Killua was worried. Over Gon, as usual, but if anyone knew the pair of them they'd say his worries held at least some merit. After the kiss and confession, the two had sat down with Meruem and Komugi to eat, while Killua tried to explain what had happened. Gon kept interjecting excitedly, and though Meruem acted as though he was annoyed, Killua knew the couple enough to know that both of them were amused. After Killua finally finished his explanation, he had asked Gon what had happened.

Apparently, the enemy had dropped been dropped into their base via helicopter to capture recruits, because recruits were probably the easiest to break under torture. Whew, glad to escape that one. Kaito had realized what was going on (that the initial explosions and other attackers were just a distraction) and he'd left half of the men to take out the small number of soldiers causing the distraction while he'd taken the other half to rescue the recruits. The enemy knew they were cornered, so they sent Pitou in for a guaranteed victory to use the recruits to find out where the other bases were and probe for weakness.

After the attack, everyone had been busy regrouping, and much to the chagrin of the entire military, a few recruits had been captured. Training was placed on hold as search parties were sent out to try and take the recruits back, as in the ensuing chaos of Kaito's attack, the enemy helicopter that was supposed to pick up the prisoners had left. While the search parties were being organized, Gon, who had been hospitalized due to his leg injury, snuck out.

Killua was worried about a variety of different things for a variety of different reasons, but he had three main worries, two of them to do with Gon's story. The first was the fact that Gon refused to say how he'd found out where the river in the gorge ended up. In fact, he refused to say anything at all about what he'd done since he'd left base. Every time Killua questioned him about it, he'd just get this strangely blank look in his eyes and he'd say 'I don't know.' The only things that gave any hint were the facts that Gon's shoulder and leg were both almost completely healed and that there was… well, copious amounts of blood on his uniform that Meruem and Komugi tactfully ignored.

If his wounds were healed, the blood wasn't his. And if he'd been in the hospital for a day or two after Killua had fallen, he would've changed out of the clothes from the battle and washed up. So where the hell had he gotten so much of someone else's blood on him? When Killua questioned him, hoping to hear it was from an animal he'd hunted down, Gon's eyes had turned blank again and he'd simply said one word. Enemies. Enemies as in plural. And the blood on him wasn't all from the same day; some of it was drier than others.

The second worrying thing that was almost equally as bad was what everyone must be thinking of Gon right now. He said he hadn't left a note. So, a couple of days after an enemy attack, the only recruit who hadn't been in his bunks during the attack and who had followed the enemy all alone, had disappeared. Plus, they'd recently learned about the other bases' locations, so the timing of the attack couldn't be more perfect. There was obviously a mole. If the mole was supposed to lay low and let the kidnapped recruits take the blame for revealing the locations of the other bases, they wouldn't be found out even though the attack had been timed so perfectly. Basically, it would create a big fuss in the base about who the mole was, stirring up dissention and suspicion. But since the attack hadn't gone as planned and Gon's behaviour could be seen as suspicious… the blame would be easy to pin on a guy who couldn't defend himself. The higher ups would see it as taming the uproar caused by a mole, so they'd pin it on Gon even if they knew he was innocent. It was a horribly sobering thought indeed. Just what waited for him when he got back to the base?

The third thing Killua worried about was a lot more personal than the other two, and yet it was almost equally as scary to him for a variety of reasons. Gon and him had kissed and confessed, but did Gon really understand what love meant? He'd told Gon he loved him, and Gon had said it back, but they'd never actually said they were in love with each other. When he thought about it, it made all the difference in the world. The kisses should've proved something, but Gon only seeing him as family could also make sense. Even though he'd kissed Gon so deeply, even though they'd said 'like that,' maybe Gon had thought 'like that' meant brotherly love. The truth was, he was insecure because Gon hadn't kissed him back, and now, as they made their way slowly back towards the base, Gon was acting completely friendly again.

"Gon…"

Killua cleared his throat as Gon turned around, stopping midsentence from pointing out some sort of poisonous plant. He seemed as if he didn't have a care in the world, lucky little shit.

"Kiss me."

It sounded pathetic, asking like this, but he needed to know. His face turned red as Gon nodded happily and came over, taking Killua's face in both hands. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Killua's, soft and gentle. Killua felt his heart drop a little. It was so… childish. The kind of kiss a kid would give to his mom. Gon's eyes were even open, and he was beaming as if he thought it were great. He leaned back, nodding as if satisfied.

"Gon, do you know what love is?"

"Yeah! It's when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone and be by their side forever."

Well… in a sense, that was true. But that could apply to any kind of love.

"How do you love me?"

Gon screwed up his face thoughtfully.

"Well, just like that. And I also want to kiss you. And have lots of fun going on adventures!"

Killua pressed tired fingers to the bridge of his nose, really trying hard not to get annoyed with how insecure he was feeling about the whole thing. He'd ask Gon if he wanted to be his boyfriend (hell, that was embarrassing just thinking about) but would Gon take it as a 'boy' and a 'friend'? He didn't know. He needed a scale 1-10 on how naïve his friend was, 10 being Gon took love in a brotherly way and 1 being his entire personality was faked.

"Gon, can I kiss you?"

"Un!"

"Can I… can I touch you?"

"Un!"

"Can… I… make love… to you…?"

"Un!"

That was it. Gon had no idea what he was talking about. Killua flopped down onto the ground and wrapped his arms around his knees, defeated. Gon frowned, crouching down and resting his arms on top of Killua's knees, peering into Killua's face in concern.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you know what making love is?"

Gon's frown deepened, then he seemed to understand something. He let out a small laugh, and it sounded almost sad.

"Killua, I'm pretty stupid. I know that. But, um… I do know what sex is. I'm eighteen."

Killua blinked in surprise, looking up.

"What?"

"Aunt Mito told me everything when I was fourteen. I think I'm missing some stuff, especially the part about why it feels good… but I know what two people are supposed to do."

Killua searched Gon's face, wondering if this was some sort of cosmic joke.

"But you… when you had your lap dance, you…"

"Oh… that felt weird."

"Haven't you ever… I guess… touched yourself?"

That was probably the most awkward thing Killua had ever said in his life. He had no idea what was in store for him, being the lover of one of the most clueless people on earth, but at that moment, he thought it was the worst it would ever get. If only he knew.

"You mean when it got big?"

"Y-yeah."

"Hahahaha! Of course not!"

This conversation made absolutely no sense. This guy, eighteen years old, had gone through puberty knowing about sex, probably having multiple hard ons, and he'd never once gotten off. Gon noticed Killua's look and he dropped his eyes a little, looking sheepish.

"Aunt Mito said you should only use it with someone you love. So I… well, you'll probably think this is weird. One of her sailor friends tried to explain to me how to deal with it and when he heard what I did he got really pale and he didn't want to talk to me anymore."

Oh god. This was shaping up to be quite the horror story. Killua almost didn't want to ask, but he had an overwhelming curiosity to know. How had Gon unlocked the secret to getting through puberty without jerking off?

"What did you do?"

"I just thought about it. Whenever something is hot and swollen, what do you do?"

Obviously not the first thing that popped into Killua's mind. But the second… Killua's face went pale.

"You didn't."

"I did. I put ice on it and it worked. Although it really sort of hurt."

Killua bowed his head down, feeling like crying for the poor body of Gon's fourteen year old mind. Ice. Ice all the time. Gon was lucky he hadn't conditioned himself to never ever ever get hard again. Shit. Dammit, Killua would never be able to look at ice again the same way. And… And he'd never bring Gon's body near ice either. He buried his face in his hands; the story was worse than he'd thought. Well then. If Gon wasn't going to look after his own body, it looked like it was up to Killua to make sure everything was looked after. As Gon's lover, it was a responsibility he'd have to take seriously.

"Never again. God, Gon, I don't even know what to say to that. It makes me feel really bad for some reason I can't even fathom. So you've never gotten off, even once? That's really… that's unacceptable."

Completely unacceptable, especially now that they were going to be lovers. Gon looked sheepish again, sticking his tongue out as a faint blush crawled across his face. But… his innocence was somehow endearing. And… Killua's face flushed. His mind couldn't help but wonder what Gon would say once he knew what it was like. Or how he would react to the feeling for the first time. Thinking of Gon being confused over it, then forgetting everything else as he was swept away in dizzying pleasure… hot. Killua licked his lips, then rose shakily to his feet.

"Well, I guess it doesn't matter now."

"But Killua, I thought you were going to show me!"

"W-what?"

"We're boyfriends and I love you. So it's okay now… Right?"

Okay? It was… too much. Killua wanted to start tearing clothes, shoving Gon against trees, drawing moans from him like nobody's business. He was rather terrified of his desires, scared he might go way too fast and frighten Gon away from doing anything with him, ever. But… he doubted his desires would ever subside, not unless he fed them something substantial. And also, he couldn't walk any further. It was Gon's fault for getting him into such a state.

"Yeah, I guess."

Gon nodded happily and marched up to Killua as if he were about to give him a big, friendly hug. It was disconcerting. Killua was too turned on for his own good and Gon was just… he was Gon. Did he really know what they were about to do? Well, obviously he didn't know how it felt. Oh, that was it! He was calm because he had no idea how it felt.

"If I do anything that scares you or upsets you, tell me. I don't have much self-control, but I promise I won't hurt you."

Gon looked up at him, a couple inches shorter. He'd never paid much attention to height, but he was surprised to find that he was the taller of the two. Huh. Interesting. Although Gon's hair easily made up for that, standing like it had no right to, completely defying gravity.

"Killua, it's okay. I'm tough. You don't need to worry."

He realized he was rambling on in his mind, nervous beyond belief. He'd thought about this a lot, but now that the object of his fantasies was actually standing in front of him, waiting patiently for him to carry out one of those very fantasies, he was freaking out. What if he wasn't a good enough lover? What if Gon didn't like how it felt? What if his being a guy wouldn't turn Gon on at all and he'd be left embarrassed and humiliated?

"Killua. Stop."

Gon stood on his toes and pressed his lips against Killua's again. It was the same as last time. Childish. But… Killua relaxed, sliding his arms around Gon's waist, deepening the kiss and gently using his tongue to part Gon's lips and turn it into something more than a friendly kiss. Gon was just as inexperienced, if not more so. Killua pressed closer, feeling Gon shudder vulnerably in his arms. And underneath that… there was a sort of trembling. Gon was much more frightened than he was letting on. Of course he was—all he knew was that he felt strange when he was turned on and the reward for dealing with it was supposed to be mind-blowing. And when he'd dealt with it himself, it must've hurt. Yet he was trying to kiss Killua back, trying to make him feel good though he didn't even know how. His kisses were messy and frantic as he tried to keep up, but dammit if they weren't determined. He was… so… cute.

"Killua… I've never… kissed a girl… like this before… is it… alright?"

His voice was hesitant, nervous. Killua relaxed at the thought that he wasn't actually the only one stressing about it. Gon was freaking out too, and that made it one hundred percent okay. They were a new couple, fumbling their way through this pleasure thing, but they had plenty of time to get it right.

"Mm… It's good."

He didn't know whether he should keep going or not. He backed up slowly, taking Gon with him, until his back hit a tree. It was broad, slightly rough, but smooth enough not to hurt. Okay, he'd keep going, but he would only show Gon that it was alright to get off. They could save the sex thing for later, when they were both more prepared. He turned, achingly slowly, until Gon's back was pressed against the tree. He leaned back, searching Gon's eyes. There was fear, a kind of excitement, and curiosity. He'd thought it would take all of his willpower to stop, but now that they were actually planning to do something, he realized he could take it as slowly as Gon needed.

"It's going to feel weird again, but it's supposed to. Will you be okay?"

Gon swallowed, his eyes wide, and nodded.

"If you want me to stop, tell me."

He trailed his lips down Gon's mouth to his throat, where he began pressing soft kisses into it. Gon giggled, his hands coming up Killua's back to rest in his hair.

"It tickles, Killua, my neck is too sensitive, it really—"

He shut up when Killua used his body to press him against the tree, his eyes shocked as he realized that Killua was hard. Idiot. As if Killua couldn't be turned on by his flushed face and clumsy nervousness. Killua went from using his lips on Gon's neck to his teeth, and Gon's giggles completely faded away when he added in his tongue. He was slow but firm, and he heard a gasp as he finally pressed his hips into Gon's.

He'd never thought it could feel all that good through clothes, but he realized thinking that way was crazy; it felt great. One of Gon's hands tugged his hair closer while the other pulled it away. It was as if Gon was warring with himself, torn between seeing what would happen if they kept going, but scared of the intense things he was feeling. Killua began grinding against him, his eyes flickering up to Gon's face just in time to catch his first moan.

"S-sorry."

One of Gon's hands left Killua's hair to clap itself over his mouth as if to trap moans from escaping. Killua leaned back and gently wrapped his fingers around it, pulling it away from Gon's mouth.

"It's okay. Even if you think you sound strange, I…"

His ears coloured, and he wondered how he could manage to say something so perverted. But Gon looked as if he were hanging on Killua's every word, and he knew he had no other choice.

"…I like hearing you."

It was true; Gon's moan was an incredible turn on. Gon nodded a little, biting his lip. Killua began moving again, this time watching Gon's face to make sure everything was okay. And, well, he wanted to see the kind of faces Gon would make too. Gon's face kept turning more and more crimson, and Killua could feel him reacting quite obviously to the contact. Gon's teeth slid along his lower lip as he still tried to keep in moans and whimpers of pleasure. His breathing was speeding up more and more.

Killua wanted to know if what the rumours said were true; if you said someone's name during that, it made things even more unbearable. His own face was flushed and pleasure tingled through his spine as he opened his mouth.

"Gon."

His voice was husky and low, accompanied by a moan as his hips involuntarily jerked forward, slamming Gon's hips against the back of the tree. Gon tilted his head back, not even noticing the moisture gathering at the corners of his eyes in pleasure, at the sound of his name. His mouth opened and for the first time a whimper wasn't muffled. Killua sucked in a breath; Gon was really, really feeling it. His whimper had been drenched with pleasure and the need to be released.

"Gon…"

He couldn't help but speed up, his movements becoming rougher and quicker as his feelings intensified. They were both panting in a rhythm, and now moans were spilling from both of their lips in quick succession.

"K-Killua… S-stop…"

Shit. He didn't want to. He really, really couldn't, especially with the way Gon was desperately arching his back and digging strong fingers into Killua's shoulder blades. But he'd said he would, so he did. He'd have to start off by slowing down. But when he tried, Gon bucked up against him in need, whining.

"P-please… s-stop…"

His mouth and his body were saying two completely different things. But even if Killua stopped, Gon's movements were frantic and his hold was too strong.

"I-it feels… w-weird… no m-more…"

"Then let me go."

Killua's voice was a growl; he was almost over the edge. Gon was practically begging him to stop, but at the same time he was begging for more. Killua's vision was starting to blur; Gon's moans were sweeter than chocolate and his grinding hips felt better than any hand.

"H-harder…"

At least now he was saying something that coincided with the way he was moving. Killua assented, practically slamming Gon against the tree, clenching his teeth together and trying to concentrate on anything else; he didn't want to be first, not when it was Gon's first time.

"Feels… g-good… Killua… mm… i-it's… t-twitching…"

Oh fuck no. But oh fuck yes. He didn't want a play-by-play of what was going on, but Gon's voice was saccharine and the mental images he was getting were shattering every part of his being in hot pockets of bursting pleasure. He grabbed Gon's legs and hefted them around him so that every movement only created more friction, and then he was on a knife's edge.

"I'm scared."

It was barely a whisper, but the forest was so quiet that Killua caught it immediately. Cerulean eyes gazed into hazel as Killua leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss onto Gon's lips.

"It's okay, you can come. I love you, Gon."

Gon's nod was tiny, but it conveyed everything. He absolutely trusted his lover to the point that he believed it would be okay even though he felt like he would die if he gave into the immense feeling that had been gathering in his stomach.

"Love you too, Killua."

Then his head fell back and his brows knit together, his mouth opening and letting out sounds that should be illegal as his hips jerked and his eyes drifted shut. He was desperately rubbing himself against Killua, squeezing his legs tight and digging his fingers tightly into Killua's back. The sight and feeling of Gon being pushed over the edge was enough to make Killua drop on the opposite side of the knife's point, and he mumbled Gon's name between whimpers as pleasure like he'd never felt before made the forest flicker before his eyes. So this was what it was like to be with someone you loved, who loved you back. It was beyond any kind of touching he'd done himself.

After he was finished, he fell on his knees to the ground, Gon still wrapped around him. Gon's face was in his shoulder, so it was impossible to tell what the boy was thinking. He drew in deep, shaky breaths, patting Gon's back gently.

"Gon?"

No answer. Gon didn't even shift from his shoulder.

"Hey… Are you okay?"

Now he was beginning to worry; what if Gon had decided he hated the feeling because it was too intense? What if he decided he didn't want to be Killua's lover?

"Gon, hey. At least answer me, idiot. Was it really that bad?"

Gon finally shifted, leaning back. Killua took his face in both hands, searching his eyes.

"Was it okay?"

Gon took a long while to answer; he seemed dazed, out of it. He blinked rapidly, reaching up to rub his eyes, before he looked into Killua's.

"We can't do that again."

Killua was floored. He'd thought Gon had enjoyed it, but he seemed very solemn.

"W-why?"

"Well… I think I might burst into a million tiny pieces if it happens again because it feels too good."

Killua stared at him, wondering if he was joking. But no, his eyes were absolutely serious, even worried as if he thought he might actually burst into a million tiny pieces. Killua laughed, shaking his head, his face flushed in happiness; 'too good?' That was most definitely a win.

"Gon, that wasn't even anything major. That's just what you've been missing out on through the years."

Gon's eyes widened as if he couldn't decide whether to be horrified or wistful.

"If that's not anything major, what's sex like?"

Killua couldn't give him a personal answer on that one, but he could only imagine from the descriptions he'd heard from people.

"Don't worry; I'll get you used to… well, I'll make sure the feeling doesn't scare you anymore before we get into sex. We can take all the practice we need."

Gon nodded, laying his head on Killua's collarbone tiredly. No doubt he must be tired; it was a bit of a workout, especially against the tree.

"Hey, Killua…"

Killua cracked a yawn; even he was slightly tired from that. Gon wasn't light, but the tree had been a nice touch.

"Yeah?"

"You're really sure I won't break into a million pieces?"

"Of course not. I've done it a lot of times before and I'm fine."

"Okay… then… do you want to do it again?"

Thus began Killua's journey of realizing just how much of an 'animal' his boyfriend really was.

A/N: YAY! CUPCAKE! *eats before Killua can get it*