Memo: Migoshy, so I JUST realized it's been a MONTH since I updated, and I thought it was like two weeks at most!!- He he, I still have to update a story I haven't since March- which shows how lost on time I've been!
Reviews: You guys, we've ALMOST reached a hundred, and can we PLEZ reach it by this chapter?
Song: Better than me by Hinder
Last time:
Bella tells Edward that she's moving. She luvs him, but she knows she has to go, and then her car crashes when driving back
Edward's View
2 months later
I think you can do much better than me
after all the lies I made you believe
guilt kicks in and I start to see
the edge of the bed
where your nightgown used to be
After that one day,
I hadn't heard from her again.
I didn't know where she was, whether she had decided to stay in Jacksonville, or move to Miami, or had even enrolled in college. And quite frankly, I didn't care, because if I thought about it- it would hurt me, and being away from everyone was already doing that.
I had moved to Alberta that one day when I'd last seen her, because well, I didn't want to hear about her again or anything. I told Carlisle and Alice and Jasper and the rest that they weren't allowed to visit, but encouraged to call- I didn't want to hear any of their thoughts actually.
And usually, I could sense if they wanted to bring up the subject of her and then I'd just shut down the phone. I didn't want to hear anything.
And so now I was shopping. Alice, I knew, would have been hepped to be with me at this current moment. Biggest mall in the world was now pretty close to where I lived- which was a small little apartment.
i told myself i wouldn't miss you
But I remembered
what it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes
and I think you should know this
you deserve much better than me
I had a ring on my finger too- a gold one, and while though I knew men were never supposed to wear jewelry, I saw this as an exception because I didn't really want to have girls...looking at me that way.
The ones who wanted to do it behind their husband's back, or behind my supposed wife's back- I didn't really know how to fend them off.
I didn't like coming here that much because of this.
And especially the woman who lived right by me, in her mid twenties no less and single- she KNEW I wasn't married, since I didn't really know how to come up with a good enough story to fit her why my wife wasn't with me.
I was shopping for a tux today, and more clothes since I hadn't really brought much with me when coming here. I was also looking for "HELP" signs, because, well, I really needed a job- and while I had a lot of degrees in various fields, I didn't really want to sign a contract because I didn't know how long I'd actually spend staying here.
This area was too big for it's own good.
My life was moving pretty good actually, my thoughts about her had come to a minimum, financially I was okay- well, I was always okay, but faking where my money was coming from was becoming a bit harder. Saying that I had been a male model would have worked, except people wanted to know for who had I posed before.
Sick slts.
I didn't know what to do though, that was my biggest problem. I had to wait for quite a few years though, until well, she didn't exist anymore.
But I didn't want to think about that.
My life was going good- and I had proved to myself that I was able to exist without her, contrary to what I had thought before.
Things were good.
And hopefully, I thought, they'd get better.
While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures
That you were looking for
Charlie's View
I was with Bella right now.
I was always with her nowadays.
After all, what had happened to her was my fault.
Bella couldn't breathe by herself anymore.
She didn't eat.
She couldn't drink.
She could hear, see, talk and communicate just fine- but she didn't.
She chose not to.
I should have known though, I had told myself all through that first month. All those signs were pointing right to this. I had let her leave the house- I should have known better.
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
Renee hated it.
This was the second time Bella was in a hospital now since she was with me.
The first time was when she ran away to Los Angeles.
The second time when she took her car out to drive.
Phil looked angry at me all the time,
blaming me for what had happened.
And he was right to, whether Renee wanted to admit it or not, this was my fault.
I didn't know what to do at that time- so there wasn't even a way to convey it.
"Can we go to Jacksonville for awhile, just to visit Renee you know?"
"Daddy," she had once said, "are you having a baby?"
I should have become suspicious then, I noticed. How she kept mentioning Jacksonville. How Edward had disappeared- he hadn't even come visit her.
How she once thought I was pregnant.
It all made sense now.
She was schizophrenic.
That, I guessed, was most likely the reason I had never understood her.
I should have guessed when Renee had told me she didn't have any friends in Phoenix.
And now, here, all she had was a boyfriend, who, I didn't even want to know was making her do.
Maybe, I thought, she hadn't been that 'good' this time, and so he left her.
That was good.
But the fact that she was in a hospital wasn't.
Bella had a coma.
That was the real truth.
We hadn't told anyone in Forks, but had just left.
The Cullen doctor knew, and he had graciously transferred her to Jacksonville, where she wanted to be.
He had told me that he didn't know what the issue was, but whatever it could have been, that she should have gotten better within two weeks. And those two weeks were up over a month and a half ago.
I always knew he was incompetant.
Confused on what to do now, I laid my head back down, and went to sleep.
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
Alice's View
It killed me to know how Edward was.
The others didn't know of course, because they hadn't seen him in over two months- but me, I could regularly see him through my visions.
He was shopping right now.
I made sure not to show that I cared all that much though, by calling him every four or five days besides what I usually would have done, and call every day.
He was so stupid though.
Bella was in a freaking hospital, soon to be transferred to a hospice.
And I knew the reason he wasn't coming back- because of me really.
No one else knew what had happened to Bella, or what was happening to Bella right now.
I knew that Carlisle knew about the comma, but as far as he knew, she was all better by now.
He should have known better.
And I didn't know what to do either.
Life had gotten so boring.
"I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me "
My cell had begun ringing- 'Better Than Me' by Hinder.
Edward.
Flipping my cell open, I put it to my ear to hear the rush of the world-wide-known Alberta mall.
"What do you want Edward?" I asked, not knowing why he was calling.
"Just checking in," I could feel him smirking, "haven't talked to you in awhile."
"Really, Edward? Yesterday's considered quite a while."
"It is actually," I could see him nodding. "You can tell the future, and I need to know if there's been any change in my life."
"Oh," I remarked, startled. "Yeah, Kayla, I saw her making your bed- in well, red lingerie, and then polishing the frame on your bedside with you two on your wedding it looked like."
"Thank you Alice," he said, his tone montone (that rhymes!). "How great your predictions can be."
"Your welcome," I enthused, snapping the phone shut.
So pathetic.
Edward's View
The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend that
I won't think about you when I'm older
I was coming back from the mall at this time, after just calling Alice.
She wasn't in all that happy of a mood nowadays.
Well, she never really was, so I suppose she was just fine as always.
I had gone to a temple though, a Bhuddist one- and it well, it had taught me something.
That right now, well, I was running.
And I couldn't hide.
Because there was no one looking.
No one cared.
It was just my selfishness getting the best of me.
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
And the Monk was right- the one visiting for the day.
It's our own selfish thoughts that make everything somehow or another circle around us, that make us think only of ourselves- why would anything doing with Bella leaving be because of me? I wondered.
All of this was ridiculous.
But the real reason I had called Alice,
it was to tell her that Edward Cullen was planning on making his move out of Forks permanent.
And well,
while I now knew that it wasn't because of me,
I knew going back would make me do something I'd later regret,
and make me learn something I wouldn't want to know,
and make me do, something I would want to do.
And what I wanted to do- I didn't even know what that was, though I knew I'd regret it.
Thus, Alberta began looking pretty nice to me.
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
Note: Just like Edward's running away from Forks, this guy in Hinder runs away from this girl because he doesn't think he's good enough for the girl, just like Edward doesn't think he's good enough for Bella, but unlike Edward, this guy DOES commit suicide(in the video)!!
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