Author's Note: Hello all! I know I'm a day late, but Happy Birthday to Harry Potter and JK Rowling! :) And thanks to everyone for the nice reviews. Chapter 11 shouldn't be too far behind, hopefully. Depends on how things go.

Chapter Ten – Getting There

"Where would you like to begin today, Mr. Malfoy?"

Draco, sitting very stiffly in his chair, raised an eyebrow at Healer Mader. "You're the shrink. Don't you know?"

It was their second session. The first had just been an hour of background information: where Draco grew up, what his family was like, his marriage, ect. It was nothing that couldn't have been discovered by a careful researcher going through public records. Now it was time to get down to business, which was not something that Draco was looking forward to.

"I find that each person who walks through those doors has unique problems that must be handled in unique ways. I can't know where you need to start until you tell me. I have some ideas based on our previous conversation, but I'd like to know what you think is most important."

"My… friend says that I'm depressed."

It took Harry two floo calls to set up this appointment. The first was to Healer Frank, the official Psychiatric Healer of the Auror department. He recommended Mader and ensured that the man was discreet. Harry made the calls on behalf of Draco, but Harry's name was never mentioned in that transaction. It was one thing to trust someone to remain confidential about Draco's sessions. It was quite another to expect him to keep the gossip of the year under wraps if he connected the dots about the nature of Harry and Draco's relationship.

"And do you think you're depressed?"

"I guess I must be. I've never been the sunshine and flowers type of person, but I haven't been happy in a long time."

"How long?"

Draco thought for a moment, looking absently out the window. "Since I was a kid."

"Forgive me for bringing it up, but you were in the war, correct?"

"Yes."

"Does your depression go back that far?"

"At least. I mean, I had happy moments. A lot of them. I just didn't feel happy most of the time. But that's normal, isn't it? Who can be that happy all the time?"

"No one all the time. But you should be more often than you are sad."

"I'm not sad. I'm just… indifferent."

"That's not healthy either."

"I find that if I have enough to drink I'm not all that concerned by it."

Healer Mader offered a friendly smile and looked down at his notes. "According to your friend who made the appointment for you the alcohol is a concern. He suspects you have also experimented with some muggle narcotics as well."

"He doesn't suspect. He knows. He can be an idiot sometimes, but he's bright enough to know the difference between drunk and high."

"You say he's an idiot, yet you're here taking his advice."

"He's only an idiot sometimes."

"Do you make a habit of being friends with idiots?"

Now Draco's mind wandered to Crabbe and Goyle, two people he hadn't thought of in a long time. They were Draco's only real friends when he was young. At least that was what he thought. He didn't realize how much control he had over people, merely by being a Malfoy, until the power of that name ceased to exist. When his name stopped meaning something Crabbe and Goyle's loyalty shifted quickly. Even so, he mourned Crabbe after the battle at Hogwarts. And he went to the trial when Goyle was sentenced to fifteen years in Azkaban. Draco heard rumors that he moved out of the country when he was released from prison. He didn't really get close to anyone after the war. He had his family and business associates, but friends?

"I don't really have any friends," Draco admitted finally. "Just the one."

"Everyone needs companionship."

Draco rolled his eyes. "I have no trouble finding someone to spend time with."

"You mean sex partners?" Draco nodded. "How many different people would you say that is?"

"Too many to count. Though I'm sure you'll tell me that isn't healthy either."

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On your motives. I'm not here to judge your sexual practices or tell you how many is too many. But I would like to know your reasons for your actions and how it affects you. Why do you think you sleep with so many people?"

"I like sex."

"How long have you done this?"

Draco sighed as he sorted through the memories. When had he first gone out in search of something to fill the void? It was after the war. His friends were all dead or in prison. Justin was dead. His family name was ruined.

"After school. I just wanted variety. And then I married my wife."

"And you were faithful?"

"For a time."

"How long?"

"A year. I had affairs for three years after that and I stopped when my son was born."

"Why?"

"I thought I should try to be around, try to look like a normal family."

"And you weren't normal?"

"Nothing ever felt normal."

"Why did you cheat on your wife?"

"I told you I like variety."

"Were you not attracted to her?"

Draco shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I… was at some point, but she wasn't… I wasn't in love with her. I married her because that is what my family does. We marry and have at least one child to pass on the family legacy." He let out a harsh laugh. "Of course, saying it like that makes me wonder why I bothered. It is not as if there is much left of the family or legacy."

"Since you are divorced, I take it that you went back to your old ways."

"A few years ago I started a discreet affair with one of our employees. It was the first time in at least seven years that I cheated and I didn't feel guilty."

"You wanted to hurt her?"

"No, but I don't believe she was really hurt. I am nearly certain that she knew the affair was going on."

"Why?"

"Astoria would make comments, little snide remarks. More than once she said that I smelled badly and I should shower. It was right after having met with the person in question."

"You very carefully avoid using a gender specific pronoun in connection to your lover."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Is there a question attached to that?"

"Should there be?"

"Yes, I was fucking a man. All of them were men. Astoria is a lovely woman when she's not being a complete bitch, but she just wasn't my type."

"And you're exclusively with men now?"

He sighed, bored with the conversation. "If a woman comes along who interests me I will consider her. Until that time, yes."

"You don't seem to want to discuss this."

"My sexuality? No, I prefer not to."

"Do you think it could have something to do with your depression?"

Now Draco snorted in amusement. "Yes, everyone knows 'gay' is code for 'depressed'."

"Of course it's not. But how you feel about being gay can contribute a great deal to your current mental state. How do you feel about it?"

"I feel gay. I like men and I like that I like men."

"Do you? There isn't any part of you that wishes your life was different in some way? Or maybe you have worked through those internal conflicts about your sexuality, but there is still the matter of what the outside world thinks. How many people know?"

"I'm sure a good deal know, since the paper was fond of spreading rumors after my divorce."

"That's how many people speculate. How many in your life know?"

Draco didn't even need to stop and count. "Four. And my father before he died."

"I see. Are they close to you?"

"Astoria was furious when she caught me in the affair. Not because I was having an affair, but because I allowed myself to be caught. She told my parents and eventually my son. And my one friend knows. He's the only one I actually told."

"Are you afraid of others finding out?"

"I'm not afraid of anything. I worry what people will say to my son if it is widely known."

"So you stay closeted to protect your reputation for his sake. That sounds exhausting."

"Not really. I spend much of my time among muggles so I won't be caught and I don't get close enough to any of them to worry about outing myself as a wizard."

"So that is why you sleep around?"

"At least partly. And I like variety."

"How did your parents handle the news?"

Draco paused. The conversation was getting more and more unpleasant by the minute. "My mother still won't completely acknowledge it. She prefers not to mention my dating habits at all."

"And your father?"

"He… died shortly after the revelation." Confidentiality or no, Draco wasn't going to reveal the cause. His family could be spared that embarrassment at least. "He never commented on what he thought of it. He had become a bit withdrawn toward the end. No doubt my news contributed to his overall decline."

"Do you blame yourself?"

He was about to respond with a venom-laced "of course not," but he stopped himself, wondering if it would be the truth. Surely Lucius' suicide had many contributing factors and whether his sexuality was one of them, Draco would never actually know, but he had thought for a while that his own blame in the suicide was more than just his coming out. He shared Lucius' blame for what had happened to their family and that gave Draco his share of blame for his father's death too. There wasn't much he could have done about his father's involvement with the Death Eaters. That was all determined long before he was born. But maybe he could have done something about the outcome.

There really were only two options, two ways that Draco could have saved his father. He could have succeeded in killing Dumbledore and gotten back into Voldemort's graces. Maybe the war would have turned out differently and his family would be considered heroes. Not that Draco wanted to imagine a world under Voldemort's rule. He didn't want to think of all the other people who would have died. Or he could have gone to Dumbledore as soon as he was assigned to kill. He knew the moment Voldemort threatened his family that he didn't want to be a part of that. At the very least he could have accepted Dumbledore's help a little sooner on that terrible night on the Astronomy Tower. If he'd taken Dumbledore's protection, if his family had switched sides early, then they could have saved their name. Lucius could have made up for all the horrible things he'd done in the past and maybe he wouldn't have had to kill himself. Maybe if Draco had just done that one thing differently…

Draco looked back up at Healer Mader, who was still waiting for an answer. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Maybe I do a little."

It had been several weeks since Harry came out, but when Harry asked Ron to go out for drinks in the middle of the week, Ron was not expecting Harry to insist on choosing the bar. And he certainly didn't expect it to be one of those bars. Harry knew that he was completely straight, right? He made a couple weak jokes about Harry trying to get him to convert, but it did little to cover his real discomfort. Truthfully, Harry only wanted Ron to feel more comfortable with him. He could see a little tension between them and he figured that showing Ron that his new life was not all that strange would be a good way to break some of that tension. Unfortunately, Ron's nerves as they approached the bar were anything but reassuring.

"You don't think of me any differently now that I'm out, right?" Harry asked.

"Of course not."

"Well, then it stands to reason that the people at this bar are going to be just as normal as any other people. The fact that they're gay should have nothing to do with it."

"It's not that. It's just… It's a bar. You know what happens when you go out to a bar."

"You drink, you have fun, you go home."

"Oh sure, Harry. Tell me that's all you go to a bar for."

Harry grinned broadly. "You're afraid you're going to get hit on?"

"Well it's a possibility. I'm not a complete dog."

"No, you're not. There's a very good chance. Are you telling me you don't know how to say no? I mean, I know Hermione doesn't really let you say it to her, for any reason, but you used to know how to handle yourself in just about any situation."

"I can say no. It's just… awkward."

"I don't know, Ron. It sounds like… you're… scared."

"I'm not scared."

"It's just a room full of gay men. And occasionally one of them brings their straight friend."

"Really?"

"Mostly girls who think it's fun to have a gay best friend. She usually is at least as flamboyant as he is and giggles obnoxiously. She thinks we're all just so cute."

"That's… weird."

"Yeah. This guy Liam brings his friend, Tara, a lot. She was flirting with Draco quite a bit. A lot of the guys think it's fun, but not him. He told her that unless she grew a penis she needed to stop batting her eyes at him. And she also needed to stop hoping that Liam would suddenly realize that she was perfect for him because there was nothing more annoying that a straight girl hopelessly in love with a gay man. Liam hasn't been in with her since."

"So you're saying that even among muggles, Malfoy is a prat who sends people screaming in the opposite direction."

"Pretty much."

"Then what the hell do you see in him?"

They had reached the bar and Harry paused a moment to answer him, his hand on the door. "I'm not sure. He grows on you after a while."

Ron shook his head and followed Harry into the bar. Now, since it was the middle of the week the place was not very crowded. There was some music playing and a few people were playing billiards and Ron was relieved to see that there wasn't anything overtly gay about it. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't as tame as the reality. The reality was almost as boring as the Leaky Cauldron. It was just a bar and there was only drinking going on.

Ron rolled his eyes when it became apparent that Harry attracted the same kind of attention among muggles that he did in Diagon Alley. As soon as they walked in a couple men looked up from their drinks to greet him. Ron was introduced to everyone as Harry's oldest friend and they continued to the bartender who also smiled and greeted Harry by name. Once they each had a drink Harry's tone turned serious and he addressed the bartender.

"You seen Draco tonight?"

"He hasn't been in all week."

"I know, but I thought he might have tonight."

Cameron gave Harry a long, speculative look and finally sighed. "You didn't listen to my advice, did you?"

Ron noticed how Harry looked away quickly and sipped his drink. "Oh look, Patrick is here."

"You're going to get screwed. And not in the fun way."

"I can handle it. Just, if you see him, let me know."

He pulled Ron toward an empty table and they settled in.

"What was that all about?"

"He thinks Draco is a bad influence. Told me weeks ago not to get involved."

"I agree."

"Well it's a good thing this is my life then, huh?"

Ron opened his mouth to respond, but the words never came out. He turned when a voice called out Harry's name and saw something more like what he had been expecting. The man walking toward them was… well, Ron wasn't sure how to classify him. His eyes were outlined in black and there was (in Ron's opinion) an obscene amount of shadow and glitter all over his eyelids. His shirt was black see-through and he wore a little silver ring through each nipple. Harry smiled, unsurprised by the man's appearance.

"Hi Ben."

"Harry, I didn't think I'd see you out here tonight, dear. Middle of the week and all. I thought you were being respectable and keeping New Year's resolutions."

"I can't be good all the time. And I have brought my friend, Ron, out to witness the debauchery."

Only then did Ben fully notice that Ron was there.

"Oh, you're the friend!" He turned back to Harry. "And he's cute too. You didn't tell me that you had cute friends."

Ron leaned further away from Ben, at a loss for how to respond. Luckily Harry rescued him.

"I'm sorry, Ben. Ron is happily married."

"Oh, you're the married friend. You're too cute to be married. But does that mean that you finally came out, Harry? I'm so proud of you, hon."

Harry accepted a hug from him. "Don't get too excited. I'm not out at work. Just a couple friends."

"Well, baby steps, Sweetie. Baby steps." He patted Harry on the head, still standing entirely too close in Ron's opinion. "Not all of us can be as flamingly obvious as me. Closets just can't contain some of us."

That was the first thing Ben had said that Ron could completely agree with.

"Well," Ben continued, "I see you're busy, baby. If you see that other friend of yours, do send him my way, will you?"

Harry hesitated, but answered in the affirmative and Ben swaggered off across the room, swinging his hip and loudly greeting someone else. Harry glanced at Ron, understanding that he was a bit horrified by the whole thing.

"Yeah, Ben can be a little…"

"Cliché?"

"Good word for him. He never outgrew his youthful club days. He's overwhelming at times, but ya gotta love him."

"If you say so, mate."

"He's a good guy. He's really out there in terms of personality, but he's got a big heart. He's just a genuinely good person and that's hard to find. If you get to know him, you just love him."

Ron turned around and scanned the room again, watching Ben laughing with some friends. He certainly wasn't comfortable with this whole thing, but at the same time any of the reservations he felt about Harry's new life were gone. Whatever horrors he pictured when Harry talked about going to a gay bar had disappeared with the reality of it. Not that it was his duty to protect Harry, but he did feel defensive about his best friend having some other life that he didn't know and couldn't understand. And even though he knew that Harry did not need it, Ron realized that he approved. If Harry had to explore this attraction to men—something Ron would never understand—then at least he had people who cared about him.

Of course just as Ron was about to share these thoughts the bar door opened and in walked a very familiar face. Ron spun back around in his seat.

"The ferret is here."

Harry turned and smiled. Ron looked away. There was absolutely no way he could see Harry kiss Malfoy. Luckily the moment passed with no meeting of lips and he looked back up to see Malfoy scowling at him.

"Congratulations, Potter. You managed to turn Weasley gay. You've accomplished the impossible, but you have absolutely no taste."

Ron didn't even look up from his drink. "He must not have taste if he's been hanging around you."

"Play nice, boys. How about you join us for a drink, Draco?"

"I would, Harry, but I don't think your friend would appreciate it." He sent a particularly nasty scowl toward Ron. "I just thought I'd inform you that I am still alive… much to my disappointment."

"Well I'm glad you are." Harry reached across the table and set a hand on Draco's arm. Ron noticed the way Draco allowed the touch for just a few moments before pulling away. He also noticed the way Harry's hopeful expression dropped slightly, but he remained silent. "Oh and Ben told me to send you his way."

"Perfect. I was just thinking of him today. I need a blow job. Excuse me."

"Wait." Harry grabbed Draco's hand as he was walking away. "How did things go today?"

Draco looked pointedly at Ron. "I don't think this is the time or place."

"I didn't ask for details. Is it helping at all?"

"No. It was excruciating. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"No. It's been a few weeks; I was hoping it would start to help."

"Yes, it's helping a lot to remember all the places in my life in which I fucked up. Thanks, Potter. It was a great idea." He roughly freed his hand from Harry's grip. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go see if Ben is doing anything or anyone tonight. You two have fun."

Ron followed Harry's gaze to the opposite side of the room where Draco was already laying on the charm with a couple men. He knew that look on Harry's face. He'd just been turned down and he was not happy, but there was something more. Harry was falling for Malfoy, if Ron had to guess. That thought in itself was alarming, but what exactly was going on here?

"So he just goes to, what? Pick someone up? And you're okay with that?"

"There's nothing to be upset about. I told you, Draco and I are not a couple."

"But you're sleeping together. And he's sleeping with other people."

"Yes. And I could too if I wanted."

"But you don't."

"Actually I have. Not in the last few days, but I have. He always gets like this after his appointments."

"What appointments?"

"Nevermind. It's private and I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"I don't like it."

"Excuse me?"

"You like him and you just let him run off with other people. That's not right."

"Not everyone has some perfect monogamous marriage. Some relationships are different. We don't have any formal commitment, much less an agreement of monogamy. It's more like a friendship with sex."

"And I'm supposed to believe that you're okay with this?"

"I am. At least for now. If we decide that we like each other more than that I will reevaluate that assessment."

"Ginny thinks you love him."

"Ginny doesn't know everything."

"When it comes to you she does."

Harry laughed. "If we've learned nothing else from recent revelations it is that Ginny does not know everything about me."

Harry looked back at Draco and frowned. It was so plain what was going on. Ron couldn't tell if it was actually jealousy that he was seeing, but it was certainly some strong form of affection and concern. Maybe Harry was telling the truth about not being jealous of Malfoy sleeping around, but Ron couldn't be sure. He glanced back at Draco and did a double take when he saw something surprising there. The average person might not pick up on the subtlety of it, but Ron caught the brief shift of Malfoy's eyes. The man he was speaking to didn't notice and Malfoy's concentration on the conversation did not suffer at all, but he was sneaking glances at Harry, making sure Harry was watching. Ron turned back to Harry, but he was facing forward again sipping from his drink.

Ron sighed. He couldn't really say anything about it. After all, Harry was a grown man capable of making his own choices and Ron had promised that his sexual self-discovery wouldn't change their relationship. But this was bad. Probably the worst thing he could even imagine. Malfoy and Harry were falling in love with each other. And neither of them probably knew it.

"Nope," Ron muttered into his drink. "Don't like it one bit."