Jab. Jab. Jab. Cross. Stop. Jab. Jab. Jab. Cross. Stop. Buffy practiced the same drills over and over until she could find out which precise movements allowed the maximum speed and power. She did this once in a while, sometimes after she knew she had trained to a higher peak of performance. Sometimes she just did it because she was pissed off. Today, it was the latter. Jab. Jab. Jab. Cross. Stop. She huffed in frustration. She knew the punches being dropped into the heavy bag weren't even a quarter of her ability. If she was going to defeat Spike she had to clear her head, get it in the game. Jab. Jab. Jab. Cross. Stop. JabJabJabCross. Stop. That was better, but not good enough. She wished for the hundredth time that day there was such things in life as "do-overs." JabJabJabCrossStop. Better.
"B," Faith came down the stairs, wrapped her hands in tape. "Sorry, thought I'd be alone. I'll leave."
"No. Stay," Buffy kept throwing hits and did not take her gaze off the bag but there was no maliciousness or negativity in her voice so Faith obliged. She watched Buffy for a moment. When there was no sign of her letting up, Faith walked across the room and lit up a cigarette, coming to a rest atop the machine she'd jimmied to hold boards the girls would break for practice. There was a flow with which Buffy moved that Faith could never master. Nobody could. Maybe it was because she was the most experienced, but then Faith was only a few years behind her in practice. Faiths style was reckless, spontaneous and aggressive. Buffy's was a contrast of collected, calculated and smooth. Whatever the reason, Faith just watched in awe like she always did. Finally Buffy grunted in frustration and threw her hands up in the air. "I just am so out of it!"
"Course you are, B. Look at all this shit going on right here, it's crazy. We're all shook up," Faith took the final drag of her cigarette and put it out on her boot. "You'd be nuts if you weren't."
"When did you get all reasonable and wise?" Buffy cocked an eyebrow.
"Just something I picked up in prison. And fighting with you at the end of it all," Faith shrugged. "Gave me some perspective. I totally get Angels brooding redeemy thing now, y'know? I got a second chance just like him, how many of us get that?" Faith smiled at the ground before raising an eyebrow of her own. "Well…I guess your boy Spike. Clearly not one for the high road."
"He's not my boy," bitterness peppered Buffy's voice. Faith checked her facial expression to see if that was aimed at her unintentional wording, but Buffy wasn't looking at her. Satisfied that it wasn't, Faith continued speaking.
"It's just…you got a lot of history under one roof here, Buffy. Me-"
"-I'd hardly call that history."
"Don't. Look, I'm sorry it didn't work out, but you and me? That was real. Still is, at least hormonally. You know it and I know it." Faith was standing straight now, her eyes sharpening defensively.
Buffy sighed, crossed her arms across her chest and nodded. "You're right," she conceded, "I'm sorry." Pulling an arm across the length of her body Buffy started stretching out. She couldn't seem to sit still, so much energy was pent up inside her. Namely frustration. "Faith, do you ever wish you could take parts of your life back?" All she got in response was an ironic smile. "Right. Sorry. It's just…besides the obvious?"
"What? Like you and me type of stuff?" Faiths eyebrows hit the ceiling on that one. She had come down to the basement to hit things, not to have a heart to heart. "No, B. I don't with that. You look all shocked. I only know one thing for sure: If you never let me in like that, I'd never know if I was able to…I dunno…be with Em the way I am. I never…I didn't…I suck at this."
"Just try," Buffy pressed on, taking a step closer.
Faith inhaled and swallowed, lighting up another cigarette. It was more of a way to pause and gather her thoughts than a craving for one at that moment. A minute or so passed before she spoke again. "If you didn't ever let me tell you I loved you, I would never have known that I could. So…you know…thanks. Because I'm real happy right now. And I didn't know I could have that either. Never thought I deserved it. And all this other shit? With Spike? Hell yeah I'm pissed off and hell yeah I'd die for you, B. But it's different now. I'll probably love you for, I dunno, ever. But I'm movin' on because I don't have to be scared with her. I have no fucking idea if we'll be together forever, or even a year from now, but I know that I don't have to deal with feeling like I fucked it up before I even started with her." Faith had said all of this in between drags and confused frowns, avoiding Buffy's gaze at all costs.
"Is that how you feel, Faith?" Buffy's voice was quiet and small somehow. "Like you ruined it before you started?"
"Well…yeah, B? How could I not? We have so much bad shit between us," finally Faith looked up, her jaw square. She'd never allow herself to cry in front of another soul, but Buffy knew that's the expression on her face was the closest she'd ever get.
"I know," Buffy nodded. "By the way, you said that perfectly." She walked across the room and squeezed Faith's hand, smiling. "And for the record, I wouldn't take it back either. I had a lot of people in my life try to wait for me to be strong enough for me to love them. Including you. The truth is I've never been strong enough to love anybody because I have always been too terrified of hurting them. If I died or got turned or…who knows? This is such a dangerous job that we were just handed. You are the only one who could understand that, Faith. It just took losing you to know it. So I guess now, instead of you waiting for me, I'm waiting for you." Buffy smiled larger, tears welling in her eyes.
"Aw, B. Don't cry, okay? I…I don't know what to do with that," Faiths entire body tensed, which caused Buffy to smile a little wider.
"It's not bad crying, promise. It's just, I'm happy you're happy. And if it doesn't work out, this is totally a My Best Friend's Wedding deal where if we're not married by the time we are 40 we are going to marry each other."
"I have no idea what that means," Faith looked at the blonde blankly. "But sure."
"Good!" Buffy sighed and wiped at her eyes. "It's late and I'm sure Emily is missing you. We have an early day tomorrow."
"Yeah, so much for training," Faith laughed a little as she started unwrapping her hands. Clearly there would be no heavy bag hitting tonight. She felt emotionally exhausted as it was. By the time she'd turned around, Buffy was already up the stairs. Faith flicked off the lights to the basement and went up the stairs herself, grabbing a glass of water on the way to the hallway. She reached the bottom stair of the main floor and made the climb to the top floor, smiling to herself. Climbing into bed, she was careful not to disturb her girlfriend. She traced Emily's lips and planted a kiss on them, concentrating on being comfortable with love. It was a strange feeling for her, to even be able to love. Stranger still that someone had the capacity to love her back without fear behind their eyes, something she couldn't even say about Buffy. Faith brushed a stray strand of hair away from Emily's brow and turned the light off; rolling away from her to make sure she didn't hurt her in any way. Her injuries were slowly healing up, but there were spots that were still visibly tender. If she had stayed facing Emily she would have been able to see a smile trying its hardest to tug at the corners of her mouth.
Emily didn't care if there was history between Buffy and Faith, or if there was some residual feelings. All she cared about was that Faith loved her enough to be honest about her feelings. If that happened to work out in Emily's favour, all the better.
Besides, everyone in the house knew that Slayers have incredible hearing and you can hear everything happening in the basement through those vents!
AU: I did kind of lose interest because I was not getting a lot of R and R's but I got one today that made me regain interest! Thanks a lot for giving a review and making me feel good about picking this up again! Three chapters today