Author's Note 1: Some events Dorian recalls are part of my headcanon for his backstory, as told in The Magician. (and thank you dr. kitten for pointing out that I needed a page break-this is what happens when I get too excited to post a chapter, and my battery's dying while I'm getting an oil change!)

Chapter 10: Last Resorts and New Beginnings

Theo reread the letter Mother Giselle had pressed into his hands as he'd been on his way out the gate, on his horse and everything. He wasn't surprised that Dorian's presence made her uncomfortable, but the fact that she'd gone and contacted the mage's father in Tevinter did not sit well with Theo one bit. No wonder she'd waited until he was heading out on urgent business. She probably knew he'd have something to say about it.

He scowled. He didn't know if he should be pleased that the Revered Mother was already fearful of him as the Inquisitor; or offended that she was trying to manipulate him like a young and pliable Chantry initiate. Regardless of what Mother Giselle had said Theo was not going to trick Dorian like that. But going outside into the rain and confronting him was another thing.

Still, Theo was the Inquisitor, and as such difficult decisions were bound to fall to him; he was sure this was just the first of many he'd have to deal with regarding his closest followers.

He slipped on his cloak and pulled the hood up. He ran across the camp, his boots squishing in the mud. A fire had been started below a canopy that kept it safe from the rain. Bull, Varric, and Hawke were huddled under the canopy and waved as Theo passed. "Seriously, all that sneaking around, codeword nonsense is complete shit," Bull was saying. "The trick to being a good spy is not acting like one." Varric was absorbing all of it.

He paused before Dorian's tent, his nerves threatening to get the best of him. You're a grown man, Theodane, he told himself even as he thought his stomach was going to crawl up his throat. "Dorian?" he asked at the crack in the tent entrance. As he waited his mind raced through any number of scenarios that did nothing to calm him. Even the good ones made him more nervous.

The tent flap rustled and Dorian peeked out. His face broke into a smile. "Inquisitor," he said. "Care to come in from the rain?"

Theo cast one last glance at the fire, but Varric and Iron Bull were still involved in their discussion. "I think Varric's got a new novel in the works. The Ben-Hassrath Who Loved Me, probably," he said by way of greeting, and Dorian chuckled and waved him in. Theo ducked his head and stepped inside, slipping off his boots as quickly as he could to minimize the damage the mud was going to cause. "Thank you for coming along," he said, standing before the tent entrance in his dripping cloak.

Dorian nodded. "I signed on to assist the Inquisition any way I could. If being cold and soaked is of use, then I live only to serve," he said with his ironic grin. He settled back on the pile of furs and blankets and gestured for Theo to do likewise. His tent was lit by a globe of flames in a small jar he'd placed in the center of the floor. It provided some warmth without a danger of burning the tent down. Theo was still amazed at Dorian's command of magic, and how easily he used it without even thinking. "Something on your mind?" Dorian asked, watching him.

Theo removed his cloak and took a deep breath. "I have a letter for you," he said, handing over the missive from Mother Giselle.

Dorian's grin spread. "Oh, I do hope it's naughty," he said. Theo held his breath as Dorian read. His handsome face fell and his gray eyes narrowed. "Why bother giving this to me?" he asked.

Theo shied away from the barely checked rage in Dorian's voice. "Mother Giselle gave it to me. She's been in contact with your family and said that there was a retainer for House Pavus in Redcliffe."

The fire in the jar died to a dull ember. Dorian looked frighteningly pale even in that dim light. His face twisted into a grimace. "Probably some henchman hired to knock me on the head and drag me back to Tevinter," he snapped, crumpling the letter in his hand.

"Would your own father do that to you?" Theo asked in a scared whisper. His father barely looked at him; but he'd take that over what Dorian was insinuating. Dorian said nothing. "I would go with you," Theo ventured, and Dorian looked up. He waved his hand and the flames grew again. "If it is a trap, we escape and kill everyone. We're good at that." Dorian said nothing and still looked troubled. Theo tried to smile. "Dorian…"

The mage sighed and absently toyed with a buckle on his clothing. "To say there's bad blood between myself and my family is an understatement larger than the Imperium itself," he said at last. "I don't care for their choices, and… they don't care for mine."

Theo had been trying to relax, but Dorian radiated tension and made it difficult. "I think you should talk to him. Find out what he wants," he ventured.

"I don't recall asking what you thought," Dorian snapped. Theo recoiled as if he'd been slapped. Dorian sighed and rubbed his temples, the letter still clutched in one hand. When he looked up his gray eyes were sad. "I apologize. That was unworthy of me. I… will consider it."

Theo didn't trust himself to speak, so he simply nodded and hurriedly got up. He pulled on his boots, nearly falling over, and did not even bother with his cloak. He dashed out into the rain; Dorian didn't call after him or move, and Theo didn't know if that hurt worse than his words. Stupid. So stupid, he thought.

"Hey Fletch!" Varric called when he spotted Theo. "I need your opinion!" But Theo continued back to his tent. He slipped through the flaps and buried himself deep into his bedroll. His first task when he got back to Skyhold was to fire Mother Giselle.

Dorian hated feeling like an ass, but this time it truly was his own fault and he truly could not deny it. The moment he'd snapped at Theo and seen the wounded expression on his face, he'd regretted his harsh words. Sorry seemed too blasé; besides, Theo truly hadn't known the magnitude of what he was suggesting. Dorian had not exactly been forthcoming with that knowledge.

He'd spent the night considering his father's letter and turning his options over in his mind. He'd sworn when he left Tevinter that he was leaving his family behind forever, so to meet even with a retainer seemed to go against his promise to himself. But what harm could it do? If anything, it would be the opportunity to tell Halward Pavus where to stick his shiny magic staff.

It was a very tempting thought.

Hawke and Varric had taken the lead and were reminiscing about Kirkwall, which in Dorian's opinion, was an utter shit hole. The Iron Bull walked, leading his horse; sometimes he rode, but even his Ferelden Forder was not built to withstand a Qunari for long distances. Theo rode slightly ahead of him, and Dorian brought up the end. Every time he looked at Theo's back and slightly slumped shoulders he got a guilty pang in his chest. He didn't like it.

With a sigh, he spurred his horse into a trot to catch up to Theo. "There's this thing you should understand about Tevinters," he began. "We're excessively proud, which makes many of us come off as asses. And then there are those of us who are genuinely asses. Like myself."

Theo didn't look at him. "You're not an ass, Dorian," he said. "I would give all of Skyhold for my father to reach out to me. I suppose I assumed wrongly that you would feel the same about yours."

"Vishante kaffas, even after the way he's treated you? Or not treated you, as the case may be."

Theo did glance at him then, with a ghost of a smile on his pale face. There were deep purple smudges under his eyes; apparently Dorian wasn't the only one who'd slept poorly. "He's my father, Dorian. No matter what, there will always be some masochistic part of me that wants him to notice, and possibly even be proud of me."

Dorian wasn't sure if he wanted to embrace Theo or smack him across the face. He drew in a deep breath. "If we were to go to Redcliffe, how far out of our way would we be going?"

"I told the others I got a letter suggesting some residual Tevinter activity in Redcliffe. Hawke and Varric are willing to go on ahead to Crestwood and look for Stroud while you and I go to Redcliffe with the Iron Bull. He seems to think it's not safe for me to travel alone."

"With a Tevinter." Dorian added the words the Qunari had probably really used.

Theo shook his head. "He didn't say that. He said that since I'm officially the Inquisitor, it's dangerous for me to be alone. In his words, "people won't fuck with me as much" if I've got a Qunari bodyguard."

Lovely. Not only was Dorian going to meet with a retainer for his family, but he was doing so while being accompanied by the Inquisitor and a Qunari. His reputation was increasing exponentially. But Dorian just steeled his nerves and forced a smile. He was probably making a mistake, but being around Theo tended to have that effect on him. "As long as it doesn't jeopardize the Inquisition."

Theo did look at him then, with a grateful expression on his drawn face. "It won't."

Dorian hoped he wouldn't regret this.

"I'm not comfortable with you going in there alone. Everything about this screams trap," Bull said. He stared down at Theo, his arms crossed over his chest. "Sure, they said Tevinter disowned that Alexius asshole, but maybe that was to lure you in, too."

"The Imperium doesn't use excommunication as a means of trapping someone," Dorian snapped. He'd been even more on edge as they entered Redcliffe village. Theo had kept some distance, afraid Dorian might lash out again, and frankly, Dorian couldn't blame him. "You're wanted or you're not."

Bull rolled his eye. "Fine, but I'm waiting right outside the door. Moment I hear anything I don't like, shit's getting real." Ironically, he was smiling, as if he enjoyed the idea of bursting into a room of Tevinters and fighting them all.

Dorian met Theo's eyes and the Inquisitor nodded. Dorian took a deep breath and entered. The last time he'd been to the Gull and Lantern the tavern had been packed with rebel mages. Now it was completely empty. Venhedis, it was a trap. He held his staff out, poised to strike. Theo already had his bow out and an arrow nocked.

"Dorian."

His breath caught and his blood went cold as it flowed through his veins. Halward Pavus himself descended the staircase, looking just the same as the day Dorian had left home for good. The whole bullshit story about a retainer was just that. If Dorian came through this alive he meant to have some very strong words with Mother Giselle, and nearly all of them would be in Tevene. "Father," he said, not sure if it was a greeting or an observation. He felt dirty just saying the word. "What is this then? Ambush? Warm family reunion? Another kidnapping attempt?" he wished he could keep the venom from dripping from his voice, but seeing Halward Pavus again, looking unchanged and self-righteous and calm, stoked Dorian's rage.

"When Felix stood before the senate and said he'd seen you… I had to know how you were," his father said. His dark eyes were sorrowful, which only made Dorian even angrier. "I wanted to see you for myself."

"Well, here I am in all my glory," Dorian snapped. "Just as much a pariah as ever. And now you get to tell your Magister friends your outcast son has joined the Inquisition as well." He clutched his staff tightly, imagining that it was his father's neck.

"Dorian, please…"

"I think Dorian has a right to be angry," Theo said, surprising the both of them. "He was tricked." For a moment Dorian had been so angry he'd forgotten that Theo was still with him; he'd lowered his bow, but still twirled an arrow between his fingers. Those eyes of his, so lovely and gentle, were narrowed and focused: the eyes of a hunter. Dorian hadn't been sure about having Theo along, but it felt good to know Theo was there for him.

Halward gave a melancholy sigh. "And this is the Inquisitor. I'd have expected someone more imposing," he said, but he sounded more curious than insulting. "This is what you've been driven to? Joining this… Inquisition? Why?" He settled down at a table, sitting straight but managing to still look relaxed.

He gestured for his son to join him, but Dorian would never give him that satisfaction. "Because it's the right thing to do," Dorian snapped. The air around him crackled with electricity and Theo took a step back. Dorian took a deep breath and calmed his mana. He would not let his father see him lose control. "I wish I could say I'm sorry if it embarrasses you, but I'm not. I won't be ashamed of who I am."

Dorian's pride had always had a way of irritating Halward, and just now his father stared at him with his jaw set and his eyes narrowed. "Do you still think that's what this is about?"

"It's what it will always be about," Dorian said and his voice cracked just a little. "You and your fucking legacy. After what you tried to do you don't deserve a legacy!" His nostrils flared and it was an effort to gather his mana within him and keep from blasting his father from here to the Void.

"Dorian?" Theo asked quietly from behind him.

Dammit. He didn't mean to be putting on such a show in front of Theo, but his father made him so angry. "Perhaps you should know exactly what you walked into," Dorian said, keeping as calm as possible. Theo didn't know, but if they were to fight side by side in the Inquisition, he deserved to. "Back home children aren't born. They're crafted. Generations of interbreeding and careful selection to distil the perfect mage in power, body, and mind. Any perceived flaw is shameful and must be hidden."

Theo blinked those big, innocent green eyes. "Flaw?" he asked, brow furrowed and genuinely confused as he looked between Dorian and Halward, who was staring at the ground with his fingertips pressed to his forehead.

Dorian's lips curved into a cruel grin as he stared at his father. "I prefer the company of men. As in, I will never marry a woman and produce a perfect little mage heir to carry on the Pavus legacy. I would rather sleep with a man and be true to myself than turn into that," he said, glaring and pointing the head of his staff at his father.

"Dorian, please," Halward said. It was an evident effort for him to keep the tension in his voice to a minimum, which pleased Dorian. "Don't do this."

"What's more," Dorian said, turning back to Theo, "it wasn't enough for him to hate me for my choices." He felt like he was being slowly strangled with the memories. "He taught me to hate blood magic, but the moment that he realized I would never be what he wanted he tried to use it. To change me." Theo inhaled sharply, but when Dorian glanced at him, the Inquisitor merely looked deeply sad. Dorian sighed. "This was a waste of time. I'm leaving."

Theo shook his head and laid a hand on Dorian's arm. "Don't leave it like this," he said quietly. "You don't have to make amends. In fact, I'd be surprised if Dorian could forgive you," Theo said to Halward, which, coming from someone who had such issues with his own father was something. He turned back to Dorian. "But at least talk. I'll wait. Over here." He blinked uncertainly before sidling off into the shadows.

Dorian was begrudgingly impressed at how Theo had handled Halward; then again, if the Inquisitor had known anything about Halward going into this, Dorian wasn't sure Theo would have handled it as well. Dorian hadn't been alone with his father since the day he'd been dragged home from Orlais. Halward had that same confused expression on his face now that he'd had back then. "I only missed the sound of your voice," Halward said at last. His shoulders slumped and he looked almost defeated. "I longed to hear it; and the first time I do hear it in years, you were shouting at me."

"Did you really expect a warm greeting after what you'd done?" Dorian asked. He was torn between following Theo out and blasting his father with his staff. Neither seemed entirely appropriate though. He looked at his father and wished he could feel something: love, sympathy… anything but the festering anger.

"I betrayed your trust. I betrayed my convictions because of foolish, selfish pride. Your friend the Inquisitor is most astute in his observations. I… I would ask your forgiveness." Halward stared at the tabletop. He couldn't even look at his own son while attempting to apologize.

Dorian shook his head. He could not believe he was hearing this. "What should I forgive, father? The blood magic? The betrayal? The way nothing I ever did was good enough? That my choice to love a man over a woman blinded you to any other accomplishment to my name?"

He would have loved to hear his father say "all of it", but Halward was not only a Tevinter Magister, he was also Dorian's father, and as horridly stubborn as his son. "I betrayed you, and for that I am sorry," Halward said simply. "I see you've even divested yourself of your birthright." Dorian had been without his birthright amulet for years. His father's simple observation tugged on a nerve inside of him. "We are so much alike, Dorian," he said with a sad smile.

Once Dorian would have been overjoyed to hear that, but now he only felt empty and raw. "We are nothing alike, and I don't know that I can forgive you," he said. "But since I'm not a complete savage, I will wish you safe travel back to the Imperium. Send my regards to mother, assuming she's not busy redecorating the house again?" He stared at his father for a moment and then turned away to leave.

"Dorian!" Halward called, but Dorian kept going until he was out the door. Theo was calling after him, but he kept going and did not stop until the edge of the lake stopped him. He leaned against the weathered wall of a fishing hut to catch his breath. He squeezed his eyes closed so tightly he could see stars, and willed the hot tears not to fall. "Fasta Vass," he swore, slamming his fist against the wall.

"Dorian… are you alright?"

He opened his eyes and blinked quickly to clear the film of tears. Theo stood before him, alone, having somehow eluded the watch of the Iron Bull. His hands were jammed into his pockets and a lock of dark brown hair fell into his green eyes. He was biting on his lip and standing back a few paces, digging the toe of his boot into the dirt.

Dorian straightened up and crossed his arms over his chest. "Of course I'm alright. I just had a lovely conversation with my father. Why wouldn't I be alright?"

Theo sighed and shuffled a step closer, gazing up from under his eyelashes to see if Dorian would react. Dorian realized that he was backed up against a wall with Theo advancing, still biting his lip. "At least you talked with him," Theo said quietly. "You got the last word."

"Or something like it." He looked away from Theo. "At least he didn't try to force me to return home."

"You're an adult, Dorian. Besides, I don't think anyone could force you to do anything you didn't truly want to do." Theo was closer now and Dorian's innards twisted. He'd wondered about Theo ever since they'd stopped Alexius. The Inquisitor always seemed to be curious about Tevinter, and the more Dorian teased him and flirted with him, the more Theo rose to the occasion. He enjoyed it; but he couldn't hope; only fools hoped, and Dorian was no fool.

Dorian sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Living a lie… it festers inside of you. You have to fight for who you are," he said at last, looking up at Theo. "I'm not accustomed to such honesty, particularly from someone in such a position of power as yourself." Dorian shook his head and looked away. He gave a harsh laugh. "Maker knows what you must think of me after that display."

Theo's green eyes were wide. "After that, I can't possibly think less of you… more if possible."

That voice. The earnest sincerity. The boy couldn't lie if his life depended on it, nor could he be any more obvious, and Dorian wanted nothing more than to hold him. Somehow Theo was inching nearer, closing the gap between them. "The things you say," Dorian said instead, looking away. He couldn't meet his gaze, couldn't let Theo stare into him and see him so undone.

"I mean it," Theo said. Then his hand was on the back of Dorian's neck, his thumb lightly caressing his jaw. Dorian's breath hissed in through his nostrils; Theo's touch made his chest tighten with longing to feel more, elsewhere. Theo hesitated once, but when Dorian didn't move away, Theo continued. Then Theo's forehead was pressed to his. His breath was on Dorian's face. It took everything Dorian had not to tremble. No. He was Dorian Pavus, he was in control.

He was Dorian Pavus and he was backed against a wall with Theo Trevelyan's thumb caressing his cheek and making it hard to breathe.

And then Theo's lips brushed his, so gentle, so delicate it could hardly be called a kiss, but it still left Dorian's lips tingling. "Fasta Vass, Theo, what are we doing?" he asked, not moving, not daring to open his eyes, afraid that it was a dream-or worse, a desire demon preying on him.

Theo's other hand was on his hip now and Dorian swore he could feel it even through his layers of clothing and leather. And then he was reaching for Theo, tangling his fingers in that tousled chestnut hair and he was kissing him back. Theo was all warmth and light and sweetness. Theo never stopped touching him and it was such a caring, gentle touch—so different from the needy passion Dorian had grown accustomed to from lovers; or the perfunctory kisses and groping he paid for in a whorehouse.

He slipped his other arm around Theo's waist and pulled him closer, then Theo was bracing himself on the wall with one hand while the other still caressed Dorian's face so tenderly. Dorian gave in and relaxed, let himself feel the warmth of Theo's long, strong archer's fingers.

"Whatever we're doing, I like it," Theo whispered. The feeling of his breath on his lips made Dorian shudder.

"That's good. Because…I rather do too," Dorian said, and Theo brushed his lips once more: the teasing, tingling non-kiss sweep of his mouth that left Dorian wanting more. More warmth, more tingling, more touching, more Theo Trevelyan.

Author's Note 2: Thank you so very much for the positive feedback on the pacing and their friendship and budding relationship last chapter! I appreciated hearing it so much. As always, thank you to those of you following and favoriting! Many special thanks to karebear, mille libri, Quietsan, Adhara Elric, Melysande, deagh, Nithu, abbiebubble, AgapeErosPhilia, and guests for the reviews and the encouragement and support! I appreciate it so much. As for pacing, they may have started something, but there's still along way to go for the both of them! Thanks again!