To my heartbroken fans and another particular fan in mind,

Believe me when I say I've had my fair share of heartbreaks. Unfortunately, life (and the afterlife) is not kind. It never has been. The question of how one deals with losing someone you love is a very…circumstantial question. I believe that there are two ways one loses someone: either through death or through a separation of paths.

For the first situation, I can simply say that death is always guaranteed, but never truly expected (or foreseen). Death is never easy, and I doubt it ever shall be. It's a delicate predicament that, with the wrong judgment, can lead to one's own demise. Even as strong as I am, I have my flaws, and let me tell you from experience, that bottling one's pain never leads positivity. To try and appear strong for others only weakens who you are inside, and the metal supports that keep you upright and sane will eventually rust and wear. You'll become a skyscraper on the verge of collapse.

I cannot tell you how to grieve, as everyone has something that works for them. Whether or not it is destructive, I cannot convince you against it otherwise when I am more destructive against myself more often than not. My darlings, we all know how I came to be. Let me tell you that such habits are hard to break…

However, I can tell you what such destructive habitual practices will bring: solitude…loneliness…isolation…self-hatred… Don't go down the path I have paved. I fear that if you do, you will, as I have, forgotten what happiness is.

As for losing someone through a separation of paths…I have had more experience with that than I care to admit. To lose a love that you know you can no longer have…to lose a love that no longer desires your affection…It's a wound as deep as death at times. I suppose the question most often pondered is, "What did I do wrong?"

Telling you to accept that they were never meant for you is hypocritical of me, as I have chased William for centuries. I am too stubborn to come to terms that he will never accept me as I am because I feel that if he cannot love me, no one can. I've had my fair share of dark nights, darlings. I've done things that would make even my lover shiver…things I could never tell him.

The heart is a fragile thing, and mine's been broken so many times I doubt it would ever heal. Be I the next Virginia Woolf, I don't think I'd mind much. It makes me giggle, I admit, to think of this as my last entry to my loving fans. Even I have my breaking point, darlings. To think, I had the delusion of being a shining star and perhaps even a role model to you all. I must be the worst role model to have written on the page. Sometimes, I wish he knew the insanity I've so carefully buried…the madness that leads to the late night fits of heartbreak and utter chaos. With the medication of writing to cure my wavering mentality no longer, how long until I begin to turn on myself again?

I apologize, I should have answered your question, but I don't think I can answer a question I do not have the answer to. All I can hope is that you don't learn what I have through experience. All I can hope is that you do not meet my fate as well. No matter whether or not you think no one will care if you're gone, you will end up doing more harm than good.

I just have stopped caring. What happens to me no longer matters. My last support has left me. There's nothing to keep from falling now.

With Love,

Grell Sutcliff

Xxx

I felt like I wrote this more than Grell. I am deeply sorry for going OOC if I have...