Reprise 10.

All of my memories keep you near.

In silent moments imagine you here.

All of my memories keep you near.

Your silent whispers, silent tears.

Within Temptation – "Memories"

Ashley sat at the lunch table silently stabbing her sandwich with a plastic spork, as she rapped her thumb against the bright orange table top, lost in thought. Ellie had been watching her for a good five or ten minutes, she wasn't quite sure how long it had been, but it had been long enough to raise suspicion that things were not quite as she had expected they were going.

"So, do you plan on eating or committing murder?" Ellie asked as she took a sip from her bottle of water, choosing her next words carefully as Ashley looked up and threw a death glare at her best friend. "Sorry, it's just…is the sandwich that bad?"

Ashley struggled to suppress a laugh and failed as she set down the plastic spork, and smiled faintly at Ellie. "Just not hungry," she murmured.

Ellie smiled understandingly, "You haven't been very hungry lately,…how're your appointments going?"

Ashley shrugged, "alright I guess…it's nice to have someone to talk to and tell me I'm not crazy," she said quietly.

"I talk to you and tell you you're not crazy."

Ashley laughed, "so because you didn't come to the rehearsal creativity…whatever thing yesterday, they made me sing." Ashley was discussing her painful experience early that week when she had to sing songs she'd been working on with Craig and Mark…though it was the fact that Craig was finally hearing the pain he'd put her through that gave her an ulcer.

"You say it like it's a bad thing."

"It was…I hated it,…I wanted to throw up," Ashley groaned. "I just don't think I was ready to share some of those songs with Craig."

"You sang those songs?" Ellie said, knowing exactly which songs Ashley was referring too. "Oh Ash…that's brutal."

"And he liked them."

Ellie brought a hand to her mouth, "I feel bad for leaving you to deal with that," she said. "So you never told me about doctor you're seeing."

Ashley shrugged and shook her head, "same guy I was seeing last year,…" she looked down at her mutilated sandwich, " I hate talking to a guy…it's like going to a male gynecologist, it's just uncomfortable."

Ellie laughed uncomfortably. "Have you asked your mom about maybe talking to a female psychologist?"

Ashley shrugged again, "I don't know…I'm not really sure how she'd feel about it. Part of me thinks she'll think it's a ploy to get out of seeing a shrink all together."

Ellie rolled her eyes and reached down to the floor and pulled her messenger bag into her lap and began to rummage through the mess and loose bits of ripped paper and pulled out a business card. "Here," she said softly, and slid the business card across the table top to Ashley, "she's cool, and she's a lot better than talking to some old dude."

Ashley looked over the small neat print type on the white three by five card, "Rhonda Crescent?" she asked.

"My crazy person doctor…" Ellie said slyly. "Like I said Ash…she's pretty cool, and a lot better than talking to some old dude. She's young and seems to pick up on the small things that no one else really notices, and gets you to open up and realize things you keep in the back of your head." Ellie sighed, "she might be able to help you figure out what's got you so worked up for no reason."

Ashley sighed, and tucked the business card into her bag and reached across the table and grabbed one of Ellie's French fries and smiled. "I'll give it a go," she said before eating the fry. Ellie smiled at her friend and then guarded her fries like they were a treasured item.

"I've been way too anxious lately," Ashley muttered continuing the conversation, "like I've never gotten nervous playing music, do you think it was just because of the songs?"

Ellie shrugged, "probably," she answered, "those were some pretty deep and meaningful songs, sometimes those can be the hardest to perform." Ashley nodded in agreement as she reached for another fry and Ellie slapped her hand away, "mine."

-X-

Ellie sat cross-legged on the couch in dark footless tights and a dark skirt. Toying with the pilling on her tights she sighed. She hated surprises and Sean was in the middle of attempting to pull the wool over her eyes and sweep her off her feet…AND SHE HATED IT. She pulled her black hoodie closer to her and tugged her hood up, her red-hair down and wild as they peaked out of the hood as she tried to tug the drawstrings so tight that her face was barely visible.

He'd asked her to wait on the couch while he got ready. She had no idea where they were going, or if they were going anywhere and it made her nauseas. A part of her figured it was best to humor the kid, despite the reservations she had about surprises. She fell over on the couch and just stared blankly ahead of her. "I hate surprises," she murmured. All she could think about was the horrible indications that led her to believe that he was surprising her with a total fun-filled afternoon at Canada's Wonderland.

As Ellie found comfort in the cushions of the couch, Sean was staring himself into the bathroom mirror, admiring his clean shaven face. He had a wonderful glint in his eye as he concluded that he had the best night planned for the first time in a while. He couldn't help it, he was in a great mood. He had an interview for a part time job, school was going well, and he felt lucky to have a girlfriend like Ellie. Things were going good, and he was on his A-game and felt like celebrating it with his girlfriend.

Speaking of girlfriend, Sean knew she hated surprises and smirked as he mussed up his golden-brown hair and smiled in the mirror with his last look before walking back to the bedroom. Yes, Ellie hated surprises, and so he was planning on her knowing that a surprise was coming her way, except that the surprise wasn't the one she would be expecting, but something else. He was beginning to give himself a headache as he thought about it all.

Reaching a hand into his pocket he smiled knowing that what he'd just managed to do with some extra money would make her smile and forget about hating him. He had her thinking that they were going to Canada's Wonderland. He couldn't help but laugh, because that's far from where they were going. He fingered the tickets in his jean pocket and smirked. She'd either kill him or kiss him tonight.

Ellie stood in the doorway to her bedroom watching Sean primp in the mirror above her dresser, "didn't know you were such a girl…" she stated coyly. Sean froze.

"How long have you been standing there?" he asked, hoping he hadn't seen or heard him mumbling to himself about his surprise.

"Don't worry I don't know anything…besides you're no David Copperfield or anything, you're pretty helpless when it comes to throwing a surprise Sean."

Sean blushed, "so you caught me." He threw his hands up in defense and she watched his shoulders drop with defeat. He actually looked disappointed.

"So where are we going Casanova?" she asked walking into the room and wrapping her arms around his neck. Sean reached into his pocket and pulled out two tickets. He held them up in front of his face and watched her reaction as she read the names on the tickets, her face immediately lit up and she snatched the tickets from him excitedly. "We're going to see Rise Against?" she asked.

Sean nodded simply and smirked as she threw her arms around his neck again and jumped into his arms and kissed him on the lips. She pulled back and slapped him on the arm, "I hate surprises, jerk."

Sean just laughed.

-X-

"What's your deal?" Kendra asked walking into the living room to find Spinner sitting lazily on the couch and clicking through the channels. When she didn't get a response she sat down on the couch and waved her hand in front of his stoic face. "Hullo…earth to Spinner."

Spinner turned to face her, "what?" he asked.

"I just asked what your deal was…you're like more mopey than Shinji…and thankfully not as whiney," she explained.

He groaned in frustrations, "can't you make normal comparisons that normal people understand?"

"Hey I'm not the one that is moping around because Princess Paige broke up with them."

Spinner just stared at his sister. "I'll remember that the next time you actually have a boyfriend."

"Harsh Spin…"she said softly. "All I'm saying is get off your tail and get on with life, you can't just sit around and wish everything back into order."

"You just don't get it…I have to see her everyday…and she's always with Alex, it's like I don't even get to see her to talk about anything because she's always babying stupid Alex."

"And you think I didn't have to deal with seeing Toby everywhere after we broke up?" she mentioned, "you're not the only one that has ever broken up with someone, remember that the next time you're having a pity party…Mom and I are going to see Dad," she rubbed her neck uncomfortably. It'd been almost a year since they lost him, talking about it was still a major discomfort for the family. "Do you want to come?" she asked.

"Not right now…I'll swing later," he said softly without making eye contact.

"Alright..." she said hoping he'd change his mind. "Um…call if you wanna join us for dinner…" she said before walking out to leave him to his miserable thoughts.

He stared at the television but he couldn't even focus on the action on screen. All he could think about was all the lead ups to the break down. He'd failed to notice that the relationship in general was beginning to become a strain. He was rarely doing anything right in her opinion and he really didn't like the way he was being treated. Then why was he fighting to get things back to the way they were…if things were so bad, then why bother?

Paige had been his first real girlfriend, and had luckily been the first girl he really liked. It wasn't a mere crush like he'd had on Terri for a few moments in grade eight, to him this was a real deal. He'd seen her at her worst and while he's still not proud of his behavior after finding out he'd gotten ditched so she could go out with someone else it was surely warranted, he hadn't known about her rape. After everything he'd done for her, and for them he felt like they got a nasty cop out, they hadn't even had a chance to make it a proper break up, they just…fell apart and it all trickled down to constant fights, nagging, and bickering.

And then Alex, even in the midst of all these fights he couldn't help but wonder what Alex brought to the table that made him the person she wanted to spend less time with. Alex and Paige never even fell in with the same crowds, they live no where near each other, and they have about zero in common. What made Alex so special that she could have Paige's attention in a moment while he had to fight for every second?

He tossed the remote control against the cushions beside him as the realization finally came to him: Paige had left him for Alex… "She left me for a girl," he said angrily, "she left me for a fucking girl."

Trying to shrug off the thought of ex-girlfriend getting it on with a girl he found himself trying to think of something worth thinking of. Something that would make him smile, and take his mind off of things. Danielle.

-X-

Spinner rubbed the back of his head as he stood in line in front of the pretzel stand in the middle of the mall. All he wanted was two damn soft pretzels and the line was nearly out the mall and around the corner and it was frustrating the hell out of him. The line inched forward and groaned as he moved a measly space forward in line. "Fuck," he groaned, dropping his head back and as he brought his head forward he pinched the bridge of his nose and found a dog staring up at him.

"Hey Scottie, did we make it to the pretzel stand yet?" Danielle asked as she held on tightly to the handle.

"Oh he found it alright," Spin said, "Too bad the line is about a mile long."

"Taz?" Danielle asked, a smile playing at her lips.

"It's Spinner," he said shaking his head, almost glad she couldn't see. He really wasn't really comfortable at the moment, what with the line being ridiculously and unnecessarily long, and being called the wrong name.

"Oh Taz it is you," she said smirking. She knew very well by the slight frustrated down in his voice hat he wasn't fond of the new nickname.

"Well Danielle the end of the line is that way," Spinner said pointing in the proper direction only to mentally smack himself for pointing…for giving her directions that she obviously couldn't see. He sighed heavily and of course she caught the sound of his heavy withheld breath leaving from between his lips.

"Thanks…but I don't need the directions Spinner, Scottie does," she said.

Spinner immediately felt bad, and the line inched forward. "Go find a bench I'll get you a pretzel," he said giving in to his guilty feelings.

"Two pretzels and a large cherry Icee," she said smiling as she bent down, "find me a seat Scottie," she said into the dog's ear.

Spinner shook his head as he moved forward in the line, and after a few moments he finally reached the counter, "four pretzels, and a large cherry Icee"

"Three fifty for the Icee, six bucks for the pretzels…total will be…" the Pretzel guy was trying to say when Spinner tossed a ten dollar bill on the counter and took the pretzels and Icee.

"Keep the change," he said walking towards the lonely girl and dog in the middle of the mall sitting on a bench beside a potted tree. "Here," he said sticking the pretzels out in front of her and she reached out blindly and gently grabbed his wrist before feeling her way to his hands and took the pretzels from him.

"Where's the Icee?" she asked.

"Boy you don't miss a thing for a …" Spinner shut his mouth as he held out the Icee for her to take and she reached out for it.

"I don't miss a thing for a what?' she asked.

Spinner regretted the words he'd meant to day, "blind girl."

"OH MY GOD! I'm blind?!" she asked loudly and with an obnoxious tone to her voice.

Spinner could help but laugh as he caught her smile and sip on her red frozen drink. She stopped sipping and turned in the direction in which she heard him sit down, "does it really bother you?"

Spinner raised an eyebrow and took a large bite out of one of his pretzels, "does what bother me?"

"the blind thing," she said ripping off a piece of her pretzel and tossing it into her open mouth.

Spinner froze, "er…uh…mm…" he began to stumble over his words.

"Well I guess that answers my question."

"It doesn't bother me," he finally said, "it's just…different, that's all."

Danielle snorted, "different?" she said smirking, " that's a new one."

Spinner smiled, a smile which faded as out of the corner of his eye he caught a blonde mall queen walking towards him, shifting her hips from side to side as she adjusted the shoulder strap of her purse. "Hey Spin," she said as she walked up to the bench and smiled at him, and then looked to the girl sitting next to him.

"Paige," he said politely.

Paige eyed Danielle up and down as she sat on the bench pouting as she noticed the mismatched socks peeking out of her Converse sneakers, and the dark sunglasses perched on her nose. "Don't you think sunglasses would be more appropriate outside?" she asked.

Danielle stopped sipping her Icee and looked in the direction of Paige and then turned to Spinner, "is she talking to me?"

"Yes, hon, I'm talking to you…" Paige said visibly annoyed. "By the way, hon, your socks are mismatched….did you get dressed in the dark or something."

Danielle rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses, "you could say that."

Spinner sensing the building tension attempted to cut it by intervening like a knife. He positioned himself between the girls and led Paige away be the crook of her arm, her heels clacking noisily on the tiled floor of the mall. "Why did you do that?" he asked.

"Do what?" Paige asked, the jealously getting the best of her.

"That…that thing you do when other girls are butting in on your territory."

Paige rolled her eyes. "I was just politely pointing out that sunglasses in doors are about as faux pas as wearing them at night and that her socks didn't match."

"You know what…" Spinner said getting frustrated, "I'm wondering if I should even tell you how and why that is crossing the line."

"Excuse me?" Paige asked, "how was anything I said crossing the line."

"She's blind Paige…that's why her socks are mismatched and she's wearing sunglasses indoors,…or maybe you failed to notice her work-dog sitting next to her."

Paige opened her mouth to say something, but she quickly closed it as she realized her behavior was rude and inappropriate. She sighed and brought her hand to her mouth, "I'm sorry," she said, her voice muffled by her hand. "I really didn't know."

He shook his head and walked away groaning as he returned to Danielle, sitting on the bench. He peered across the mall and watched as Paige blushed heavily and returned to her shopping, trying to forget the situation that had just occurred.

"So…can't I pet him?"

"Who?"

Spinner rolled his eyes, "the dog?" Danielle smiled. And he in turn smiled. He loved the way she smiled, and she probably had no idea what her smile looked like, "you know you have a nice smile."

Danielle rolled her eyes and batted at him, "so I've been told," she said slyly.

Spinner smirked. "Do you wanna go grab a bite to eat?" he asked.

Mouth full of pretzel, "mmmow?" she asked before swallowing.

Spinner laughed, "no…tomorrow? Friday?" he asked.

She laughed, "Friday sounds good."

"So…pizza? And maybe a movie?" he asked. Her lips curled into a mischievous smile and it was obviously she was trying not to laugh. " Did I really ask to take you to a movie?" Spinner asked, embarrassed that he would suggest taking a blind girl to an event that required you to sit and look at a large screen full of moving images.

"Yes," she said letting out the laugh.

"So…no movie," he said. "Pizza?" Danielle nodded. "Pizza and…" he was stumped. "What kind of dates do you usually go on."

"Not many," she replied, "so don't worry about screwing up, I'm sure you'll figure something out."

-X-

Retail Therapy. Paige's best friend, one that never failed to at least ease the stress on her heart at the moment as she fumbled through sales racks in Macy's, hoping to find something that would be a future fashion do and not a don't. As she walked the sale racks of the department store she felt guilt in the pit of her stomach about the comments she'd made to Spinner's new friend. She'd let jealousy get the best of her and it really showed a poor side to her.

She didn't mean to be jealous, she figured it just came with the territory, it's kind of hard to quit being possessive of something that's been yours for a good year or so. Frustrated by the mostly black, matronly articles she gave up and began stalking down her favorite pair of heels in the shoe department to see if they were on sale yet.

While her family was on the better off side of the economic spectrum, it didn't mean that she was willing to drop close to, if not over a hundred dollars on a pair of Michael Kors pumps. Not matter how cute they looked on her fresh pedicure toes. Paige always loved the fact that she could look in fashion by working with the sales racks.

She felt almost sad that she helped Alex to pick out a couple of wonderful sized department store bags full of maternity wear and some cute booties to well…boot for her upcoming delivery. But that upcoming delivery was no longer in the works and Paige was planning to bring Alex out on another shopping trip, more like an exchange trip to return all the previously purchased maternity and infant booties purchased. She hoped that the sales associates would be lenient with the no return on sale items policy in many of the stores considering Alex's now current condition. If not Paige would just turn on her pro-shopper charm and get her money back and then turn around and spend it on the now child-less new friend of hers.

She couldn't imagine losing a child. Shaking her head as she browsed the sales in the shoe department, she found her thoughts wondering from cute open-toe pumps to her feelings towards Alex. She couldn't remember ever spending money on Hazel in the same way that she had Alex. And she certainly couldn't rationalize their friendship anymore. They were nothing alike, and certainly had nothing in common. Or did they? She wasn't quite sure anymore, seeing as the whole high school social scale had been tipped the second she sympathized for Alex's position.

Paige sometimes thought it was the strength she found in Alex, the strength to keep on trucking despite the black cats that seem to drop in her path. She didn't know much about Alex, but the stuff she was learning the more time they spent together the more she admired the girl. Paige laughed to herself. A total girl crush. The only problem was sometimes she wasn't quite sure if it was just a girl crush or a crush…that she happened to have on a girl.

"Oh my GOSH," Paige squealed as she found a beautiful pair of black ankle boots on sail. They had a simple thin heel that just screamed glamAlex to her and she felt the need to buy them for her friend. She swore up and down that she'd never seen Alex in anything other than sneakers or thrift store found Doc Marten's and declared that she would teach her friend to strut her stuff in heels.

She searched for Alex's size and snatched them up before anyone else got any ideas about buying those totally hot ankle boots. As she perused the rest of the merchandise in the store she began to wonder what Alex was making of the gifts. And she skirted even letting herself think about her friend and her thoughts on the extravagant gifts she was showering her with.

What scared her most was when she came to the conclusion that she now knew what Spinner was thinking and feeling every time he showered her with well written notes or when he'd just surprise her with a gift, even if it was from one of the cheap cent machines at the grocery store. She laughed to herself, "I feel like I'm trying to woo her." She marched to a register counter with her boots triumphantly; she knew Alex would at least appreciate the thought even if she didn't like the boots. "Lucky we're the same size," Paige said smiling, "if she doesn't like 'em I'll keep 'em," she reasoned. She slid her father's credit card across the counter, "Charge it."

-X-

Alex rolled off the couch and walked herself to the bathroom in Jay's home. She ached inside and out and as she gently splashed her face with water she looked into the mirror and couldn't even see her reflection. The girl staring back couldn't possibly be her. Her eyes were swollen and the skin sallow. She looked like she hadn't gotten out of bed in days and the spark that used to linger in the corner of her eye was gone. She didn't even recognize herself anymore.

She grabbed the sides of the porcelain sink until her knuckles turned white she stared down the drain wondering if she could just melt into a puddle and slip down the drain and never come back. She snorted sneeringly at the idea and opened up the medicine cabinet. She fumbled through the different medications Jay's parents had stashed away. She was almost sure none of them would help her. She'd barely slept in days, even though she wanted to just sleep and wake up and wish the whole thing had never happened, she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes and sleep without dreaming of tumbling head of heels down the stairs of her apartment building and the hospital visit that followed.

Since losing the baby she tried to tell herself that it was for the best, that she couldn't have handled raising a baby no matter how many times she tried to reassure herself that she could. Losing the baby is like a blessing in disguise she tried to tell herself. She sighed and found a bottle of pills prescribed to Jay's mother: Ambien. She'd seen countless commercials advertising the effects of the sleep aid and found herself wondering if the break she craved rested in the form of the pill.

Alex opened the bottle and shook a few of the pills into the palm of her hand and closed it tightly before recapping the bottle. She slumped back to the living room and into the kitchen and popped on of the pills into her mouth before dropping her head below the faucet of the sink and let the cool water flow into her mouth rather than dirtying another glass.

Instead of stumbling back to the couch she found herself slowly walking down the hall to Jay's room and crawled into bed next to his past out form. Despite her utter hatred for the former father of her child she'd always found a certain comfort in being with him. Making sure not to wake him she squeezed her way under his arm and draped an arm over his chest curling up next to him. Her nose was buried in his t-shirt as she breathed in his scent and sighed a relief of comfort. She slowly fell asleep and Jay opened his eyes and looked down at a sleeping Alex curled up under his arm and smirked. He gently played with her hair for a moment before letting himself fall back asleep.

-X-

Sean wandered around following behind Dennis McCall as he showed Jay and him around the shop. Mr. Ehl had encouraged the boys; especially after the way they blew away some of the attendees at the expo, to think about looking for some part time jobs at a local shop. He'd recommended the boys to Dennis, and hoped it'd keep the pair out of trouble, and possibly give them more of an incentive to graduate.

Jay elbowed Sean, "man, did you see the equipment this guy's got, top of the line, he totally doesn't skimp on his customers."

"Why thank you Jayson," Dennis said turning back as he heard Jay talk about his shop, "but it wasn't always this good, I had to work many years and build many good relationships with my customers to be able to afford, and to have the ability to give my customers the top dollar they are paying for."

Jay looked around as they stepped into his office. Business licenses hang on the walls along with a high school diploma and a certificate of completion from an automotive school. " So Ehl tells me you boys are the best he's got," Dennis said motioning for them to take a seat in the chairs in front of his desk as he relaxed into the leather chair behind it. "Let me tell you, he doesn't brag about anyone the way he talked you two up, and I'd take that as a compliment."

"So what kind of work are we gunna be doing?" Sean asked.

"Well right now, I need a few hands that know how to give a customer the works when it comes to changing oil."

"Changing oil?" Jay said with a scoff.

"Yes, Jayson, changing oil…it's a simple way of maintaining a car and we offer the best job possible in competition with some of these ten minute lube job places popping up everywhere." Dennis explained. Jay had to keep from laughing at the lube job comment but continued to listen, "It's a great beginning, it's how I started out at my first job, changing oil, once you master changing oil we continue moving you on up. You gotta know the basics."

"Well thank you Mr. McCall, it's been really awesome," Sean said reaching across the desk and shaking Dennis' hand. "I can't wait…"

Dennis smiled, "Neither can I…can I expect you boys back with all your paper work in order and ready to work next Wednesday?"

"Definitely…with bells on," Jay said slightly sarcastically, hoping Dennis wouldn't pick up on the attitude.

"Good…I'll see you boys next week," he said showing them out.

Jay and Sean walked to Jay's car and climbed inside the obnoxious orange Civic. "Man…" Jay muttered, "Can you believe him? Changing oil?"

Sean rolled his eyes, "Dude, chill, a jobs a job, and this is one of the best shops in town, it's a pretty place to start taking off."

Jay shook his head as he started the car and began what felt like a long ride home. He just wasn't ready to take up responsibility yet, not like Sean. Maybe this job thing will work out, maybe it won't, but right now he just wanted a drink.

-X-

Emma stood in the bathroom looking herself over, she didn't even want to experience the site of the numbers on the scale as she kicked it gently across the tiled floor. She didn't want to know. This past week was getting the best of her and it was only a matter of time before she knew she'd find herself on a binging spree with no hope of saving all the hard work she'd done thus far.

She pinched the skin around her middle and frowned. While there was no more fat beneath that skin, the fact that she had lose enough skin to pinch sent her heart dropping into her stomach. And she wanted to throw it up. Sighing she climbed into the shower and turned on the water, feeling a blast of cold water hit every inch of her skin. She started to shiver but refused to change the temperature of the water. She'd read somewhere that your body burns calories when it has to warm it's self up. She reached for her shampoo and began to massage it into her scalp and rinsing it clean. It became a little harder to reach for the conditioner when she found herself shivering so hard she couldn't hold on to the bottle. But with a few slow, deep breathes she found the composure to stop shivering long enough to squirt out some of the bottle's creamy contents and gently run it through the ends of her long blonde hair and rinsed it out quickly. She soaped up amongst her violent shivering and finally rinsed her body cleaned and turned off the water and waited for a moment to reach for a towel. She teeth chattered as she stepped out of the shower, wrapping her towel around herself. She stared in the mirror for a moment and then left the bathroom to get ready for school.

Emma found herself smiling as her tightest jeans slipped up and onto her hips with such ease and just gently hung off her hips bones. Slipping a tank top and then a light hoodie she walked back to the bathroom as she ran a comb through her thin hair. She brushed her teeth, knowing that nothing tasted good when your mouth was minty and clean. Giving herself a smile in the mirror she walked into the kitchen.

Spike smiled at her daughter as she looked up from feeding Jack. "Em, there's a stack of French Toast calling your name on the stove."

Immediately Emma felt bile creeping up into her throat at the thought of eating, and she ingeniously grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on the table, "running late," she said simply, and took a generous bite from the apple's flesh.

Spike watched her daughter and felt her mother-sense tingling, something wasn't right. "Okay, don't forget your lunch…" she began to say as Emma walked over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"money in my purse," she stated, not wanting to take food she certainly wasn't going to eat.

Spike furrowed her eyebrows in suspicion. She didn't like this feeling at all she felt herself think as she watched her suddenly so skinny daughter rush from the kitchen and the house on her way to school. She bounced Jack gently on her knee, "I hope she's alright," she said to the bright-eyed little boy.

-X-

Emma opened her locker and quickly caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were starting to look a little sunken but it wasn't even a thought that crossed her mind as she smiled. She squatted down in front of her locker and dug out her purse looking for the diet pills she'd snuck into school by putting them in a mint tin. Taking a quick look down both ends of the hall she quickly popped two pills into her mouth and chased them with a swig from her oversized bottle of water. She felt her stomach cramp, "I really shouldn't have eaten that apple…" she groaned.

"All you ate was an apple?" Manny asked as she snuck up behind Emma. Emma jumped to her feet and found herself grabbing on to her locker to keep her balance as her head began to spin.

"Yea and a humongous stack of French Toast slathered with butter," she lied casually.

Manny smiled, believing the lie that fell from Emma's lips, "I love your Mom's French Toast."

'Yea…I can tell.' Emma thought as she began to pick apart Manny's body in her head. 'Thank goodness one of us has self control.' Emma smiled softly, "Yea…me too." I'm gunna stop by Simpson's class on my way to Kwan's I'll catch up with you in a second," she said as she bent down and listened to Manny walked down the hall. She felt herself slump against the metal locker door and sat on the cold linoleum tile of the hall and tried to catch her breath enough to stand up. As she breathed harder to catch her breath she felt her vision darken and she lost consciousness for a moment as her head fell back to the floor.

From down the empty hallway Ellie found herself watching the blonde girl carefully as she slumped down at her locker before fainting and her face laying on the cold linoleum floor. She lost her own breath for a moment when she thought she saw Verity standing near Emma staring straight through Ellie herself.

When she finally caught her breath again she rushed herself down the hallway. She knelt down beside the unconscious girl and gently nudged her, "Emma…Emma wake up."

She shook her a little roughly and watched as the Emma's eyes slowly began to flutter open and look up at Ellie with confusion. She looked around the empty hall and sat up slowly, "what's going on?" she asked as her hand rose to support her throbbing head.

"You full on fainted."

Emma shook off the statement and tried to get to her feet while ignoring the spinning hallway and the weakness in her knees, "I'm fine."

Ellie looked past Emma to see Verity shaking her head, "no you're not."

Emma rolled her eyes, "I'm fine, and if you wouldn't mind I don't need your help."

"I just don't think you want anyone's help it doesn't matter who's." Ellie remarked snottily in reference to the fact that she knew Sean had tried to help her and knew the look of frustration and anger that she saw when he came home after their meeting at the Dot.

Emma groaned, "what is it with everyone?" she asked.

"You mean the whole caring about you thing?" she asked. "Oh I don't know maybe they're just worried."

"and I bet you're one of them."

Ellie took a step back, "not particularly," she answered honestly. Emma, hadn't been one of her favorite people since Sean came home upset about her refusing help. The boy who often went above and beyond for the people in his life, chose to help the person who treated him with less importance than her petitions.

"honest to a tee," Emma muttered, "excuse me," she said trying to get past Ellie who kept stepping in her path.

"You may not notice what you've been doing to your friends and family, but I do."

Emma stared knives into Ellie, "what gives you the right to assume you know anything about me."

"Just an observation I learned from someone I knew pretty well," Ellie answered referring to Verity.

"it doesn't mean you have the right to butt in."

"I have the moral right to butt in." Ellie argued, "I don't care why you're starving yourself, or why you find it necessary to throw up whatever it is that you it, whatever reason it is…is STUPID."

"Don't lecture me," Emma said, "because you're not better than me," she rolled her eyes and cocked back her head, "how about I cut myself instead? Or what…how about I just stop taking all the attention away from the mental ward patient?" Emma leaned against the locker as her blood pressure rose and she found it harder to keep herself on her feet.

"You think I'm trying to help you because I'm jealous?" Ellie laughed, "it couldn't be further from the truth." Ellie closed her eyes for a moment and opened them to find herself staring at Verity. "I'm doing this for Verity…and for Sean, and for whoever else you're selfishly forgetting about while you've got yourself making friends with a toilet bowl."

Emma felt her head pounding, "what are you talking about," she groaned getting tired of hearing Ellie's whining voice.

"I'm talking about my friend, Verity who hated the way she looked so much that she couldn't be thin enough, to the point where it made her so unhappy and so depressed and distant that she couldn't handle life anymore and killed herself." Ellie said in a tone that begged for Emma to listen, "and I'm talking about Sean who hates to see you wasting away and tried to help, and you basically shit on his friendship. I'm talking about Manny who asked Sean for help, because even she doesn't know how to make you see that you're being incredibly stupid. Grow up, Emma Nelson…just grow the fuck up." Ellie said finishing her tirade in a whispered, annoyed tone and walked down the hall to her next class, late.

As Ellie neared the class room she felt Verity's presence again and took off. For a second she wasn't sure where she was headed and found herself backstage in an empty auditorium. She sat down behind the curtain and pulled out her cell phone and began scrolling through her phonebook. Settling on a familiar name but a not so familiar number she hit the call button and brought the receiver of her phone to her ear and listened to the dial tone.

"Hello?" a gruff voice asked.

"Jerzy? It's Ellie…"

"Ellie? What's wrong?"

"I keep seeing her…" she said almost on the brink of tears, "I keep seeing Verity."

-X-

Emma watched as Ellie walked down the hall and she found herself half annoyed and half aware of what Ellie said. 'Perhaps,' she thought, 'I shouldn't have freaked out on Sean.'

She shook her head in disagreement. Sean was butting in where he didn't belong, or at least that's how she was seeing it. At least Manny had the common sense to stop bringing up her opinion on things. Her opinion really didn't matter, because not matter what anyone else thought about how she looked, the only thing that mattered was how she, Emma, felt she looked.

She bent down in front of her purse and pulled out some more of her over the counter diet pills and popped them quickly into her mouth before chasing them with a heavy swig of water. Having forgotten the dose she'd taken earlier she was surprised by the rate of her heart beating faster in her chest. She wasn't used to the amount of caffeine coursing through her veins, making her heart race.

Trying to shake it off she walked to her class and slipped into her seat behind Manny trying to keep her body from shaking. She was shaking, not only from the chill in the room, or what she felt was a chill, but also from the effects of taking more than the recommended dose of her diet pills used to increase her metabolism. She struggled to keep her breathing steady as her lungs raced to keep up with the speed of her heart. She knew if she ate something, anything it would give the energy her body was building up, something to burn off. She almost found herself crying in the middle of the classroom at the thought of eating.

Manny turned around in her seat as the teacher turned their back, looking Emma straight in the eyes she asked, "Are you alright?" she asked sincerely, hoping her friend was alright, despite the fact that she'd been reading through her lies all morning. From across the room she had caught sight of Sean juggling between paying attention and carefully watching Emma.

Sean sat in his history class trying his best to pay attention. But there was so much on his mind and no real way of slowly getting it all out to avoid the avalanche that would probably follow. He glanced over at Emma again. It hadn't been the first time during that class that worrying about her had distracted him from learning about World History. He caught Manny's gaze and she tossed him a look that said, "I'll meet you later," and he was probably expecting a note in due time.

Emma looked…for the lack of a better word, terrible. She looked almost worst than their visit at the Dot. He was admittedly scared right now as he watched her struggle to control the shake in her legs, possibly from a chill. But the room wasn't even that cold, it could have been just because she had no extra padding to keep her warm. He looked down at his notes.

Just as things were looking good and steady with Ellie, he gets himself involved with playing hero for Emma. He looked over at his ex and was disturbed by her sallow skin and the look on her face that screamed, "I need to throw up," and that scared him because he honestly wondered if she had anything in her stomach to even throw up.

And just as he suspecting it wasn't long before he was slipped a note. Opening the delicately folded piece of paper he carefully read the wordslibrary after lunch Manny.

He looked across the room at his tiny brunette friend and nodded. He hated passing notes.

-X-

Sean sat in the library, and found it ironic that he was legitimately using the services to study and not just a quiet place to skip and take a quick cat-nap during a boring class. Tapping his pencil lightly against the heavy pages of his science text book as he tried to focus on the reading material he'd been assigned. He found himself wishing and praying for a distraction, hopefully one that wouldn't damper his ironic good grades.

"Hey stranger," Manny said slipping into the chair across from him. Sean looked up, and smiled as best he could amidst the stress of studying. "Emma said you talked to her…she didn't look too happy."

Sean groaned, "it didn't go too well."

"I don't think any kind of intrusion about her eating habits will go well," Manny said sighing.

"She really didn't handle my observations too well, she got really defensive."

"She's a complete one-eighty when she's with me,…keeps insisting that she's eating, but I know she's not, anyone that's eating like she's says she is wouldn't look like a ghost."

Sean shrugged, "I really don't know what to tell you Manny," he said looking back at his text book, "you've known Emma longer than me, she's stubborn and headstrong."

Manny sighed as she realized that this situation was over both their heads. "I need to tell Spike."

Sean struggled with his reply, while he felt it was best to tell Emma's mom, he felt that the issue in itself was above her as well. "If you think it's for the best," he said avoiding her eyes.

"You don't think we should tell Spike?" Manny asked, confused.

"I think, we need to get her help, and that this is over ALL our heads Manny," he admitted, "I don't know if just telling her parents will help, I think we all need to be there, she needs us all."

Manny smiled, "Sean Cameron, I think that is the smartest thing I've ever heard you say," she leaned across the table and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed lightly, "hopefully we won't be too late getting to her."

Sean smiled weakly at her and sighed, "do you…mind?" he asked pointing to his science text book, "unless you're a science whiz and willing to help me finish my homework."

Manny smiled, "don't you pay attention in class…I'm the dork answering all the questions," she said smirking and walking around the table to sit next to him.

-X-

Jay walked into his living from his bedroom and startled by the sight of Alex sitting on his couch, a bottle of eighty proof vodka encased by her hand as she stared, glazed eyes and all at the television set. He scratched the back of his head, even though she'd been staying with him for the past two weeks this was the first time he'd seen her since she showed up after her hospital stay.

Dropping down on the couch next to her he was surprised as she failed to turn to face him as his weight shifted the cushions of the couch. She looked over during a commercial and took a swig straight from the bottle. "Hey," she said gruffly, her throat burning from the alcohol.

Jay sighed, "Look 'Lex…when are we going to talk about…you know."

Alex looked over and glared at Jay. Her eyes glazed over with a drunken haze. "Talk about what?"

"you know…Jay Junior," Jay said verbally trying to nudge her on.

Alex laughed, "Jay Junior?" she scoffed, "you named the dead bastard…Jay Junior?" She took another sip from the bottle and Jay looked at her disappointedly. He never expected this from her; maybe from himself but never from her. Out of the entire gang she was the most level headed, her sudden lack of caring about her former situation was starting to scare him.

"Lexxi…" Jay said sternly and wrestled the bottle from her hand. He cringed as she started to slap and punch him. He felt her finger nails scratch across his face and he dropped the bottle and grabbed her wrists and pulled her into his chest and wrapped her arms around her tightly, holding her as she fought to hit him and settled into sobs against his musty t-shirt. He sat stiffly holding her, unsure of how to console her before gently rubbing his hands up and down her back. He pulled away as he heard her muffled voice speaking into his chest.

"Part of me feels like I should be relieved," she said between sobs. Jay just looked at her swollen red eyes and tried to remember when he'd seen her look so distraught to the point of tears. He couldn't recollect any such memory and it scared him. Even the nights where he'd find her knocking at his window after jumping in to take the place of her mother and become the punching bag…she never cried. He'd never seen her cry ever and this was a first and he hoped that this time would be the last. "I was going to make things work," she sniffled, "I was going to be the mother my mom wished she was."

Jay tilted her hung head up with his finger and looked her point blank in the eyes, "you'll get that chance…just not today." Alex looked at him, a little frightened, knowing fully well Jay was often not knowing for saying such fruitful and sweet things, without knowing what else to do she started laughing. "Hey at least something good came out of this mess…look at your tits," Jay said smirking, "they look like melons."

Alex laughed even harder, "and I bet you want to touch them just to see if their real?"

Jay's face lit up, "can I?"

Alex continued to laugh, until the tears flowing down her cheeks were no longer tears of sorrow but tears of joy. For the first time since losing the baby she'd laughed, and smiled. But she wasn't sure how long this moment would last and she vowed to try and give it a decent life span. She wiped her eyes, "sometimes it feels like a blessing ya know?" Jay's face softened and seemed almost empathic as he realized she was slowly opening up. "I don't really have to worry about showing, or dirty diapers, spit up…nothing." She sighed heavily, "but at the same time…it just doesn't seem fair."

Jay shrugged, "life isn't fair Lexxi, you should know that bad now." Alex rolled her eyes at his comment, "we've both been dealt some pretty shitty cards 'Lex…shitty parents who don't give two shits about their kids no matter what the income." He continued his rant, "shitty cards, shitty parents, shitty decisions…"

Alex looked him straight in the eyes, "shitty…" she smirked.

"Lexxi…my entire life has been made up of shitty decisions…I'm sorry." He said softly, "for everything I've ever done to hurt you…because you know I really never meant to hurt you." Alex watched him carefully, "You've honestly been the best thing to happen to me and I've never intentionally do anything to make you not want me anymore."

Alex, caught up in the heat of the moment leapt across the couch and landed with her lips on top of his. And then in a moment of sobriety as she straddled a stunned yet happy Jay she pulled away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. She looked Jay over, a look of surprise and disappointment written on his face as Alex pulled away.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I didn't…I thought…" she was at her breaking point. In a moment of weakness she thought out the only thing that made sense and the only thing that could make things normal, and that was patching things up with Jay. But "there's nothing there anymore," she said, coming to the realization for the both of them. "I love you…you know that." Jay nodded, "you're my best friend."

"I know…" he said opening his arms and she crawled towards him and curled up in his arms. He gently pet her head softly played with her hair.

As he gently caressed his hair he found it only appropriate, "I think I'm in love."

Alex looked up at him, "it better not be me, because I'm pretty sure we just went over the fact that we're not getting back together."

Jay laughed and his hot breath tickled her skin, "not with you 'Lex.." Alex watched as his eyes glazed over. He was thinking of someone else. And it wasn't very often that someone could give Jay his donut face.

"Lemme guess…is she a blond?"

Jay looked at her and smirked, "Lucky guess?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "perhaps…or maybe it's just fact that I'm the ONLY brunette you've ever dated."

"We'll you're right…"

"Where'd you meet her?"

"Zanzibar."

"She's a stripper?" Alex blurted out.

Jay laughed, "actually no," he said thinking about the response he'd gotten from Mel when he asked when she'd be getting on stage, "cocktail waitress, damn spunky one at that."

Alex raised her brow questionably, "not a stripper?"

"You seem disappointed."

"Well a little…I figured a stripper was right up your alley."

"Well I do love me some strippers," he said laughing. "So judging by the tone of voice I'm thinking…you approve?"

"Since when do you need my approval on who to date," Alex muttered, "I mean you could barely keep it in your pants when we were dating."

Jay pulled her into a headlock, "but you're my Lexxi, your approval means everything."

Alex smirked, "so is she hot?" she asked as she just laid across his reclined body, swiftly moving stray hair out of her face.

"Not as hot as you Lexxi…but she'll have to do," he muttered. He looked down at his watch, "so what do you say Lexxi…we order a pizza and take in a movie on cable?"

Alex smiled, "sure thing," she said loving that finally her and Jay could sit on things in a friendly manner without the mess of being in a relationship again. "You remember my toppings?"

"Sausage, peppers, and black olives," Jay said as he eased himself off the couch to find number for his favorite pizza joint and grabbed the cordless phone from its cradle and dialed from the number magnetized to the fridge.

"I'm gunna take a quick cat-nap while we wait for the pizza," she called out as she rose from the couch and walked to the bathroom and grabbed a few of Jay's mother's Ambien and swallowed a good number while chasing it with the vodka in her hand. She slumped into Jay's room and curled up in his sheets that smelled like his Old Spice deodorant and his cheap shampoo. She smiled into pillowcase as she felt the pills begin to take effect.

-X-

Manny and Craig sat curled up on the couch at the Jeremiah residence watching what any guy would refer to as one of those sappy lifetime flicks on the television set. And while Manny began to find herself engrossed in the story unfolding, it felt all too familiar to Craig.

It was when Manny felt Craig stiffen at the male lead's actions that she turned to notice that he looked uncomfortable. "You okay?" she asked.

"Yea," he nodded, "it's just hitting a little close to home." Manny gave him her signature puzzled look. Craig sighed, "I haven't had the chance to tell you," he said fidgeting on the couch and eventually turning to look at her as the innocent look washed across her face that mimicked Angela's sweet face and he melted. He racked his fingers down his face, "I'm bipolar," he said as his fingers passed over his lips, jumbling his words.

"What does that mean?" she asked.

"It means that all those times I've got a little…nuts are because the chemicals in my brain are all unbalanced. I'm wired wrong sometimes."

"Are you gunna be alright as she realized then leading man in the TV movie they were watching had the same condition.

Craig reached into his pocket and pulled out a prescription pill bottle and shook it, "medicated."

"Well at least you know why you've been so up and down lately and that you're not crazy."

Craig felt frustrated, "I am crazy."

"You're not crazy Craig, you just told me you're not, you're mis-wired, remember?"

He smirked, "Well thanks for thinking I'm not crazy," he said pulling her into his chest and kissing the top of her head and when she looked up at him smiling he leaned down and planted another on her lips. He could feel her squirm in his arms and she pulled herself back and smacked him playfully in the arm.

"What if Joey had walked in during that," she said seriously, "I don't think I could handle the embarrassment of a parental unit seeing that."

Craig laughed and grabbed his camera off the side table and snapped a picture of her mortified face as she thought about Joey walking in on them in a light petting session. Manny continued to put her hands up in defense against the lens of the camera and laughed playfully as he continued to snap pictures.

And then he stopped for a moment and she lowered her defenses. "Come here," he said, setting down the camera on the coffee table and grabbing her hand, dragging her upstairs, "I want to show you something," he said softly as they stood in front of his room. Opening the door Manny got a glimpse of his room, and place she'd never been before. It was a complete dump, but she smiled, her older brothers had been the same when they lived at home, now she was by herself. And her and her parents had downsized to an apartment as the boys had moved out on their own.

She sat down on his bed that was covered with dirty laundry and she continued to look around as Craig dug through his messenger bag of a back pack. Pictures of his mother, Julia and him were scattered across his dresser in frames and then a recent one of him and Angela framed next to him.

"So…I wanted to wait until they were all done, but I'm being really impatient and really wanted to show you," he said holding her a black binder.

Opening the black binder she found sheets of negatives and past them some of the pictures that Callie had showed her, but then there were others, when she didn't even know Craig had a camera. Total candid moments that she didn't think she looked like anything special had her glowing and smiling as she just relaxed with Craig.

"I know I haven't been around lot lately and after the whole you, me, and Ash mess I can imagine what you were thinking, but I've been just trying to deal with everything all at once and for the first time in a while I picked up a camera and it feels right, "you're like my muse, Manny," he said as she seem stunned by the way she looked in the pictures.

"They're really gorgeous Craig, I keep believe how beautiful you made me look, was it a special lens or something?" she said.

Craig chuckled a bit and rubbed the back of his neck, "no special lens, that's all you," he said blushing. "And those aren't going to stay in there…that's just to keep them all together while I finish them all up…a friend from group got me access to the photo lab at her college."

"Callie?" she asked.

"Yea, Callie," he answered, "I knew I told you about her before." And suddenly a light bulb went off in his head, "I want you to meet her, you'll totally love her."

Manny got quiet, she'd already met her, when checking up on Craig and being the jealous girlfriend, "yea…can't wait," she answered nervously.

-X-

Ellie hadn't been much of herself sense she could see and feel Verity with the on slot of Operation Feed Emma. She don't even know how she even got involved with having any sort of feeling for her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. She continued to put on her best smile while experiencing a feeling of guilt from Verity's death.

She wasn't even sure who she could talk to. Sure Orion had been at Lake View and knew Verity long before she did, but to trouble him with her problems just as he and Marco seemed to be hitting it off well felt almost selfish. No…Orion couldn't help. She sat on the bench at the bus stop. Jerzy had finished off his last month at Oak Valley and emailed all of the gang to let them know how they could reach him. He only lived a dozen bus stops away.

Ellie had called him. She needed him. He'd been there when Ellie found her, and he seemed to be the only person that knew what she was feeling. A bus pulled up in front of her, and she watched the people shuffle off and people shuffle on and she saw an all too familiar face, with hair that had grown slightly longer than his trademark buzz cut. Ellie smiled and jumped into his arms. He squeezed her tightly, "Hey Kid," he said ruffling her neatly parted hair before pulling away and adjusting the knapsack on his shoulder.

A/N: Again, it's been a while, but with an update with me, you usually get enough reading to make up for the wait, 10,000+ words this time. And I think it's one of my best chapters yet. And I apologize to Ellie fans that Emma has over shadowed her in this chapter, and I apologize for the heavy Emma chapter in general, but it's all there for a reason, as I hope many of you realized while you were reading. By the way I'm working on casting some of the OCs in the story, if you'd like ideas as to who they are: check out the links in my profile (the images for this series of fics has fanart and such).

Thanks for reading.

MJ