A/N – I kind of forgot this story existed. Don't plan on their being any plot or even remembering where the hell I was going with this.
Previously:-
Nightmare: Gah! I think I liked you better as a mindless moron
Raphael: -grinning- Aw, I knew ya liked me
Ivy: They both have ridiculously short attention spans, and Nightmare did kiss Raphael.
Cervantes: Twas an odd sight that
Ivy: Yes… odd… though quite interesting
Cervantes: Quite. Maybe if he'd actually taken his helmet off first…
Ivy: So, by your reckoning, all the insane weird shit that has been going on around here is simply because it is part of a storyline?
Nightmare: Exactly.
Cervantes: Don't seem like much of a storyline to me.
Raphael: Maybe it's a parody.
Yoshimitsu: Namu namu NAMU!
Raphael: Wait a minute… wasn't he here before?
Cervantes: stops shouting profanities at the air- wait, did you say she's taken worse from you?
Nightmare: Uh… no…
Cervantes: … I'll fuckin' kill ye!
Inside the Mansion – Ivy's bedroom
Raphael: Oh my poor Ivy, does it hurt?
Ivy: A strange samurai git stabbed me in the back, yes it bloody hurts
Raphael: Well, there's no need to be rude!
Ivy: Shouldn't you be out saving wonder boy?
Raphael: Wonder boy? Hmm… maybe I gave you too much morphine
Ivy: You haven't given me any morphine numbskull. And by wonder boy I mean German Boy, aka Nightmare aka Siegfried aka Scary Bastard
Raphael: Oh yea…
Outside the Mansion
Cervantes: Get back 'ere ye coward!
Nightmare: I'm not a coward; I just thought you could use the exercise.
Cervantes: How dare ye!
Inside the Mansion
Nightmare: Wait a minute…
Cervantes: stops Eh?
Raphael: … Welcome back?
…
Nightmare: What the fuck happened there?
Raphael: Language!
Nightmare: English!
Ivy: Disclaimer!
…
Ivy: What? Did you expect me to ignore that blatantly stolen material?
Cervantes: Ye are my daughter aren't ye?
Ivy: Oh shut up
Raphael: Does anyone actually no what's going on?
They all stare at each other
Ivy: Honestly, I don't really care anymore.
Raphael: How can you say that?
Nightmare: I'm with S&M girl over there. Just go with the flow and fuck it.
Raphael: No problem!
Raphael lunches himself at Nightmare
Nightmare: I immediately regret everything I just said.
Cervantes: I would help ye… but no
Nightmare: I thought dead people were supposed to have a sense of humour.
Cervantes: We do. It's wonderfully morbid.
Ivy: I never would have noticed.
Nightmare finally pushed Raphael off him
Nightmare: Well as fun as this has been, I'm leaving
Raphael: Noooo!
Cervantes: Ta ta
Ivy: Finally.
Raphael: How can you all be so cold hearted? You wish the love of my life to leave? How can I ever live without him?!
Ivy: hmmm… that's a point
Cervantes: What?
Ivy: If we let him leave, ponz boy will mope about, crying and moaning and neither of us will ever have any peace. And I mean never.
Cervantes: I see your point.
Nightmare is already half way across the grounds, Raphael clinging onto his legs and rubbing snot over his armour as he cries like a little girl.
Nightmare: Let go of me!
Raphael: Never!
Nightmare: Oh for fuck sake.
Cervantes: Oi German boy, where the fuck do you think you're goin'?
Nightmare: What did you just call me?
Ivy: All this crazy shit started when you turned up, and I'm guessing it's going to keep happening after you leave. Therefore you are the reason none of us are going to get any peace for a very, very long time. So you can either stay and sort this mess out, or you can leave and I'll hunt you to the very ends of the earth.
Nightmare: nodding I fail to see why that should bother me
Ivy: Because I'll drive Raph insane and send him after you
Nightmare: I see…
Raphael: So you'll stay?
Nightmare: … I hate you all walks back to the house
Raphael: YAY!
Cervantes: This better be a good idea, or I swear to ye, daughter or not, I will make ye suffer.
Ivy: Yes, you've told me that before. And yes, it will work. Trust me.
Cervantes: I've heard that before
Ivy: Shut up.
They both watch as Raphael runs round Nightmare like a hyperactive, and probably horny, puppy
Cervantes: That is just… is that a lizard with a sword?
Why is Nightmare the centre of these mad times?
Nightmare: Because I'm Bat… because I'm awesome
Cervantes: I heard that
How did Cervantes forget about his grudge against Nightmare so quickly
Cervantes: My what?
Nightmare: Nothing
What is Ivy's plan?
Ivy: Nothing that concerns you
And… is that really a lizard with a sword?
Cervantes: I know! That's what I thought
Raphael: A what with a what?
Nightmare: Ah, fresh meat
Ivy: Lizards with swords… damn you Nightmare
Nightmare: Ain't my fault everyone wants a piece of this
Raphael: Can I have a piece?
Nightmare: … No
Raphael: But-
Nightmare: Just no
Ivy: Please, end it now. They'll never stop
Find out next time on Loves First Ponz!