Draco's Journal, Year One

by AshLandWriter

From my fanfiction Harry Potter of Slytherin, these are Draco's entries in the journal his father had gifted him with. The entries will make more sense if you're reading the other fanfiction as well. Some chapters will be poems, others will just be thoughts of the day. Warning: contains eating disorder and abuse. There will not be trigger warnings for specific chapters. Thank you.

10. Sometimes 10 of Nov 1991

Sometimes 10/11/1991

Sometimes

Sometimes more, there's

A fear I can't explain

It controls me and hurts me, but

None know

.

None know about this monster, the one that imprisons me and controls me. It hurts me, but I can't stop it. If I try to break free from it, it only clings to me harder. If I give in, it only wants more. There's a mutual respect that's needed, I think, but sometimes I wonder if it can sense how weak I am. Sometimes I wonder if it thinks I'm too weak to be in control, that it thinks things will be better if it takes control.

My father tells me it's just some foolish behavior, as if I have a choice in any of this. He doesn't realize how in control this monster is, and neither do my friends. Crabbe and Goyle watch over me carefully, as if I may break or fall to my demise at any time. Not that it stops them from not being there when I'm truly in danger...

Harry doesn't know the full story. He only knows the smallest part, and although I trust him and he cares about me, I cannot bear to tell him the entire truth. If I did and if he truly understood, then all he would see is this monster controlling me, and I so much need for someone to just see me as a person.

Here's to being seen as a person and earning this monster's respect.

-Draco

---

- This poem uses the traditional format of Cinquain. I thought that since this poem's structure is rather short that I should include an actual entry as well. It also makes sense, since Draco has had this journal long enough to feel like he can explain the meaning behind his poems. Of course, that doesn't mean the explanation will make total sense. He's still new to this and a bit paranoid that someone could read it, so as of right know his writings will be somewhat vague. For those keeping up with the fanfiction associated with this, this entry was written the day after the chapter Sometimes, Sometimes More takes place. I hope you're enjoying this. For those who can relate in some way or another, I hope this gives you comfort and lets you know that you are neither crazy nor alone.