Sookie

I was glad I was at home alone (well, with Sam) when I got my reply from Eric. I fell apart at first and just sat and cried and cried. I never thought that he would actually cheat on me. I guess I was naïve after all. Apparently, my marriage was in even worse shape than I thought. I wondered whether he was in love with her. Would he want a divorce? Would he want to marry her? I really couldn't imagine not being married to Eric. Even with all the mess we'd had in our life recently, he was still my husband. He was my life. I couldn't even conceive of what I'd do without him.

I'd read so much online about infertility, but I always glossed over the statistics about infertility and divorce. Those numbers had nothing to do with us. At least that's what I'd always told myself. Failure to conceive is obviously a tough thing on a marriage. Add the financial aspect of fertility treatments, and then, of course, the number of couples who don't get a happy result, and…well…it's not hard to see what can happen. Statistically, there were more divorces when the infertility was because of the man rather than the woman. Knowing men, that didn't really surprise me. Their self-worth is so closely tied to their testicles. As a woman, I get it on paper, but I can't really imagine how it must feel for a man to be told he is sterile. Just like I don't get why men buy sports cars and chase younger women when they hit middle-age. But sometimes they do. I equated Eric's sterility news to a mid-life crisis, and the affair started to make some sense. We had both handled this whole mess so badly. He drank alone, went to bed in a guest room. I didn't exactly reach out to him either. There was obviously no manual that could tell us what to do with our pain, but I knew that what we did with it was a mistake. And, now this affair seemed to be the result.

Eric mentioned several times before he left town how he must have disappointed me when he got his DUI. Honestly, I hardly even gave that much thought. I was grateful and relieved that no one was hurt and that he hadn't had an accident. I just saw it as a mistake—but certainly, it was a forgivable one. It was nothing compared to an affair—at least in my book.

I had two weeks to ponder Eric's infidelity, and I thought of little else. The day before he was scheduled to come home, I went to the Brentwood house and left him a note. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do.

Eric

I'd been anxious to get home for most of the shoot in Rome to fix my marriage, but those last two weeks, I only wanted to stay. Going home just meant facing the pain of Sookie's betrayal. I was exhausted from the hours I'd been working and emotionally drained. Under the best of circumstances, that's a long tiring flight, and I was dealing with some of the worst circumstances of my life.

A production assistant dropped me at home and I was greeted by a sweet and thoughtful Juana who insisted that I sit down and eat immediately. I was starving and went into the kitchen before she herded me into the dining room. The table and chairs in the kitchen were gone—presumably at the Venice house with my wife and her new lover.

After eating, I went upstairs and took a long hot shower. I opened the closet to wheel my suitcase in (to be unpacked later—I was just too tired to think about it), and got a good look at what half a closet of clothes looks like. She really had moved out. I sat on the bed and stared at the empty rod.

She obviously had no desire to greet me, and I assumed that she was at her new house. I debated about calling her, but thought I should probably try to get some sleep before tackling any major conversations. I scooted back to lie on the bed and saw the note on my pillow: Welcome home. I'm at the new house. Please come over when you can. We need to talk and I thought we could have more privacy here. I hope you had a safe flight. Sookie

I read the note a couple of times and debated whether I would be able to sleep knowing that she was waiting for me. I finally gave up, got dressed, and drove to Venice.

She seemed genuinely glad to see me. As usual, she took my breath away at how beautiful she looked. She had on a simple blue halter dress and sandals. I'd missed her so much. We hugged briefly and she invited me in. A very funny-looking dog ran up to greet me. I patted him on the head and looked back to Sookie.

"It's a long story. I know I should have talked to you about it first, but…well...it was kind of an emergency. The woman next door moved away and left him. I couldn't just leave him." I just nodded. I'd always wanted a dog. Maybe now I'd get one too. We could both have one.

The house was really great. It had lots of charm and character, and of course, Sookie had put it together perfectly. It was missing some furniture and I wondered whether Sam Merlotte might be bringing some of his own stuff here to feather their little love nest. She walked me through each room and when she came to her office, she casually added, "This is Sam's favorite room," with an innocent smile. I felt a stab of pain and wondered how she could be so nonchalant about the whole thing. I didn't know what to say and so I just kept my mouth shut for the rest of the tour that ended in the back yard. The dog wanted to play ball, so I tossed it for him a few times, fighting the urge to just leave so I could have a meltdown in private.

We settled back in the living room and she offered me something to eat or drink, but I really wanted nothing. My stomach was in knots. We talked at length about the film and the house, but carefully avoided anything of real importance. In spite of everything, I kept getting distracted by how much I wanted to touch her.

Sam Merlotte obviously wasn't in the house, so I guessed that I wouldn't have to be confronted by him quite yet. My mind started to wander, wondering how selfish and wrong it would be to kiss her one last time before letting her go.

She excused herself to use the bathroom, and I went back and sat on her bed. When she opened the bathroom door, she looked surprised to see me. I just stood and took a few steps and kissed her. Hard. I wasn't sure what kind of reaction I was expecting. I hadn't thought beyond the initial kiss. But I definitely wasn't expecting what I got. She grabbed me and kissed me back with a powerful urgency. Maybe she thought this would be our last kiss as well.

Her fingers roughly combed through my hair before she began to unbutton my shirt. I thought, my god, this is going to be more than just a last kiss. I untied her dress behind her neck and pushed it down to the floor. She stepped out of her sandals as she walked me backwards until I was sitting on the bed. I pulled her to me and devoured her breasts, kneading her glorious satin-covered ass.

Sookie pulled on my shoulders, indicating she wanted me to stand up. When I did, she carefully peeled my shirt off and unbuttoned my jeans. I kicked off my shoes and pushed my pants and boxers to the floor, then took Sookie's hand and pulled her back to lie beside me on the bed.

We took our time and just kissed and touched each other's bodies for a long time. I was in no hurry, wanting to make it last as long as possible.

When I pulled her panties off, I saw the little tell-tale white string between her legs. I looked to her face and she had an apology in her expression. I pulled the string and went to the bathroom to dispose of the tampon, returning with a towel. Sookie raised her hips so I could place it beneath her. As I settled on top of her, she had a naughty gleam in her eye as she whispered, "Are we gonna make the flag of Japan?" It was our little code phrase that we'd coined for obvious reasons, but it had been years since we'd had any need to use it.

I loved to see her in such a sexy and playful mood, but my tone was dead serious as I replied, "I'm going to make love to my wife." I watched her face as I entered her. The smile faded quickly, her eyes closed, and she furrowed her brow . I knew that look. It was pure pleasure. It had been a long time since I'd seen it, but I'd certainly never forgotten it. I worked hard to keep that look on her face. I was forceful and determined to please her. I wanted to knock every memory of Sam Merlotte out of her beautiful head. I didn't last very long—it had been months, after all, but I made sure that Sookie came before I did. It was pretty intense. There were some tears on her part and I hoped they were joyful rather than painful ones.

I got us both cleaned up and replaced her tampon. Once I'd taken care of the towel and washcloth in the bathroom, I pulled the covers back and crawled into bed, pulling Sookie to me, holding her maybe a little too tightly. I knew that soon I'd have to face the fact that she was no longer mine, but I wasn't ready to have the conversation I knew we needed to have about Sam Merlotte. I realized that when I was in the bathroom, I hadn't seen any evidence of a man's belongings in there. Come to think of it, when Sookie was giving me a tour of the house, I hadn't seen any men's clothing in any of the closets. I was half asleep, but mumbled into Sookie's hair, "Where's Sam's stuff?"

She didn't move, but spoke into my chest. "His stuff? Um…he doesn't really have much stuff…a bed in my office…"

Well that's strange, I thought. Why would he have a bed in her office? And that's the last thing I remember thinking before I drifted into a deep and heavy sleep.

When I woke, I was so completely comfortable. There was a warm weight on my foot. I looked down and saw that goofy little dog sleeping with his head on my foot. He was pretty sweet. I rolled over and looked around the room. The afternoon light was perfect. I loved this house, but then I felt a stab of pain because I didn't live here. Sookie came into the room in a pale pink silk robe carrying a glass of iced tea. She sat and smiled silently at me as I sat up and took a sip. There was a sprig of fresh mint in the glass and it reminded me of when we lived in our first house in Venice and she grew mint in the back yard. I had a flash of an image of her in her gardening clothes, big bulky gloves on her hands and a floppy hat on her head. I missed those days in that house. I loved our life back then. That brought me back to the state of our lives at the moment and I felt an overwhelming sadness.

"We need to talk." I took a deep breath at her words. I knew that the pain was coming. Sam Merlotte was about to take my life away from me.

"Okay." I set the glass on the nightstand and gave her my full attention.

"I want you to stop seeing Portia and come live here with me." That was so completely not what I was expecting to hear.

"What?"

"Tell her it's over. It was a mistake. I don't care what you tell her really, just end it." I sat up a little straighter and searched her eyes. She was calm and cool, waiting for my response.

"There's nothing to end." Her eyes glistened with the beginning of tears. "I lied to you." She put her hand to her mouth to cover her quivering bottom lip. "She's seeing Pam, actually. I never…Sookie, I would never…" I pulled her into my arms and she wept into my chest. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you."

"Why…" was all she managed to squeak out between sobs.

"I thought it would make it easier for you to move on. You deserve to have what you want, and I can't give it to you." I held her for a long moment. She released me, sat back and wiped her tears away.

"But, all I want is you." I felt the lump in my throat, but was determined to keep it together. This painful conversation wasn't over by a long shot.

"Isn't there something you want to tell me about Sam Merlotte?" I watched her look down, thinking of what to say. I braced myself for the pain.

"Yes. He kissed me once at a party. I know I should have told you, but I handled it. And it never happened again. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept it from you."

I sat in stunned silence, then looked around the room. "He doesn't live here?"

"Live here?" She gave a little laugh. "No, honey. It's just me and Sam. And we want you to live here with us."

"You and Sam…" I was processing this new information as I looked down at my feet to the cross-eyed little face. "Sam."

"I bought this house because I want us to live like we did before—with no housekeeper or cook or gardeners or pool man. Just you and me. And now Sam. We can keep the Brentwood house if you want to--to have people over. This house isn't very impressive, but it's…"

"Perfect. It's perfect."

She sighed, "Yeah."

I had a vision of us living here, happy for the first time in a long time, but then I reminded myself what the real root of what was wrong with our marriage was. "Sookie, I'm sterile."

Her smiled faded and she got very serious. "No, Eric. We're infertile."

"I can't give you children."

"No, we can't have children." She let that sink in before continuing. "Once I was over the shock of learning why we couldn't get pregnant, do you know what I felt? Relief. Yes, I wanted to have a baby. Obviously, that's what I wanted, but as soon as I started to see the fertility doctor, I started having second thoughts about how we were going about trying to have a baby. Then when I found out we couldn't, it was like…well, that's it—the decision is made. We can stop worrying about it and get back to our lives."

"You still want me." I found it hard to believe.

"Eric. You are my husband. I love you. I will always want you. That's unconditional."

I pulled her to me and kissed her. God, I loved her. "I don't deserve you."

"Well, I think you do. Please don't ever scare me like that again."

"I promise. I'll never lie to you again." And I meant it.