Around ten thirty the following morning, Henry woke up, got dressed, and went downstairs to make himself breakfast. He met his mother in the kitchen, sitting at the counter and browsing the New York Times.

"Morning," Henry said, pouring himself some coffee and drinking it straight. He liked his coffee as black as his soul.

"Good morning, darling," his mother greeted.

He sat down next to her. "Is dad here?"

"No, he had a meeting with the architects designing the new hotel in Moscow, but it started at six this morning so he should be back any moment." Blair paused and looked around in slight confusion. "Speaking of missing people; where's Wes? He's usually up long before you are."

"I highly doubt Wesley will be getting up at all today," Henry said. "He was pretty hammered last night."

"Wes?" Blair asked. "He drinks? Since when?"

Henry shrugged. "Since yesterday, I guess."

"What was he drinking?"

"I wasn't really present," Henry admitted. "But Laurel kind of filled me in. So from what she observed there was beer, champagne, scotch, something from a mysterious water bottle, some shots of tequila, and god knows what else. So he's probably not in tip top shape right now."

Blair cringed. "Oh god, and he doesn't usually drink either. Someone should probably go make sure he's still alive."

"Nah, I heard whimpering from his room earlier, so he's not dead."

At that moment, Chuck Bass entered the kitchen, apparently finished with whatever meeting he had been attending. "Good morning."

He ruffled Henry's hair (much to his annoyance) and took the seat next to Blair, who he grabbed and he began kissing passionately.

"Blech; no!" Henry interrupted. "You saw her like two hours ago, dad; you two definitely don't need to make out like you've returned from a ten year voyage at sea. Also, this is the kitchen, which is the number one PDA-free zone. Have you even read the contract?"

"Of course, we were all there when the lawyer drafted it," his father said.

Blair laughed and stood up. "I'm going to check on your poor friend and bring him some water or Advil or something."

"What poor friend?" Chuck asked Henry.

"Wes," Henry answered. "He got completely trashed last night. I don't know why Mom cares so much though; she's never this nice to me when I'm drunk."

His father chuckled. "Please. You're a Bass, and we Basses don't get hangovers. Think about it, I mean maybe a headache after a particularly wild night, but in the Bass family, we hold our liquor. Wesley, despite how much he's in our house, is not a Bass. He's probably suffering."

"You've really got to stop attributing all my good attributes to 'being a Bass'," Henry grumbled. "I'll be like 'I got a good grade on my science test' and you and Mom are all 'Ah yes, like a true Bass'. It's seriously getting old."

Chuck shrugged. "You've been blessed with good genes. Your mother and I just want the credit we deserve; we did create you."

Henry was busy rolling his eyes when Blair came back into the kitchen.

"How's he doing?" Chuck asked.

"Remember Serena before she went to boarding school?" Blair asked. "It's like her on a bad day."

Chuck raised his eyebrows. "Seriously? What kind of party was this?"

"Nah, it wasn't anything crazy," Henry said dismissively. "Wes is just a total lightweight."

"Poor thing," Blair said. "He's absolutely miserable."

Henry snorted. "Oh please."

"Why do you have no sympathy today?" Blair asked. "He is your best friend."

"Well first of all, it's his own fault he got wasted," Henry said. "And secondly, he's a big fucking liar."

Chuck narrowed his eyes "What do you mean?"

"So you know that girl Sloane?" Henry asked. "You know, dark hair, dark eyes, dark clothes, dark humor? Anyways, I'm like ninety percent sure Wesley is sleeping with her, and he won't tell me he's sleeping with her."

"Wait Wes is sleeping with someone?" Blair asked in astonishment. "Did he and Laurel ever… you know."

Henry shook his head.

"So does that make this the… this is exceptionally uncomfortable. Has Wes slept with any girls before? Or is this the first, or what?"

"He hasn't actually mentioned any sexual encounters," Henry said. "But nowadays I don't even know. So maybe. Sloane may be the first girl he's screwed."

"Knowing Wes, this is a big deal for him," Blair commented. "I mean, when Chuck and I-"

"Never again!" Henry interrupted. "I do not want to hear that story in any more detail than I have already heard it and it's beside the point anyways. The point is that he's lying to me. Wesley is my best friend and he is lying to me. About a girl, no less."

Blair frowned. "But there must be a reason he's lying to you though. I mean, this is Wes we're talking about; he is the most honest child I have ever met, almost annoyingly so. He's a regular Nate Archibald for gods sake"

"Not anymore!" Henry shot back.

"So Sloane, what's she like?" Chuck asked leaning back in his chair.

"She's not really 'like' anything," Henry explained. "She's hands down the strangest person I've ever met. Well, maybe not the strangest, if you count Pigeon Joe, but Sloane's still pretty weird. She even dresses really weird, I mean it would look worse on somebody else, but the overall effect is still bad. And she's loud, and she says whatever she wants to, probably because doesn't give a shit about anything other people think. I don't know; there's just something about her that bugs the hell out of me."

"So you like her," Blair concluded.

"What!?" Henry yelped. "I do not! This is not about me!"

"He totally likes her right?" Blair asked Chuck, who nodded. "Yeah; you're jealous."

"I am not jealous!" Henry exclaimed. "What the hell did I say to make you think that?"

Blair sighed. "If you remove all the disdain and teenage angst from your description, you basically just told us that she's not like any girl you've ever met, she's pretty, she's strong and independent, and you don't know what it is about her that you like. Face it; it's love."

"That is not at all what I said," Henry said angrily. "I'm just upset my best friend is lying to me."

"I'm sure you are," Chuck agreed. "And you're also deeply in like, not to mention in lust, with this 'Sloane' of yours."

"You two are completely delusional," Henry said. He stood up abruptly and stormed out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and into his room, shutting the door behind him.

"Kids," Blair said.

"Kids," Chuck agreed.

Blair sipped her coffee thoughtfully. "But… how is he going to get the girl?"

"He'd have to get Wes out of the way, of course," Chuck said. "The question is how… Maybe bring up his dark past?"

Blair snorted. "You've met this kid; he doesn't have any 'dark past'. Be serious."

"Okay, how about Henry sets up a date between them, but gives Wes the wrong address, so he unintentionally stands her up, and he looks bad."

"Too tame," Blair dismissed. "He has to send Wes a message."

Chuck thought for a moment. "What if the wrong address was the address of a crack house?"

"That's better." Blair grinned. "I know where at least three crack houses are located, so getting an address shouldn't be an issue. Oh, and then, to really seal the deal, Henry should show up 'coincidentally' at the location of this would-be date, and start seducing Sloane."

"It's a perfect scheme," Chuck agreed. "You go get Henry and I'll start the… wait… wait a second. We're adults. We're plotting the down fall of a child."

"A child who's sleeping in our guest bedroom," Blair added, looking slightly horrified. "A child who we've known since the boys were in kindergarten. He's in our photo albums. I just brought him juice and told him to feel better, like literally five minutes ago."

"We like Wes," Chuck said.

"What's wrong with us?"

Chuck smiled at her wickedly. "It would have worked though."

"Of course it would have, we're us" Blair sighed with the shadow of a smile on her face.