I had a hard time translating this chapter, like a really hard time. But yay! update! ENJOY AWESOME PEOPLE!
This could not be happening.
No it wasn't happening, it couldn't be. Was he still asleep? Was he dreaming? Tadashi could not be that guy. He couldn't be the one who was destroying his world...
He had never asked him what his job was...
He never asked for his history. His background. 'God fucking damn it Hiro why the fuck, did you not ask!' The hints were there, he should of put it together. He could keep up with Hiro when he ran. He could read people's emotions. He noticed every single fucking detail.
Hiro clenched his fist, and tears began to form in his eyes. "Lily I'll call you back." Without waiting for a reply Hiro hung up the phone.
'You slept with a cop.' Hiro was frozen. His world was falling apart. 'You slept with a fucking cop.' He felt sick with himself. Not only did he sleep with a cop, it was the same cop who took down the clubs and arrested almost everyone he knew. He was the one who arrested Alison. He was the reason she was dead! It's all his fault! Everything was his fault! Hiro wanted to scream. Wanted to throw and break everything; wanted to hurt everyone, wanted to hurt himself. He felt sick with himself. Why was everything so messed up?
"Hiro." Hiro tensed. His body shook, his head spun and he didn't know what the hell to do. Does he confront Tadashi? Does he fight him? Does he take responsibility for Alison's suicide? "Hey, you okay?" Hiro felt arms wrap around him and warmth pressed against his back. Hiro tried to stay calm, tried not to show any signs of his discomfort. He however was failing miserably. "Hiro? You're scaring me." Tadashi's soft concerned voice in his ear. Hiro knew Tadashi noticed his stiffness. In response Tadashi ran his fingers threw Hiro's hair to try and calm him down. 'Don't touch me!' Hiro screamed in his head. His mind was screaming at him to fight, to hurt to destroy this person. Get rid of him, make him suffer for everything, everything he's put Hiro through. "I'm fine." Hiro said in a shaky voice.
"Right." Tadashi said in a sarcastic tone, going down to kiss Hiro's neck. 'Stop it!'
"You can't lie to me love." Tadashi licked up to just below Hiro's ear, kissing that sensitive spot. Hiro gasped. 'Please stop.'
"Did I do something wrong?"
'You shut down the clubs.' Tadashi went back to sucking Hiro's neck adding more dark marks to the one's Hiro had gained the previous night. 'You arrested my friends.' The sucks turning to light bites. Hiro moaned. 'You made the only mother I ever had hate me.' Tadashi's hands moved to grasp Hiro's. 'Because of you my sister is dead.' Hiro pushed back into the kisses moving his neck to the side to allow the other more access. 'Why and I letting him do this?'
"Oh wait! I have something for you." Tadashi released Hiro. "I'll be right back."
Hiro felt cold when Tadashi left him. He hated it. He hated the fact that he was in love. What should he do? Taking a shaky breath in he decided to confront Tadashi. He was going to end this here and now.
Hiro watched as the other came back into the room holding a small plastic bag. "Cass said you liked these."
Tadashi handed the bag to Hiro, and Hiro once again found himself unable to make a move. "Gummy bears." Hiro hadn't had these for a while now. These were his Favorite treat and he use to eat them all the time when he was upset.
'Why did he have to do this!?'
Braving a glance up to Tadashi who now sat next to him on the bed, he saw the concern and love in Tadashi's eyes. 'I can't do this.'
"Thank you."
Tadashi smiled bringing Hiro in for a quick kiss.
'I hate myself.'
"Are you sure you're ok? Hiro you can tell me anything you know that right?" Those warms hands found Hiro's cold ones. Unconsciously Hiro tightened his hold. "Your hands are freezing." Tadashi stated leaning over to grab a blanket from the foot of the bed, draping it over Hiro's shoulders. 'I don't know what to do.'
He needed to throw this away. All of it. He needed to leave and not have this tight feeling in his chest. This was never going to work and Hiro was a damn fool for thinking it could. He should of never let those desires get the best of him.
But he did.
And he loved Tadashi.
Closing his eyes and leaning against Tadashi's shoulder, Hiro had made his decision. "I'm fine really, just a little tired." When the words came out they did sound really strained.
Tadashi places a kiss to Hiro's head. "If you say so."
Hiro could hide this right?...
"Well I'm going to start breakfast, if you want to take a shower, you can." Tadashi offered. Hiro nodded. A shower would be nice now. Standing up Tadashi leaned in pressing his soft lips to Hiro's slightly chapped ones. "You can borrow some of my clothes if you'd like. Take your time." He said before leaving Hiro alone again.
It took so much effort to walk. Moving to the bathroom and closing the door behind him Hiro waited for the shower to be turned on before he finally let the tears escape from his eyes. Crying underneath the warm spray, Hiro had no idea what to do with himself. He wanted to continue this, he really really really did. Tadashi made him feel safe and loved. It was an addicting feeling Hiro had a craving for. He could keep this a secret right? He could make this work. After all where would Hiro go without him? Hiro's noticed his hands had pruned. 'How long was I thinking for.' Shutting of the water, Hiro quickly dried himself off.
When he went into the bedroom, a clean pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt laid nearly folded at the end of the bed. Hiro smiled at the pile of clothes Tadashi had left for him. Putting them on the shirt was too big and exposed Hiro's left shoulder. The pants were also lightly too large leaving them to cling loosely at his hips.
'I just won't tell him.'
Hiro would keep this a secret. He had to, even though he hated himself for feeling this way, he could never see himself without him.
Walking into the kitchen, Hiro was met with the sweet smell of pancakes. Tadashi was at the stove flipping one in the air. Hiro looked over Tadashi. How could he let it go? 'I'm so selfish.'
Tadashi now noticing the others presence in the room, finished up with the pancakes and placed them on plates.
The pancakes were good, better than he could ever make. While Alison did love to cook she never did like pancakes. She would mostly make scrambled eggs or waffles. She never had the time to cook anything real fancy. The last time she made something really good for breakfast was about a year ago. She had been watching the cooking channel non-stop for about a day and learned how to make eggs Benedict. She was so proud of herself when she made it for himself and Gogo.
"Hiro." God why did it sound so amazing when Tadashi said his name.
"Mhhh?" Hiro came back to reality, feeling lips being trailed across his exposed skin. Tadashi had managed to find the shoulder the shirt draped off of. "You look good in my clothes."
Hiro gave out a laugh, that was more or less just a puff of hot air.
Tadashi stopped.
Hiro froze. His heart beating faster and faster. What does Tadashi see? Hiro squeaked when strong arms grabbed him pulling him onto the others lap. Brown eyes met brown eyes, those eyes watched his. Hiro knew he was being read like a book. Those eyes dug past Hiro's outer skin, they looked into him, searching for an answer as to why Hiro was acting this way. "You're not telling me something." Hiro found it suddenly hard to breath. He felt trapped. 'Think Hiro, think!'
"Is it because of this morning?"
"No!" Hiro grabbed the front of Tadashi's shirt. "No, this morning was- it was amazing. This isn't because of that at all!"
"So there is something wrong then!"
Hiro mentally slapped himself for that give away. Tadashi had him completely cornered. Come on there had to be something he could do to get out of this. He wasn't going to tell the truth he was too selfish for that, so then what? What could he say?
"The last few days have just been stressful is all. I found out something's that I almost wished I didn't found out." It wasn't a complete lie. "So my heads just full of questions and an ugly mess of emotions."
"Than what can I do to make it better?" Tadashi's hand came rest on Hiro's cheek, stroking his thumb across his smooth skin.
'You could erase my past. You could bring my sister back. You could stop making me hate myself.'
"Tell me you love me." Hiro brought his lips to brush against Tadashi's.
"I love you Hiro."
As they kissed Hiro couldn't help but think that this was going to end terribly...
Just in case that didn't make sense, Hiro is dying on the inside because he hates himself for loving Tadashi. At first he want's to end everything (their relationship, him in general) but can't because he can't see himself without him. so he's going to try and hide who he is as long as he can so they can stay together...make sense? :)