The past had taught John Reese that sleeplessness was never the result of something good. Sleepless nights usually were brought on by guilt, regret, and grief. But not tonight. Disbelief that something he had wished, dreamed, and prayed for had actually happened kept sleep from his eyes now.

Was Jocelyn Carter truly here, lying in his bed?

He leaned forward in the chair he had placed on the bed's side watching her even more intently than he had in the past several hours. A breath escaped him on a low exhale. Yes she was here. Alive. Sleeping peacefully. No cruel thoughts seemed to plague her dreams. She was safe.

Or at least as safe as she could be for now.

His chest squeezed painfully at the sight of her clinging to his pillow. It made him want only to slip beside her and hold her. Would she want him beside her? Is that why she held so tightly to his pillow? Wishing he was there in its place?

She had kissed him earlier. Several times in fact. And he was trained to observe people, he couldn't have mistaken the longing he saw in her eyes then. After all this time of grieving her. Of grieving the times he couldn't get back, the dreams that would never be fulfilled, now she was here. And all the fragments from his shattered dreams were being brought together with hope.

He still wanted her as severely as he had before.

He only wished that her return was not marred with so many distractions. So many obstacles. Each one that urgently needed to be removed. John raked his hands through his hair looking at Joss again. She had been fighting to get back to him and Taylor. He couldn't let that work be for nothing. Slowly, step by step he would remove every obstacle that stood in their way. This time there could be no room for mistakes.

….

Taylor stirred. His brow creasing as he frowned in his sleep. When he turned he felt a pain in his neck. The sure result of falling asleep in the wrong position.

Opening his eyes, he was surprised to see sunlight peeking through the window brightening the room with morning light. Taylor looked around with a heavy heart. Bear was sleeping softly beside him on the couch. His head resting on his thigh. On his other side Kayla had slipped into sleep and was leaning into his side.

He exhaled but the weight on his chest didn't go away. It had been a long night. Half of it had been spent with him denying Kayla's claim that his mother lived. The other half had been him listening to her stories about his mom and the friendship they had formed. She also told him how their escape attempt had failed and left the opportunity for only one of them to escape.

After all the stories, he still didn't believe Kayla. He wanted to. Her story seemed believable, her compassion sincere, but he just couldn't buy into it. Wouldn't let himself be convinced. Not until John confirmed it or he saw his mom himself.

Taylor reached for his phone trying not to wake Kayla or Bear. No messages from John. The suspense was frustrating. All he could do was think about the what if's.

He reached for Kayla's limp hand, holding onto her slim fingers, needing contact with someone as fear stole his breath. He didn't know what he feared more. Finding Kayla was wrong or learning she was right?

Unfortunately until he heard from John, all he could do was fret and wait.

…..

"How is everything John?" Harold asked.

John finished buttoning his shirt as he kept his voice low. "Fine Harold."

"And Jocelyn?"

His eyes went to the bed and the form that occupied one side. "Still sleeping."

"Have you decided how you are going to tell Taylor?"

"Not exactly. I'll figure it out. Anyway Shaw and Fusco are coming up. I need them to keep an eye on Joss for about…an hour."

"Mr. Reese do you think that is wise? Now is not the time to branch out and do your own investigation-"

"Finch. This has nothing to do with the case."

John heard Finch sigh on the other end. "Then can't it wait? I'm rather surprised you want to leave Carter at all."

Although Finch didn't mean it as an insult the words hit like a blow. Finch was right. Normally he never would let Joss out of his sight with her number on the radar. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Was he wrong to do this? "Finch this is something I have to do. Trust me on this."

"Make it quick. Whatever it is," he answered shortly.

John disconnected, going to the bed. He sat carefully on its edge, Joss still deep in sleep. Lightly he touched her arm.

"Joss. Joss." Her eyes fluttered and she moaned. Rolling over and rubbing her eye. She gave him a sleepy smile.

"Morning John."

John's chest tightened hearing her tired voice, seeing her smile. "Morning." His voice came out lower than usual. He cleared his throat. What did he need to tell her?

"I…I have to go for a little while. Shaw and Fusco are going to come stay with you while I'm gone."

Joss tried not to pout. They had barely been together and already he was leaving her? It didn't seem like him. He once had been so overprotective. And she had expected him to be smothering her by now. Not leaving her to Shaw and Fusco for no matter how long.

"Promise you won't be gone long." The longing in her voice gave him courage to brush her cheek with his fingers and place a kiss gently on her forehead. Closing her eyes Joss gripped the collar of his shirt keeping him from pulling away. "Promise me?"

"I'll be gone an hour no later. Or less if I can help it."

Nodding Joss slowly released her hold and John stood. As he started to walk away he slipped on his suit jacket. "John." Her voice stopped him once he reached the foot of the bed. He turned back to see her sitting up beneath the covers. "I need to see Taylor. Today. I can't wait any longer."

"You will. As soon as I get back. Trust me."

"Ok."

Suddenly John's door opened and his gaze flew to the door even as he pulled out the gun at his waistband. He lowered the gun as Shaw entered Fusco behind.

"You should really change your locks," Shaw stated. "I broke in way to easily."

Reese rolled his eyes.

Shaw lifted a bag. "You owe me for the breakfast."

Fusco scoffed. "Huh. Did he tell you to order three breakfast sandwiches for yourself?"

With a deadly look Shaw silenced Fusco.

"I'll pay you back later. Bye Joss. Call me if you need anything."

Joss nodded standing from the bed. Shaw took a seat on the couch her grip tight on the bag of food. Fusco however remained in place watching Joss rise. Joss threw a smile his way before wrapping her arms around him. Fusco gave her a bear hug patting her back.

"It's good to see you partner."

"You too. But am I still your partner?"

"Always."

Joss blinked fighting tears she leaned back. "Thanks."

"Dig in Carter," Shaw said from the couch already devouring her first sandwich.

Shaking her head Joss leaned over the coffee table pulling out a sandwich. "You haven't changed." Holding the wrapped breakfast sandwich Joss paced in front of the large windows. "Have I missed much?"

"Mmm." She hummed around a mouthful. "Not much."

Fusco remained quiet.

Joss frowned slightly grateful her back was in that moment turned to Shaw and Fusco. Why were they being so evasive? But perhaps now was not the time for her to play detective. Turning Joss took long strides to the couch choosing to lean against the armrest instead of sitting while she unwrapped her sandwich.

Shaw swallowed, holding her second sandwich to her mouth, she paused before taking a bite. "It's good…to have you back Carter."

Joss peered down at Shaw. Before she could lose the nerve she leaned down and wrapped an arm around her slim shoulders. "I missed you too."

"One good thing about you being back," Fusco started, "means Reese can finally dump June Cleaver."

The room grew cold and Joss's appetite fled. "Who?"

"John's girlfriend," Shaw continued.

"The one he thinks we don't know about."

"You know Reese has grown on me, but the guy still has a screw missing. He tried that whole dating the queen of suburbia thing with the blond. It didn't work then why would he think it'd work now? Because she's a redhead?"

Blinking Joss lowered her hands listening numbly. John was seeing somebody? Somebody who apparently wasn't anything like her? Was that the reason for his distance?

She had assumed he was just in shock, but could it be more than that?

"This one is worse though. For a therapist she comes off way too desperate," Fusco said. "And if she were any good at her job she would've told John that he needs someone like you not someone like her."

"Mm." Shaw agreed. "How does a woman who scared of guns think that she can handle Reese?" Shaw snickered. "I'm just glad this will be the end of it."

It took several tries for Joss to find her voice. "What… what makes you so sure that John wants me-"

"Really Carter?" Shaw pointed her blank stare as Joss. "He's been thinking about you since the day you 'died'. He took in your-" She stopped herself and seemed to change her words which again caused Joss to frown. "If John gets confused about you then he's the one that'll be getting shot in the kneecaps."

Joss rubbed her legs still frowning. She and John had kissed last night. Of course it wasn't some overly passionate kiss, but still. If he found love with someone else would he be so quick to rush into her arms? She wasn't a fool. She saw the way he looked at her the previous night. There was something still between them. Something strong. But was it strong enough?

…..

John cringed inwardly at the look Iris gave him when she opened her apartment door. She gripped his arm standing on tips toes to kiss his lips. "Hey! What are you doing here? Your text made me a little nervous," she said pulling him inside.

"Sorry." He stumbled as he walked in turning back to her once he heard the door close.

She tilted her head. "Are you ok?"

"We need to talk."

"Fine. Over dinner tonight? You know," she took a step, her fingers twisting around the lapels of his suit, "we still need to make up for the dinner we missed."

"No. It can't wait." He tried to keep the tightness out of his voice, but he wasn't looking forward to this conversation. And he felt even worse because he was eager to get back to Joss and away from Iris. Feeling her this close to him now was suffocating. He had only come here because his conscience wouldn't allow him to have this conversation with her over the phone. She deserved better than that. But unfortunately being here in person wasn't going to soften blow much. "We shouldn't see each other anymore."

She stared at him testing his words. Her chin dropped before her shoulders fell as she exhaled. "I know what you're doing and we've talked about this. And I'm not falling for it. You can't push people away every time they start to get close to you. You'll never be happy that way."

"It's not that."

She pinned him with a look. "John I know you. You're running away. But we can get through this. Just give yourself some time. We just have to stick this out together and we'll get past it."

John squeezed his eyes shut. "Iris listen to me. I'm not in this the way I should be. I… I don't feel for you, what you feel for me. And I don't want you to waste your time. It's not fair to you."

He held her gaze as she searched his eyes. Slowly her green eyes filled with tears as fear stepped in. Her hands reached up and framed his face.

"John. Please. Listen to me. You are worth my time. If we need to slow things down even more, we can. I-I don't expect you to be where I am." Her voice shook at the resolve she saw in his eyes. She didn't want to lose him and was willing to make adjustments to keep him, which made John feel worse. But he couldn't conjure up feelings for Iris that he had for Joss.

John gently removed her hands holding onto her wrists as he stilled himself for his next words. "I still have feelings for someone from my past. And she's back now and I…" The words were hard to form. "I want to give that a second try."

Her face hardened and she withdrew her hands. "The woman who broke your heart? John you can't go back to her. It's because of her that you struggle with relationships now. How can you back to her after what she did to you? It's been at least a year and you haven't heard anything from her!"

"It didn't end between us the way you think."

"Oh really?"

Her eyes searched his waiting for an explanation, but John wasn't going to give her one. The truth didn't matter now. His history with Joss was between them. Not Iris. All she needed to know was it was time for her to move on.

"I've had feelings for her since she left, and now that she's back I can't ignore it. I can't let her go." He knew the words sounded as helpless as he felt when it came to stopping his love for Joss. "I'm sorry."

Stepping around her, he walked to the door refusing to look back.

…

John stopped at the door and turned back to look down at Joss. "You're ready for this?"

She nodded. "Yes."

Of course, she was. He was the one who wasn't. Finch nervously looked around the back of the house. John had decided to enter through the back door which led to the kitchen. To the side there was a den in which Finch and Joss could wait, while John went to living room to break the news to Taylor.

John unlocked the door quietly and slipped inside. Opening it wide enough to allow Finch and Joss to slip in. They moved quickly running to the den. John's heart skipped a beat when Bear came running to him. He barked a greeting before turning towards the den with a curious tilt of his canine head. His bark sounded again, joyfully before he darted into the room.

John didn't have to watch to know who he ran to. Instead he made quick steps to the living room his throat dry.

Kayla spotted him first from her place on a chair. John's eyes moved across the room finding Taylor standing by a window. The moment their gazes collided John knew the kid had learned more than he was supposed to from Kayla.

His eyes were red and their brown depths had darkened to an umber color instead of their normal hazel. Taylor straightened and with hard steps walked to him not once glancing away.

"Is it true?"

A breath escaped John hearing the question. "Taylor-"

"Is it true? Is Mom-" His voice cut out. Not able to form the question with his lips.

Slowly, cautiously John nodded. "We… found her."

The frown on his face only deepened even as his eyes filled with tears. He lowered his head exhaling random puffs of air as if he could no longer cause his breaths to form a rhythmic pattern.

When he spoke his voice was muffled from the tears he fought back.

"Where is she…" His voice trailed off as he remembered the way Bear had run off. Brushing past John, Taylor ran to the back of the house. John followed close on his heels, knowing Taylor wasn't ready.

Rounding the corner Taylor skidded to a stop at the den's entry. His jaw dropped at the surprised faces of Finch and… his mom.

Joss stood, arms falling to her sides. She didn't move as her eyes roved over her son's form. "Hi Taylor."

Taylor gasped, his chest rising and falling as he started to pant, his hand reaching out for John who stood at his side. John took Taylor's arm pulling him closer so Taylor could lean against him. "John- it's… she's here. John-" Another gasp.

Joss started to take a step forward for fear he would start to hyperventilate. But she stopped short as she watched John support her son. Her head tilted intrigued at how her son seemed to pull from John's strength. Even more at how John, in such a nurturing way, tried to soothe her son.

"It's ok Taylor. This isn't a trick. She's really here."

Taylor sucked in a breath and his eyes, round and confused went to Joss. "Mom!"

Joss hadn't realized she was crying until she held her hand over her face and her palm came up wet. "Taylor baby I'm so sorry. I never would have done this to you."

She took a hesitant step forward. Then another. With every step though, Taylor seemed to shrink closer to John as if afraid of her touching him.

But Joss pressed on when John or Finch didn't urge her to stop. She held out her arms. "I'm so sorry this happened Taylor. Baby I've been trying to make it back to you. I promise you that."

Her fingers brushed his shoulder and he flinched.

God please, Joss cried inwardly. Not able to stand the thought of being this close to her son and unable to hold him in her arms. "Taylor," her voice wobbled. "Please. It's ok."

Taylor leaned forward slowly. "M-Mom?"

"Yes Taylor."

"Mom!" he sobbed falling into her arms. Joss braced herself and held her son as he clung to her sobbing into her shoulder. Joss cried with him squeezing him tight. Her hands rubbing his back.

"Yes baby," she whispered kissing his wet cheek. "I'm here. I'm here."

This story is sooooooo close to being done. Thanks for continuing to read it and being patient with me. Ya'll are awesome!