AN: Thank you in advance for your reviews!

The Fowler Cooper Publication Federation

March 2016

Primary Topic: Northanger Abbey by Val McDermid

Additional books mentioned: Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

Dinner was over and the kitchen was clean when Sheldon reached for the kettle. "The usual, my dear?"

"My dear?" Amy raised her eyebrows.

He blushed a little and shrugged. Where did that come from?

Amy smiled briefly but said, "No, maybe no tea tonight."

"Why not? It's Book Club Night." Sheldon sat the kettle down, without filling it. He had had an odd feeling, all evening, that something was off about Amy. It was probably the cause of his little verbal slip.

"Because -" Just then, interrupting her, there was a knock at the door.

He immediately registered that Amy was not surprised. Whoever this unexpected guest was, it was clearly unexpected only to him. The odd feeling turned to dread. He shot her a little glare, so she would know he knew of her trickery, and said, "I'll get it."

He walked across the room and opened the door. "Howard and Bernadette. Good evening."

Howard lifted up the heavy package he was carrying, as though he was implying that Sheldon did not see it right away. "Ah, and the baby," Sheldon added.

Bernadette pushed her way inside, forcing Sheldon to step back and hold the door open wider. He looked over at Amy, she merely gave him a guilty yet satisfied smile and shrug before meeting Bernadette in the kitchen.

"Hey, thanks for offering to babysit. Bernie and I really need a night out." Howard heaved the carrier onto the sofa.

"Amy offered," Sheldon replied. Because I was never asked or informed, he did not add. Despite himself, he found himself fascinated by the odd-shaped contraption on the sofa. There seemed to be some sort of fitted sheet with a hole in it stretched over the car seat. "Why is he in this thing that makes him look like Captain Pike in The Menagerie?"

"It's his car seat, Sheldon. And the cover is there to keep him warm," Howard answered.

"I know it's a car seat. But why does he need to be kept that warm? The average low in Pasadena in March is 46 degrees Fahrenheit. And it's probably much warmer in your climate controlled car."

"Sheldon, it's rude to question your friends' parenting decisions," Amy called. He had not realized she was listening, as he could clearly hear her conversation with Bernadette about bottles just a second before.

He looked back at Howard. "I'm sorry. That was rude. Amy has explained to me that those are the type of conversations we save to have after you leave."

"Sheldon!" Amy barked.

"Uh . . . yeah." Howard shook his head, and removed the cover from the carrier. Jacob Wolowitz's entire sleeping form was now visible. "Do you want to hold him? You still haven't, you know."

"No, thank you." Then he turned to give Amy a look that very clearly said, 'See, I said thank you.'

Bernadette stomped over to him and poked Sheldon in the chest. "Listen here, mister. If you so much as harm a hair on his head I will break both of your femurs!"

Instinctively, Sheldon backed away a step. He wanted to point out that Jacob didn't have any hair yet, but his fear for the largest bones in his body won out.

"It's okay, Bernadette, I've got it. You two just go and enjoy your meal," Amy said.

The petite blonde narrowed her eyes even further at Sheldon. "I mean it."

Sheldon just held up his hands in surrender.

Bernadette and Howard went to the door, Bernadette giving last minute reminders about calling anytime, about anything. As they were walking out, Howard leaned back in and said to Sheldon, "You know, on second thought, maybe you shouldn't hold the baby."

As the door shut, Sheldon turned to Amy. "How long have you known about this?"

"Just this morning. Bernadette called me crying. She's very overwhelmed. I offered to help." She crossed her arms at him, ready to defend her position.

"But it's supposed to be Book Club Night."

"It still is. Look, he's sleeping. He's quiet. You don't have to touch him."

Her logic was sound. Jacob had slept through the two Friday nights gatherings for which he was present; all the extra noise had come from Penny and Amy and Raj, passing him back and forth and cooing over him as though he was the first baby in existence. Sheldon knew he certainly would not be cooing tonight, so maybe Amy wouldn't either. And, as always, he was astounded at how insightful Amy was, that she would know to offer impromptu babysitting to help her friend, that she understood social cues better than him. He thought he should probably try to emulate her in that regard. Not to mention that now that the infant was here, they couldn't ignore him or toss him out. He sighed. "Fine."

He moved to his spot. Amy surprised him by sitting in the large white chair, not next to him. "Why are you sitting there?"

"I don't want to shake the couch too much. One should never wake a sleeping baby."

Sheldon turned to look at he opposite end of the sofa. Babies are so strange. He turned back again. "Northanger Abbey?"

"Yes," Amy replied.

"Before we discuss the book itself, I am curious as to why you chose it."

"I should think it's obvious. It's Jane Austen."

"But it's not Jane Austen, not this one. You picked the modern retelling by Val McDermid."

Amy curled up in the chair. "I love Jane Austen. But unfortunately she only left six completed novels when she died. If I want to read new Austen I either have to read sequels or retellings written by other people."

"Have you read a lot of those? I thought you might consider it sacrilegious."

"Do you consider fanfiction sacrilegious?"

Sheldon paused. He did love a good Star Trek fanfic with a strong scientific plot, preferably taking place on Vulcan so that the emotions were kept to a minimum. Unfortunately, those were rare. "No. I consider it an homage."

"I feel the same about new Austen-based books. Of course, some are much better than others, just like fanfiction. This series, The Jane Austen Project, has been exceptionally well done."

Just then, there was the sound of something between a grunt and a sob at the other end of the sofa. Amy got up and bent over the baby's carrier. "Looks like somebody is awake. Are you confused at where you are? You're spending the evening with Aunt Amy and Uncle Sheldon! We're going to have a great time!"

Although her sing-song intonation was vaguely . . . what? . . . to him, Sheldon had to admit she was right to inflect that an evening spent with them would be the most exciting thing that had yet happened to Jacob. He noticed that as Amy sat down again, holding the baby, that she sniffed him and stroked his cheek. He had noticed she did this every time she picked him up . . . But at least Jacob was calmer now.

"So," Sheldon brought Amy's face back to him, "modern Northanger Abbey. Thoughts?"

"I liked it. I thought it was clever to move the action to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Modern Bath wouldn't work here. The plot needs the social mêlée of a festival-like atmosphere to work properly. And the use of Facebook and other forms of social media plays well, also."

"I liked it, too, although I think less than you. I don't normally read books and watch movies about teenagers."

"Really? I think Iron Man is the biggest teenager of all time. Or maybe that guy from Guardians of the Galaxy," Amy smirked. Sheldon gave her a dirty look. She continued, "Almost all of Jane Austen's heroines are young, either teenagers or in their early twenties. It was normal for the time. Especially with Northanger Abbey, it's essential that Catherine is young and immature. She has to be caught up in fantasies both of her own creation and from novels. For example, I thought it was very clever that she was obsessed with Twilight."

"Did you ever read Twilight? Penny tried to get me to read it. Leonard read it and cried. I refuse to read anything that makes a grown man cry. It's a good thing I read Harry Potter before him."

"I tried, but it was horrible. You were wise to refuse."

Before Sheldon could comment on his own self-evident wisdom, their calm discussion was interrupted by an angry wail from Jacob. Amy looked down at him, and starting patting his bottom. "Oh, what is the matter? Is it as bad as that? Are you hungry? Mommy said you would be."

Sheldon resisted the urge to roll his eyes and point out that he knew a baby would ruin Book Club Night.

"Sheldon, will you do me a favor? Would you make his bottle for him? Bernadette left written instructions and the milk is the refrigerator."

"But you said you would take care of him, and I wouldn't have to touch him!"

Amy looked at him with a face he knew well. And then she said in a tone he also knew well, "I believe Jacob is both hungry and needs a diaper change. You have the choice of either making the bottle or changing his diaper. Those are your options."

Without rebuttal, Sheldon got up and went to the kitchen to follow Bernadette's instructions. I will not think about where this milk came from. I will not think about what Amy is doing. I will not think about where this milk came from. I will not think about what Amy is doing.

By the time the bottle was ready, Amy was back in the chair shushing the baby. She gave Sheldon a smile as she took the bottle. He stood for a second, watching as Jacob greedily started drinking. Fascinating.

"It's okay, Sheldon, we can keep discussing the book. He's happy again."

After sitting, Sheldon watched her feed the baby for a moment. She looked so . . . He spoke, "What did you think of Henry Tilney's hypothesis that dancing and marriage are both contracts?"

"Well, I agree with him that both should involve fidelity and mutual consideration. But Cat's point back to him that marriage is forever and dancing is for a few minutes is more valid than his argument."

"But you started our relationship by dancing with me."

Amy's eyes sparkled as she looked over at him. "Oh, it was a relationship then, was it? And I certainly don't recall forcing you to dance. Besides, if by relationship you mean flirting, you started our relationship before that, when you flirted with me."

"When?" His eyebrows shot up.

"I seem to remember the word vixen being involved."

Sheldon opened his mouth and shut it again. Ironically, the only appropriate response to that comment was to point out, once again, that she was a vixen. Amy smirked back at him.

A few seconds passed in which Jacob finished his bottle with great sucking sounds, and Amy put him up her shoulder, patting his back.

"What about Henry's comment that 'the habit of loving is definitely one to be cultivated'?" Sheldon asked.

"I'm in complete agreement with him on that. Loving is an action, not a passive state of being," Amy replied. She looked slightly over his shoulder, which he knew meant she was remembering something. "It reminds me of one of my favorite books; one of the lessons in it is that it is the time one spends working for and taking care of what one loves that is what makes that love unique and special."

"What book is that?"

Amy smiled. "Spoilers! I just might pick for my next selection."

The baby started making new fussy noises and Amy looked down. "What's wrong now, little one?"

"So, Amy, you said you've only read sequels and modern retellings of Jane Austen, correct?"

She looked back at him. "Yes, why?"

"I just decided what book I will pick next month. I am certain there is a Jane Austen you have not read."

"What?"

Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "Spoilers!"

Amy smiled broadly at that and seemed about to say something else when Jacob made some sort of new noise, and Amy pulled him away from her a little. "Oh, dear. Maybe that was the problem. Do you feel better now?"

Sheldon noticed the white liquid running down Amy's shirt. He looked away quickly with repulsion, but Amy's voice pulled him back. "Here, Sheldon, take him so I can go change. I should have put a rag on my shoulder."

"What? Why do I have to take him? He just vomited!"

Amy was standing now. "Sheldon, take him. It's running down my back and if I sit back down it will be on the chair."

Well, at the least her shirt can be laundered. Sheldon held out his arms and took the squirming form. He didn't bring him in any closer.

"Support his head! He's only a month old, he hasn't gained the motor control to hold it upright very long."

"What if he vomits on me?"

"Sheldon Cooper!"

He pulled the baby in close but then thought he was doing it wrong. "What if he can't breathe with his face against me?"

"Put him up on your shoulder. I thought you told me you held your nephew when he was born."

"I did. But not like this. He was lying down. And he wasn't this big," Sheldon moved the bundle up to his shoulder, careful to keep his hand behind Jacob's head.

"See, you've got it." Amy turned and walked out of the room.

Amy had no sooner left than the crying started. Sheldon tried patting Jacob's back, like Amy had done. It didn't help. He made shushing sounds, which didn't help either. He decided to try turning Jacob, holding him like he had his nephew. With great care, he managed to accomplish that move. It quieted the baby a little, but he was still whimpering.

Sheldon looked down into the blank eyes full of water. "Please stop crying. I don't know what else to do."

Surprisingly, Jacob stopped crying. I did it! I spoke rationally to him and it worked! But then the whimpering started again.

"Please, please, don't. I am afraid of your mother. Someday you will learn to be afraid of her, too." He was grateful that no one was around to hear him both beg and confess his illogical fears to an infant, of all things.

Jacob stopped crying again. For a few seconds, there was quiet. But then his face twisted up again.

"Okay, it seems I need to talk to you." Ah, it worked! His face relaxed! "I don't know what to say to you as the only thing we have in common right now is that we are both males and we are in the same room." Sheldon paused briefly, racking his brain. "I don't think we've been formally introduced, and that seems the logical starting point when meeting new people. I am Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. I know you have been told to call me Uncle Sheldon, but I would prefer Uncle Dr. Cooper. I am a theoretical physicist, and I am going to win the Nobel Prize. Someday I will explain it to you because your parents cannot. Stick with me, kid, and I'll show you a far superior field of study than biology or engineering."

As he was speaking, Sheldon was surprised at how intently he was being watched. Maybe Jacob's eyes weren't so blank after all. "I should correct myself. Neurobiology at the level of your Aunt Amy's research is an acceptable field of study. Your Aunt Amy is a genius. So am I, but you probably won't need to be told that. Aunt Amy is a lot things. She is intelligent, caring, logical and wise. She can be quite funny. She is also very beautiful. No doubt, in your adolescence, your father will try to explain women to you. Don't listen to anything he tells you. You just need to find your own Amy. She is the total package, as the expression goes."

He found himself smiling down at Jacob, the baby's tiny hand wrapped around his finger, although he had no memory of putting his hand there. Bewildered, he quickly wiped the smile off his face. Then he jumped when he heard Amy cough from the hallway. Why was Amy coughing? Was she getting ill? Walking toward him, she gave the smile and look she gave when he had pleased her. But how had he pleased her?

"Look, he's almost asleep," she said.

Sheldon looked down. Indeed, Jacob's eyelids were hovering near closure. Oh, I pleased Amy by putting him back to sleep.

"Do you want me to take him?" Amy asked.

"No, I'll hold him. You said never to wake a sleeping baby," Sheldon replied. And Bernadette will kill us if you give him a cough.

The corresponding After Dark chapter is Chapter 7: Knowing.