For the next few weeks everything seemed to be getting better, Hailey seemed to be getting more comfortable with me and the house, I was in a good place mentally, and Scott was becoming a very big part of my life. It felt like nothing could go wrong.
"So what do you want to do today?" I asked crouching down by Hailey.
"I don't know."
"Well tomorrow I go back to work, so I think we should do something extra fun today." I said holding her pretty little hand. I felt guilt eat at the pit of my stomach for going to work tomorrow instead of working from the house for another week. I can't keep putting it off.
"Can we go play with Pake's horses?" she asked. I smiled.
"I think that'd be fun. Do you know how to ride a horse?" she shook her head no. "Well I think I just might have to show ya then." She smiled.
"Really? I've always wanted to learn how to ride a horse. Can you ride a horse Reba?" I laughed.
"I may not be the best, but I sure can find my way around."
Xxxx xx xxx xxx xx xxx xxx xxx xxx
"Okay, stick your foot in that loop right there," I said trying to explain how to get on the horse in a way she would understand. "Now hold on right here, now fling your leg over his back." She tried to throw her leg over but couldn't quite get it, she was too small.
"What now Reba?" I picked her up and set her down.
"Well," I said putting my hands on my hips. "Let's try the other horse," I spotted a different horse just behind the gate. " he's a little smaller." I said getting him set up. I helped her on and it was a perfect fit.
"Your turn Reba!" she said excitedly. I laughed as I climbed on up. "Wow, you did that fast."
"I've been doing this forever honey, I'm use to it." I thought about which path we were going to take. "Alright, why don't we go over to the training area so you can get use to riding around okay?"
"Okay." She said completely focused on the animal she was sitting on. We went over and she rode around the circle and found her way on the horse pretty well after about 45 minutes straight. She was a quick teach for her age.
"Ready to go Hun?" I asked as I got back on my horse.
"Yeah, is it going to be hard on the trails Reba?" we headed for the path slowly.
"No, not if you remember what I taught you." I said smiling at her. She smiled down at the horse.
"What's his name?"
"I think that ones name is Regan?" I said trying to think. Pake has had so many horses over the years that I wasn't too sure.
"Like that man in the suit with the funny hair who gave lots of speeches?" I was startled.
"Ronald Regan? The president?"
"Yeah! Was he the man who wore a cowboy hat?" I could've fallen off my horse.
"How do you know about him?"
"My mommy liked the presidents. She told me all their names I think. There's a lot of them." I laughed in both shock and amusement.
"Very good, I'm glad you know them. That'll help you later in life." We got on the trail and for the first time she dared to look up at me.
"How?"
"Well, in school, later in life, and just in general." I said shrugging.
"That's what my mommy said. She told me I'd be a great poication if I knew them." I raised a confused eyebrow.
"Politician?"
"That thingy!" I laughed.
"Your mommy really had big plans for you didn't she?" I asked in a low, sympathetic voice.
"Yeah. We were going to do a lot together." She said looking down at the horse sadly. Her face hadn't changed, but her eyes did. My eyes filled with tears.
"I'm sorry Hailey." I choked out. She looked up at me.
"It's okay Reba. I have you now." She said with a little smile.
Xxx xx x x xxxx xx x xxx xxx xxx xx xxx xxx
I stood in the barn brushing the horses after a ride like I always have since before I could remember. Hailey was in the house asleep, she nearly fell off her horse she was so tired. My mind was reeling with everything that Hailey said about her mom and everything about her in general. I felt a hand on my shoulder and nearly jumped out of my skin. I spun around to see Pake.
"Whoa now Reeber, calm your jets." He said with a laugh. I put a hand over my racing heart. My blood pressure was really high already.
"You scared me." I said stupidly, like he didn't catch on to that.
"I never would've guessed that one!" he said excitedly. I gave him a good eye roll and turned to continue brushing the horse.
"Why're you harassing me Pake?" he grabbed the other brush and went to the other side of the horse.
"Cause it's fun." He said with a laugh.
"And you wonder why I never visit you?" I said trying not to laugh.
"Alright, fair enough." We got quiet for a minute. All you could hear was the sound of the brushes on the horse and the horse breathing. "How strongly do you feel about Hailey?" I stopped brushing automatically. That caught me way off guard.
"Well she's my foster daughter, I'd say pretty strongly, why?" I said guarded, I tried to look over the horse but couldn't see much of his face at the angle he had his head turned.
"Do you love her?" he kept his eyes focused on his even brush strokes. It took me a minute to think about it. Do I love her? Of course I do.
"Yes I do." He finally looked up to meet my eyes.
"That was a pretty big pause Reba." The way he said my name made me want to hide my face like a little girl in big trouble.
"You caught me off guard. My answer was an honest one." I know I love her, how could I not?
"She's head over heel with you. Don't hurt her Reba. She just told Marie that she loves her new mommy and wants to stay with her forever." My heart tightened in my chest and I felt tears prick my eyes. She thinks of me as her new mommy?
"She really said that?" you could hear the tears in my voice but I didn't care, he was my big brother.
"She said that and that today was the best day of her life, Marie asked her why it was the best and do you know what she said?" I shook my head no. "Because she got to spend it all with you, just the two of you." I felt a tear or two slip out. Pake came around the horse and pulled me into a hug. I cried into his shoulder. I didn't really understand why I was crying but I couldn't help it. I pulled my head back some.
"I don't know what to think Pake, none of this feels real." He patted my head as he hugged me.
"It's real. You just have to realize it. I know it's too big to completely grasp but you've got to realize it Reba, you can't let this go to waste, she needs you." I sniffled a little. "And you need her too." He whispered.
"I know I do." I whispered into his shoulder. It was the first time I had admitted it out loud and I felt relief.
Xxx xx xxx x x xxxx xxx xx xxx xx xxx xx xx xxx xx x
"Reba?" Hailey asked looking up at me. We were laying in her bed watching the Lion King before she went to sleep.
"Yes hun?" she just looked up at me smiling for a minute.
"I love you." She said it confidently but still I could hear the worry of rejection in her voice.
"I love you too Hailey." She smiled hugging me; I hugged her tight right back.
"Reba?"
"Yeah baby?" I said into her hair, still holding her close. She pulled back to look at me.
"I know you're not my mommy." She took a deep breath. "And I know my mommy's not coming back right?" I nodded a little. "So I was wondering…" she gulped a little. "Can I call you mommy instead of Reba?" a smile spread across my face.
"I'd love that." She smiled right back at me before diving into a big hug.
"I love you mommy." She said into my shirt.
"I love you too baby girl." We lay there like that for about 45 minutes. She was sound asleep by the end of the movie. I slowly crawled out from under her arms and covered her up with the blankets better before I kissed her head. I turned the TV off as my mind raced. I headed downstairs.
BEEP
I looked over to see my phone light up. I walked over and saw I had a text from Scott. I smiled a little.
'miss you something terrible, mind if I stop by? I really want to see my beautiful girl'
'come on over, I've been missing you too.'
I closed my phone and started into the kitchen. I got a bottle of water out of the fridge and took a sip before putting dishes away.
"Hey beautiful." He said walking into the kitchen from the living room.
"Hey." He came over and gave me a slow peck on the lips. It made me smile. I loved it when he kissed me like that.
"So, I think I should just start coming in through the kitchen, seems to be the only place you ever are." I rolled my eyes as I continued to put the dishes away. He stood there leaning on the counter looking for something he could do; I could see it in his face he wanted to help.
"It's fine." I said as I closed the dishwasher and put my arms around his neck. "I do seem to be in the kitchen most of the time don't I?" he smiled adjusting his hands on my waist.
"Yes you are." He stole a quick kiss. "So what'd you do today?" I pulled back and grabbed his hand, pulling him into the living room.
"Me and Hailey went over to Pake's and rode horses." We sat down and he put his arm around me.
"She's big enough to ride a horse?" I laughed.
"Yes she is, I was riding when I was younger that her! And I'll tell you, that girl's a natural. The only problem is she second guesses herself which slows her down." he nodded.
"I haven't rode a horse since I was probably… 19." He said surprising himself.
"How have you gone that long without riding a horse?" I asked surprised. Even when I had all the kids, the longest I've ever gone without riding was maybe 14 months.
"I guess I just got too caught up in everything after high school that I just didn't have time."
"I've always made time for that, I couldn't go without it for that long."
"Well you're a country girl, I'm the half country, half city boy here Reba." I laughed.
"Still, it's so freeing."
"Yeah it is, didn't you tell me you rode a lot with Pake after your divorce?" I thought back to all those hour long trips we took on the trails, getting lost in conversation and laughter, forgetting everything that was happening in my life if only for a few short hours.
"Yes I did." I said with a little smile thinking of how great my big brother is.
"Have you talked to Brock lately?" he asked studying me. He must have mistaken my smile for something about Brock.
"Not since that one night in the kitchen. I think everything's a little too gone for anything." He kissed the side of my head.
"I'm sorry, Lori Anne told me he was your bestfriend." He pulled me a little bit closer in a protective type way. It made me smile.
"He really was. But our friendship wasn't healthy; it was like we were pretending we were still married without admitting it or showing it."
"Still, I'm sorry I ruined your friendship with him." I shrugged.
"You didn't, he did. He was the one who wanted to get back together and decided to tell me instead of keeping it to himself. If he had I could've never known." I said flatly. I was still so angry with him for doing that to me, putting me on the spot like he did. I did miss my friend in him but at the same time I now realize just how wrong we both were since the divorce. We only made it worse on each other.
"Still, I'm sorry." I looked up at him. He makes me really happy, I feel like a happier person when I'm with him. I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him. We pulled apart and held each other's eyes.
"I think I love you." I said out loud, I only meant to think it but the words came out easily. I tensed up, realizing what I've just done.
"I think I love you too Reba." He said honestly, I could see it in his eyes that he meant it. I smiled feeling relief. He pulled me into another kiss, this time different from any other kiss we've shared; we were in love.