Beca's POV
We leave and go to Chloe's dorm after paying the tattoo artist. We get there and I immediately sit on her bed, not able to be on my feet any longer. She comes over and leans in to kiss me, but I move away.
"I promised to tell you who did this to my arm and I will. I just don't think that we should kiss again until after because when I'm done, you might not want me anymore."
"Beca, no matter what you tell me, I'll stay with you."
"We'll see." I turn away from her, trying to decide how to do this. I trust Chloe, with all of my heart, but I've gone so long with nobody knowing about my father's ways, that I'm finding it hard to tell her. I promised and she hasn't shown that she's running away anytime soon.
I yank off my shirt and unwrap the bandages strategically placed around my abdomen. I hear a gasp and I turn around to face Chloe. She has her hand on her mouth and tears in her eyes as she stares at the dark bruises on my stomach.
"What happened? Were you..did someone rape you?"
"Oh god no,"I go and grab her hands in mine, not caring that I'm only in a bra and pants. "Nothing as bad as that. That's the only thing that I wouldn't let my father do."
"Your father did this?"I nod and start to tell her everything.
"When I was just a baby, my mother left me. I don't know the exact reason why or where she went, just that she was there one day and gone the next. My father has always told me that she left because of me, but I started to doubt that when I met you. He wasn't always a bad father and for the first 5 years of my life, I loved him and knew, without a doubt, that he loved me. I had recently turned 5 when he hit me for the first time. I was just at school, where they had the mother daughter dance. I knew that I wasn't allowed to ask about my mother, but I was so upset that I was the only child who couldn't dance. I had to sit in a room with the principle, drawing while he did paperwork. I figured that it wouldn't hurt to ask about my mother, just that once, but it did. It really did.
Flashback
"Hi daddy,"I yell as I run up into his arms. He takes me home, asking me about my day.
"They had the mommy daughter dance today. I had to sit with the pwinciple and color." Daddy's hands go white as he holds onto the wheel and I clench my fist trying to copy him. I do it and hold my hands up to show him, but he doesn't say anything until we get home. I tell him how horrible it was to be left out of dancing as we enter the house.
"Now, Beca, choose your next words carefully." I cock my head to the side, confused by what he means. How do you choose your words? They just pop into your head, you can't help it.
"Daddy, where's mommy?" His face turns red and I let him know. "Something's wrong with your face daddy. It changed colors." Suddenly, I can't breathe and daddy has his hand on my throat. I'm confused. Is this a game? If so, it's not very fun and it hurts. Maybe he doesn't know that he's hurting me. I open my mouth to let him know, but no words come out and my chest starts burning. I see black things floating in front of my face and I try to reach for them wondering if it's part of the game. Daddy keeps hurting me and I know that something's wrong with him. He would never do this on purpose. He gets better because he drops me and I can breathe again. I stand up and hug his leg.
"It's okay daddy,"I whisper, throat still hurting. "I know you didn't mean it. It was just an accident." Daddy smiles down at me and I decide to ask him about mommy again since he's all better now. His face goes red again and he grabs my arm.
"Daddy,"I whimper. This is weird. It's happening again. He must be really sick. We get to the door that I'm not allowed to open because it leads into the dark room where I can get hurt. Daddy opens the door and I can see the stairs leading down into it.
"I don't want to go in there daddy. Pwease don't make me go in there,"I grab his leg again and he makes me let go.
"You have been a bad girl, Beca and you need to be punished. You broke the number one rule about not asking or talking about your mom. Since you asked though, I'll tell you something. She left because of you. She hates you and couldn't stand to see your ugly face everyday. She told me that she couldn't stand the thought of being the mother of such a worthless kid. There, you happy." I start bawling. Why is daddy saying this stuff? What did I do?"
He pushes me down the stairs and my arm starts to hurt real bad once I hit the bottom step. I ignore the pain and run up the stairs, banging and clawing at the door.
"It hurts daddy. Pwease, let me out. I'll be a good girl, I pwomise."
End of Flashback
"He made me think that I was horrible and that nobody could ever love me."I look over at Chloe to see if she was ready to run yet, but she just wraps her arms around me. I start sobbing as she rubs her hand up and down my back, sending sparks all over.
"No one should ever have to go through what you did. I'm amazed that you're still standing." I shake my head and open my mouth to disagree, but she shushes me with her hand. "You are amazing, Beca. You can't possible believe what he says."
"When that's all you hear everyday, then it's hard not to believe what's being said."
"Well, then believe this because if you don't, I will say it everyday until you do. You are the most amazing person that I have ever met. You are so strong and I admire you. You are somehow still standing, though I don't know how because I was ready to breakdown just by hearing about it. You are beautiful and so smart." I duck my head trying to hide my blush, but Chloe puts her fingers under my chin and lifts my head to where I'm looking her in the eye.
"Sorry, I'm not used to compliments."
"It's okay but you better get used to it. Anyway, I like it when I make you blush."Chloe winks, no doubt making my face turn beet red. She looks down and it's then that I remember that I'm not wearing a shirt. She puts her hand on my side, making me hiss in the pain.
"Sorry,"she apologizes and I just shake my head. I smile as I watch her inspect my ribs. "What?" She asks looking up, catching me staring at her.
"Thank you. So much." She smiles and goes back to inspecting my ribs.
"We need someone to look at this. It seems like some of them are broken." I back away at the mention of someone looking at it.
"I can't tell anybody. My dad would kill me. I already told you and if he finds out…"I'm screaming now and all of a sudden my chest starts to hurt and I can't breathe.
"Beca, you're having a panic attack. Just calm down. Breathe, in and out." She puts her hands on my head and I listen to her. I wait a few minutes to catch my breath before speaking.
"I've never had one of those before. How did you know what to do?"
"I used to get them a lot when I was younger, over the littlest of things, but it got really bad when I was trying to tell my parents that I'm Bi. Everytime I approached the subject, I had one. Eventually, Aubrey was able to help me work through it and I haven't had one since."
"Aubrey?"
"Yeah, she has them too. Mainly because her father is always stationed on a base somewhere and she never gets to see him. They moved around a lot when she was a kid and she just had really bad anxiety problems because of it. She can help us. She's studying to be a doctor."
"Aubrey hates me,"I state, shaking my head. "Why would she help?"
"She doesn't hate you. She's just looking out for me. If I asked and explained the whole situation, she'll help."Chloe pleads and I sigh, defeated.
"Fine, but we won't show her right away. We'll tell her, just the basics, and go from there."
"Thank you. Now let's get you into bed. You look dead on your feet." I nod and I put my shirt back on before crawling into the bed beside her. I put my head on her chest and she starts running her hand through my hair. I sigh and first the first time in forever, I fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.