Chapter Nine: Then and Now

Laying in the grass underneath the stars with Tara in her arms was one of Willow's favorite things to do. She loved holding Tara as they pointed out shapes in the sky. Willow would point to the constellations in the sky that Tara had taught her once, and remind Tara of each and every one. Tara's favorite was still "The Moose taking a Sponge bath". It made Willow smiled when she thought about the memory of laying in each other's arms so long ago and doing this for the first time. Now she was able to share the memory with Tara once again and hopefully bring it back.

As they laid in the grass, Willow lifted both of their hands to the sky and pointed out another one. "That's what you called the 'Pile of Crackers'. You made it up when I asked you to show me more of your constellations," Willow explained, pointing it out and before lifting Tara's hand to her mouth and kissing the back of it.

Tara smiled both at the name and the gesture. "Sorry, I don't see that one," Tara said, looking over at Willow with sadness reflecting in her eyes.

Willow nodded and gave her hand a comforting squeeze. "It's okay. You didn't see it when you said it before either," Willow responded, kissing her hand once more.

"I wish I could remember. I hate only remembering bits and pieces of my life," Tara whispered, turning her head to look into Willow's green eyes.

Willow frowned and wrapped her arms around her love. "I know, Baby. I know," she said, holding her close.

As Willow held Tara, they smiled when a shooting star shot across the sky. "Make a wish, Baby," Willow whispered, as she made a wish of her own.

A few days passed and Tara was slowly regaining bits and pieces of her memory. She had remembered having lunch with Dawn one afternoon and telling Dawn she still loved Willow. She remembered opening the door to her dorm room, and seeing Willow standing in the hall with a candle and a nervous smile. She even remembered holding Buffy while she cried.

Though some of her memories had returned, Willow was still upset that she couldn't remember the simple things about her relationship with Willow. She couldn't remember their first kiss, or the first time she and Willow held hands. It bothered her not remembering all these simple things, the milestones in their relationship.

As Tara sat in the kitchen thinking about this, Willow walked into the kitchen and saw her girlfriend lost in thought and walked over to her. Resting her hand on Tara's shoulder, Willow was surprised when Tara jumped. "Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you. Are you okay, Baby?" Willow asked, before sitting next to Tara.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I just...I just don't know what to think. I hate not being able to remember. I want to know what our first kiss was like. I want to know what it felt like to hear you tell me you loved me for the first time. I want to remember our first touch, but I can't," Tara whispered, looking over at Willow with pleading eyes.

Willow reached out and rested her hand over Tara's clenched hands. Taking one in hers, she ran her thumb over the back of Tara's hand until she unclenched her hands and relaxed a little. "Do you want me to tell you some more stuff about us and see if you remember?" Willow asked, using her free hand to touch Tara's cheek.

Tara turned her head into Willow's hand and closed her eyes for a moment before looking at Willow. "Yes," Tara responded, her voice still barely a whisper.

Willow leaned in and brushed her lips to Tara's in a soft kiss before pulling back to look into Tara's soft blue eyes. "Not long after we first met, there were monster's who took everyones voices in Sunnydale, and would cut people's hearts out. They were called the Gentlemen," Willow said, waiting to see if Tara recognized the name.

When Tara didn't react to the name, Willow continued. "When we lost our voices, you were heading to my room one night hoping we could try to do a spell to get our voices back. Before you made it to my room, the Gentlemen found you and chased you. You ran down the hall and were banging on doors. I heard the banging and walked out into the hall to see what was going on when you ran into me. I noticed the Gentlemen coming at us, and we both stood up and ran down the hall into a laundry room. When we got in there, I was hurting too much to run because I had twisted my ankle when I fell, so we sat in the laundry room, and I tried to move a soda machine with my mind. When it wouldn't budge, you noticed my struggle and reached over to intertwine your fingers with mine." Willow smiled a little at the memory. "I felt your magic combine with mine as soon as you touched me. It literally took my breath away. With one look at the soda machine, we managed to move it in front of the door. After we were safe, we sat there and waited until morning, never letting go of each other's hand." Willow smiled at Tara.

Tara smiled a little. "You felt my magic?" she asked, looking at her one true love.

Willow nodded and looked down at their hands. "Yeah. It felt like it does now. Its part of the reason why I always hold your hand. It makes me feel closer to you," Willow responded, lifting their joined hands to her lips in a soft kiss.

Tara smiled at Willow and reached out with her free hand to tuck a strand of red hair behind Willow's ear. "It sounds like it was quite the adventure. I wish I could remember it," Tara said, looking at Willow.

Willow smiled and shook her head. "Trust me. You don't. Those guys had creepy faces. Always smiling, and floating. I mean, do they really have to have such a scary smile on their faces? They cut people's hearts out for crying out load. And then you have the whole henchmen in straight jackets. Way too creepy, even for Sunnydale," Willow complained, causing Tara's smile to widen at the sound of Willow's babbling.

"Will you tell me another story about us?" Tara asked, not moving from her close position in front of Willow.

Willow nodded and thought about one that she could tell Tara and smiled as she thought of one. "Do you remember when I told you we broke up before?"

Tara nodded, and looked at Willow curiously.

"While we were broken up, you came over to the house one day. I was laying on my bed on my computer, and you stood in the doorway for a moment before giving me this whole speech," Willow said, looking at Tara.

"What was the speech about?" Tara asked.

Willow thought about it before taking Tara's other hand in hers. "I'm not sure if this is word for word, but it should be close enough." Willow told her before beginning. "You said, 'Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard. You can't ever put them back the way they were.' You were standing in the doorway with a sad look in your eyes. It worried me when I saw you like that, that I asked if you were okay. You apologized to me, telling me 'I'm sorry, its just...You know it takes time. You can't just have coffee and expect...' I interrupted you then. Telling you that I knew it wasn't that easy to fix things. Then you continued this speech. I sometimes wonder if it was rehearsed or not. You told me 'There's just so much to work with. Trust have to be built again on both sides. We have to learn if we're even the same people we were. If we can even fit in each others lives. It's a long important process. Can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?' And I did. After the words settled in and I knew you meant it, I ran to you and kissed you with everything I had. Everything I was." Willow looked at Tara and gave her a sensual look. "We didn't make it out of bed much for the rest of the day."

Tara smiled at her shyly. "Were we always like that? When we made love or did we have more control?"

Willow smiled. "Basically we weren't that bad, but there was no way I was letting you out of that bad. It had been too long since I touched you and I was going to make up for everything, hurting you, losing you. I wanted you to feel loved."

Tara lifted their joined hands and placed a kiss on Willow's palm. "I'm sure I did. If it felt anything like how it felt last night," Tara said, giving Willow her best lop-sided smile.

"Vixen," Willow whispered, before closing the distance between them and kissing her girlfriend the way she did that day so many years ago.

A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update. Writer's block is so irritating. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Tara's speech from Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon. It's his words not mine. I really hope this chapter isn't boring because I didn't read it after I wrote it. If it doesn't flow well or is really stupid let me know and I'll rewrite it. I just kind of wrote. Please Review/Follow/Favorite.