Back to Green Ch. 10
It's been like this for quite a while now.
Every single day I wake up and the first thing I see is Peeta, and I cannot find a reason to mind it at all.
I love it. I love him.
I brush his now-overgrown bangs out of his closed eyes and plant a feather kiss just slightly on the bridge of his nose.
His eyes flutter awake.
"Katniss. . ." he moans.
"Shh," I hush, "stay in bed for a while."
He clears his throat and sits upright, wiping the sleepiness out of his eyes with closed fists. "I cant," he says with the night still evident in his voice, "I want to go back to the bakery today."
Oh, no.
Surely he remembers?
If I tell him will it just ignite another episode? He hasn't had those in so long. I can't even remember the last time I had to hold his hands still to his chest while he cried out.
"Peeta, dear," I close my palm around his exposed shoulder, "the bakery isn't there anymore. It's gone, remember? It burned down."
I don't elaborate more because I can't bring myself to tell him why.
He licks his lips and stands anyways, "Im not idiotic."
"Of course not" I blurt out while absentmindedly gazing at his bare back and chest and anything else I can see whilst he attaches his leg and start to dress.
He's buttoning up his shirt when he finally says, "Then you would know that I am fully aware that the bakery burned down during the bomb, killing my family." There isn't one bit of emotion in his voice, and if there is, I can't detect it.
I sigh, "Peeta. . ."
"You would also know that I'm going to go there anyway, to rebuild it." I shake my head in confusion, "Katniss, I want to reopen the bakery" he confesses with a slightly childish giddiness that makes his eyes light up and he kneels beside me, near our bed.
I smile big, "Thats. . . Great!" and he smiles to match me.
"Really?"
"Truly."
I lift the blankets over top my chest to conceal myself as I lean over and kiss him before he leaves.
"I love you so much," he whispers quietly against my lips. I say it back. I mean it, too.
And the second that Peeta leaves is also the second I realize how much I would miss him if he did reopen the bakery.
I never really realized how. . . Complete I feel with him near me. Without him I would feel empty.
Peeta's been by my side 24/7 for months now.
Peeta, born in the beginnings of February, who is my senior by a mere four months.
He's almost nineteen, but we're both still children.
It's surreal to think about. If we were back in the old District 12, Peeta would already be a working man. I would already be willing to marry. I don't know with whom, Gale probably. Which is even more surreal to think about, because I'm sure the only one I'd be willing to marry now is Peeta.
But everything is different.
A good different, I suppose, but I cannot seem to fathom why Peeta not being by my side always is "good."
So I ignore it and go to sleep instead.
When I wake up, the smell of fresh supper is filling the room. Is it lunch or supper?
I look at the ticking clock: 3:22.
It's lunch.
I make my way downstairs wearing nothing but a thin nightgown that was lying around near my bed and Peeta smirks when he sees me.
"Good morning," he smooths down some of my disheveled hair, "sleep well?"
I take a seat at the table and sloppily scoop multiple spoons of potatoes and squirrel gravy on my plate. It smells so good.
"How do you know how to make gravy?" I ask him, ignoring the glances he gives me.
"I don't." He scoops some onto his plate as well and starts to dig in, "But Sae does. She made this for us." I nod my head, "She wanted to see how you were doing."
"Did you tell her I'm wonderful?"
"No, I told her you were better."
"Oh." I nonchalantly smile at him and scoop up more potatoes. These potatoes are so good.
"She's going to help me rebuild the bakery." He eyes me suspiciously.
"That's good." I admit, averting his strong gaze.
"Are you avoiding something?" He asks, "Do you not want me to do this?"
I look up at him and his expression softens. For a second, I feel a pang of guilt.
Am I being selfish feeling this way?
Most likely.
"Katniss. . ." Peeta grabs my hand, "Talk to me sweetheart, I wont do this do this if you don't want me to."
I squint my eyes shut.
There goes Peeta, again. Being the most selfless person you could ever meet. Sitting there being so considerate while you sit back, do nothing, and feel like a useless jerk.
What if he does leave.
There have been loads of foolish Capitol women who've since the games immigrated to District Twelve in order to be in the same district as the "Star Crossed Lovers," who aren't really "Star Crossed" anymore.
It would be a shame if one of them took an interest in Peeta, and I wasn't there to stop it from happening.
Is that a good enough reason to not want him to leave me.
"I want you to," I confess, "but I don't want to be alone."
He sighs, knowing my underlying meaning. He knows I don't want him with anyone else. He knows I want to selfishly keep him by my side at all times, so no one can even look at him in the way that I always do.
"Alone? You think I would ever leave you alone?" He stands, "I made a promise to you, Katniss! I made a promise to you! I made a promise that I would stay with you!"
I tilt my head to the ground and whisper: "always."
He bends over and lifts my chin up to look at him, "That's right, always. Now tell me, Katniss, do you think I would ever leave you?" His eyes are solemn.
And I don't stop myself, "Stranger things have happened."
He doesn't respond. He just stands and walks out of the door. Pausing briefly before turning around and looking straight into my eyes.
"Sae also wanted to know when you would marry me. What should I tell her?"
"Tell her that her squirrel gravy is phenomenal."