A/N1: for the record just incase someone doesn't remember names well. Spot –Shawn, Itey-Guillermo, Armondo-….?
Sins For Thought
Chapter 10:
Interlude1: Rollercoaster, Not Just a Ride
The whole concept of the school social system was a huge crock. If someone didn't have money or was new to town they were dubbed un-cool until proven otherwise. Shawn had a few problems climbing the social latter from Hell. One was that he didn't have money, two was that not only did he have poor grades at this point in time,he also had a problem with authority, third was his lack of social interaction with his "better" peers. Now personally he could give a rats ass if anyone liked him, hated him, was in love with him, or wanted to kill him. What mattered was that he effected someone, anyone. The fact that he scared some people into blabbing to some teachers that he was carrying a pocketknife with him was a huge smile factor. When he was asked about the weapon all he'd said was that he'd only brought it to show some friends who'd wanted to see it. It was a lie, but it got him out of being expelled and that way he only had to serve a few weeks of detention.
This was how he spent most of his time, spending hours in detention doing homework waiting for time to pass. So to find him cutting across the Seventh and Eighth grade side wasn't unusual, but to find him stopping just before he crossed the street was. Shawn had paused in his routine to stare at the new kid from some place in L.A. tagging a wall. His name was Gerome, Gnome, or something strange with a G. The other boy stopped mid spray and stared at Shawn, while Shawn just stared right back at him gaze unwavering.
Finally Shawn spoke, "You that guy from L.A., right?"
"Yeah and?" he stared at Shawn like he really wasn't worth his time.
"Nothing……so, is this what you do for fun?" Shawn stared back blankly.
"Only when there's shit to do," he tossed the spray can aside.
"So, I take it there's shit to do…"
The other boy shrugged and walked over to Shawn, "Can I look in your backpack?"
Shawn just stared at him, "Who do you think you are? My counselor?"
"Look, kid, I'm nosy," he stood there looking bored.
"Yeah, because you're so not the same age as me…" Shawn tossed his bag at the other boy and started walking off.
"I just want to look at it, not steal it, I do have morals."
"And I'm sure you make your mommy proud."
"Shut up whitey!"
"I have a name, it's Shawn," he said it slow and stressed it on purpose.
"Uh-huh, Lawn, I'm Guillermo, The Great One!" he held one hand up triumphantly.
Shawn just rolled his eyes as the L.A. native unzipped and dug around his bag while following him to the bus stop. The two of them sat on the bench waiting for the constantly late public transportation. Guillermo found a bus schedule and nudged Shawn with his elbow.
"We're taking the same bus."
Shawn blandly responded, "How 'bout that….."
"God, you must be like, Mr. Popular and crap," Guillermo rolled his eyes.
"Yes because I wear expensive clothes and don't buy shoes from Payless," spat Shawn in an obviously fake excited tone.
The bus slowly pulled up to the curb and opened up its doors letting people out and letting people in. Shawn dropped a bunch of change in the dispenser and Guillermo stuck a dollar into it.
"Wow, if I find out you're my neighbor I'm going to shoot myself," the doors closed behind them as they went to find seats and ended up sitting next to each other.
"Aw, what? You don't have any cholo friends here you can call to do it for you?"
Guillermo glared at Shawn for a second then threw his bag at him. Shawn caught it, but jerked back because it almost hit him in the face.
"What the fuck!" Shawn jumped up and threw his bag on the floor.
The bus had already pulled out and was moving. Some of the passengers fidgeted uncomfortably while the bus driver yelled at Shawn and Guillermo to sit down. But neither of the two boys were listening and continued on their little squabble. Not that fighting was going to accomplish much, but really boys would be boys.
"Aw, what I do? Hit a nerve? Did a friend of yours get shot?" taunted Shawn.
"As a matter of fact, yeah. So shut your white ass up before you get your teeth knocked out," Guillermo shoved Shawn.
"Oh wow, shoving me is really accomplishing something," Shawn shoved him back.
"Fuck you," Guillermo took a swing at Shawn.
Shawn had quickly moved his face out of the way then just as quickly tackled Guillermo, knocking not only Guillermo into the plastic blue seats, but also himself. The bus driver stopped the bus while Guillermo and Shawn ended up on the dirty bus floor trying to take swings at the other. Guillermo had got a couple good swings in, then Shawn finally managed to shove the other boy off him and into the seats. Taking the opportunity to hurt the now winded boy Shawn pounded in on him till the bus driver finally managed to pull him off the L.A. native.
The two boys found themselves not only kicked off the bus, but also banned from using it. They sat on the warm cement sidewalk only a few inches from the other. Guillermo was touching his jaw and gently pressed his ribs causing him to wince slightly. Shawn wiped blood from his mouth and sighed in a very frustrated tone, he could already feel a black-eye forming. He finally turned his head in Guillermo's direction and noticed the other boy was touching his back and would just barely visibly jump as he did so.
"Well, there goes my only mode of transportation," he shakily got up and tried to figure out just where exactly the bus had left them.
Guillermo attempted standing, but dropped back to the ground, "School provides rides right?"
"Haven't been able to use it since I got caught with a pocketknife on me," Shawn desperately wanted to just leave the other boy on the ground.
"Dios mio, it hurts to move," Guillermo was looking towards the sky.
Shawn really hated himself sometimes, "Come on, I'll help you home. Just as soon as I figure out where the fuck we are."
Needles to say a fight can bring some people together. Shawn and Guillermo after that day became really good friends. The next day even, they just showed up at school together looking like Hell, but exuding trust and understanding like they'd been friends since childhood. Guillermo would sometimes call it, a friendship forged through blood. But if this was a friendship forged through blood, then the day Shawn met Rollercoaster was a friendship forged of adoration and complete devotion…..Though the adoration and complete devotion was only one sided and all Shawn.
Guillermo waved as his mother dropped both him and Shawn off at his "cool" older cousins' house out in the boonies of town. Guillermo's cousin lived next to a giant Clark sign and the Freeway. About five taco trucks, or Roach Coaches, as some people called them, sat in the back near the chain link fence. His cousins' room was outside in what Guillermo called The Tower. It was a solitary structure, tall, and large enough for one person to live semi-comfortably. Shawn had found the place to be the most neat place he'd ever stepped foot on.
"My cousin is so cool, he likes taking me places with him and my other cousins. One time, we even got shot at. Oh, there was also this one time we dogged the cops and lost them down the back roads," Guillermo led them to The Tower.
Shawn stared up at the semi-tall structure, "He's so lucky to get a room outside the house."
"I know, huh!" said Guillermo excitedly as he knocked on his cousins door.
"Is that you cuz? Thought I heard a car pull up."
Guillermo smiled at his cousin and nodded once at him, "Hey Mondo, I want you to meet a friend of mine."
The older boy looked Shawn up and down then at his little cousin, "This the gringo who kicked your ass?"
"Yeah, Armondo, this is Shawn, Shawn, this is my cool cousin Armondo. Usually though we all just call him Mondo," Guillermo smiled as his favorite cousin shook hands with his best friend.
"Kinda scrawny, no?" he looked at Guillermo, but nodded in Shawn's direction.
"No offense, but you're one to talk," Shawn really didn't want to offend his only friends cousin.
"Hey kid, I'm bulking up, give me about a year and you'll see some real progress. Look at this, all muscle baby," Guillermo's cousin flexed.
Guillermo looked impressed, while Shawn had looked highly entranced as his eyes traced Armondo's muscles.
"Wow, you must be strong," said Shawn locking eyes with him, but feeling absolutely stupid by his word choice.
"Hell yeah, kid its all muscle too. Seriously, try to push it down," he stilled his arm and relished in the attention.
Shawn took a step forward and placed his cool palm onto Armondo's bicep. He attempted to make it go down, but it wouldn't budge and only made him try harder. Then he tried using both hands and then the older boy lifted his arm and managed to lift Spot off the ground by an inch. Shawn looked surprised, while Guillermo and his cousin laughed.
"Holy shit you're strong," Shawn took his hands off Armondo's arm, but noticed the prints his hands had left.
"You know it," they finally went inside.
The place looked like a neat wreck. The whole place looked clean in the aspect that magazines were stacked in a corner, DVD's were under the TV in alphabetic order, and beer bottles with all the labels facing the front were all lined up. The place was a wreck because clothes lay everywhere about the room and posters sat untapped or un-tacked against the wall. Boxes of cigarettes sat on a small glass table next to a tiny tin box and a strangely shaped glass pip looking instrument.
"So what have you been up to Mondo?" Guillermo sat down on the only brown crate in the room.
"Nothing much, not since Panzon got grounded for getting caught smoking weed," he picked up the cigarette pack and took one out.
"Panzon's real name is Suél, but he's kinda fat so Tio Marco started calling him Panzon," said Guillermo.
"Fattso in English," supplied Armondo as he exhaled a plume of smoke.
"Oh," Shawn couldn't really think of anything else to say.
Someone knocked but didn't even wait for an answer. It was mostly likely Armondo's father. He looked real dark, nothing like his sons skin tone, and only spoke in Spanish. Shawn watched at what looked like an argument between Armondo and his dad. Then Armondo's dad gave Guillermo the phone saying something like tu madre, which from Shawn's small Spanish vocabulary he figured went, your mother. Guillermo went outside with the phone while Shawn sat quietly next to Armondo.
"So kid, you always lived here?"
"Yeah," Shawn was at a loss of what to say.
"Never seen you around," he exhaled another cloud of smoke.
For some reason that smell didn't bother him like it usually did, "Oh."
"So what happened to those sentences you'd been using earlier? Do I scare ya?" he smiled a slanted smile he'd later come to associate with him.
Shawn blinked and felt his heart strangely skip a beat, "No more then the next guy with a tattoo."
"Shit that's funny, not even Guillermo noticed it," he fingered the ink near his collar bone.
Shawn's eyes followed Armondo's tan fingers, "Did it hurt?"
"Fuck nah, you should get one," he smiled and nodded at Shawn.
"Maybe I will," Shawn smiled too.
Guillermo finally came back into his cousins room, "My mom's mad and is picking me up so that I can clean my room. It shouldn't take long."
"See this is why I don't live in my parents house," Armondo laughed and put out his cigarette.
The three of them sat and watched Blood in Blood Out. Shawn looked highly intrigued, while Guillermo looked bored. Armondo had a lot of movies about gangs and books about them as well. Shawn had been so into the movie that he didn't even notice when Guillermo had been picked up. Leaving him and Armondo alone. If it hadn't been for the movie the room would have been deathly silent. But once the movie ended it got slightly awkward. Then Shawn watched as Guillermo's cousin reached for the tiny tin box and opened it. He pulled out what looked like a joint. Shawn had never seen a real one, unless you counted those drug free posters, which he didn't and when Armondo noticed that his cousins friends wide eyes, he smirked. He picked up the clear plastic red lighter and lit it up. Shawn watched him inhale and suddenly wondered why Armondo looked so content.
"Want a hit kid?"
Shawn stared at the twisted paper in Armondo's hands then reached for it. He looked at it as if really trying to think about smoking it and Armondo just watched him. All his life he'd heard speakers talk about living a drug free life or the horror stories of people on heavy acid trips. Marijuana, the gateway drug? In the end, weren't drugs just an escape from reality? Much like the heavy drinking his dad always use to do. He made up his mind, and brought it to his lips.
Armondo slapped him on the back, "You kid, have just been introduced to the best thing of your life?"
"I know," Shawn smiled and felt like the world was just this room.
That was the beginning of what Shawn deemed the first great friendship of his life, though Guillermo wasn't sure if bringing Shawn to meet his cousin had been the brightest idea he ever had. Shawn picked up a couple of his cousins habits. Shawn started smoking and not just cigarettes, he also drank whatever liquor he could get his hands on. Sometimes Guillermo would go to visit his cousin and would find the both of them looking as high as kites. It had been a year since Guillermo had introduced the two and since then he'd felt slightly left out. So when he came to visit this day it had been no different. Shawn was sitting next to his cousin smoking, passing a joint between them.
"Guillermo, you need to lighten up," said Armondo taking the joint from Shawn's hand.
Shawn watched as Mondo brought it to his lips, "Honestly you're turning into a goodie, goodie."
"So true eh," Armondo laughed and nudged Shawn with his elbow.
"Why dontcha both shut up and give me that," Guillermo snatched the joint from his cousin.
"He's touchy today," Shawn laughed.
"Es muy loco in the cabeza," Armondo couldn't stop himself from making the hand motion and pointing at his cousin.
"Sí, sí," Shawn nodded.
"Since when do you know Spanish?" Guillermo looked annoyed.
"I don't, Mondo's teaching me," Shawn smiled brightly at his friend.
Armondo put his arm around Shawn's shoulder, "How else we gon' bridge the racial gap, huh?"
Both Shawn and Armondo laughed. Itey looked sick.
"Hey, no throwing up on my floor, eh," Armondo tossed an empty McDonalds bag at him.
"Don't be a bitch, cabron," Guillermo got up and headed for the bathroom.
"Some people just ain't natural weed smokers."
"And how," Shawn smiled contently.
Eventually Guillermo came out of the bathroom looking a little worse then when he'd left. Shawn and Armondo wouldn't stop making jokes at Guillermo's expense. Though the teasing stopped once Guillermo had fallen asleep on the couch. The high eventually wavered off and the two of them looked absolutely bored. They made a trek to the mini fridge and ate what was left in it from the "heist" the other day ago. Not that there had been much in it to begin with nothing but leftovers, a bag of potato chips, and tons of HoHos.
"Ey, I got something new from a friend if you wanna try it?" the older boy stuffed a handful of chips into his mouth.
"Sounds fine to me," Shawn polished off the last of his chocolate treat.
Armondo put down the chips and wiped his hands on his pants, "Come on follow me."
Shawn followed him to the only bedroom in the place. He'd seen Armondo's room on many occasions, though mostly when they needed to get a full stash of weed or joints. Sometimes even when it was too late to walk home.
"What is it?" Shawn sat on Armondo's bed.
"Hell if I know, all he said was it would be the greatest investment I ever made," he dug around in his closet tossing boxes around red clothes everywhere.
Armondo finally pulled out a small clear bag of pills and threw himself onto his bed. Shawn wasn't sure how comfortable he was taking pills when he had no idea what they were. But when Armondo held out his hand to give Shawn one, he reached out with his and opened up his palm. The pill looked harmless and he watched as Armondo swallowed his without a second thought and figured at least he wasn't alone in what he was doing. For a while the two of them didn't feel anything and figured he got gypped, but low and behold a couple of minutes later things stared to feel……different.
Shawn felt like everything in the room had become sound and touch. Everything looked brighter, better, prettier, and he swore he could hear Guillermo sleep downstairs below them. Both him and Armondo were laying down in the bed and when Shawn looked next to him he saw Armondo touching the blankets with a confused look on his face. Shawn wondered what was so strange about the blankets and reached out to touch them. The fabric felt weird, nice, and it was almost like he could feel every weave and thread it was made with. Accidentally the back of Shawn's hand brushed against Armondo's, it was the most exhilarating thing he'd ever felt before. Armondo looked as equally enthralled as he.
Down stairs Guillermo woke up and groggily looked around the room to find no one there. He heard the sound of voices above him and figured they went upstairs to get more drugs. Unsteadily he got off the couch and headed upstairs. The closer he got to his cousins room he realized that no one was talking. It was just strange sounds. He turned the corner and peeked into his cousins room. It took a lot not to freak out and yell some incoherent sentence. His cousin had been on top of his friend doing unspeakable things to his neck and thensome. He decided it would be in his best interest to never say anything about ever having seen this. So quietly he sat downstairs watching TV with the sound up high. After a couple hours of loud mindless dribble he heard water running.
Upstairs Shawn quietly stared up at the ceiling trying to figure out if what he thought happened really happened. Armondo walked out of the wash room he had someone install and laid back down next to Shawn. Neither of them said anything for a while. Shawn couldn't tell if it was an awkward silence or one of utter regret, either way it was too quiet for his taste.
"Ey vato, between you and me, what happened never leaves this room, 'k?"
"Yeah," Shawn sat up and noticed the rabid hickey at the base of his neck as he saw his reflection in the mirror on the floor.
"If my cousin says anything about the bite just call him self involved," Armondo stood up and headed downstairs.
"Well, here's one New Years resolution."
When Shawn came downstairs he saw Guillermo giving him a strange look and it took a lot of effort for him not to drag his hand to his neck. He really couldn't deal with the looks from Guillermo. It was like he knew what happened and Armondo just looked too nonchalant.
"I'm just going to head home, night guys," Shawn left as quickly as his feet let him.
This was by far the strangest thing he'd ever let happen. Granted he knew he had a …..thing...for Guillermo's cousin, but to let it elevate to the level of drug induced intimacy was just wrong. There was no way this could end good in any aspect. Armondo didn't seem like the type of guy to admit he'd ever even considered touching another guy in such away, but to have anyone touching him like that was new to him. It wasn't scary just different. He wondered if Armondo was still going to introduce him to his other cousins now. Speaking of cousins, Guillermo for some reason had been staring at him strangely, he couldn't act like Mondo had and pretend like nothing happened between them.
When he got home he found his mother asleep on the couch with the TV playing static. Shawn never quite understood why his mom liked watching that right before she fell asleep. He supposed it had something to do with repetition being comforting…..or maybe she just didn't like the sound of inane chatter. He grabbed a blanket from his mothers room and put it over her. Rolling his eyes he picked up the empty beer bottles left on the coffee table and stepped into the kitchen and tossed the glass into the trash. This was stupid, he walked back into the living room and sat on the coffee table staring as his mother slept. Grabbing the remote he finally turned off the TV and went to his room. Everything was starting to get way too fucked up for him.
-XXX-
Shawn sat with his feet propped up on the crate as he waited for Armondo to come downstairs. He was going with Armondo to his cousins house to hang out. He tugged at the fitting red shirt Armondo had given him to wear for the occasion. It was to his understanding that Armondo and his cousins were a gang, which was why he had to wear the red. Claiming colors was a bit ridiculous, but he really wanted to be apart of something so bad. This was his moment. He jerked his head up as Armondo came down the stairs and motioned for him to follow him out to the car. They listened to loud Mexican rap music and they both kept turning up the music. It was like a contest to see who'd turn it down first once it got too loud to keep turning up.
"You know, Mondo-"
"By the way, when we get there my names Rollercoaster," he turned the steering wheel.
"Rollercoaster?" Shawn looked like he wanted to laugh.
"Yeah mean, you fuck with me and I'll take ya for a spin, you never forget."
"Uh-huh."
"See, this is why no one hangs out with different ethnicity. Everyone thinks everyone else is stupid."
"So what's everyone else's names?" they headed down the freeway till they hit and turn to take an off road turn.
"Well, there's Panzón, you heard a him already. Then there's Pelon, that fuckers a crack-up, he's afraid he'll go bald. Then there's Chacho and K-Swiss."
"Everyone has a nickname….." Shawn didn't know if he should feel offended.
"We can always start calling you Spot 'cause, you know, you're white."
"Ha funny," he turned the music up.
Armondo turned the music down, "Seriously, Spot, don't act like a chick when we're there."
"Excuse me!"
"Look, there, you got offended and shit. Don't do that."
"I do not act like a chick you fuck!" Shawn glared at him then looked out the window.
"Ok, Sheila whatever you say…..chick."
"………" Shawn continued to glare out the window as Armondo parked the car outside decent looking house.
"Come on, get out the car, I swear to God if I have to ask again you won't like what happens next."
"What're you gonna do? Kick my ass again? Because you know after the second time it just gets repetitive," Shawn opened his door and got out the car.
"The first time was because you got annoying, second only happened because you almost said shit in front of my cousin," Armondo didn't even have to say anything in order for Shawn to know what he'd been talking about.
"Speaking of him, have you noticed sometimes he gives us strange looks?"
Armondo stopped dead in his tracks and roughly grabbed Shawn and glared down at him, "You haven't said shit that might make him think crap would you?"
"No, why the fuck would I?" he jerked his shoulder out of the older boys grasp and stood at the front door.
"…….." Armondo didn't drop the look on his face as he opened the door and walked in.
The house smelled thick of smoke. The smell was so strong that even Shawn thought he was getting sick. Maybe sometime after today he'd spend some one on one time with Guillermo. Smoke free, weed free, liquor free. Plain old sober. He was beginning to forget what that was like now. Many a brain cell had been lost now and it surprised him he could still get through a school day with hundred percents on his page. After a while, counslers had got on his case for his grades, he figured if he did better they'd get off him. There was a thought that made him smile, he didn't look like the type to get good grades, but there he was top of his class looking like a stoner.
Armondo hit him in the arm, "What the fuck you smiling about Spot, heh, Spot."
"Dumb shit," Shawn shrugged and looked at the other guys sitting around in the dank living room.
They all stared at him through fogged vision and red eyes. Sitting around doing nothing like him and Armondo….Rollercoaster did……all day. The fact that he could see what him and Mondo did all day in five minutes was pretty sad. None of these guys looked like they even wanted him in the room. What ever Mondo had said to these guys to let them let him hang out with them must have been one Hell of a story. He felt like no one even wanted him to even just be standing there. Now was a good time for a cigarette. Casually he dropped his hand to his pocket and pulled out one and lit it up. One of the guys lifted an eyebrow in his direction and watched as he inhaled.
"How old are you kid?"
"Old enough," Shawn smirked and exhaled.
"He's the same age as Itey," said Armondo as he sat down next to some guy in sunglasses.
"Itey?" Shawn gave him a sideways look.
"Guillermo."
"He's in this too?"
"No, we just call him that, he's short," said one of the other guys sitting on the couch.
"That sort of thing sticks, right Panzón!" laughed at the guy with sunglasses.
"Shut it bitch!"
Shawn watched and silently tried to associate names with faces, but it didn't really do good because no one was really saying who was who. After they sat around for what seemed like all day they finally somehow piled into Armondo's car and headed to the nearest store. Since none of them had money Shawn already figured out how they were going to gather snacks. Five finger discounts was the way to go, though he'd already got caught stealing the past two times with Armondo, he'd continue to do it because of Armondo. This was essentially how things always went and continued to be.
XXX
Two years later and there he was, sitting upstairs with Rollercoaster, getting high and doing some random drug. Sometimes the two of them would find themselves in Panzón's car as he raced down Santa Fe Dr. It was always pretty fun, till some kid about Spot's age would come around and beat him. Thank God the kid only showed up every once in a blue moon. But there Spot sat, staring blearily up at the ceiling, while Rollercoaster lazily smoked a joint. Personally he was starting to get sick with the whole "doing things" together, but never really serious about it all. He wanted something solid. Rollercoaster wasn't solid he was hazy, shifty, unsteady. Getting his ass kicked every time he incidentally let on he and Rollercoaster were even remotely so close was cause for thrashing. After a while though, he was able to really hold his own against the only guy in the group to run around with a brass knuckle in his pocket. Dazedly he sat up and turned his head in Rollercoaster's direction. The other boy was staring with furrowed brows at the joint.
"Rollercoaster?"
"Aye," he put down the joint.
"Why is it that we do this shit together, but afterwards even when no one else is around you don't even want to mention it? It's like you fuck around with me and shit and pretend it never happened. Are you like seriously in the closet, or is it just me?"
Rollercoaster immediately sat up and glared at Spot, "What the fucks your problem, eh! Why the Hell you always got to bring up crap no one wants to talk about?"
"No one, pah, just you!"
"Why don't you shut the fuck up," he stood up and yanked Spot off the bed.
"Closet fag," Spot glared up at him.
"Shut your face or I'll shut it for you kid," he slammed Spot up against the wall so hard the younger boys vision was clouded by static and stars.
"Why don't you just shut it for me because I never seem to shut up," Spot sneered up at him, noticing his name went back to kid.
Rollercoaster banged him against the wall one more time then literally tossed him across the room. Spot lay curled up on the floor, but had little time to recover as Rollercoaster kicked him in the gut. Wincing Spot grabbed the other boys leg just as he was about to be kicked again and yanked him down on the floor. He did not want to get into a real fight with Rollercoaster and quickly got to his feet and hurried down the stairs. Footsteps from behind him were loud and quick as his. He looked behind him and saw Rollercoaster barreling down the steps two at a time. This was not good; Spot set his vision in front of him just a second too late and tripped over the coffee table.
"Shit!" he tumbled over the table and broke the bong and crate as he went down.
"Yeah, kid, that shits the least of your worries!" Rollercoaster stood over him and kicked Spot onto his back.
"Mondo……" Spot stared up at him from his position on the ground.
"You just have to open your mouth and shit comes pouring out….."
"Yeah, well, ……fuck you!" he spat at Rollercoaster and braced himself for another beating.
"Mondo!"
Both Spot and Rollercoaster turned their attention to the doorway and saw Itey standing in it. Spot wasn't sure if he was supposed to be happy or more worried, but at least he was sure he could take his friend. Rollercoaster was a whole nother story. Rollercoaster could kick his ass. He expected it sometimes, this was probably why no one liked him in elementary school and Jr. High……everyone sort of knew he was like that. After what happened in fifth grade no one spoke to him because he'd been caught kissing some other boy behind the new classrooms. It surprised him that no one said anything to Itey all those years, but he supposed being able to pumble anyone played in his favor. Plus he in generally just scared a few people. Rollercoaster was obviously not one of them. God this was going to end bad.
"Don't defend this fag," he kicked Spot again.
"Fuck!" Spot winced.
Itey walked over to his cousin and stood in front of him and smiled, "I wouldn't be saying shit if I were you."
"……." his cousin stared at him for all of two seconds and then hit him hard across the face. "Get the fuck out."
"Christ!" Itey was holding his face, but walked over to Spot.
"Don't touch me damnit!" he slowly got off the floor and walked towards the door, but he looked back at Rollercoaster.
Why was it that he so desperately wanted Rollercoaster to say 'sike', or plain ol' just messing with him and that he could come back in? Rollercoaster was just mad, in a day or two this would all blow over and maybe things would go back to normal….but if he really thought about it-
"Spot are you alright?" Itey stood behind him.
"Whatever," he walked out the door completely.
Itey wasn't letting him get away that easy. Since neither of them had their license they had to walk, like always. Spot just wanted to let the whole thing drop for now, but Itey wasn't having it.
"Seriously, what happened?"
"Look shut up, I don't want to talk about it ok? What are you, some damn broad?" Spot started walking faster.
"If you don't talk about it, you're just going to end up exploding," Itey kept pace with Spot.
"Good."
"Spot!"
"……" he decided to ignore his friend.
"Spot!"
"……."
"Spo……Shawn!" he stopped for a second. "Shawn."
Spot stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to look at Itey. He looked like he was mad, but also like he was holding back from tearing up. Itey had never seen Spot, no, Shawn, look this upset before in his life. It was a little off setting to see someone he thought had complete control over his emotions. As far as he'd known Spot only had a few emotions..…humor, anger, relaxed, and stoned. Upset in the aspect of emotional pain, in the form of tears, was new.
He walked over to Spot and stood next to him, "Do you want me to get you drunk off your ass?"
Spot blinked momentarily then nodded, "Yeah."
After that day, things became unsteady. Countless times Spot would attempt to talk to Rollercoaster, but it never went well. The two of them were constantly yelling now. Itey and his friends would watch while the two of them argued far down the block at the park across from the fair grounds and next to the flea market. Once, Spot thought things were going well. He'd only got more hurt. More often then not you'd find Spot at Itey's house, with Itey's new friends. They were nice guys to hang out with, but really Bumlets and Raffle-Ticket just weren't wholly and completely into the whole thing like Rollercoaster and his cousins had been, sans Itey. Itey, as good a person as he was, just wasn't really into the gang thing. Itey did it because his cousins did it. After a while you just end up forgetting who you are along the way. Spot had already figured he'd lost himself a long time ago.
It was dark, it was real late.
So late, it was early.
He stumbled into his house and paused for just a brief second to stare at his mother on the couch sleeping to static. The entire room went hazy and he swayed in his place. He shook his head and continued on to his room. The door creaked as he opened it and he stared at his shabby semi damp feeling room. Clumsily he shut and locked his door and managed to make it to his bed and then loudly opened his window. The cool air felt nice. He sighed and took off his shirt, kicking off his shoes as he laid face up on the bed. There were times when he wished he could have just remained isolated. Isolated was nice, it was safe, it wasn't so full of crap.
He paused in his thoughts when he heard footsteps.
"Who the fucks out there?" he managed to pull himself off the bed and hang his upper body out the window.
"Look Spot, kid," Rollercoaster was standing outside his window smoking a cigarette and so obviously close to reaching burnt tonight.
"What the Hell?" Spot furrowed his brows.
"Kid, Spot, kid….Spot…..look, here's the deal. You don't come around me, or my aunt's house ever again, k? …..K?...Spot? Kid? Spot? Maricón? You listening?" he blew smoke in Spot's face.
Spot just stared placidly at the older boy eyes fixated more on the cigarette then the smoke which was obviously meant to irritate him, "Yeah, I hear ya. But here's the deal, no."
"You're gonna be cruising for a bruising and finding yourself in Kingdom Come if you don't watch yourself now," the older boy swayed.
"Like fuck if I care," though Spot relished in the idea at any opportunity to see his former ……whatever he wanted to call it.
"I already told that entire group you're a fucking puto, you think they're gon' still wan' hang out witchu?" he looked like he was going to collapse on Spot's lawn.
"Itey didn't seemed bothered….." Spot wanted to smile as Rollercoaster caught himself before he actually fell.
"Yeah, well, I'm gon'a have talk wid him. So don't come 'round n'more," Rollercoaster stumbled off and flipped Spot off as he made his way to the pavement.
Spot knew it had been a bad idea to let Rollercoaster know where he lived. Granted Rollercoaster had been over drunk/high and his mom had never been home. Rollercoaster would never admit to ever being so close to Spot as to have actually been in his house. This was not what he had in mind when he'd summoned up images of friendship in his head. The only thing he looked forward to was going to school because he and Itey both went to the same school. Itey had been more then willing to help him feel better in the form of being absolutely soused.
It had been strange; Itey chose to talk about the whole thing once he'd had his fill of liquor. Not that Itey really cared if the whole subject upset him. In the end Spot supposed Itey had wanted to get somethings off his chest because he'd asked Spot if he really was gay and not if it had just been because of the whole drug clout. Begrudgingly Spot had found himself admitting to being gay, but only to Itey. It really surprised him how much of a friend Itey really was. He'd gone home that night, truly happy.
XXX
A/N2: This was like the chapter from hell! Sadly I have summer classes this year so we'll be finding out how this works out. I also don't know if anyone thought this chapter was worth reading, but it's a bit of insight into Spot. I so wanted to add a passage from a book I'd once read called, Identity: Youth and Crisis, because it so screamed Spot to me. I opted to not though, but if you're at all curious, you can pm or email me to see what it was.
Also, there's going to be one more interlude into The Wonderful World of Spot. That is, if the chapter for that I'm planning actually works out.
Things to look forward to in the next chapter: Spot and Anthony have a wee bit of a talk and Spot really wonders if he's a good person or not. Anthony's more then willing to prove to Spot he is.