The next day Jax sat next to Gemma's bedside waiting to see if she'd wake up. Gemma had survived the surgery and the doctors were hopeful that she might wake up soon. The waiting was agony for the young man. He looked across the room at Elliot Oswald sitting on the other side of Gemma's bed.
The older man looked as if he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. Jax said, "I can stay with her. I'm not going home tonight. You can go home and get some rest. You look like you could use a little sleep."
"I want to be here in case she wakes up. I should be here for her. If I went home I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. Besides, the last time I left her alone…"
Elliot shook his head unable to finish that statement. He kept going over the events of the night in his head. Elliot had only been gone for two hours but it was shaping up to be the worst mistake of his life. More importantly he was beginning to wonder if it had been a set up to keep him away from the house. There was nothing of substance in the conversation at his office that couldn't have waited until the next day.
"You care about my mother a lot," said Jax. He'd spent several hours observing Elliot's behavior. The man was attentive and distraught almost simultaneously. Jax could tell that Elliot was trying to mask the depth of his feelings for Gemma in his presence.
"Yeah, I do," said Elliot in a distant voice.
"How long have the two of you been together?" asked Jax. The amount of attachment he was seeing from Elliot wasn't something that developed over the span of a couple of weeks. Elliot had cleared his calendar to stay at the hospital with Gemma.
Elliot looked up at Jax with bloodshot eyes and then moved his gaze back to Gemma's face. He didn't know if she'd want him telling Jax the truth. Gemma wanted some privacy in her life. "Maybe that is something…"
Jax cut him off and said, "I can't exactly ask her right now, can I? Listen, I am not trying to hassle you. I am just trying to figure out what is going on. I haven't really been part of her life for a few months. It seems like I've missed out on a lot in that time. Until she showed up at the club with divorce papers I was under the impression that she might get back with Clay."
Elliot cleared his throat slightly. "We've been getting closer since I put up the bail money for the club back when all of you got arrested on those gun charges. We started talking over the phone on a regular basis, but I started seeing Gemma while you and Clay were in prison. She had a hard time adjusting to the two of you being gone. That loneliness sort of swallowed her whole."
"So you've been dating her since then?" asked Jax.
"No, we stopped dating once Clay got out, but we kept in touch. She was trying to make it work even though she didn't want to be with him anymore. I tried to convince her to leave him, but she wouldn't until after he beat her within an inch of her life. I wanted to kill him when I saw what he did to her," said Elliot.
Jax thought back to the morning he saw Gemma's battered face and said, "You aren't the only one that wanted him dead."
"And yet...he is still alive and well," said Elliot. He knew how much Gemma loved her son but he couldn't help blaming Jax for not putting Clay down when he had the chance.
Jax was adept at reading body language and he could see the waves of contempt coming at him from the other side of the bed. Part of him feared that Elliot's assumption was right. If Clay was responsible for this newest attack on Gemma how could he possibly leave the man alive.
Elliot continued, "We kept our relationship quiet because she didn't want to cause trouble with Clay. Didn't work out so well when he showed up at the house when I was bringing Gemma home from a date. He basically started stalking her after that. I told Gemma to call the police but she didn't want to cause trouble for the club or you."
Jax shook his head and flexed his fingers thinking about grinding Clay into dust. "Why didn't she tell me about Clay showing up at the house? Or that he was stalking her? I promised that I would keep him on a leash."
Elliot said, "She said that things were strained between the two of you. You were nearly petulant when she asked you to get Clay to sign the divorce papers. Gemma said that she would just handle the Clay situation on her own. Your mother has always been fearless…to a fault sometimes."
"I don't care what is going on between us. I would never leave her exposed to danger. I wouldn't let Clay hurt and harass her just to get back at her," said Jax. He silently wondered if Gemma really thought he'd be so petty toward her.
Elliot looked at Gemma's face for a moment and said, "She's just having a hard time navigating your relationship right now, Jax. The love is always there...in her heart she knows that."
Jax nodded slightly, "How was the vacation?"
"It was paradise and I never wanted to leave. She was so happy in Key West. Gemma has a beautiful smile when she lets you see it. I'm not talking about a smirk or a grin...but an actual smile. It was the happiest I've seen her in a long time. She looked hopeful to me."
Elliot passed Jax his cell phone showing him a picture he snapped of Gemma dressed up at a concert.
Jax smiled briefly and passed the phone back to Elliot. "Where was this taken?"
"We went to a Bruce Springsteen concert in Miami before going on to Key West. Your mother loves The Boss."
"I've been trying to understand this new version of her but I don't get it. She talked to Tara one weekend while I was away and I guess they talked about how unhappy my mom has been with her life. I guess she's pissed off with everything she gave up for me."
The older man shook his head. "Your mother would do anything for you, Jax. Her frustration isn't with you…it is with herself. Gemma is smart, ambitious, and beautiful. There were things that she wanted to do in her life that she didn't do because she was a wife and a mother. Her life is her family and suddenly that is all gone. Gemma is just trying to find herself. Something she could have done years ago if she didn't marry a man 17 years her senior before she hit the age of 20. As you get older you begin to look back and wonder if you made the right choices in life. You wonder if the sacrifices you made were really worth it. No one is immune to those doubts. Not even Gemma."
Dr. Sanders walked into the room. "Mr. Teller, could I speak with you out in the hallway?"
Jax nodded slightly. "Yeah, sure." He got up and walked toward the door. Jax glanced back at Elliot and asked, "Are you coming?"
Elliot was shocked that Jax was asking him to join in on the conversation. "Sure."
He followed Jax and Dr. Sanders out to hallway and closed the door behind them. Elliot looked at the doctors expectantly. They had been waiting all day for an update on Gemma's condition. She had yet to regain consciousness and that was beginning to worry Elliot. He worried that she might never open her eyes again.
Clay and Tig were headed toward Gemma's room to visit and to inform Jax that Clay had been cleared as a suspect in Gemma's case. They slowed down their pace seeing Jax and Elliot outside of her room with the doctors.
Dr. Sanders said, "This is Dr. Rubin. He is assisting on your mother's case."
Dr. Rubin said, "We've ran a couple of tests on your mother to see how she's doing. Right now she's stable and that is good news. However, I do have some bad news. Gemma was pregnant with twins prior to the attack. Your mother suffered a miscarriage as a result of the assault. We initially assumed that the bleeding was from the forcible rape but that was not the case. The surviving fetus that she is carrying is distressed. It is very likely that she is going to miscarry sometime in the near future."
"Fetus? Miscarriage?" asked Jax in shock. "What the hell are you talking about?" He looked back at Elliot as if he was looking for answers.
Elliot stared back at Jax blankly. He was just as shocked, if not more. His knees suddenly felt very weak. Elliot's face went pale as his mind raced.
Clay froze hearing that Gemma had been pregnant. "How far along is she?"
Jax whirled around and glared at Clay. "Get away from me! This has nothing to do with you!"
"It has everything to do with me. She is still my wife!" insisted Clay. He quickly did the math and knew there was no way he could be the father of this baby. They hadn't been together in months.
Dr. Rubin frowned slightly. "I am so sorry. I was under the impression that you were aware. She was 12 weeks pregnant with twins at the time of her assault."
Clay's face soured as he realized that Elliot had been the father. He felt his jaw twitch in anger and walked off. She had truly moved on with her life. But now he had a bigger problem. Gemma was going to wake up at some point and point the finger at him. He couldn't believe that she'd survived his attack on her. The stubborn bitch just wouldn't die.
Elliot stood there unable to form words. "She lost one baby but the other one…?"
"As I said we are not optimistic about the fetus' chances. I'd say maybe a 30% chance of making it through the week. After that I'd bump it up to 40% of making it to through the second trimester. I am very sorry for breaking the news to you this way. I just assumed that you already knew."
Elliot swallowed hard. His eyes were a little glassy. He said, "I don't think Gemma knew that she was pregnant. We were drinking alcohol the entire time that we were on vacation. And she hadn't mentioned anything to me about being pregnant. Hell, I didn't even think that she could anymore. We never used protection we were only seeing one another and she's in menopause."
Dr. Rubin said, "That may explain why she wasn't aware of the pregnancy. Despite a steady decline in fertility once you start perimenopause it is not uncommon for women in the transition stages of menopause to become pregnant and be unaware. Without a regular menstrual cycle and the constant fluctuations of hormones it is possible that the normal symptoms of a pregnancy were absent. We also see a lot of menopausal women getting pregnant because they think it is no longer necessary to use proper protection, but infertility only exists in women that have stop menstruating completely for about a year."
Jax rolled his eyes at the awkward conversation before it slowly dawned on him that he'd just lost a sibling and would most likely lose another. And then he thought about having to tell his mother the news when she finally woke up. "Is there anything else?"
"Not at the moment. When we know more about your mother's condition I will update you. And if there are any changes with the fetus I will let you know," said Dr. Rubin. The doctors walked away leaving the two men standing in the hallway alone.
Elliot leaned against the wall shaking his head. He was an old man and had no intention of raising anymore children. However, that didn't mean that this situation didn't break his heart. He'd lost a child before he even knew he had one and from all accounts he was going to lose another. "What the hell are we going to say to Gemma?"
Jax turned and looked at Elliot. "I'm sorry, Elliot. I'm sorry. All we can do is tell her the truth."
"This thing with you is killing her to begin with. She's missing Thomas more than she's willing to admit to me. She was just trying to figure out how to be happy. How the hell am I supposed to tell her that she lost a baby that she didn't even know she was pregnant with?"
It was like a jab to his heart hearing that Gemma was suffering. He didn't want that or maybe he did. Jax knew that shutting her out of his life and refusing to call her mother was hurting her. The first time he called her Gemma he saw the pain on her face. It was like he'd slapped her. Even letting her come to Abel's party had been a slap. He barely spoke to her at the party and kept her at arms' length the entire time. Without warning Jax felt his eyes beginning to water.
Elliot noticed and said, "Your mom is going to pull through this, Jax. Anyone else would have died from what she went through but she is still here. She's not leaving us yet."
He patted the younger man on the back.
Jax nodded slightly. His voice cracked as he said, "I need a smoke."
He shoved his hands into his jeans' pockets and walked away.
Elliot took a deep breath and walked back into Gemma's hospital room. He watched the monitors that tracked her vitals and walked over to her bed. Elliot looked at her battered and cut face for a moment before his eyes trailed down to her blanket covered abdomen.
Elliot chuckled softly and said, "We really fucked up this time around, kid. So much for me being a good Catholic boy."
He gently squeezed her hand. "I just need you to wake up, Gem. Jax needs you to wake up, too. He's hurting, baby. He's hurting bad. Even if he says that he doesn't want you around he needs you, Gemma. Hell, I need you, too. So…you just have to wake up. Please?"
Tara walked into the room with flowers in hand. She tried to pretend that she hadn't been listening at the door. "Sorry to interrupt."
Elliot shook his head and said, "It's fine. If you are looking for Jax I think he went outside to get some air."
Tara smiled sadly. "I saw him on my way in. He'll be back in soon. I thought some flowers would help brighten up Gemma's room. She has quiet the green thumb."
She placed the flowers on the stand across from Gemma's bed.
Elliot felt uncomfortable and didn't know how to make small talk under these circumstances. "She does love to garden. Gemma mentioned that you and Jax got married. Congratulations."
Tara said, "We got married at the court house. We were supposed to have a reception for everyone next week but after this…no one feels like celebrating right now. Least of all me and Jax. Abel asked me about her today. He likes to play telephone…he always pretends to call Gemma. He asked if we could call her for real today."
She wiped away the tears sliding down her cheeks.
Elliot looked around the room and spotted a box of tissues. He gently laid Gemma's hand back onto the bed and went over getting the box for Tara.
She accepted the box gratefully. "Thank you. She makes it so hard to love her, you know. Gemma says and does terrible things. She hurts people with her lies, manipulation, and narcissism. But at the end of the day all I wanted was for her to love me. We got so close while Jax was in prison. Her strength is the only thing that kept me going some days."
"Gemma is complicated. She is everything you say that she is. She will use every trick in her arsenal to get what she wants but when she loves you…I was married for 20 years and my ex-wife never showed the dedication that Gemma has shown me in four months. I look at her and wonder what could have been. Both of our lives could have been very different. She hasn't been herself lately and I don't know how to help her. I don't think that I can. They only thing that is going to fix that is Jax."
"My telling Jax the truth wasn't to hurt, Gemma," said Tara. She felt like he was silently judging her or maybe she just felt guilty.
Elliot chuckled softly. "Sure it was. Gemma knew why you told Jax the truth. Even if Jax was too blind to see it. We've talked about it at length. She admitted that in your position she probably would have done the same thing."
"I'm not sure I know what you mean…"
"You told Jax the truth to cement the fact that you are the only one he can trust. You knew it would put a wedge between mother and son. How could it not? It is particularly damning information. I mean it threw me for a loop when she told me."
Tara bristled at Elliot's evaluation of the situation. She scowled. "I am not the villain here."
"No, that is exactly my point. You told Jax the truth to ensure he knew that Gemma was the villain in this story. And she is…having the affair and being complicit in John's murder. There is no way she walks away from that smelling like roses but their bond is strong. You know that he is going to forgive her at some point. However, when he does that relationship will be changed forever and the pull she's always had on him will be weaker. And the pull you've had on him since you were teenagers will be stronger than ever. He'll be your husband first and her son second."
Tara flashed back to the day outside the club when she confronted Gemma about not giving Jax all of the letters. Her frowned deepened and she said, "I just wanted my husband to know the truth."
Elliot smiled asked, "The fallout was just a fringe benefit? There is no need to be defensive. Gemma had long since made her peace with your decision. She understood why you did it. If anyone can understand a self-serving mission it is Gemma. She didn't resent you. Besides the two of you pushing her out of your lives...pushed her deeper into mine and for that I am a grateful."
Tara looked at Gemma's battered face. "I figured she hated me. I kept waiting for her to take her revenge on me somehow."
"Gemma loves you. She would never want to hurt you. Besides…she figured the best revenge was letting you and Jax learn that there is a cost to be paid for being on top. Most successful people have compromised their core values in some way. Because at the end of the day when you have to make the choice between survival and failure, everyone chooses to flourish. No one chooses to fail, not really. Everybody lies. It just depends on how deep you dig your hole."
Elliot had compromised himself on numerous occasions. He wasn't a murderer but he had bribed and blackmailed over the years like everyone else.
Tara felt like Gemma was putting a curse on them somehow. Those words had a chilling effect. Jax and Tara had already compromised themselves months ago. They both despised the drug trade and yet to get out of the club they both agreed to Clay's muling idea when the boys got out of prison. The decision cost Tara a hand and her job as a surgeon. She was relegated to being a physician at a clinic. Kozik and Miles were dead because of the dirty drug trade.
Jax was keeping secrets from his brothers about the CIA and about who really shot Clay. The latter was a lie that might get all of them killed. Tensions with the Niners and SAMCRO had been steadily escalating in the wake of the death of Damon Pope's daughter.
Jax and Opie were lying to their brothers about Piney's death. The other guys were under the assumption that the cartel killed Piney. Jax was bringing in two men he felt were family without telling them they'd be under the watchful gaze of federal authorities. There were so many irons in the fire and Jax was trying to tend them all. It was inevitable that at some point he'd get burned.
Their hands weren't even remotely clean any longer and they were getting dirtier by the day.