Dear Friend,

I hope my handwriting isn't too sloppy, you see I haven't been getting much sleep. And before you start getting perverted thoughts in your pretty little head, and laughing coffee out of your nose, no, not for a good reason. You see someone in our apartment building has a rooster. I expect they bought it as a pet when it was a cute fluffy little chick. You know how they sell them in the spring? Well by the laws of chance half of them have to be males, don't they?

Anyway, the damn thing wakes us up at first light every morning crowing its head off. I can't imagine who it thinks it's trying to impress, the nearest chicken must be miles away, but maybe that's why the damn thing is so determined to be so bloody loud. As soon as old sol starts peeping over the eastern horizon, it's cock-a-doodle-doo non stop.

Dealing with all the hyperactive little cherubs in my classes while I'm half asleep is bad enough, but living with a sleep deprived elite ninja is intolerable. For some reason as soon as he starts to get too drowsy he switches into automatic mission mode. He's almost iced me twice now when I've startled him.

Of course he apologises profusely. And the fussing and cuddling and kissing and, well everything that inevitably leads too, almost makes it worth it. But I'm a little nervous that if things get much worse he might not react fast enough to counteract his instincts and I won't be there to apologise to. You live on a farm, surely you have some suggestion on how to shut the blasted thing up, or at least delay its performance until some more Godly hour.

I have another problem interfering with my sleep too. Maybe I'm over reacting, I'm sure you'll tell me I am, and I'll put it down to my sleepless agitated state.

It started about five days ago, about the same time as our rooster problem, come to think of it. Well Kakashi had just come back with Sakura from a training session and he invited her in to have some iced lemonade, since they were hot and thirsty. And I was really pleased to see her again. She's the only one of his team still around, and even though she isn't officially his student any more, they still like to train together. They've been getting together once or twice a week when Kakashi hasn't been on missions, and I was glad, I thought it was really sweet.

So we had a really nice time chatting and catching up, then Kakashi walked her to the door and she put on her shoes and left. Well get this, as soon as she was gone he turned to me, all sweet smiles and misty eye, and said, "Have you ever noticed that Sakura has really pretty feet?"

As you can imagine I was gob smacked, WTF, pretty feet? I kind of turned around so he wouldn't see me gaping like a goldfish and mumbled something while I stumbled into the bedroom and shut the door. Then I took a really good long look at my bare feet. And to tell the truth I'd never realized quite how ugly they are, all long and bony with long thin toes and horrible knobby ankles. So I grabbed some socks to cover them up before he had a chance to compare. Naturally the top pair of socks in my drawer were really thick and fluffy, the ones I bought after the heating went out on us last January, and you know how hot it's been this summer.

Kakashi came in the bedroom, asking what was up, and of course he noticed, he notices everything. He asked if I had a chill and before I knew it I was bundled up on the couch under a fleece blanket sipping hot lemon and honey. All the while Kakashi ranting about summer colds being the very worst kind, about the germy kids I have breathing all over me everyday, and how he doesn't know how anyone is expected to stay healthy what with their constant coughing and snotty runny little noses.

Anyways, after a few minutes I was so hot and sweaty that I looked as if I really did have a fever, so Kakashi insisted I keep covered up in extra blankets all night. As a result I was much too uncomfortable to sleep, but too embarrassed to explain. So I tossed and turned and suffered all night long, then at 4AM our little feathered neighbourhood alarm clock started sounding off.

I absolutely insisted on going to work the next day, even though Kakashi threatened to go to Tsunade and tell her that I needed to be home resting. Disguising my guilt as righteous indignation I reminded him that I have important things to teach right now, this is my special duty to my village, and that I happen to have reliable information that he has been known to complete missions, in the not too distant past, in much worse shape than a little head cold.

Well he grumped and scowled and said, "Just don't overdo it, drink lots of fluids and if you need me I'll be out in the training field near the monument with Sakura."

Ok that took the wind right out of my puffed up sail and I've been fretting over it ever since. Is she a rival? Does Kakashi think the rest of her is as pretty as her feet? I know they say that beauty is only skin deep, but really, how deep do you want it to be? Personally I can't find it in me to give a hoot if she has the most spectacular pair of kidneys and the most lustrous liver in all Konoha. It's the bits Kakashi's going to be looking at all day that worry me.

That creamy skin flushed with healthy exercise, while mine is getting sallow from being indoors and clogged with chalk dust. Her spectacular pink hair and vibrant green eyes, while mine are both dull ordinary brown. Her breasts aren't big but they are very pert and pointy, and that's not exactly an area I can compete in at all is it? If I was a woman I could go and get a makeover and buy some sexy undies. No, before you even think of it, don't go there. But maybe the outfit you're getting will help. Have you managed to track down those last few items yet? At first I just wanted to get it as a laugh, but suddenly it seems as if it's all getting very serious.

Yours, very insecure and sleepless in Konoha,

Iruka.