It was fun to watch someone else getting shaken by the day's revelations.
"Next question?" Merlin asked.
Arthur looked around for a moment, searching for inspiration – from someone, anyone. Out of the window he saw a lake in the distance, and his mind honed in on one of the more peculiar – to him – topics he'd overheard. "The Lady of the Lake?"
Merlin tensed, his eyes once again darkening with pain, glaring almost accusingly at Arthur. He felt off-put by this display but continued, "Who is she?"
"She was a girl."
Arthur caught the past tense and also remembered that she had been titled as his lover. "I'm sorry. The druid said she was your lover?"
The Knights looked unnerved by this revelation but Gwen looked sympathetic, it seemed she too had caught the past tense. Gwaine burst into uproarious laughter, congratulating Merlin happily. "Yes," Merlin's voice was low and monotone. Gwaine quietened, feeling the solemn atmosphere, Gaius looking sadly at Merlin. Everyone else looked sympathetic, despite not knowing what had happened. The entire room almost seemed to wilt.
"What happened?" Elyan inquired softly.
"She died."
Gwen murmured "I'm sorry," caringly patting Merlin's arm and squeezing his hand. Gwaine quietly apologised for his earlier laughing outburst.
"What happened?" Arthur asked.
Merlin's glare was piercing, sharp when he looked at Arthur, darkened in what appeared to be anger. "She was murdered."
Gasping in horror, Gwen clapped her free hand across her mouth. The rest of the Knights looked disturbed at this knowledge – Merlin probably would have only fallen in love with someone as kind as he was, so what had she done to warrant being murdered? Was it intentional?
"What happened?" Leon asked.
"Perhaps we should come back to this later?" Gaius suggested nearly nervously, avoiding looking at anyone but Merlin, who equally seemed to be avoiding everyone's gaze.
"She was cursed, a long time before I met her."
"Who cursed her?"
"A witch. The witch's son was trying to hurt her and her magic reacted defensively and killed him. The witch decided that since she lost her son, and that Freya liked bloodshed so much she would be cursed to kill for the rest of her life. I don't know whether even I could have broken the spell – I couldn't then, even when I tried."
"Freya?"
"Her name."
"Pretty name," Gwen said.
Merlin sighed, reminiscing. "Pretty name for a pretty girl."
"How did she die?" Elyan's voice was hesitant. Arthur was simply sitting, taking everything new he learned about Merlin in.
"Fatal sword wound to the arm."
"Who killed her?" Gwaine spoke angrily, almost spitting the words.
"She was a druid and cursed." Merlin spoke plainly.
The words reverberated inside Arthur's head, echoing. A cursed druid girl. Merlin's pointed almost angry glances and glares at him since he'd asked this question. He looked at Leon who had also frozen. Gaius was eyeing them both, warily.
Leon whispered, "How long ago was this?"
Merlin seemed to know where they were heading. "Just over four years ago."
There were twin thuds as both Arthur and Leon smashed their heads onto the hard wood of the Round Table. Everyone looked at them startled, and slightly relaxed due to the ease in tension.
Both Gaius and Merlin looked at them compassionately knowing where their thoughts had gone. Just to sort it out mentally, and make it clear to everyone else he spoke his thoughts aloud. "A cursed druid girl, about four years ago. The bastet?"
Merlin nodded. Gwen and Leon seemed to be thinking back while Arthur sat frozen. Suddenly Leon gasped. Almost everyone jumped and looked towards him. He was staring at Arthur, eyes wide.
After a long moment Arthur sadly and quietly whispered, "I killed her."
His voice was heard clearly in the silent room but Gwaine still asked him to repeat what he'd said. He did so, his voice louder but shaking, "I killed her."
Once again Merlin nodded; this time only once, barely even moving. If every person in the room hadn't been staring at him; watching for any twitch of Merlin's normally ever moving fingers, any darkening of his eyes, emotions flickering at lightning speed behind the cerulean mask; it would never have been noticed. Again Gwen gasped horrified.
Arthur slammed his head back down onto the table. He was going give himself a headache. Oh well. He apparently deserved it. Distantly he noted that he'd partially sorted conclusion four. Rather disliking the answer to this conclusion, he briefly wondered whether he wanted to get answers to the others.
"I was there."
Now Arthur was even more horrified. It was one thing to have your girlfriend killed by your – what was he to Merlin? – Best friend? But another to watch it happen. To have the power to have done something but not be able to do it.
"We were going to run away together that night – I wanted to marry her. I already knew I'd love her forever," Merlin continued softly. "Sometimes I think that why she was killed – I was going to leave with her but destiny wanted me here with you. So she had to die." Arthur was appalled at Merlin's thoughts along with everyone else in the room; but couldn't bring himself to interrupt. Gaius took Merlin's arm gently and whispered some things in his ear. At first Merlin shook his head in reply but as Gaius continued, he relaxed.
"I'd gone to where she was hiding and she was gone. I'd worked out by then that she was the bastet – we'd talked about being different before, and she kept on telling me I couldn't understand what she meant. I did, more than anyone perhaps. The moon was up and she changed. You lot had found her by then and you were chasing her." His eyes were glazing over. "She tried to hurt you Arthur, but she saw me and stopped herself. I made the gargoyles fall so that she could get away, and she went back to where I'd hidden her. She didn't want to hurt me even as the bastet – she could control herself around me. She changed back then, so scared, so lonely. Freya was so scared." The last sentence was spoken to himself. "I carried her all the way to the Lake of Avalon." Despite Arthur's disbelief that Merlin had managed to carry another person such as distance – it sounded like it was far away, and it was certainly nothing he'd heard before Merlin was around – he heard Percival's astonished gasp. He would ask. Later.
Merlin carried on, his voice growing softer and quieter. "I took her there and held her as she died. After I put her on a boat on the Lake and set it afloat. Then I burnt it." His voice broke.
In the quiet of the room, the only sound were Merlin's broken sobs as he finally snapped, grieving for the first time, and the almost silent comfort of Gwen as she wrapped her arms around him.
I hope this is alright – please tell me if you find anything glaringly, obviously wrong. I can update today because I got the day off school because of the snow – I've already started the next chapter. It should be up by tomorrow, or maybe even tonight!