Disclaimer

Last disclaimer stated that the inspiration for this story is being found at work, but that is

only semi-true. The whole truth and nothing but the truth is

that

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters

and inspiration comes from reading her lovely books :)

EPOV

Disappearing back into the forest I felt relieve at knowing Alice was spending the night with Bella. That would keep me away from her. Running back to the house I met up with Jasper. With Alice staying over at Bella's house, he needed some companionship.

"Feel like going for a quick hunt?"

Before I could reply he playfully pushed me aside and sped of into the forest. I let him get a few seconds head start, then rushed after him. My body couldn't make adrenaline anymore, but still the thrill of running was empowering. More so, since I knew very soon we would be hunting.

After an hour we got to a secluded area and slowed down. Jasper was great to hunt with. He calculated the entire chase, from beginning to end in his end. Straight down to the anticipation of capturing and killing his prey. I really enjoyed his meticulous strategies.

"About 20 miles from here, it's a small heard. Maybe 4 adults, 1 young. They are grazing in a small clearing. If we split up and come round we can easily grab them all 4"

His thought were precise and with authority. Turning around I smiled at him and nodded.

We split up and continued through the moonlit forest. Coming round the animals I could see he had been right. They were 4 adults and 1 young mule deer. Large and healthy.

At the thought of sinking my teeth into their warm jugular, the venom in my mouth started to pool already.

Preparing to attack I crouched low to the ground, from the corner of my eye I could see Jasper do the same. He seemed to have lost his thoughts to his instincts, focussing only on the kill ahead of him.

Making no sound at all I leaped at the largest mule deer. It was well over 120 cm's high, large for it's species. With ease I snapped it's neck and sank my teeth into his neck, tapping into his jugular. All around me seized to exist as I clenched my thirst on the animals blood. The rush of his warm blood running down my throat and the way it felt for his warmth to warm my body. My body seemed to be humming with energy.

Straightening my body I dropped the completely drained carcass. Not feeling the need to drain a second deer I just stood and watched Jasper feed. It only took him a few more minutes to finish his second deer.

"The young and his mother got away, at least we won't unbalance population, right?"

His thoughts were made as a funny remark as we both knew the population of mule deer was large in this area and of no large concern to environmentalist.

Tidying away the remains of our feast we worked in silence. It gave me time to build up confidence to bring up the subject of Bella.

"Jasper can I ask you an honest question about Bella?"

My words came out more hesitant then I had intended. Was I really ready to have this conversation..... Jasper in return nodded taking a relaxed stance. "Sure fire away"

"When we left Forks, did you blame yourself for attacking Bella" I could see my words surprised him a little bit, these were not the words he was expecting me to say.

"Yes at first it did but later I realised all of us have made mistakes, mine was just more unfortunate. Why do you ask?" In his mind he answered me and I knew he was honest. His silent reply was giving me the quiet night as a podium to speak on.

"I was relieved"

There I had said it out loud.

Jasper looked at me. His face now showing shock and disbelieve.

"He was relieved?" His thoughts were confused, trying to work out what I could be telling him I could feel his confusion rolling of him..."I thought he was angry at me"

Speaking out loud he turned towards me. "Why would you feel relieved at me attacking the person you love? I don't understand why you would say that Edward." His words were slow and with concern as he couldn't understand.

"When I first met Bella, her blood sang to me. It was the most intoxicating and delicate fragrance I had ever come across in my life. And at first it took me all the power I had to not kill her. Yet all of you seemed to be able to resist her easily. In time it got better for me, but seeing you all handle things so easily, handle being around Bella so easily. It reminded me every day how much of a monster I really am"

My words flooded out in the open air, anger building up inside of my body as each and every word brought back my self-hatred and guilt. With clenched fists I stood there, waiting for Jaspers reply. Since he was still thinking about what to say I continued my confessions, it was like nothing could stop the words from being freed.

"Each day I spend together with Bella, my love for her grew. And with that love the fear grew, anticipating the day that my love for her would no longer be strong enough to hold down the monster. The vicious cold killer that in the back of my mind was always begging me to taste her. At the birthday party, when she cut her finger. My first thought for a millisecond was to grab her and sink my teeth into her. Your reaction stopped me and instead I protected her. Yet if you hadn't acted upon my instincts, I'm not sure if I wouldn't have." I could still see he didn't fully understand.

"You saved me from killing her, you saved Bella's life. You saved me from my greatest fear." Looking in his eyes I tried to hide from him how much I loathed myself for ever thinking of killing Bella.

Jaspers thoughts had stopped and he was now focussing on my emotions, reading them, knowing how angry I was. "You have been angry at yourself all the time for being afraid.....that is why you wanted to leave. You were afraid for her life."

His realisation of my intentions dawned and sympathy showed in his eyes.

"You were right to be afraid for her life, but that doesn't mean staying away from her is right either." Jasper spoke the words with both authority and conviction, showing his believe in his own words.

"Your fears...your doubts. They come with loving another person."

Love. The word was so small, yet it held such great force and brought so much warmth to my body. Could Jasper be right? Could my love for Bella be the cause for the fear in my mind and feelings I had.

"Loving Alice, finding that love for her. Was the beginning of everything else. You should give yourself that chance..... " Jaspers face showed me he was honest about his feelings for Alice.

He winked at me and added in his mind "When your ready"

I nodded to acknowledge his silent remark, repeating it to myself. When your ready...

Anticipating my next question Jasper playfully gave me a push.

"Don't worry, you'll feel love...and it will consume you whole leaving no room for anything else. Then you know...your ready"

At these words he dashed of into the thick scrubs of the Forks forest. We still had about 80 miles to run before returning to the house, enough for a small competition to lighten our moods. I stretched my legs and followed, thinking only of the one word stuck in my mind.

Love....