Disclaimer: I don't own the story or the characters, they all belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just can't seem to let them go!
Standing Up
Chapter 10
As I lay huddled in on myself in the cab of my truck, my thoughts began to drift in on themselves. Why hadn't I heard Edward this time? Surely this was more reckless and dangerous than motorcycles and cliff diving? Maybe it was the medication, or maybe, I was getting better. Maybe knowing the truth made the hallucinations unnecessary. What a let down, I would miss those auditory glimpses of Edward. My mind was drifting, protecting itself by creating a beautiful daydream so I could lose myself for a little while. There is never any question what the best daydreams are made of, so I closed my eyes and could almost see Edward. He was smiling, sort of… he looked pensive.
"Bella, if you didn't want the car you could have just said so" he chuckled. In my mind I sputtered, and started to apologize. Of course my imaginary Edward would have none of that. His velvet voice washing over me, nothing compared to the hallucinations, but the best my memory could do. "Silly Bella, it's just a car. It's nothing compared to you. You're alright?"
I was startled from my reverie by the loudest, longest stream of obscenities I'd ever heard. "! NOOOOO. Bella! NO. Aw shit, we're too late. God damn it! OW! Fuck. ...It's hot … FUCK! SHIT!" I shot up in my seat and began to open my door just as Sam made it into the clearing.
"Jacob NO!" There was a strange timber to Sam's voice, and Jacob stopped dead in his tracks. "Get away from the car. We don't even know if Bella is in there. Can't you smell vampire burning? It has to be the redhead. Let it burn out completely. We need to get Bella's truck out of here. Charlie is already on his way. He can't see Bella's truck here. We need to get it out of here so we can figure out what happened before he goes crazy and starts looking for her. You know he'll jump to the same conclusion you did. This is Bella, Jacob, no way she was in that car with a vamp."
"He's right Jake, let's get out of here." I finally found my voice. The look on his face was heartbreaking. He was so relieved he looked like he was about to pass out. He was stumbling toward me, mumbling incoherently, the sounds coming from him were a mixture of sighs and sobs, all I could make out was "Bella and a thank god" here and there as he stumbled toward me. He was holding his hands up palms in, I realized they must have been burned by the hot metal of the car, he thought I was in there and was trying to get me out.
Sam interrupted the reunion, "Okay get the truck out of here, and meet back at Emily's." The look on his face almost mirrored Jacob's pure relief. But Sam was looking at me as though he was trying to decipher some hidden code. He looked back at the burning car and turned to me with a knowing eyebrow raise. He was definitely going to want to hear this story.
"Jake, maybe you should let me drive, okay buddy?" He just nodded numbly. "You 're hurt, should we go to the hospital?"
"Don't worry about it Bella. I heal fast now remember? The blisters'll be gone by the time we get to Emily's. Just get going before Charlie gets here and asks questions we can't answer, okay?"
On the way back to town, I told Jake that I'd left a note for Charlie that I'd be with Angela tonight. I called her, and she agreed to cover for me, no questions asked, but I knew there would be questions tomorrow. We stopped by the house for a change of clothes and headed on to Emily's.
Jake had recovered from his stupor and now was furious. "I can't believe we let that filthy bloodsucker get that fucking close! Son of a bitch! So this note, with that in play, Charlie wouldn't have even started looking for you until tomorrow night at the earliest! By then, she could have been long gone."
"More likely the day after that actually. Charlie's been working the late shift this week since deputy Mark is on vacation. So he wouldn't have noticed the truck missing until Thursday morning assuming he got home before I would have normally left for school. More likely Thursday afternoon when I didn't make it home from school. Unless the school called…. Yeah, she would have had a nice head start. Of course for all I know, she was planning to mangle the truck and put my mangled body in it to cover her tracks. You know, make it look like I bled to death from my injuries?"
"Like hell she would have Bella. We would have been in on her little secret much sooner. No way she was getting away from us this time. Of course, we all were chasing a decoy. Damn it!" He ground out and slammed his fist into the dashboard.
"Hey, take it easy on the truck Jake. It never hurt anybody!"
He looked over at me sheepishly. "Sorry Bells. Still freaked out that we came that close to losing you again. What is that twice in five days? You going for some sort of record?"
I just shook my head. "Nope, just trying to make it through each day intact. That's all a danger magnet like me can hope for right?"
He chuckled humorlessly. "Yeah. Danger magnet. That sounds about right. At least we caught up to the other bloodsucker. Can you believe that? Dressed in her clothes, wearing a wig. He led us on a wild goose chase all over the territory, it was like he had a map. Never getting quite out of our range before turning back. She knew where we'd stop chasing I guess. Only this time, we weren't going to stop, we'd decided to end this tonight, once and for all."
"He probably did have a map. His job was to divert you guys so she could get to me."
"How'd she get past us? Sam was in the woods outside Newton's and never sensed her, when we went after the other one, he joined the chase."
"Coffee"
"Coffee? The Hell?"
"Yeah. She came into town on a coffee truck, apparently it works the same way on you guys as it does on drug sniffing dogs." At this Jacob gave me a dirty look, "No offense Jake, just relaying the information here. She even had a goose down coat that she'd filled with coffee beans. I'm sure she had an escape route planned, but she never let me know what it was." It occurred to me that it was odd that I was so strangely calm, considering all that had happened. I seemed to be having an almost out of body experience. My answers were detached from emotion, like I'd just watched everything in a film, not actually experienced it.
"I'm shocked she didn't just attack you instantly. How'd you end up at the Cullen's with her? Come to think of it, how'd she end up in a burning car? Don't think I didn't notice the plates by the way."
"It's a long story Jake. I'm sure Sam will have all the same questions, if it's all right, I'd like to wait until we get to Emily's and just tell the story once. Alright?"
"Sure, sure. We're almost there anyway. I guess you don't want to relive it anymore than necessary huh?"
I just nodded.
The rest of the pack was already at Emily's by the time we got there. Of course I wasn't expecting to see Sue, Billy and Mr. Ateara. Apparently, two vampire killings called for a council meeting.
Once we were inside, everyone settled down a bit, which was difficult, the younger wolves had just experienced their first hunt, and it had been successful, they were more than a little keyed up about it.
Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly, it was Sam that called the meeting to order. Jake had mentioned that being Alpha made Sam the automatic chief of the tribe, if they still had a chief, which they don't. They have a tribal council instead.
Sam reported the chain of events to the council members, when he got to the part about finding me at the Cullen's house with a burning vampire in a wrecked car, Billy, Sue and old Quil turned to look at me, each their own version of slack jawed.
Sue recovered first. "Bella, I believe this is where your story picks up. Can you tell us what happened? Are you all right? Did she hurt you at all?"
"I'm fine," I assured her, "she probably left a few bruises on my arm, but it was unintentional, if she was trying to hurt me I'd be dead." The wolves all nodded and mumbled in agreement, a couple even rolled their eyes and snorted as if saying, "No shit Sherlock!" I proceeded to recount everything that happened from the time Victoria entered Newton's until the car exploded. There were a couple of outbursts here and there, especially when I revealed Victoria's discovery about coffee beans. When I'd gotten to the part about convincing Victoria to change me rather than kill me, most of the pack nodded in approval, murmuring that was quick thinking on my part. However, the council members along with Jake and Emily were strangely quiet. Each looking at me and each other in silent communication. There was more grumbling about the car and the license plates on it. Sam seemed particularly upset by that detail.
"Charlie's going to know the car was for Bella, it doesn't make any sense, why didn't they get rid of the car when they left? Where they planning to give it to you later? Are they coming back?" Sam was really just talking to himself, but the rhetorical question felt like it had ripped straight through me, leaving a gaping hole in my chest.
I shook my head. "No. They won't be back. Money means nothing to them, or cars. They have all the time in the world. They could come back in fifty years, or a hundred, and that car will be a priceless classic. Everything they left here is disposable." Including me, I thought. I'm temporary and Edward was determined to keep me that way.
Finally the awkward silence was broken, "Well, that's sure a first. Who knew a human could actually take out a bloodsucker!" Billy was grinning as he spoke. "I'm very proud of you Bella. You showed immeasurable courage and kept your wits about you, when others would have surely panicked or been frozen in fear," his grin faded and his face took on the seriousness of all the ages when he continued, "but tell me Bella, were you really prepared to let her change you?"
The room fell completely silent. All eyes were on me, and since I've never been able to lie, I tried avoiding, "I think she would have ended up killing me anyway Billy. She said she'd had to practice a lot before she was able to turn Riley without killing him. I figured I was dead either way, but if she decided to change me, maybe she wouldn't torture me to death first. I was really just hoping a bunch of wolves would show up…" Each member of the pack looked down, ashamed, "hey guys, I didn't mean it like that, I just meant I was stretching it out you know? It all worked out in the end anyway right? Besides, now we have a new method of vampire elimination, even mere mortals can use!" That seemed to appease them all, and they were happy and rowdy again.
"Okay Buffy, let's get you home so you can get some sleep huh?" Billy was at my side, but Sue interjected, "Billy, why don't you let Bella stay at my place tonight? Leah and Seth will be on patrol, and I could use the company." Billy nodded, and turned to talk to Sam some more. It didn't look like the party would be breaking up anytime soon, so Sue and I made our goodbyes and headed out.
We hadn't even gotten to the end of Billy's street when Sue began, "Well Bella, this isn't exactly as I'd imagined it, but I've been wanting to talk to you since the night of Harry's funeral…"
"Yeah, I'm sorry Sue, it just seems like a lot has happened all at once, I haven't had a chance to call you."
"I'm not chastising you Bella. I just needed someone to talk to about all of this. I mean, I lived with Harry for twenty years, he spoke of the legends as just that. Legends. Hmph." She snorted. "Real legends. How did you cope when you found out? How did you find out by the way? Sam said Jacob got around the injunction because you guessed. How did you guess? Did the Cullen's talk about the Quileutes?"
"No. Actually, it was Jacob, before he knew the legends were real." She was just watching me, so I continued, "You know when I first moved here? I had a strange encounter with Edward….at first he avoided me like I had the plague, then he started talking to me, but was always implying that I should be avoiding him 'if I was smart' that is. I was really confused. Anyway I came to the beach with a group of friends and we ran into Jacob and his friends. A girl from school mentioned Edward and Sam said, 'the Cullens don't come here'. Well, it definitely sounded like there was more to that story, so I got Jacob alone and he told me about the legends. Of course at the time he didn't believe the legends, and was just entertaining me with scary stories. Anyway, when I got home and fell asleep I had a very strange dream. I was focused on Edward at the time, but the same dream showed me Jacob turning into a wolf to fight Edward….So, when I woke up, I had a lot of thinking to do."
Her eyes had steadily grown bigger and bigger. "So, you decided to spend time with a vampire, knowing full well what he was? You didn't run away screaming?"
"Nope, by then I was already in too deep. He occupied my thoughts, waking and dreaming. The idea of walking away was physically painful to me. I couldn't do it." She just nodded. Kind of like my mom does when she really wants to understand what I'm telling her, but knows it's just out of her grasp. Like explaining physics, she just really wants me to keep talking until I get back to something she does understand. I continued, "Anyway, when Jacob started phasing and staying away from me, he told me I already knew his secret. I just had to remember. He reminded me of the time we walked on the beach. So, when I dreamed that night, I had the same dream only this time, I paid closer attention to what was happening to Jake. When I woke up I just knew."
She stared at me. "You're a night processor, aren't you? You push things down, and allow you subconscious to process the information. That's how you can stay so calm with all of this craziness going on around you." I nodded, I hadn't really thought of it like that, but it sounded about right. "That's why you still scream at night. You're pretending to be okay for Charlie, but you're still struggling with them leaving." I wanted to deny it, but I just nodded.
"I really am trying Sue. I've started the medication, I spoke to the guidance counselor about college, I'm even redecorating my room. I decided that maybe if I keep myself busy with living, I'll start to believe that I actually am. And I haven't been screaming every night."
She looked a little stunned, "Bella, that is a very evolved perspective. I believe I'll try that advice for myself."
I felt like such a jerk. Here she was, having just buried her husband only to then find out that all of the legends are true because both of her children are werewolves, and I'm talking about my problems like they actually matter.
"Oh God, I'm sorry Sue. I've been so self absorbed. How are you doing? I'm sorry about Harry, I know dad really misses him, I can't imagine what you must be going through."
She interrupted, "Oh I think you can imagine very well what I'm going through Bella. I lifetime of dreams and possibilities suddenly gone without a trace? Sound familiar? The Cullen's didn't die, but you lost your future didn't you? I think Harry's dying helped me see what was really going on with you. It wasn't a normal reaction to a broken heart, you were mourning your lost future. That can really mean only one thing, you were planning to join them weren't you?"
Her tone wasn't judgmental or accusing, just stating a fact. I didn't answer right away. I was now well aware what that course of action would mean to the Cullens and the treaty. "It's not really an issue anymore, but yeah, at the time, it's what I wanted more than anything. I wanted Edward, and I wanted forever with him."
She sighed and looked at the ground for a long time. Finally she raised her eyes to mine, "And now? If he comes back? Then what?"
"That's not going to happen Sue, he didn't want me anymore, he left. They all did, they won't be back."
"You don't really believe that anymore than I do Bella. I've seen the change in your demeanor. You've come to a realization about something regarding Edward, and I don't think it's that he didn't want you. In fact, if all of the legends are true, he's no more able to stay away from you that Sam could stay away from Emily."
Wait. What?
She could see the shock on my face. "Imprinting is a powerful and mysterious aspect of pack life. According to our legends, a mated vampire is the same as an imprinted wolf. They have a consuming need to be near and protect their mate. I don't believe Edward was toying with you. I think he, for lack of a better word, is imprinted on you. You don't seem to be denying my assessment, so tell me what changed since the last time we spoke? You obviously no longer believe that he simply lost interest."
We had made it to her house and were sitting on her couch, I slumped down, and spilled it all. The gifts under the floor, my memories, the lullaby, everything. She got a steely glint in her eye when I talked about him wanting me to stay human and thinking he didn't have a soul. I did not however, feel compelled to tell her about my internet search or Cornell. Sue seemed at ease with the entire conversation, but she was still and elder, and there was still a treaty. A treaty that would be broken if I got what I had once wanted.
That thought brought me up short. What did I want? Would I really still trade my humanity for eternity as a vampire? I had so much to think about. If Sue was right, Edward would be back, eventually, this was a very dangerous line of thought for me. I couldn't plan the rest of my life around an obscure, undefined hope. So what? What now? How much more indecision could my sanity take? I guess, stick to the plan until circumstances change.
Sue broke the silence finally, "Well, vampire or not, I always admired Carlisle. At first I was inexplicably uncomfortable around him, now I realize it was survival instinct, but the more I was around him, the less he freaked me out. Knowing what I know now, in spite of my disgust, I admire him even more. He took care of many people. He didn't have to. He is using his enhanced abilities to help humans when, by all accounts, he should want only to drain them. Bella, I can't make you any promises. But I can tell you, as a woman and a member of the council, that doesn't sound like a monster to me. If what you and Edward share is what I think it is, I'd like to think we could work something out so that you could have your forever. Having just experienced the finality of death? If I were immortal, I couldn't have stood by and watched him die. I would have acted to keep him with me always."
"Wow." It's all I could think of to say.
She just nodded, showed me the bathroom and gathered a pillow and blanket while I changed. She wasn't even in the living room when I came out. I laid down on the couch, turned out the lamp and let my mind wander until I drifted off to sleep.