like, body AND mind," I stressed, and he nodded obediently, like a kid in school, "And you ask them out. Take 'em to a movie or something. Out to dinner. To the arcade. Slightly less classy than a movie, but more fun. Didn't you date a girl when you were still in school?"
He shook his head. His cheeks started turning pink. "Er… no. I just said that so you wouldn't think I was a prude or anything."
"Bunny, you idiot!" I slapped him upside the head, and he yelped. "Lying just to seem cool is the lowest thing you can do! That's like Blue Rose using autotune instead of having talent. If you bring that kind of attitude onboard, I will personally throw you out the window!"
He stared at me, then laughed. "Alright, fair is fair. I apologize for being an idiot."
"Good," I grumped, and tried to not to be too pleased.
We got a compartment all to our own, and I got to stretch out on one side as he curled up with his laptop on the other. Eventually, I fell asleep. I wasn't tired, it was just… First off, trains are hypnotic. Second, Bunny's typing is quick and soft, so I can hardly tell he's writing at all. Third, I felt safer there than anywhere else. We were leaving things behind, but hadn't quite gotten to where we were going; it was that no-space, that moment in time that never ends until it does, that stretch of earth that flies by even as it creeps, the place where there is no place at all, no point of rest, no destination. We were traveling, and that made me feel safe. I'm in no-man's land. I can't be hurt or caught unawares if I keep moving. And besides, Bunny's here. And Jane. And the memory of home.
~~~\0/~~~
"Do you believe in guardian angels?"
Bunny looked up and blinked, like he was coming out of deep fog. "What?"
I realized that had been my question. "Do you believe in guardian angels?"
He just stared for a minute. His face got red, and he nodded. What, was he embarrassed? No… I was grinning stupidly at nothing, and right now, that nothing was right where Bunny's face was. "Um. I suppose. Why?"
"Do you think it's possible to have more than one?" I surprised myself by wanting to actually know his answer. And I was surprised I had asked it. Do I believe in angels?
"I don't know," he answered, sounding almost automatic. "I'm sure some people think so. Again, why?"
"No reason," I mumbled, my eyes closing again already. "I was just thinking."
"Thinking about what?"
"You."
Why had I said that? Had I been thinking about him? I don't know. I pulled my hat further down to hide my eyes, still feeling a bit sluggish and not awake. We're in the no-man's land; everything can happen, and nothing. Angels exist in the time that goes too fast and too slow.
I didn't have to look at him to see his face reddening further. "Um. Wh-what'd you say?"
"I said I was thinking about you." I still sounded mumbly and tired, but I didn't want to wake up enough to fix it. "Well, actually, it started with me wondering about death. Y'know, what comes after and how you can tell when it's time, that kind of stuff." I'm making this shit up, but please don't call me out on it. "That led to guardian angels. And I was thinking… if you can have one, what's to stop them from giving you another one too? I know I have Tomoe… maybe you have your parents. And then I thought about Jane, and then I just suddenly thought about you." Again, I'm lying. "Like, can angels take on human forms and all." Oh god what am I saying. "'Cause… well, I dunno." Come on, come on, fall asleep again, Kotetsu, you bastard.
"How much did you drink today?"
"Not much. None."
"You didn't drink ANYTHING?"
"Yeah…" I yawned and turned over on my side, wriggling further into the back of the seat. Oops; didn't mean to turn towards him. Oh well. I made a grumpy sleepy sound and buried my face in the crook of my arm.
There was an awkward silence, but before he could break it, I fell asleep again.
~~~\0/~~~
"Oy. You didn't say HE'D be here too," nii-san objected, glaring at me as I stumbled off the train. "Ma's gonna be angry."
"I DID tell you," I grumbled, though it came out a bit mush-mouthed. "You didn't listen. Anyway, he's here, so can we go now?"
After one more glare, nii-san led the way to his van, me stumbling occasionally and Bunny walking quietly. I wondered uneasily, and a little fuzzily, what he could be plotting. When we reached the van, I peered at the cab and saw it wouldn't fit all three of us. "Um. Nii-san, where…"
He flung open the back and pointed imperiously. "Both of you get to ride in the back. I've got loose cargo, and we won't all fit up front. Oh, and you," he added, pointing to Bunny, "Keep him out of the crates. Even if he is hung-over."
"I'm not hung-over!" I objected, "I'm tired, that's different. I didn't sleep good last night." Lies, lies, why am I lying so much? Because it's easier to lie. How do I explain why the train felt safe? How can I understand my own thoughts about my strange conversation with Bunny? I crawled in the back without any more whining and flopped on the floor, propping myself up on a crate of wine bottles. I kept my bag on my lap, not just to keep it from rolling around, but also in preparation for another nap. Bunny perched nervously on a box of Budweiser and flinched as nii-san shut the door and locked it.
I slid down on my side and curled up with my bag under my head. "Hey. Bunny."
He glanced down at me. "What?"
"Don't worry." I grinned at his quick glare. "I've ridden back here before. He doesn't drive like a maniac."
"Unlike some people I know," he muttered, nudging my hip with his toe. I considered pulling him off his seat, but instead I just stuck my tongue out at him. It's not pitch black, but it's close, and he's afraid of the dark. Afraid of the dark, and of fire. I know because he told me.
I reached out on impulse and started fidgeting with his shoelaces.