Once again, I find myself apologising for taking so long to update. I'm going to have to pull out the busy life excuse, plus the sick excuse for the last week - I've had the most awful cold/flu thing and it's been evil. But the point is the chapter's finished and here for you to read, so you can't be too mad at me, can you? :)
Hechu, C, CheekyBrunette and Budinca, thank you so much for your beautiful reviews. I love you! And I love everyone who reviews, reads, favourites and alerts - you are all amazing for sticking with my ridiculous updating :D
Also, I'm still thinking about smut. I may write it. I'm still not sure. Don't be disappointed if I don't, but I'll try at the very least! :)
"Sebastian!" Jeff shouted as he pushed his way past other Body Shots dancers towards where the man was quickly disappearing into the dressing room. He followed him in and found Sebastian staring into one of the mirrors, a heavy, tired look in his eyes. He looked awful and Jeff couldn't help but think that it was his fault that his friend was like this. He should never have said what he said and he wanted to just take it all back, but it seemed like Sebastian was going to be stubborn about it.
"Please, leave me alone."
"Seb, let me –"
"Jeff!" the brunette looked at him via the mirror, not bothering to turn around to face him. Jeff hated the reflection that stared at him – eyes bloodshot, gaze filled with anger and resentment. "I don't want to talk to you. Just leave me alone. Please."
It was the last word and the desperation behind it that made the blonde bite his lip and nod as he backed out of the room, after grabbing his clothes for the next dance. He needed to talk to him and apologise, but he would wait until Sebastian was ready to listen.
As he stepped outside and shut the door to the dressing room, he ran into Trent and the club owner glanced at him hopefully. "Have you spoken to him?"
Jeff sighed and shook his head, "He won't let me. He's just pushing me away."
"You can't let him, Jeff," Trent said, and the blonde could see it on his face and hear it in his voice – he was incredibly worried about Sebastian. And he wasn't the only one. "I don't know what's wrong with him, but I'm afraid that if you don't fix it, then to put it bluntly, he'll end up dead."
Jeff stilled. The words got to him and he knew somehow that Trent was right. If he didn't apologise to Sebastian and make things right, then he wouldn't be performing next week. They both just lived week to week, and if they made it through one then they'd just focus on the next one, never thinking too far ahead or back to the past. At least, they tried. But now Jeff wasn't sure Sebastian would make it to the end of this week, let alone the next one. And he knew he should probably go back and force his friend to listen to him, but he didn't know how that would turn out. Would Sebastian understand, forgive him? Or would he just push him away even more?
Jeff's head was spinning and he didn't know what to do. Trent was silently pleading with him to go back and talk to Sebastian, but he'd just agreed to leave him be. In the end, he muttered, "I'll talk to him." He walked away quickly, running a hand through his hair and hoping he could figure this all out and get Sebastian back before it all went horribly wrong.
Sebastian closed his eyes as Jeff shut the door, leaving him alone. He didn't realise he was shaking until he had to lean against the wall to stop himself from falling. And it wasn't just withdrawal and lack of sleep that made him shake – it was fear. He was terrified that he was becoming addicted already to the heroin Jamie had given him to forget his pain. He couldn't have that. He could barely afford the coke as it was and that was fucking him up; he couldn't fall into the trap of something else that he might not be able to get out of. He already felt the intense need to shoot up again and it scared him. It was the reason he'd pushed for Jeff to leave him alone, because he couldn't handle his friend seeing him like this; trembling, sweating, on the verge of collapse. Tears pressed against his eyelids, until the pressure was too much and they slipped down his face. Sebastian's knees gave out and he hit the floor with a soft thump, barely noticeable over the conversation he could hear going on outside.
"You can't let him, Jeff. I don't know what's wrong with him, but I'm afraid that if you don't fix it, then to put it bluntly, he'll end up dead."
Please don't come back in here, Sebastian begged silently as the words hit him solidly, one after the other, hurting and stinging and true. If Jeff saw him like this…
But he didn't, and Sebastian was so grateful when he heard the footsteps walking away. In his relief, the sob he hadn't quite realised was there escaped, half-choked. He heard someone move closer to the door as if they'd heard and Trent's voice sounded through the wood, "Seb?"
"Leave me a-lone." He was surprised he managed to get that much out without breaking down entirely. Trent got the message and said he was always there to talk if he needed before his footsteps echoed out into silence – as silent as a busy strip club could be.
Sebastian wrapped his arms around his bare chest and pulled his knees up, slamming his head back into the wall behind him, letting out a pathetic whine. It was the most he could say to express all the pain he was forcing back at that moment – anything louder and someone would hear, come looking. A spark of pain flashed through his head as he hit it and he did it again, and then once more before falling still, unable to move anymore because if he did, he'd just cry.
Nick usually liked the weekends because there was no classes, no work – absolutely nothing to do. Except whatever homework he'd gathered throughout the week but he was generally pretty good with keeping up with that. Saturdays he loved in particular, because that was the day he and the guys would head over to the bar just down the road from Blaine and Kurt's place, and they'd sing.
Not a lot of people knew, but since high school all of them had sung together in their school's glee club and after their years at the local Westerville High, they'd stuck around town and continued. They had a regular gig down at Straight and Narrow and all the boys loved going down there and performing. They weren't technically a band or a group or anything, but everyone would get a turn at singing solo (not quite the case back in school, Blaine was continually reminded) whilst the others played to their strengths. Cameron was a demon on the drums, and Nick and Blaine were both pretty good at the guitar.
And now that it was Saturday morning, Nick figured he should be pretty happy. But he wasn't. He had to face another day alone with Jeff and he didn't know how long he could keep it up. There was clearly something wrong with him and he wanted to help, but the blonde wasn't letting him. And the tension was high in the house because Nick didn't know what to say and Jeff wasn't saying anything.
When the phone rang, Nick answered it quickly, grateful for the distraction from the awkwardness. "Hello?"
"Hi Nick," Kurt's voice sounded from the other end of the line and Nick smiled. He was probably calling to catch up on any gossip on Nick's housemate but he certainly wouldn't be getting anything.
"Hey Kurt. What's up?"
"Well, I just got a call from Cameron who said he couldn't make it to the gig tonight."
"Aw, really?" Nick sighed – they'd be without a decent drummer. Cameron had been teaching David the basics and he'd do, but it certainly wasn't as good as having the 'real thing'. "Damn."
"I know. But anyway, there's another reason I called. I was thinking your friend could come along tonight if he wanted."
Nick raised an eyebrow. Normally he would have said no straightaway – Jeff could be recognised and the secret would be out. There was no way he could live something like that down. But the fact that Cameron wasn't going to be there – the only person who could really identify Jeff – was keeping the idea churning in his mind. The least he could do was ask, right?
"Give me a minute," he said finally, putting the phone down and going to look for Jeff.
He found him in the living room, playing around on his phone. He looked up when he heard Nick enter.
"Hey, um, Jeff…" the brunette trailed off, unsure of what to say.
"Yeah?"
He decided to just go for it and get it all out at once. "Some of my friends and I have this gig at one of the bars downtown tonight and Kurt was wondering if you wanted to come."
The blonde was silent and just stared at Nick in confusion for a good minute or so. To cover the awkwardness, Nick mumbled, "If you want to, you know, you don't have to or anything, and Kurt's a nosy bastard sometimes so he's just pushing me to find out what's going on, and-"
"You sing?"
The question was more than what it seemed, Nick could tell. He nodded. "Yeah. And play guitar."
"Oh. I didn't know that."
More silence. It seemed almost stifling and Nick just wanted an answer so he could get the hell out of there. Maybe it would be better if Jeff didn't go, just in case. But then the blonde stammered, "You, uh, you… want me to come?"
"Well, if you want to."
Jeff seemed to be gauging him, watching him carefully for any hidden catch that hadn't yet been mentioned. But there wasn't anything and Nick waited uncomfortably until finally the blonde replied, "That…" He cleared his throat. "That sounds good."
"So you'll come?"
"Yeah."
Nick smiled and thanked him before returning to the phone to tell Kurt. A few arrangements were made – Kurt wasn't to tell any of the others that Jeff was coming, or even that he existed. Nick wanted to try and explain that himself, because Kurt might get it wrong or stretch what little 'truth' he knew and then awkward questions would come up. The more he could control, the better.
When he finally got off the phone he smiled to himself. He'd heard Jeff sing – now it was time for the tables to turn.
Jeff felt very awkward as he followed Nick into the bar. He wasn't quite sure why he'd agreed to come, considering Nick's life had nothing to do with him. But the idea that Nick sang, like he did, had tempted him and in the end temptation had won out. He had to know what he sounded like, if he was any good; he couldn't resist. But there was the fact that this was Nick's life and his friends, and he had no right to be part of it.
Though, he thought, he was already a part of it, and had been since he'd been saved from the beating on the side of the road.
Inside the half-full bar, Jeff hung back as Nick grinned and moved to greet a group of guys setting up equipment for the gig. When they saw him they called out hellos and some went to chat. The blonde watched them silently with an almost wistful half-smile. Nick had all these friends and a decent life and was happy – there was nothing Jeff wanted more than that. But there was no point in even thinking about that, because it wasn't going to happen. At least he had the chance to see what he could have had, though he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.
When Nick gestured to him, he walked over hesitantly and tried to smile but he felt incredibly uncomfortable with the four other guys staring at him in curiosity and confusion.
"Guys, this is an old friend of mine, Jeff," Nick said, before introducing his friends. "Jeff, this is Wes, David, Blaine, and you know Kurt." Jeff tried his best to remember names and faces (but why did it matter?) and by the time had gone through them all he was fairly confident that he knew them all. It wasn't too hard – the Asian was Wes, the black guy was David and Blaine was the one attached to Kurt. Then two newcomers walked up, to smiles from all around, and now he had to remember Thad and his wife, Ivy.
He could do that.
"Hey, look, I'm gonna help the guys finish setting up, okay?" Nick said before following the guys back to what they'd been doing, Thad right behind him. It left Jeff alone with the redheaded woman and he bit his lip.
"Hi," he said softly, smiling when she held out her hand and replied, "Hi, I'm Ivy." He shook her hand and when she offered to buy him a drink, he didn't refuse and followed her to the bar. For the next ten minutes they chatted easily – mostly about her and her recent marriage. Soon enough she happened to mention something interesting that Jeff couldn't help but ask to hear more about.
"Unfortunately, Nick couldn't make it to the reception…"
"Why not?"
"Oh, apparently he had to leave, he wasn't feeling well," Ivy smiled.
In Jeff's hazy memories of barely a week ago, he remembered Nick, and he remembered him in fancy black and white. Of course, he wasn't sure if he could trust his memories because of the overdose, but the timing matched up and he couldn't shake the niggling feeling that Nick hadn't left the wedding because he was sick. He'd left because he'd gotten a call from a drugged-up hooker begging him to save him.
Why would he do that? Jeff couldn't wrap his head around it. But then again, practically everything Nick had done for him had almost blown his mind. Saving his life all those times, paying him to sleep on his couch, letting him stay when he'd had nowhere else to go, introducing him to Kurt and the others as his friend, inviting him to come to the bar. None of it made any sense and he wasn't sure it ever would.
Just then, a familiar voice cut through the chatter of the bar, amplified by a microphone, and both Jeff and Ivy turned to listen.
"Hey everyone. Yeah, we're back. We'll keep coming until you get sick of us." Nick was sat on a stool behind the mike, guitar in hand. The others were set up behind him with varying instruments – Blaine with another guitar, David on the drums, Thad smiling at his wife from his keyboard. There were a few laughs at what Nick had said before the brunette continued. "I hope you all enjoy this one."
With that, he began to play, only David and Blaine joining in. Jeff watched, intrigued, until Nick began to sing – and then he couldn't help but stare.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
His voice was quiet and low, a little rough around the edges in a way that sent shivers down Jeff's spine – in a good way, he thought. His hands were gentle on the guitar and he sang with the tiniest smile on his face as he looked out over the patrons of the bar. Not everyone seemed as interested in the song and Jeff couldn't understand why, when the guy's voice was as beautiful and stunning as that.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
Jeff was enthralled, unable to look away from the brunette man across the bar. From the moment he'd heard that Nick could sing he'd been insanely curious to know how good he was and now there was no denying that there was no better voice he'd ever heard. There was passion in his voice that Jeff couldn't even begin to understand and he was at a loss as to why these guys were only singing in some Westerville bar.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive
For a moment Nick caught the blonde's eye and Jeff stared with wide eyes into ones unable to be read. They were a mix of a million different emotions and before Jeff could figure out what any of them were or what they meant, Nick looked away and he was left confused.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
For a minute or so there were no words and the blonde watched Nick's hands as they brought the music from the guitar; strong hands carrying the soft feeling of the song out into the air so gently and beautifully. He couldn't look away as Nick closed his eyes and it was clear he felt the music deeply in a way Jeff had never seen before. There was singing for entertainment and then there was this – something powerful and intense. When Nick finally started singing again it jolted Jeff out of his reverie and he chewed on his lip thoughtfully, contemplating.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
When the music trailed away to applause, Jeff couldn't quite bring himself to move. It was only Ivy clapping beside him that tore him from his thoughts and brought him back to the present. He gave the group the respect they deserved, clapping as well, until it all died down and Nick slipped off his seat, letting Blaine take it. He settled up the back, away from most of the attention from the crowd and Jeff noticed he was keeping his eyes to the floor, barely looking up for long enough to smile to his audience in thanks. Ivy didn't seem to notice and if she did, she didn't think it important enough to mention.
"He's good, isn't he?" she said, nudging Jeff with her shoulder and smiling. The blonde smiled in return and replied without hesitation, "He's amazing."
Sunday brought a slightly more talkative day between the pair as they chatted a little about Nick's singing skills, though the brunette was a little embarrassed that Jeff thought so highly of his voice. When Monday came, he was faced with the decision between forcing Jeff to leave or letting him stay at the house alone while he went to his classes. In the end, he hoped he knew the blonde well enough to trust him in his home alone and headed off.
By the time he reached his favourite time of the week, photography class, he'd suffered through quite a few hours of the most tedious and boring lectures of his life and was ready to kick back. But when he got to the class, hoping he might be able to relax a little, he found Celia about to begin yet another lecture, and he groaned loudly – to Celia's annoyance.
To avoid her, he hid up the back of the room with Dean and settled down to listen. Except he didn't – he tuned out almost instantly and instead turned his thoughts back to Jeff. It was becoming a habit; whenever he was alone he'd start to think about Jeff and his situation and a whole load of other related things. Earlier, he'd wondered how long the blonde would be staying with him, and it both surprised and scared him to realise that he didn't really want the guy to go. Despite the tension, he enjoyed his talks with Jeff and wanted to know more about him. He wanted to help him. Not only was he in a bad situation, but he was clearly in pain and hurting and Nick just wanted to help. He wasn't a hundred per cent sure why, but he was definitely sure he wanted to get Jeff out of that life. It wasn't fair on him and there were so many other things he could be doing, if he had the chance. He could actually have a life. But if Jeff wanted that, then he wasn't showing it. He was just clamming up and keeping more and more to himself.
He hadn't had any of the dreams he'd previously had about Jeff since he'd crashed on his couch and Nick was immensely grateful for that. He'd been able to brush them off before but he wasn't sure he'd be able to deal with the awkwardness if Jeff was in the same house. Of course, the awkwardness would be self-made and he knew that, but it didn't make it any less weird. He was just glad he wasn't dreaming about him anymore and he forced his head back to Celia's lecture so as not to think about it because that was tempting fate.
The woman, elegant as always in a Grecian-style dress and her light hair pulled up in a loose bun, was walking around the room handing out slips of paper. It all looked very familiar and Nick sat up in his chair to at least make it appear he'd been paying attention. Dean glanced over at him but said nothing, apparently still annoyed about being snapped at before. Nick had meant to apologise but it must have slipped his mind and he felt terrible about it. His effort to look interested failed now that he was thinking about that and when Celia reached him she sighed and tapped him on the shoulder. Nick jumped and blinked at her before realizing.
"Sorry," he mumbled, casting his gaze down to the floor in embarrassment. He liked Celia and loved this class, and it wasn't her fault that he had so much on his mind. He should have been paying more attention, and he should have apologised to Dean earlier, and reminded of that, what was Jeff up to?
There he went again.
Celia pressed a small piece of paper into his hand and smiled at him, shaking her head when he started in surprise again. "Get whatever's in your head sorted out. It seems you have a lot going on up there." Then she moved on, handing a slip to Dean and continuing around the room. Nick turned to his friend and managed to smile at him.
"Sorry about shouting at you."
"Hey, you're right," Dean grinned "Like Miss C said, you got a lot going on up there." He tapped Nick's head with his knuckles and the brunette laughed, pushing him away. He was glad his friend wasn't mad – he had enough to think about. Watching Dean open up the paper Celia had given him reminded Nick of his own and he glanced down, unfolding it. It was this week's assignment and his task to fulfill was…
Beauty
Nick chewed on his lip. He remembered something Celia had mentioned a few weeks ago when one of the students had gushed about how beautiful a particular photograph taken by another student was.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," Celia raised an eyebrow and studied the photograph – it was pretty enough, a butterfly atop a flower. "Always remember that. It's fickle and changes with the season, just like people, but what doesn't change are things that mean something. It's a hard thing to define, but if it's powerful and emotional and it makes you feel something, then that is what you have to aim for. Not beauty. Not aesthetics. Meaning. Make your work mean something and people will understand."
He was sure Celia was screwing with him – maybe testing him to see if he was even paying attention to what she said in any of the classes? He caught her eye as she made her way back to the front of the room and she smiled at him knowingly. With a nod, she dismissed the class and everyone was up in seconds, filing out the door. Dean was moaning at Nick's side about how his assignment – family – was going to be extra hard because he had next to no relationship with his parents and siblings. The brunette muttered a quick goodbye and left him standing there – he had something he needed to talk to Celia about.
"Celia?" he asked quietly when everyone was gone. He was the only one she actually allowed to call her by her first name – to everyone else, it was just Miss C. It had been clear from the start that she fancied him a little but only to flirt playfully with – she knew he was gay and he knew she was happily married. The woman turned to face him with a smile. "Yes, Nick?"
"I don't understand," he said, holding the task paper up for an explanation. Celia laughed lightly and patted his arm.
"You were paying attention when I told you not to aim for beauty?"
Nick smirked, "Of course I was. I listen to everything you say, Celia."
"Well," the blonde rolled her eyes and continued "I think you're talented enough to figure out what I want you to do."
"As much as I appreciate the compliment, I'm not sure you're right. I don't get it. Am I aiming for beauty or not?"
Celia collected her things and headed for the door. Nick, being the gentleman that he was, moved over to it quickly to open it for her. She smiled at him as they left the classroom and she busied herself with locking the door behind them.
"There's nothing wrong with beauty, Nick. We all find certain things or people beautiful. But for it to mean anything, the majority has to understand it, and beauty is difficult in that respect. Strike the right balance…"
Nick grinned as he finally got it. "Thank you, Celia. I appreciate the help."
"Anytime, Nick."
When Nick finally arrived home, it was to a seemingly empty house. He stood still for a moment, listening for any hint that Jeff was still in the house. He hadn't expected him to stay put while he was gone, but it was a little unnerving not knowing if he was there or not. Finally he heard it, faint noises coming from the bathroom. Biting his lip thoughtfully, he wandered over and called out, "Jeff?"
There was a curse and the door opened to reveal the blonde dressed in his working clothes, minus the boots, his hair wet and a towel in his hands.
"Yeah?"
"Sorry, I just…" Suddenly he felt like an idiot.
Realization dawned on the blonde's face and he said quickly, "Did you want me to clear out? Sorry, I'll just grab my stuff…"
"No, you're alright," Nick replied a little too quickly for his liking and Jeff raised an eyebrow. Licking his lips, the brunette finished lamely, "I just… didn't know you were still here."
"Oh."
It was clear just how Jeff took that comment. Like Nick had expected him to be gone when he returned and he hadn't understood. Cursing himself inwardly, Nick tried to backpedal because that was definitely notwhat he'd meant.
"No, that's not… I mean… I didn't think you'd be here, like, now, I thought you'd be out or something… I didn't mean… I don't… I don't want you to leave – God, no, that didn't come out right, I mean… fuck…"
He sighed. Why couldn't Jeff just put him out of his misery and interrupt? Why the hell couldn't he get his words out right anymore? He was surprised when he heard the blonde laugh softly and he looked up just as Jeff stopped, biting his lip.
"I get it," he said quietly with the slightest of smiles playing around his lips. It faded almost as soon as it had appeared as he hesitantly asked, "Can… Can I still use the bathroom?"
"Oh, yeah!" Nick laughed nervously "You're cool. Sorry."
The blonde nodded and retreated back into the bathroom, the door hanging ajar and Nick couldn't resist a glance inside. He was already dressed; it wasn't like he was going to watch him shower or see him naked or anything pervy like that. So he stood hidden in the doorway and watched Jeff as he stood in front of the mirror and grabbed something from the bench top – lip gloss, he thought. Jeff uncapped it and sighed, pausing for a moment and staring at himself in the mirror before moving to press the brush to his lips and start the process.
Nick had no idea where the thought came from, nor why he had so little self-control.
"Can I take a photo of you?"
Jeff was pretty sure that if Nick had waited a second longer before speaking, he would have ended up swallowing that gloss brush in his surprise. As it was, he managed to avoid doing so and instead turned to glare at the man looking at him sheepishly from the door. The words had even sunk in yet, he was just mad that he'd been interrupted and had the living daylights scared out of him. His expression softened to one of confusion when he realised what Nick had actually said.
"What?"
"Oh, God, I don't even know why I said that," Nick clapped a hand over his mouth in horror "I am so sorry, I can't believe I said that out loud, please forget I said that, I'm going to go die in a hole now, I'm sorry." He backed up and disappeared from view, suitably mortified. Jeff stared at the spot where he'd been, thinking over that strange request.
He'd had someone ask that same question before a few years ago. Only they'd 'asked' in a more demanding way that insinuated it was in his best interest to agree, though they'd offered him a fairly large amount of money. If Sebastian hadn't been there, Jeff would have agreed but the older brunette had overheard the roadside conversation and stormed over, telling the guys in no uncertain terms to keep their perverted ideas to themselves. He'd never explained why he had such an aversion to it but Jeff just took it all in his stride. That was how Sebastian was. And thinking about Sebastian was something he didn't really want to do right now, considering they still weren't talking, so he shook his head and walked out of the bathroom to find Nick.
He was in the kitchen, getting himself a drink of water. Jeff let him finish it before speaking softly.
"Why?"
The brunette spun, mouth open slightly, and tried to explain. "I didn't mean it in a creepy way or anything, even though it sounded really bad, I just… I… I should never have said that, please just forget it."
"I'm not offended or anything," Jeff shrugged, though his heart raced as he wondered just what sort of pictures Nick had intended on taking. "Just curious."
As Nick calmed down and his raging blush started to subside, he explained what he'd meant – the photography class, the assignment, his weird and sudden flash of inspiration as he'd watched him putting on his makeup. Jeff leaned against the wall and listened, nodding occasionally when Nick paused. When he was finished, he was left with only one question and he had to ask it even though his voice shaking and his throat was so dry.
"Y-You think I'm… beautiful?"
Nick only now seemed to realise the implications of asking for the photos and worked his jaw, trying to make sound come out. Jeff wasn't sure what he was expecting to hear, but he knew what he wanted to hear.
I don't just want to hear it from Nick, he reassured himself. I'd hear it from anyone so long as someone said it to me and meant it. It's not just Nick.
"I – well… that's… um… that's what the makeup's for, right?" Nick finally replied shakily. It was by no means what Jeff wanted to hear. He didn't really want to tell him that, no, that's not what it was for, it was for making him look hot. He couldn't tell him because Nick was so embarrassed and flustered already and he could feel his own face heating up.
"G-Guess so."
There was a long and awkward silence that was only broken when Jeff spoke up quietly, "You can take the photos if you want."
The brunette looked at him curiously. "Are you sure?"
Jeff swallowed. "Will anyone recognise me?"
"No. I'll show you the pictures afterwards, if you want."
"Okay then. Come and do it."
Nick walked over to him and bit his lip nervously. "Are you really okay with this? I feel a bit weird…"
"It's fine," he cut the other off with a pointed look that clearly said that if he wanted the photos he'd shut his mouth. Nick nodded and mumbled that he needed to get his camera, disappearing quickly. Jeff sighed and mulled over his decision as he made his way back to the bathroom. It probably wasn't very smart and if Sebastian knew he'd very likely kill him – but that was a train of thought he didn't like and fast avoided. He stared at his makeup pieces on the bench top and wondered if Nick would ever make sense.
Finally the brunette returned, camera in hand, and they stood awkwardly for a moment, not sure what to say.
"Can I just… before you start…" Jeff said, playing with his hands "Can this be part of my payment to you? For letting me stay here?" He knew he'd promised he'd pay Nick but even when he wasn't paying rent he was nearly flat broke and he was sure whatever amount Nick would ask for would be impossible.
The brunette just stared and Jeff was suddenly afraid. He continued, hoping to sway him. "I promised I'd pay you and I will; I just don't have a whole lot of money at the minute. This is all I really have to pay you with." He gestured to himself. "And you haven't really shown interest in actually sleeping with me, which doesn't leave me many options. I'm not trying to get your sympathy though." He warned, anger heating in his chest. "You know I don't want it, I'm just telling it like it is. I'll do whatever it is you want in return for letting me stay, but if that involves money then… I don't have much." He finished brokenly, looking down at the floor and hating himself for opening up even that much. It was stupid and Nick was probably going to make him pay in money anyway…
"It's okay," Nick said. "It can be payment if you want."
"Thank you," Jeff replied lowly. Then he picked up the lip gloss again and glanced in the brunette's direction. "What do you want me to do?"
"Just what you normally do."
Trying to focus on applying the makeup properly was difficult with Nick and his camera in the background. It wasn't annoying; it was just making him nervous. This was something that separated him from Normal Jeff and Hooker Jeff – the line he had to cross between each persona. Once the face was on, Normal Jeff was gone and cheeky, smart-mouthed Hooker Jeff came out of hiding.
He didn't like Hooker Jeff.
When he finished, it was with a last sweep of glitter across his cheek and to the last soft click of the camera and Nick lowered it slowly. It was clear he felt uncomfortable about this as well but he quietly offered to show him the photos he'd taken. Jeff agreed, wondering if they were any good.
As soon as he saw the first picture on the screen of Nick's camera his jaw dropped slightly. He'd been right – there was no way anyone would ever recognise him. The picture was just of his lips and the brush coating them with gloss, gently and lightly. The light bounced off them at just the right angle to make them shine while still looking natural and normal. When Nick glanced over at him, Jeff realised he was meant to say something.
"You're… good. Really good."
A smile. "Thanks."
Nick scrolled through the photos. They ranged from Jeff's hand reaching down to take the next thing he needed to a brush of glitter across his cheek sparkling at yet again just the right angle. But it was one picture in the middle of the rest that caught Jeff's attention the most.
He was putting on his eyeliner underneath his eye, the upper lid already done. Somehow Nick had managed to capture him at a moment when his eye was fully exposed to the lens and not hidden by his hand and Jeff was vaguely impressed at the colour. He didn't usually take much notice of his eyes but now he couldn't help it and if he was allowed to admit it to himself, they were kind of pretty.
"That one's my favourite," Nick commented with a nervous smile. Jeff managed to smile back and he was glad he did – Nick's widened and he actually looked happy this time.
"Thank you for letting me do that."
"It's okay."
And it was.
Nick didn't know what time it was nor did he care to – all he needed to know was that it was very late and someone was knocking on his bedroom door.
He growled, flicking on the lamp (he'd bought some cheap thing after Jeff had broken the other one) and glancing at the clock on his bedside table. Seeing the red numbers flash a proud 4:17 made him want to scream. It really just wasn't fair that someone had to go waking him up at four in the morning when he had both class and work that day. It took him a moment to realise who would be knocking at the door and when he did figure it out, he sat upright quickly, kicking the sheets away from his legs, and called out, "Come in."
Of course it would be Jeff. There wasn't anyone else in the house, unless it was a very polite burglar or murderer. And Jeff would have to be pretty desperate to have to wake him so it must be important. When the blonde walked in, Nick noted he was still in his shorts, wifebeater and boots – he can't have gotten home long ago. Jeff's words confirmed his thoughts.
"Sorry," he said, though there was a strange tone to his speech that Nick was wary of "But I just got back and remembered something."
"What?"
Jeff walked slowly over to the bed and perched himself on the edge, just out of reach – not that Nick wanted to grab him or anything. The brunette stared as Jeff crossed one leg over the other and continued talking softly as he began to undo the zip on the side of his boot, taking his sweet time.
"I've been staying here for days and I haven't done anything for you in return. I mean, there were the photos this afternoon but that's hardly enough. I owe you a lot more."
He slid off the boot and let it fall to the floor as he recrossed his legs and unzipped the other one. Nick opened his mouth to speak but he wasn't sure he could – Jeff was fixing him with a dark, sultry look through his lashes and licking his lips between each sentence.
"Let me show you how grateful I am," he smirked, dropping the second boot to the floor and twisting so he was on his knees at the foot of Nick's bed, one hand running through his hair. "I can be out of your way by morning, but I don't know…"
He crawled forward until he was an inch away from Nick's lips, a wicked smirk still in place on his own. "You might not want me to go."
The brunette swallowed hard and surged forward to kiss him, one hand reaching up to tug at Jeff's hair hard. He made a small sound of pain but in his hazy state, Nick was sure he deserved it for being such a tease. Jeff straddled him, hands roaming over his body and ripping off Nick's t-shirt before pulling him closer, chest to chest. His mouth moved to bite down on his neck and Nick gasped, tilting his head back and gripping Jeff's hair tighter.
He had no idea where the hell all this had come from but he wasn't complaining. Jeff was talented with his mouth as he marked the pale skin of his neck – and he was pretty talented with his hips as well, grinding down and making Nick moan, almost in surprise. He never got turned on so fast. Maybe Cameron was right, he hadn't had sex for far too long. But Cameron had no place in his head when he was in the middle of Jeff, and so that thought was quickly replaced with who the fuck cares?
Jeff forced him down onto his back, leaning back only to pull his wifebeater off and toss it to the floor before he was back with bruising force against his lips, demanding. Nick wasn't about to deny him anything at the moment and let go, opening his mouth to the blonde and running his hands down his back, nails digging in. But what he wanted most Jeff wasn't giving to him, and he whined insistently, one hand moving to palm himself. Jeff stopped it before it even got there and smirked.
"How long has it been?" he asked softly, fingertips teasingly light against Nick's hipbone. The brunette made a small, pathetic sound as he jerked his hips up to meet them – it wouldn't be enough but it would be something. Jeff however, was too smart for him and pulled his hand away.
"How long?" he asked again.
"Too long," Nick finally replied. It was the first time he'd even admitted it to himself. Jeff kissed him lightly and brought his hand back to play across his stomach.
"How bad do you want it?"
"So bad. Please…" Nick trailed off, frustrated. The blonde laughed and leaned away to sit between Nick's legs, and he rubbed a thumb across his pyjama-clad thigh. So fucking close, you bastard.
"What do you want me to do?" Jeff was far too relaxed for the brunette's liking, his hand never going where he wanted it to and that damn smirk never leaving his face as he spoke in a low voice.
It took all of Nick's willpower to stay focused long enough while Jeff teased him to say, "Blow me."
"As you like."
"Nick? Oh, shit, sorry! Sorry!"
There was the sound of a slamming door and Nick's eyes flew open to find a dark room. His room. And he was alone. Alone, covered in sweat, with a painful hard-on and Jeff on the other side of the door.
"I should have realised, sorry!" he was saying. "I just got back and I heard you through the door and I just wanted to make sure… I'm sorry! I shouldn't have barged in!"
"It's okay," Nick managed to reply in a hoarse voice, shaking a little from the vividness of the dream – of course it was a fucking dream. He heard Jeff's footsteps move away from the door and another door close loudly. He knew the blonde was giving him as much privacy as he could and he was grateful for that.
It took a disconcertingly short amount of time for him to come and not only was he embarrassed about that, but the fact he'd had another of those stupid dreams again. And Jeff had walked in on him. What had he heard? He dropped his head into his hands, mortified.
By the time he'd cleaned himself up and crawled back under the covers, he was exhausted and seeing as how he didn't want to think about what had just happened, he forced himself into a fitful sleep.
I love awkward Nick. He's funny :)
I hope you liked it. Please review!