CHAPTER 10

"Master is getting more and more spoiled these days," Will observed, grabbing a large piece of ham off the breakfast plateau and stuffing it whole into his mouth. "Having a butler must have gone to his head, now he can't even sleep alone it seems… brace yourselves because soon enough he will need to be bathed and dressed like a baby!" the curly servant laughed.

Ciel however was not amused. The three Black Crow servants were sitting in the large kitchen of the Grimme mansion, at a long table which had been laid for all the servants who were there for the three-day birthday party, accompanying their masters. A large variety of rich, delicious looking breakfast dishes were scattered around, but the young earl was so upset that he couldn't put anything in his mouth. It really wouldn't have hurt so badly if Sebastian had just cut his throat instead of…of this.

"Aww, come on, mate! What's with the long face?" Will poked him, entirely unsuspecting of the unfolding drama. "Did he say something nasty to you again, is that it? What the hell did he say this time?"

The petite butler scowled, glancing at the now blonde minion who sat across from him with a bored expression, wondering whether the other servants' faces would drop if they ever came to know what had happened between him and their master the previous night. Maybe… Such a shit had probably never occurred to any of them to do – such a damned stupidity, that is! But most likely Sebastian wasn't going to keep the silence about it and miss the opportunity to hurt him further. He was sure they would end up finding out.

"Actually, master said that here it is perfectly acceptable for a lord to sleep with his servants, as long as they are willing," he blurted it out dryly, avoiding the others' gaze. Well, he did say that, didn't he? And I suppose that applies to everyone… so they might just as well know.

A long moment of silence followed the young earl's blunt statement, and Will stopped in mid-chew, blinking in utter confusion. That lasted for a bit, while Ciel gradually grew more and more uncomfortable – if that was even possible in his situation – until Espiritus suddenly burst out laughing. And the minion laughed so hard, as if it were the funniest thing she'd ever heard.

"Yeah, it's perfectly acceptable if the respective master is a fucking whore himself!" she pointed, not bothering to lower her voice, although the Grimme household and the other servants having breakfast were sort of staring at them. "Phuuu… this is so good! I wonder if he meant, like… on the account of the money he keeps taking from us, hahahahaha!"

"Honestly now, at his fucking age he should know better than to say such things…" Will grumbled, resuming his feast. "How the hell is that funny, Es?"

The minion rolled her eyes. "You meant like, he should know better than to say such things out loud? Ah, you have no sense of humor!"

At this point, Ciel felt positively sick. The boy clutched his chest with both hands, sensing another nasty asthma crisis coming his way. "Es… I think…" he whispered, "I think I might have to go to the Undertaker's after all…"

Leaving the mansion for a few hours before the evening party was not a big problem, as that night's performance was mostly going to involve Will and Sebastian himself – of course in another disguise meant to trick the grumpy Lord Grimme. The curly haired servant was less than thrilled to be training alone with their master, especially after what he'd just heard, but Es had had no problem leaving him to his misery, since he wasn't the one to 'wear tight shorts and try to hook up demons' anyway. And Ciel was willing to do anything to escape the proximity of his demon lover ever for a short while, no matter how painful the consequences.

"This carriage is much better than ours…" the young earl suddenly felt the need to point the obvious, patting the soft cushions as they were on their way to town. He would have rather thought of anything else than his current situation and was desperate to take his mind off things. But beyond the windows there was nothing but the large grey park with rare leafless trees and dead shrubbery, soon to be replaced by the barren road through the dark forest.

"Yeah… but they're rich people," Es agreed, seemingly bored, and Ciel thought it was sort of reassuring that she had resumed her usual appearance for their little errand, Alois Trancy was the last person he wanted to see right now – even if it wasn't really him. "Undertaker's so frustrating…"she stated after a pause," I mean he's an idiot – that's clear…yet he's a handsome man, or at least he would be if he didn't fucking dress the way he does… but then again he's a mortician, how bad is that? Depressing…"

"He's not even a man, he's a shinigami – a reaper. I daresay that's worse!" the petite butler replied, already horrified by the encounter he was going to have with said reaper and his needles. He buried his face in his hands and sighed, helpless.

Across from him he could hear the minion silently fidgeting and briefly wondered what was up with her anyway. "There's this stupid dance in town in the spring… if that fellow Faustus doesn't kill me anytime soon, I was thinking maybe I'll ask him to go with me…"

The blue orbs widened at her words as Ciel's head shot up suddenly in utter surprise. "What? You want to ask Undertaker to go to a dance with you?"

Es made a disappointed grimace. "You think he'd to say 'no'? Well… probably … that would be pathetic, at any rate"

Ciel didn't answer, watching absentmindedly the depressing landscape unfolding outside. Not as pathetic as me… It's so stupid, this damned love thing! So humiliating, stupid and cruel! He pulled the travel cloak tighter around his small body, in a futile attempt to shield himself from the cold that shriveled his flesh and gripped his heart like a claw. The boy could still feel his master's touch onto his skin, like some accursed imprint, so warm, sensuous and pleasurable. But then why had his words been so hurtful, so poisonous? Were his fingers lying, or his mouth? No, this was a useless question, clinging to a dry root of hope for something that had never been and could never be. Sebastian is a demon. Of course he doesn't love me. All he's ever wanted was to feast on me! Yes. Feast. That was the right word for it.

All courage left the young earl as they stepped into the Undertaker's shop. The coughing fit from earlier had left him a nauseous sensation, and the odd smell floating around the cramped, dark and sinister looking parlor definitely wasn't helping. The petite butler almost wished he had kept his mouth shut and had done something to conceal his condition, hadn't it been for the plan formed in his mind. Not like it's much of a plan… he thought morosely.

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" the silver haired shinigami's voice resounded, alerted by the bell, yet the Undertaker remained out of sight. The minion paced around the shop impatient, glancing at various things, and eventually stopped in front of the counter.

"What the hell are these?" she asked, holding up a bone shaped biscuit she'd fished with two fingers from the small urn on display.

"Biscuits, but they don't taste good," Ciel warned, and the minion dropped it back instantly. "Didn't think they did…" she grumbled in a low voice. "Hey, Mr. Undertaker, are you coming this century? We don't have all day!"

"Ah, milady, it is really you!" the shinigami acknowledged them, finally popping from behind a ragged curtain with the most pleasant and unsuspecting smile plastered onto his face. "I thought I heard your sweet voice, and here you are indeed! What a lovely surprise! Now, how can I help you?"

Es rolled her eyes at the pointless flattery. "Guess what, Undertaker, our little butler has asthma. Do you mind explaining that?"

The shinigami's gaze trailed questioningly from her to Ciel, who had taken a sudden interest in his own nails and wouldn't look at him. "Hmmmm… that's interesting… the young earl here never mentioned it to me. But that was probably because I never asked, hehe..."

How perceptive, the boy thought. The Undertaker sighed, pressing his hands humbly onto his chest. "Well, at any rate, mea culpa. I promise to remedy this situation right away!" he declared, his long nailed fingers shooting out from his sleeve and gripping Ciel's arm. "It will not take long, I assure you, milady. In the meantime, please… feel free to take a look around, see if you like anything. Because, well, you never know what might happen…" he chuckled.

The minion grinned in reply. "The same to you, Mr. Undertaker! Might just as well do all this 'prudent planning' for yourself too…"

"Ehehehe… right. Now, if you will come this way, my little lord…"

Ciel flinched when the Undertaker's fingers touched his lobe to adjust the earring. His body went limp against the cold metal table and the young earl squeezed his eyes shut, at least to spare himself of the sight of the procedure, if the pain could not be avoided. The silver haired shinigami hummed softly as he prepared his tools, and Ciel was rather relieved that he hadn't mentioned the incident with Mr. Krech. The boy felt something sharp puncturing each of his lungs, and desperately tried to breathe through the pain, while his whole body seemed to clamp around the intruding objects, beyond his will. But then the needles were removed and some thick liquid was poured into the wounds, suffocating, and he choked.

"It's alright, it's alright, breathe normally," the Undertaker instructed in a soothing tone. "My, are you that afraid of me? Is that why you're keeping your eyes closed?" he then chuckled, much to Ciel's annoyance. Yet the petite butler did not open them, because the reaper's stupid grin was really the last thing he needed to see, on top of everything.

"I've seen some of your other puppets at lord Grimme's mansion," Ciel whispered, half-lying, because he wasn't quite sure that the girl he'd spotted walking out of the lord's bedroom early in the morning was indeed a body snatcher's creation. Yet there was a good chance that she was, judging by her empty eyes and the way her body moved, like in some sort of un-lively trance. "And they are not like me. They walk around numb and… and they feel no pain." Truth be told, the young earl had no idea if said puppets actually felt no pain at all, seeing how they were 'functional' in every respect, but he'd envied her regardless. "Why is that?"

The shinigami sighed, and the boy heard him fidgeting around as he took his time before answering. "Well, it's because they are soulless and without a conscience or will of their own. But see, I put your soul back into this dainty little body, and that makes you special, and different. Hehehehe!"

Damn you for that! the earl inwardly swore, full of chagrin. It was the Undertaker who stole my soul after all and screwed Sebastian with the contract, but it's me paying for it, damn it to all hell! Under the renewed influence of his heart's torment, Ciel very nearly forgot about his current predicament.

"Speaking of which," the mortician went on, "I thought Grell told you to be careful with your attitude at the new 'job'… yet these unsightly bruises tell quite a different story. Looks like you've been naughty, my little lord"

"What?" The earl's eyes snapped open, glancing down at his abused body, and instantly he felt sick again. That was the one thing he'd failed to consider altogether when deciding to come here and subject himself to treatment, and now the Undertaker probably knew. He knew and was playing dumb about it, the butler was sure of it.

"I didn't do anything…" he breathed out, new tears sliding over his cold, already wet cheeks. No, stop it! Stop it! Don't cry now, damn it!

The Undertaker chuckled, working to loosen the earring a bit again, restoring Ciel's freedom of movement. "Of course you didn't, I'm sure of it!" he croaked. "There, we're all done, you can get dressed now"

But all the boy could do was to curl into a tight ball, a violent headache throbbing in his temples, along with a new wave of relentless nausea. He knew that for the slightest chance of getting the relief his whole being so craved he should have opened his mouth and spoken. He should have let it out. But it was so hard, so hard! 'I told you that you are a tart…' No, I can't say that out loud, I could never… Ciel tormented himself, feeling his consciousness beginning to slip away in the whirlpool of nausea and pain. His heart lay shattered into a million pieces, and they were all sharp, making his insides bleed. The petite butler had replayed everything in his mind over and over again, to the point of madness – Sebastian's touches, his words, every single way in which he felt to his unfortunate lover, along with all the bitter disappointment, cruel humiliation, excruciating pain and above all love, endless love. But numbness refused to come, the darkness of a swoon refused to soothe him, and the pain only seemed to grow more vivid every single time.

"I don't understand, what is the matter with you, my little lord? You should be just fine now…" the Undertaker's voice partially broke the evil spell, and the boy was gently hauled up into a sitting position.

"My master slept with me. That's how I got these bruises, now you know. And soon everyone will know, because he'll probably tell everyone, so that not a soul will be left unaware that I am a whore." Ciel breathed it out bitterly, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his forehead, because the awful headache was blurring his vision.

Beside him the Undertaker remained still, scratching his head. "Heh…well… maybe I didn't necessarily want to know that…" he stated after a while, as he helped Ciel back into his clothes with awkward movements.

"Please, make me like your other puppets," the young earl whispered, choking. "I don't want to feel anything anymore. I want to be void of this pain, I want to be empty…" he pleaded, but the Undertaker shook his head.

"It doesn't work that way, my little lord. Not after this experiment went so well with you… and certainly not after you sent a very drunk Mr. Krech to wreck havoc in my shop. Good thing that he wasn't that hard to deal with and didn't do much damage, because if he'd done it I would have come after you and it wouldn't have been funny at all!"

Ciel chewed his lip, averting his gaze. Hell, this was such a stupid idea! Of course he wouldn't help me! "Please… I'll do anything… I'll do anything you want!" He swung his legs over the edge of the table and jumped down. Stepping a bit unsteady, he reached up to touch Undertaker's face, but the shinigami gently gripped his wrist in mid-air.

"If this is a joke, earl, it might be a good one, but I don't do such things," he said with a wry smile. "How about I tell you a better joke instead?"

The petite butler was in no mood for any kind of joke, but the Undertaker grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around to face the door. "Out there, beyond this door, there's my only daughter. There's no need for her to know, but I want you to take care of her." Saying that, the reaper slipped a bottle of pills into the earl's small hand.

The blue orbs stared back at him from the mirror wide and haunted as he smudged charcoal around them and combed his hair so that the dark bangs covered his eyes. The boy bit his lips methodically until they were red and plump, taking an almost perverted pleasure in the pain he was inflicting onto himself. Ciel briefly inspected his full-black outfit – it was plain and unattractive, and he had no idea how to make it so. But he had a strong suspicion that there was no need for it anyway. He pulled the small bottle of pills out of his pocket and flicked the lid open, letting one tiny, silvery sphere roll into his palm.

"Oh, you think I'm a tart? Fine…I am," the young earl whispered, pushing aside the curtain leading into the ballroom and popping the pill into his mouth. And the world slowed down.

To be continued…