Chapter Ten
(Christmas Eve...)
I'm sitting on top of the counter watching Andrew and Leah decorate Christmas cookies they'd baked with red and green icing. She's having a blast, eating more of the icing than what she's putting on her row of cookies.
Buffy, Dawn, Willow, and Kennedy all went out for what they call their traditional last minute Christmas shopping complete with lunch. I was invited along and gracefully declined, offering to watch Leah while they were gone. Buffy was both thrilled and upset, but I knew she needed time with the girls without me tagging along. We haven't spent a single day apart in almost a month now.
After my birthday, things started heating up in the bedroom a helluva lot more. The last few days before Christmas break was definitely interesting. Every chance we got, we ducked off somewhere private, either her office, an empty classroom or we'd make a run to my room for even just ten minutes alone together. We can't seem to keep our hands off each other and hell, it's the greatest feeling in the world knowing she wants me just as badly as I want her all the damn time.
Only thing I've noticed is she hasn't said she loves me since that night. It's cool though. Heat of the moment and all that right? Hasn't changed a damn thing between us and things keep getting more and more intense too.
I did all my shopping for the gang, Leah, and Buffy a few days ago. Didn't know what to get anyone so I got what seemed practical. For Buffy, since I heard the story of how she lost the one cross necklace she'd had for a long, long time-forever really-I went and found her the perfect one in pure silver. Hard to find, found it by sheer luck. I know she's gonna absolutely love it since it almost looks like her old one I just vaguely remember her wearing all the time.
Leah, of course, I full out spoiled even after I promised Buffy I wouldn't. What can I say? I want to spoil this kid. How can I not? The more time I spend with her, the more she works her way deep inside my heart. I ain't ever gonna let her go and walk out of her life. I haven't said that, not in those words, to anyone-not even to Buffy, but just having this kid in my life for the last six months almost, I can't even imagine life without her in it.
I don't even mind that she calls me 'Faithy' when normally just hearing someone call me that makes me cringe. Coming from the cutest five-year-old kid, it's different, you know?
A gentle tug on the edge of my jeans pulls my attention away from the thoughts rolling through my mind. Leah is standing in front of me, icing all over her face and the little apron Andrew put on her. She's holding out a cookie that from the looks of it has more red icing on it than all the others combined.
"That for me, LJ?" I ask her, laughing as I take the cookie from her. "Looks wicked tasty. Thanks."
"You like red so I saved the most red icing for you."
How can you not love this kid?
I take a bite and damn that's sweet. I smile, licking the icing from my lips as I place the half-eaten cookie on the counter next to me. Leah instantly pouts and I shake my head, forcing myself to swallow before I look down at her.
"I'm saving it for later," I say and I grab the Coke sitting next to me and take a few sips. "Gotta save some room for dinner and I think you oughta do that too, yeah? Mommy isn't gonna be too happy if you're filling up on cookies and icing and other sugary treats when we got a feast planned for tonight."
"Mommy said you were her cookie dough," Leah says as she licks some icing off her fingers. I raise an eyebrow at that. I've heard all about Buffy's cookie dough theory before, although not straight from her. "She said her cookies are done with you. What does that mean?"
"Uh."
What can I even say to that?
"Hey, Leah?" Andrew incepts. Thank god. "What do you say we finish these cookies and you can help me stuff the turkey?"
"Okay!"
I mouth 'thank you' as I hop off the counter and grab my jacket, heading outside for a quick smoke while Andrew preoccupies her, explaining to her the importance of homemade stuffing versus the boxed stuff.
Just the way she came outta left-field with that cookie dough thing has thrown me off big time. Angel once told me about Buffy's cookie dough theory during a random conversation we had shortly after Sunnydale went toast. It never made any sense to me until now, until having gotten to know Buffy in a way I never have before over the last few months and having her fall in love with me in a way I never imagined she would.
Who knew landing in Boston after running from it for so long would've brought me here? Sure I was chasing demons I couldn't face, couldn't fight, and in the end gave up and ended up here. Was it meant to be? Just a chance things happened to work out this way? Fuck if I know.
"Faithy!" Leah yells from inside just as I'm about to light my cigarette. I groan, opening the door and poke my head inside.
"Yeah?" I ask her and she's pouting. Always with the pouting. She's worse than her mother with that lip of hers. "What's wrong, baby girl?"
"Can you come make stuffing with us?"
"Give me five minutes, yeah?"
"Fine."
Another pout and an eye roll to boot. I shut the door, shake my head and laugh. I have my cigarette quickly and head back inside to find Leah covered in flour and a near-tears Andrew standing stock still, also covered in flour. I can't help but burst into laughter as Leah just stands there grinning like it's the funniest thing she's ever seen. I'm with her on that one.
"How'd this happen?" I ask and Leah just points to Andrew.
"Hey!" Andrew squeals.
"He opened the bag and sneezed. I sneezed. Poof," Leah giggles as she shakes the flour off her.
I raise an eyebrow at Andrew as he stands there sputtering, likely trying to come up with an excuse. I shake my head and reach for Leah's hand, knowing I gotta get her cleaned up before Buffy comes back or she's not gonna be too happy to see Leah covered head to toe in flour.
"Come on, LJ, let's get you cleaned up."
"Hey, what about my kitchen!" Andrew calls out as I lead Leah out of the kitchen and head for the stairs.
"You made the mess, Andy. You're on your own!"
Leah giggles as I scoop her up in my arms and carry her up to the bathroom. I put her down on the floor and head to my room to grab the bag with some spare clothes in it for Leah that Buffy left behind just in case she had an accident. Leah is still standing in the middle of the bathroom when I get back and she's pouting again.
"Do I have to have a bath now?"
"It's in your hair so I'm thinking you do," I nod and I walk over to the deep tub.
"Bubble bath?"
I scrunch my nose and look through the linen closet by the tub. Sure enough there's a bottle of strawberry scented bubble bath that I have no doubt belongs to Andrew. Leah starts singing some song she learned in school, flubbing most of the words as she goes along. I fill up the tub, checking the water as it fills up slowly.
"Bubble bath time!" Leah laughs as she stands by me at the tub and reaches in for the bubbles that are rising. "Mmm, yummy. Good enough to eat!"
"Uh, we don't eat the bubbles, LJ."
"No, silly. It smells good and will make me smell like food! Hey," she giggles as she looks at me. "Andrew smells like this. Like..." she trails off, scrunching up her nose as she thinks of the word. "Strawbabies!"
I laugh as she giggles uncontrollably. When the tub is filled up enough for her, I turn off the water and help her get out of her clothes. I plop her down in the bath and she happily plays with the bubbles. Now I've never given a kid a bath in my life, so now I'm sitting here on the closed lid of the toilet seat, trying to figure out what to do next. Can't be too complicated. I mean, getting clean is pretty easy.
I get her to dip her head back in the water and instead of doing it the way I instruct her, she goes under the water completely, holding her breath for as long as she can, a whole twenty seconds before popping up and nearly drenching me in the process.
"Let's not do that again, okay, LJ?"
"But it's fun!"
I roll my eyes, but can't fight the smile while I watch her babble to herself as she plays with the bubbles. I might've never given her a bath before, but I know that the last thing I do is leave her in here unsupervised. I grab Andrew's purple rubber ducky from where it sits perched on the sink and I toss it in the water, erupting a happy squeal from Leah as she grabs it and hugs it tight.
"I love duckies!" She smiles and she looks over at me with a serious look on her face. "Do you love Mommy?"
"Sure do, LJ."
"How much? More than me?"
"How can I love anyone more than you?" I ask, flicking a few bubbles towards her and she giggles. "I love your Mommy a whole lot, LJ. More than I love anyone else-besides you."
"Are you here forever?"
"Yeah, however long forever is."
"Forever is forever, silly."
I smile at that. The innocence this kid has gets me sometimes. She's also pretty smart for her age and it's not just the things I've seen or heard when it comes to her. Her teachers at her school have called Buffy saying they're impressed with how bright and smart she is. She's very observant too and I can't help but think a lot of it has to do with growing up having hundreds of young slayers around and being around adults all the time.
Her childhood is a stark contrast to mine and aside from the vampires that are still very much after her and a constant worry for all of us, she has a normal happy life. And I'm gonna make sure it damn well stays like that.
"Mommy loves you," she says after a minute, not looking at me but at the rubber ducky she's moving around in the water. "Mommy said she's loved you a long time. How come you didn't come here before?"
Whoa. A loaded question from a five-year-old I'm definitely not prepared to answer. I take a deep breath, considering what the best way to explain things to her without actually explaining things too much. Keep it simple and straight forward so she doesn't keep asking me questions. Who am I kidding though? She's a typical kid. They always ask a million questions.
"I was travelling all over the world, fighting baddies, saving innocent people."
"Because you are a slayer," she states, smiling proudly as she raises her hand to give me a wet, soapy high five. "Mommy said I might be a slayer."
"Might be. Won't know until you're older."
"Mommy won't let Auntie Willow do that test on me. Says I'm too young."
What test? I shake my head and she quickly drops the conversation as if we were never even having it. I try not to think of the stuff she's been saying, but I can't help it and I know I got a few questions for Buffy when she gets back from the city.
I let Leah sit in the tub for a little bit longer and get her out, wrapping her up in a big fluffy white towel. She tells me she can get dressed by herself and I turn my attention to rinsing the leftover bubbles out of the tub while she does just that. The small giggles make me turn around and she's got her pink underwear on her head.
Leah laughs when I shake my head at her, trying not to laugh too much either. I go back to rinsing the tub and when I turn around again she's dressed properly and sitting on the floor struggling to put her clean socks on. As soon as I hear a car pull up to the house, I know Buffy and the others are back. Leah takes off running while I hang up the wet towel and gather up her flour and icing covered clothes from the bathroom floor.
I head downstairs after I throw her clothes in the washing machine and Buffy is down in the living room with her, listening to her as she tells her how she and Andrew made cookies and how Andrew made it snow flour in the kitchen.
"Hey, B," I smile as I join the two of them on the couch. "She was covered in flour. Gave her a bath."
"She smells like Andrew."
Leah starts giggling and runs off to the kitchen where I can hear Willow and Kennedy talking to Giles.
"Who knew Andy liked the sweet smelling bubble bath stuff?" I chuckle as I put an arm around Buffy. "Did ya have fun?"
"Tons," she smiles and leans in to deliver a sweet kiss. "You? Other than the kitchen incident, was Leah behaving herself?"
"Good as gold, B. The two of us always have a blast together."
"That's good," she smiles again and snuggles into my side. "I could totally use a nap before dinner."
"You want me to keep an eye on LJ while you do?"
"I want you to have a nap with me," she whispers and she nips at my neck playfully to let me know what kind of 'nap' she wants to have. One that most definitely doesn't include a whole lot of sleeping.
I pull her in for a nice deep, passionate kiss, trying to keep my hands from roaming too much. I can't resist touching her, but I know we're not completely alone. Giles clearing his throat reminds us of that as he walks into the living room with a nice hot cup of tea in one hand, the newspaper in the other.
I wink at Buffy before I get up from the couch and head into the kitchen. Leah runs right up to me and leaps into my arms, laughing loudly as I tickle her stomach. Buffy laughs as she joins us in the kitchen and she just wraps her arms around me from behind as I hold Leah.
"Did you save any cookies for Mommy?" Buffy asks her and she looks at me and then looks over my shoulder at Buffy and shakes her head no. "No? Faith, did you eat them all?"
"No," I chuckle and I tickle Leah again, "What'd I tell ya about lying? Especially to your Mommy?"
"It's bad and I can get in trouble?"
"The cookies are for tonight," Andrew says from where he's standing by the stove.
The look on Willow's face is not lost as she stares at the three of us. She's smiling wide and she aww's at us as she pokes at Kennedy who has her back to us to look over.
"Aren't they just the cutest?"
"Sure," Kennedy shrugs and she goes back to picking at the party mix in a bowl on the kitchen table.
Buffy lets go of me but not before kissing my neck lightly. I let Leah back down on her feet and I take a second just to bask in the feeling I'm feeling right now.
I got a family here, I'm in love, I'm wanted and needed here. This is my home and being home never felt better. I can do this, live this kind of life and never look back. Always thought that coming back here was gonna be hard and that I'd stick around for a month or two before I got the urge to run again.
I do get it sometimes, but all it takes is one look from Buffy and that feeling is long forgotten. Even though I miss being out in the world, doing my own thing, moving from place to place and experiencing new things, I got all that here. I see that now. There's no other place that I'd rather be than right here right now, celebrating Christmas with the people long ago all I ever wanted was to be accepted by, loved even.
After one helluva good turkey dinner, Buffy gets a couple of the young slayers that stayed behind for Christmas break to take Leah back to the house and get her to bed while the rest of us sit around the dining room table, drinking and laughing. Giles, Andrew, Xander and Dawn are playing cards and I ain't got a damn clue what game they're playing either. Willow and Buffy are talking about plans for New Years Eve and I'm sitting next to Buffy, sipping a cold beer, lost in my own thoughts.
I motion to Buffy that I'm gonna duck out for a quick smoke. She barely even nods her head, too engrossed in her conversation with Willow. I stop in the kitchen to grab a fresh beer, slip on my jacket and head outside.
Everything about today, especially today, has been completely surreal. Everything they do as a family, I've been right in the middle of it like I've always been here with them, doing this year after year. I laugh, shaking my head as I light a cigarette and lean against the wall by the door. I can hear the laughter from inside drifting out, most of all I can hear Buffy's laughter above all else.
"Hey," Kennedy says as she slips out the back door.
"Hey," I nod at her and take a long drag, inhaling deeply. "What's up, Ken-doll? You guys do this every Christmas Eve?"
"It's become kind of a tradition. The night is still young. Giles is quite hilarious once he's had a few drinks in him."
"I bet," I chuckle and shake my head, shivering at the coldness of the night air.
Kennedy's silence all of a sudden is kind of freaking me out, not gonna lie. We're not close or anything, sure, but I've never really spent any time with her when Willow hasn't been right at her side or when I haven't helped her out with a few of her classes 'cause of the girls who keep causing problems for her.
Kennedy stays out there even after I head back inside. I barely have my jacket and boots off and Buffy is flinging herself into my arms. I laugh as I spin her around a little and give her a quick little kiss, tasting more than just beer on her lips.
"You guys got into the hard stuff without me?"
"Sorry," Buffy laughs and she takes my hand. "Come on, Giles is pouring everyone shots! He's drunk and sharing all his fancy alcohol. This is once a year thing, Faith!"
I laugh pretty hard at that and follow her back into the dining room. Giles has about six different bottles of booze lined up in a row and there's at least a dozen shot glasses all neatly lined up in front of him. I watch as he carefully pours the tequila in each glass while Xander and Dawn hands everyone a slice of lemon.
Buffy pulls me towards the table and hands me the salt shaker and places the lemon Dawn just handed me in her mouth, rind side in. I raise an eyebrow and waste no time, downing the two shots that Giles slides over to me. I forget the salt and lean in to suck from the lemon between Buffy's lips.
Buffy pulls back enough for the lemon to drop to the floor and she pulls me in for a nice deep kiss. She moans into my mouth and I end the kiss before things get a bit out of hand in front of everyone.
Xander is blushing and Dawn is smacking him across the arm, forcing him to look away. Willow and Giles are too busy filling the shot glasses up again for yet another round and Andrew is just sitting there with a dazed look on his face as he stares at the full shot glass in front of him.
The moment Buffy grabs us each another shot, I know we're in for a pretty long night and a rough morning. She doesn't seem to care and I gotta admit, I like seeing her let loose like this. It's definitely something I don't see her do pretty much ever.
"Oh god," Buffy moans as she runs for the bathroom for the second time tonight. I sigh heavily, laying in my bed as I hear her run down the hallway and start pounding on the bathroom door. "Andrew, get out of there! I'm gonna puke!"
"Go away, I'm praying to the porcelain gods right now. Go find your own porcelain throne, Buffy!"
I laugh and get up out of bed quickly, the room spinning a little and making me unsteady on my feet. We had too much to drink and I'm pretty sure Buffy had more than anyone else. I'd never seen anyone pound back the shots the way she did before she passed out in my arms while I played a game of poker with everyone else.
"Come on, B," I say as I put an arm around her. She's barely holding on and I scoop her up in my arms and head down the stairs to the bathroom down there.
I gotta say, I sure didn't think we'd spend the night like this. Buffy was way too drunk and passed out when I carried her up to my room to do anything other than get her in something more comfortable to sleep in and put her in bed. I thought we'd have a few drinks, hang out with the gang and then have some time together.
Didn't think it'd be three in the morning and I'd be in the small bathroom kneeling next to her, holding her hair back as she empties whatever is left in her stomach. I groan, my own stomach churning, but I keep myself together. Spent a lot of time doing just this for my mother when I was a kid that I'm used to it.
"Oh god," Buffy sighs as she wipes her mouth and closes the toilet lid. "I am never drinking again."
"Oh yeah?" I chuckle as I help her to her feet. "You gonna be okay now? Get it all outta ya?"
"Yeah. I need some water and possibly heaping amounts of toothpaste."
"Head back up to my room and I'll get ya some water, some Advil and I'll kick Andrew outta the bathroom to get you your toothpaste."
"Faith?" Buffy frowns as she doesn't move from where she's standing. "Can you maybe just take me home instead? I need to be there in the morning when Leah wakes up."
"Oh shit, yeah," I nod quickly. I didn't forget. Okay, I guess I did but I sure as shit ain't gonna tell her that right now. "Do you want me to grab your clothes?"
"I like these," she says as she looks down at what I dressed her in. A pair of grey sweat pants and a t-shirt I normally wore to work out in. It was the only things I had that were clean.
I laugh and we walk to the back door, pulling on our boots and our jackets as quietly as we can. Buffy digs into her jacket pocket for her keys and I shake my head no, making her put them back in her pocket. I'm in no state to drive even if the alcohol is starting to wear off. Short distance or not, I ain't stupid enough to get behind the wheel and I know she ain't either.
It takes us a while to get to her place. She pays the two young slayers for staying with Leah after she wakes them up. I head upstairs to check on Leah and she's fast asleep, sucking her thumb and cuddling her pillow instead of the million stuffed animals she has.
"She's out like a light," I say to Buffy when I find her down in the kitchen sipping a glass of water. "Do you want me to stay here tonight?"
"Can you? I kind of need some help. Santa needs to stop by," Buffy laughs softly. "Her presents are hidden in the den in the armoire. The one the locks."
I nod and head in there with Buffy trailing slowly behind me. I flip on the lights and I turn to her with an eyebrow raised.
"Looks like Santa already came," I chuckle. "Maybe Xander did it for ya considering how wasted you were tonight."
Buffy shakes her head as she walks over to the tree in the corner of the room. She checks a few of the meticulously wrapped presents and shakes her head again.
"I didn't use this paper to wrap her presents, Faith."
"What?" I ask and I walk over to her, noting the empty plate and empty glass on the table left beside the unlit fireplace. "You've got to be shitting me!"
"What?"
"Santa is fucking real?"
Buffy laughs as she stands up slowly, a bit unsteady on her feet. "Don't be ridiculous, Faith. Santa isn't real. I bet it was Xander or Giles. They do this for Leah every year since she was born."
I shake my head no. She knows as well as I do that Giles and Xander were far too wasted to be able to pull something like this off for Leah. Besides, from the snoring I heard since I took Buffy to my room coming from Giles' room, I know it couldn't have been him, nor could it have been Xander since he was passed out on the couch in the living room with Dawn.
Buffy seems to be thinking and her eyes open wide as she moves to the couch and sits down. I sit next to her and sigh as we just look at one another.
"He's real?" Buffy asks and I laugh a little at that. "But...how-if he's real, how did we not know this?"
We sit there and we start laughing uncontrollably at the craziness of it all.
"Merry Christmas, B."
"Merry Christmas, Faith."