"It was weird, Carlisle. I was like she was blocking me out or something." Jaspers voice was clear as day to me despite the distance and walls between us.
"I don't know, Jasper. Maybe you're just over reacting." Esme's motherly voice tried to comfort her son.
"If it only happened once, Jasper, I doubt that its anything you should worry about. Let me know if it happens again though." Carlisle conversed casually.
"Can you sense her feelings now?"
"Yes, I can. She's… well never mind."
My eyes narrowed.
Edward chuckled from his position on the bed beside me.
"Lust, huh?"
"Shut up." I growled.
"Why are you just laying there, then?" He smiled wickedly. "I can think of so many better things we could be doing right now."
I returned his smile as he rolled over on top of me.
"Sadly, though, we only have about 20 minutes before Esme brings you, or the baby, rather, some human food."
"You better make that 20 minutes good if I'm going to be forced to choke down dirt." I smiled, remembering the conversation I had once had with Edward about him eating human food. It seemed so long ago that we had been sitting at that cafeteria table with all of Fork's High student bodies eyes on us.
"As you wish, Mrs. Cullen." He winked before pressing his lips to my own in another of the deep kisses that were so new to us. I had been waiting for so long to be able to lose myself in a kiss like this. Edward no longer needed to protect me from the teeth and the venom inside of his mouth, and he made no effort to try. We lost ourselves in the sweet refuge of each other's breath and our fingers knotted in each others hair. His body hovered above my own, contouring to every curve perfectly. He slipped one hand between my lower back and the bed and lifted my hips off the bed and pressed them into his own. I smirked at his brave actions and he took the opportunity to capture my lower lip between his teeth.
"Mmmm." I moaned playfully as he began kissing every square inch of my face.
"I can't believe I am married to you," He whispered into my ear, his cold breath tickling my neck as it cascaded down to my collarbone. "I am the luckiest person in the world."
"I think I'm pretty damn lucky to have you too." I gasped.
He smiled my favorite half smile and began rubbing his nose in gentle motions across my jaw line as he continued. "I don't deserve you."
"Even if that is true, which, mind you, it isn't, but even if it was, you are stuck with me now."
"Good. If there was ever a person I would want to spend eternity with, it's you."
With a final brief kiss, he resumed his position next to me on the bed with his head resting casually on my abdomen. "Esme's coming." He cut off my protest.
A short knock on the door sounded.
"Come in, Esme." I called invitingly.
She opened the door slowly and stepped inside. When she noticed our position, Edwards ear pressed gently to the babies heartbeat, she smiled and a new warmth came to her already comforting eyes.
"I'm sorry to interrupt," She started knowingly, "But.."
"I have to eat." I finished her statement with a roll of my eyes.
She smiled wider and nodded. "I'm going to the store today to pick you up some vitamins too. I don't really know if they'll be affective, seeing as you're a vampire and all, but you never know. None of us have any idea how to approach this.. It's a definite first, but eating is one thing that you are going to have to do, that we know." With that, she produced a tray of macaroni and cheese from behind her back and winced apologetically, "Sorry we don't have a big selection. I didn't buy any additional human food after we determined the date for your change because we didn't think… well, this is all we have left now, at any rate. But once we make it to Alaska, we'll buy you some more."
"Yippee." I muttered in a tone that was sarcastic, yet friendly.
"When are we leaving?" Edward spoke without moving.
"In about 12 hours." Esme responded. "Its twilight right now, so we'll leave at sunrise."
At her words I turned to the window. Sure enough, the sun was just vanishing beyond the skyline. I smiled to myself briefly before returning my gaze to Esme.
She moved to the bed and set down the bowl of less than appetizing looking mac' n cheese before giving me a light kiss on the cheek before gracefully exiting. I wondered fleetingly if I walked half as poetically as her before turning my attention to the food sitting beside me.
"Ugh." I moaned. After tasting blood, regular food was no competition anymore. Even so, I knew that the baby needed nutrition as much as I did, I just wished the food needed to supplement the babies life was not so extraordinarily disgusting.
Edward chuckled, amused, from his position at my stomach.
"Shut up." I growled unhappily.
He sat up, still smiling. "This is one vampire experience that I have got to see." He winked.
I scowled and sat up too, pulling the bowl of cheesy noodles onto my lap. I picked up the fork and pushed around the food for a moment before spearing several noodles on the end of it. I lifted it to my face and sniffed it, recoiling immediately from its scent. It didn't hold the same appeal as it once had.
I unwillingly opened my mouth and did the best I could to hold my breath as I chewed and swallowed.
"That's terrible," I complained childishly. "It's not even remotely tasty."
Edward's entire frame shook with the laughter he was trying so hard to conceal. He failed, finally, and let out a booming laugh.
"Hey!" I whined as I threw a light punch at his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Bella." He apologized, still laughing as his hand rubbed the place that I had punched him, "You should have seen your face, though."
"Yeah, yeah." I scowled.
In all honesty, the Macaroni had tasted entirely repulsive. It was worse than when I had been dared to eat dirt. It was dry and crumbly and I was able to pick apart every separate ingredient in my mouth. The previously appealing taste of cheese had completely vanished in this new life I led, and I had a sudden sick feeling. Not so much from the food I had eaten, but more from the dread of knowing that I had to eat like this for the next… how many more months of this did I have to endure?
"How long do I have to keep this up for?" I cringed.
"Well, the baby is at least at 3 months growth right now… isn't that what Carlisle said? Yes. So that means that no more than 6 months."
"No." I groaned as I threw my head back in protest.
"I'm sorry, Bella." His words were sincere and his face was etched with compassion and sympathy.
"No, it's not your fault." I countered.
"It is." He didn't say the words aloud, but I read his lips.
"Edward Anthony Cullen, don't even start that." I scolded.
"Eat your macaroni, Bella." He rolled his eyes.
I fumed over the undeserved guilt that he was shouldering while I forced down the rest of the revolting meal and pushed away the bowl hastily.
"Sickening." I muttered.
He grimaced and swept me into his arms in a movement that seemed comparably slower to what I used to consider it as.
"What!?" I groaned at his expression as he frowned at me in concentration.
"Nothing." His response came too quickly and I crossed my arms stubbornly in front of my chest in an "I'm waiting" fashion.
"Its just…." He faltered. It was unnatural to see Edward at a loss for words and it worried me.
"What?" I repeated.
"How can you not want to kill him?" He whispered.
I inhaled sharply and my eyes fluttered closed as I comprehended what he was so troubled by.
"I'm sorry, Bella." He continued in the same hushed tone. "I didn't mean to.."
"No. Edward, It's ok. This is something that we should be able to talk about." I breathed.
"Emmett said it would be hard for a while. It's ok if you don't want to talk about it, I wont make you.."
"You talked to Emmett?" I felt my eyes widen.
"Rosalie suggested it." He defended.
"I see." I lowered my eyes again.
"Its just that… Bella, I can see how much pain you are in. You try so hard to hide it and you're doing so well. But I can see when my wife is hurting, and Rosalie has enough expertise in this situation that she see's it too. You're in pain, Bella, and I wish so badly that there was something I could do to help you."
"You do help me. Everyday you help me, just by being there." I assured him.
"Obviously not." He countered sullenly, "If I was there for you everyday, this never would have happened."
"Stop it." I ordered.
"It's my fault, Bella. No matter how much you try to convince me, it will always be my fault. What were the words he used? 'He has taken everything from me, I am going to take at least one thing from him?' Bella, the only reason he hurt you was to get back at me… If it weren't for.."
"I said stop." I spoke quietly, but the tone in my voice was enough to render his requested silence.
I sat still for another moment before speaking.
"Edward, I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. I have done a lot of stupid things and in return, I have suffered the consequences. I should never have trusted Jacob. That was my first major mistake. My second mistake was not trusting your judgment of him to begin with. Another mistake is going to the garage that day, but never, Edward, never, will I ever consider you as a mistake. You being in my life was the best decision I ever made and I am so thankful for you, Edward. I will suffer through anything as long as I have you by my side. You are the most important part of my life, and I wish that there was something that I could do to make you realize that this is not your fault. I was stupid, you were right. It was my mistake and I need to take some of the blame. Jacob is at the most fault, but I was the one who didn't believe you when you warned me." He cast his gaze downward and I saw his beautiful eyes tracing the patterns on the quilt.
"And to answer your question," I placed my hand beneath his chin and forced his head up until his eyes met mine again, "Yes, I do want to kill him. As much as I do, though, I don't want to stoop to his level. I wont stop you, though, if he ever comes around here again. I will not go looking for him, but if he approaches me, I may even help you kill him."
He nodded in understanding, but offered no other opposition to what I had said. He simply held me tighter and stroked my hair.
"Alaska?" I finally broke the silence.
He pulled his head back from mine and studied my face quizzically for a moment before I elaborated.
"Esme said we are leaving for Alaska in twelve hours… I thought we were going to an island off the coast.. here in Washington.."
"Oh," He winced, "I forgot to tell you. We're going to go visit the Denali clan for a while and see if Irina can't give us any insight to your pregnancy before we go to our new home. Don't worry, though. It's safe. No humans for miles around their place."
"I'm not worried about what's outside of the house." I mumbled, thinking of Tanya and her crush on my husband.
Edward knew immediately what I was thinking and chuckled.
"I like brunettes, remember?"
"I hope the fact that I am about to gain a lot of weight in the future isn't going to bother you either." I said, half sarcastically.
"Absurd." was his only response.
"Yeah, absurd." I rolled my eyes, "Let's go help Esme pack."