"I'm sorry," Sam's mom said—the last thing I expected to hear. "I can tell by the look on your face you don't like me, but I care too much about my boy to see him hurt."

She was thinking about Sam's stepdad shooting her. It was all images. She'd shifted into a German Shepherd. I tried to tune her out, but she was broadcasting too loud. "You're hurting."

"Those are my private thoughts," she snapped, then sighed. "I'm sorry. I know you can't help it. You seem like a good girl." She corrected herself, "I mean, I know you're not a girl, but people here they talk like 'girl, this' and 'woman that.' I hate it and I hate saying it, but what I mean is, you seem all right."

"Okay." She didn't know me from Adam, but I appreciated the apology.

"If it were me with the mind reading, I'd want people to say things to my face."

"It isn't you with the mind reading." Voiced or thought, meanness wasn't easy to hear.

"If you're going to hear it either way—" Sam's mom shrugged. I thought she was going to argue with me, but then she stopped herself. "I'm sorry. I'm worried about my boy. And I'm worried about you, dating a vampire. I know I got no right. I don't know you."

"You don't know Eric." He wasn't just some vampire. We'd been through a lot together.

"Eric?" Sam's mom laughed. "I was expecting something fancier."

"He's pretty regular." Ok, that wasn't true, but Eric wasn't one of those people who broadcasted their importance with a fancy name.

Sam's mom raised an eyebrow. "Sure. And I'm Ethel Merman."

"I don't know who that is."

"It ain't me," she said. "Look, I don't know you and I don't know your vampire. But I'm old, so I've done a little more living. And I loved Sam's father, but that wasn't enough to make it work."

"You got divorced?" Sam had never told me.

She shrugged, which didn't answer my question. "He was a real wild man." She had a gooey smile on her face. "Nick, my second, was a much better husband. More dependable."

Until he shot her. I didn't say it out loud.

After a couple seconds, she seemed to get that I didn't want to dish on Eric. "Forget it. You do what you want. I'm making eggs. You hungry?"

Food was the best peace offering. "Sure."

I was starving. I hadn't eaten last night and Eric had fed from me twice. Sam's mom started cracking eggs over the stove. Like all good cooks, she dipped into her jar of bacon grease to flavor the pan. "You like them fried or scrambled?"

"Sunny side up."

We fell into a more comfortable silence. The sound of sizzling eggs reminded me of Gran. I looked at Sam's mom bent over the stove and wondered how often she got to cook breakfast for someone. I didn't need to read minds to know she was lonely. I knew her harshness probably came from love. I still didn't like her, but I wanted to do something nice.

"I care about Sam," I said, as she set breakfast in front of me. "He's my best friend. You've raised a good boy."

"Don't I know it." As she set down at the table, she sighed. "I don't want him to end up alone."

I heard the like me in her thoughts, but I could read it on her face. "He won't," I said. "I don't know how he's managed it this long." As far as I was concerned, Sam was the only catch in Bon Temps. "He's seeing someone, actually."

"Really?" Sam's mom perked up. "Who is she?"

"Some girl. I don't like her." I wasn't going to lie. "But Sam seems to."

She laughed. "That's what's important."

I helped Melinda do the dishes before finding my way to the back porch. The sun was high in the sky. I decided to nap—Eric hadn't let me sleep much—and squeeze in a few hours of tanning. I hadn't brought my bikini, but I unbuttoned my blouse to the top of my bra and knotted the bottom hem up over my bellybutton.

Even though I felt better about Sam's mom, I couldn't stop thinking about what she said to me. I worried that a bit of it might be right. I knew she was off base when it came to Sam and me. Other than our few stolen kisses and a healthy appreciation for the way he wore his jeans, I'd never thought much what it would be to date him. I suspected his feelings for me were similarly unexplored. I didn't buy he'd been carrying a major torch all these years and never said a word. That didn't sound like the Sam I knew. He was an upfront guy. He would have been straight with me.

I thought Sam's mom's insistence that he and I couple up because we were both different had more to do with her that us. She'd been shot in the stomach because she'd hidden the truth about herself, for crying out loud. I'd want my son to marry someone he could be open with too, if that had happened to me.

As for Sam needing a good woman, I couldn't agree more. Jannalynn didn't cut the mustard. Maybe at some time and in some place that woman could have been me, but I was with Eric. I valued Sam too much as a friend to think of him as potential second fiddle.

Ok. That was that. I'd figured one thing out. I already felt better. Eric would be proud. He was always whining at me to face my problems.

Speaking of Eric.

I sighed and opened my eyes. The backyard was empty. It was the perfect time to think about Eric's late night yammerings—Eric himself wasn't here to pressure me. No one was trying to kill me. Sam's mom wasn't around to say what a bad idea it was to date a vampire.

Maybe it was the perfect time to think about Eric, but I didn't want to. I closed my eyes again. I'd just enjoy the sunlight. After the morning I had, I deserved a break. Maybe I'd take a nap. Eric kept me up until dawn.

I tried to relax, but I couldn't keep my eyes closed.

I had to think about Eric. If I didn't, he would strong-arm me into whatever arrangement he wanted. If I wanted control, I had to set parameters. It was self-preservation.

Eric was such a pain. Even dead to the world, he wouldn't leave me alone.

Last night Eric voiced fears that I would leave him. Sam's mom had said Eric would leave me. I thought they were both wrong, but their fears identified a central problem in my relationship with Eric. We lacked precedent. If I didn't become like Eric—that is, let him turn me—people assumed we'd reach a breaking point and go our separate ways. We were too different. Humans aged and died. Vampires lived forever.

I knew what my life would look like if I married Sam, or anyone who aged on my timetable. We'd have kids and get old together. Eventually, we'd die. I don't mean to be grim. It would be nice living life with someone at my side going through exactly what I was going through. I wanted to have a partner. I didn't want to experience things alone.

I had no idea what life with Eric would look like. I'd probably get killed before I was old enough to have ageing become an issue, but that was hardly a consolation. There were no set benchmarks for us to hit: kids, getting old, death—we wouldn't do any of that as a couple. If I wanted to be with Eric long-term—whatever that meant—I'd have to give up certainty. I had to accept that all the milestones I'd looked forward to since I was a kid probably wouldn't happen and trust that we'd work out problems we couldn't even anticipate now.

Maybe Eric was right. Maybe I was living vicariously through Craig's wedding. If I was, I hadn't been consciously aware of it. I wasn't thrilled that I couldn't get old with Eric or have kids with him. Pam was the only person we ever hung out with as a couple. If Eric and I ever became part of a community, it would be some weird, hierarchical vampire one, and not something friendly and normal, like Bon Temps Elementary PTA.

I could never have children with Eric. It was a physical fact. I'd also be irresponsible to adopt. If Eric was even remotely warm to the idea, and he had given me no indication that he was, I'd be just about the worst person alive to bring a child into the world of constant death threats and fighting that revolved around Eric.

I knew Eric wanted to turn me. I also trusted him not to do it unless I asked. There was something comforting about living forever, but also something really sad. All the vampires I knew seemed dead to their feelings. They doled out violence with a level of callousness I was convinced came from the fact that they healed so fast and didn't remember what it was like to really be hurt themselves. I understood violence was survival for them, but I didn't want that life for myself.

If I didn't let Eric turn me, I would get old. That wasn't so terrible. My Gran had been beautiful in her old age. She wore her wrinkles like medals of a life well lived. What scared me most about ageing was how Eric would react. He was more ancient than my Gran a hundred times over, but he didn't look a day over thirty. What happened when people mistook me for his mother? Would the day come when I wasn't attractive to him anymore? I knew he wouldn't abandon me to live my last years alone, but what if I couldn't hold his interest? I couldn't stomach the thought of him having sex with younger women. But I also wouldn't want to keep him from what he was. Eric had a huge appetite for sex and life. A time would come when I couldn't keep up.

But even so, even after all that, even after everything that seemed wrong, I still wanted to be with him. I wanted to see him. I felt tightness in my chest close to panic when I thought that our problems maybe couldn't be solved and we'd have to separate. I loved Eric, but it terrified me.

Sam walked onto the back porch, toweling his hair. He was fresh from the shower. Little droplets clung to his forehead. I'd never cheat, but he looked delicious.

"Why the long face?" he asked.

I exhaled the breath I hadn't thought I was holding. "The future is terrifying."

Sam shut the porch door. I took that to mean his Mom was still in the kitchen. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nope." I didn't want to think about it either.

Sam wasn't going to let it got that easy. "What's wrong?" He sat on the lawn chair across from me. He looked concerned. "Is it my Mom? I knew she looked guilty when I came in. What did she say?"

"Your Mom is fine." I put my face in my hands. I'd opened the door to this conversation but I wanted to stick my head in the sand until it had gone away. "Eric's getting antsy. He wants a more permanent arrangement."

I picked up on Sam's worry before he said anything. "He wants to turn you?" In his head, Sam christened Eric a few expletives.

Hearing Sam's voice and thoughts disoriented me. Normally I can handle that kind of thing, but this talk was hitting close to home for me to sort it out fast. It took me a second to find my words. "No. Not that."

"Then what? Getting married?"

"Not that either. At least not in the traditional sense. I don't know. I guess that's the problem."

"Do you want him in your life?"

"I love him."

"That's not what I asked." I sighed. I'd hoped Sam wouldn't notice. "Sookie, ever since you've been tangled up with the vampires, you've been in some kind of trouble. I know yesterday wasn't Eric's fault, but you shouldn't have to deal with assassins and hiding bodies and arson and who knows what else."

"Yesterday was nothing new." I knew Sam was trying to help, but he was frustrating me. It would be nice if I didn't 'have to deal' with all the danger, but I did and there was no way to avoid it. Even so, "I hate living like this." I took a breath, determined not to cry. When I spoke, my voice stayed steady. "I feel afraid all the time. Not just of what will happen. I'm afraid of what I'll do. I killed someone yesterday."

Sam squeezed my hand. "You saved my life."

"And I'm glad I could." I squeezed his hand back. But my problem wasn't the biker. It was the bigger pattern. "He's the second person I killed this month." The first had been Bruno, another would-be assassin.

Sam was quiet. I felt surprise, anxiety, and fear in his thoughts, but he settled on a neutral, "What happened?"

"It was self-defense." I threw up my shields. I had to keep talking but I couldn't stomach what Sam might think of me. "Eric and I also killed his family and a fairy, kind of my family. Eric drained the fairy right in my front yard. They were trying to kill us. Someone's always trying to kill us." I couldn't keep it straight. "Before, Pam and I went to Mississippi and some club owners attacked us. We didn't kill them, but Pam gouged a guy's eyes and then another vampire finished the job."

"Cher, this was happening and you come into work every day? Was this when you took the two days to go to Tunica?"

"Yes. And I'm glad I'm alive and they're dead." I knew I shouldn't tell Sam all this—for Eric's safety, if nothing else—and because Sam might judge me and because he would definitely know how screwed up my life was, but I couldn't stop the words from pouring out. "I'm not going to let myself get killed, but I feel horrible. And I'm most afraid I'll wake up one day and it will feel normal."

"It's not normal." Sam looked like he was going to be sick. "You deserve better."

"It's not a question of deserving. If I don't fight back, they'll kill me."

"Sookie, do you think you seek out these kind of situations?" Sam said.

"Do I look crazy? Why would I do that?"

"Plenty of people want to be with you—would be lucky to be with you, I mean. You don't have to choose a vampire."

I heard the thought in his head, what kind of woman chooses vampires, and knew enough to guess its source. "Is that your Mom?"

"What?" Sam looked back at the house like he expected her to step out.

"What woman chooses a vampire?" I said. "How could she say that to you? I'm not some fangbanger."

"It's not my mother," Sam said.

That was worse. "So you think I'm a slut?"

"Sookie, calm down," he said. "I think you're like me."

That was enough of a surprise to knock the anger out of me, but I still didn't get it. "You're a fangbanger?"

"We're both different," Sam said, reiterating his mother's language. "So often I'm on the outside looking in, I feel like I don't deserve the things normal people have, but Sookie, you do. We both do. Don't you want kids? Some peace and quiet? Don't cut yourself off from the possibility of a normal life because you're afraid."

I was offended. "Afraid of what?"

"Rejection? I don't know. Not being understood."

I sighed. "Sam, all I want is to be normal."

"I want normal too," Sam said. "Look, the bar was my dream. A place for people to gather. But even when I mix, something holds me back. I guess the shifting." Sam shrugged. "We have something extra, but I feel like something's missing."

I knew what he meant, but the way he described it sounded horrible. "Sam, anyone would be lucky to have you."

"Back at you," he said. "Eric is not the only person who loves you for what you are." He smiled at me, but he looked sad. "Anyone would love you."

His tone made me nervous. Maybe his mother had been right. Either way, I had to be honest with him.

"I don't want just anyone," I said. "I want Eric. I love him. That's the problem. And it's not because I'm afraid of normal people—although sometimes I don't like them and it helps that I can't hear Eric's thoughts—it's because, oh I don't know the half, but definitely because of who he is and how crazy he makes me feel." I paused. I finally understood what I had been trying to say. "I want him because he's a person, not because he's a vampire. I wish he weren't. I want everything normal with him I could have with anyone else."

You want it because you can't have it. I turned around. Sam's mom stood in the kitchen door. It took me a second to realize she hadn't said it aloud. "Are you listening?" I asked, before I could stop myself.

"Couldn't help hearing." Then, she turned to Sam like I wasn't there. "I thought you were going into town for sticky buns."

"Sorry," he said. "Lost track of time." He looked at me. "Want to come for a drive?"

"Yeah." I gave Sam's mom one last glare and stood up. She'd really rattled me. Besides, all this thinking had put me in a funk. Getting out of the house could only do me good.

As I followed Sam into the kitchen, I gave Sam's mom a nod. I'd take the high road. Everything felt so hot and cold with her. Maybe in a weird way she'd done me a favor by pushing my buttons. I had been avoiding thinking about where things with Eric were headed, and it was clear I couldn't live in the moment forever. I had to take control one way or the other. Life without him might end up being easier.

"Do you think easy makes things better?" I asked Sam as we piled into the Lincoln. He'd moved the truck into his mother's garage before we went to bed last night.

Sam frowned. "I think there's a lot more to that question than what you're telling me." He put on his turn signal as we went out of the driveway, even though there was no one else on the road.

"Yeah." He was right, but I didn't feel like sharing more than I already had. He probably knew what I was talking about anyway.

Sam didn't push me. "I like easy," he said as we turned onto the main road. "It takes pressure off. It's also an escape." He looked over at me. "Is this helping?"

"Yes." What I got from Sam's talk was two opposite ideas that were no different than the ones already in my head. I could leave Eric and live the life most everyone else was living. Find someone to love and get old together. Share a whole life. Did wanting that make me smart or did that make me a coward?

"You're not one to run away from a challenge, Sookie." Sam said. Wright's main street was a collection of run-down single-family homes and a gas station.

"I do best when I don't have time to think." Danger and decisions took different kinds of bravery.

Sam shrugged. "Don't we all."

"Not really. A lot of people can't handle pressure." Maybe those people could handle relationships. Sam pulled into the gas station. "I thought we were going for sticky buns."

"We are." He shut off the Lincoln. "This is the only shop in town."

And I had though Bon Temps was small. "No wonder Craig wanted to leave." That, and his abrasive mother.

Sam laughed. I felt guilty and was glad he couldn't read my thoughts. "Deidra's father owns the store. He had trouble with the whole shifter thing. That's why Mom sent me. Come on." He got out of the car. I followed.

There were two stickers on the shop door: an American flag sticker and one of those Jesus fish. "Religious?" I asked Sam.

He pitched his voice low. "Yeah. It didn't help when Mom turned into a dog." It should have. Jesus loved the sinners who needed it most. I tried to act like a good Christian, even this month when I was being a really bad one.

The bell rang when we walked in the door. The radio over the loudspeakers was set to some weird foreign music. "Hi Richard," Sam said.

A large Arab man wearing a polo shirt and pressed khakis stood behind the counter. I was surprised. I figured with a name like Deidra, her family would be as white as most everyone else I knew from West Texas.

"Sam." Richard stepped out from behind the counter, opened his arms and pulled him into a hug. "It has been too long. You look very good." He looked at me and smiled. "Who is this? Your wife?"

"Sookie's a friend," Sam said.

"An old one." I shook Richard's hand. With the touch, I automatically dipped into his thoughts. They weren't in English, but I didn't recognize the language. I wondered what had brought him to Wright. "Congratulations on the wedding."

"Wedding?" Richard made a face. He obviously didn't think much of it. "Deidra is a very young girl. She has never been outside Texas. She wants to go, she can go. She will see the world and send me a postcard."

"So they gave you a call too?"

"No. They stopped before they left. They say they have an announcement. I think, oh good, a grandchild. Mary, that's my wife," he added for my benefit, "is crying she is so happy. Then they tell me they are going to Las Vegas. I say, don't waste your money. My wife says young love." He sighed. "Who am I to argue?"

"I got a phone call," Sam said. "My Mom got nothing."

"You were on the road." I noticed Richard didn't say anything about Sam's mom. "Deidra says you are meeting them in Nevada."

"Yeah," Sam said. "We're spending the day with Mom then taking off tonight."

"Very good," Richard said. "You must come for dinner. There are some things Mary wants you to take. Gifts. She doesn't want champagne in the house."

The idea of Mary loading up the Lincoln set off my alarm bells. Eric needed the trunk space. "Sam, the car's pretty full." I looked over at Richard. "I don't mean to be rude. I packed heavy."

"We're taking off right after dark," Sam said. "But I'll swing by and we can load the back seat."

"Think about dinner," Richard said. "Bring your mother too. The whole family. We are having wedding cake."

"Speaking of cake," Sam walked down the nearest aisle with the confidence of a regular and grabbed a package of sticky buns. He tried to check out, but Richard wouldn't let him pay. We agreed to stop by their house around 6:30. As Sam and I piled back in the car, I had trouble reconciling the Richard I'd met with Sam's warning. I'd expected a Fellowship of the Sun type.

"I thought you said he was trouble."

"He had a hard time with the shifter thing. But so did Deidra and Craig." Sam shrugged. "He's trying to be family. Did you like him?"

"I barely know him, but yeah, sure." Richard talked so much and with such enthusiasm it was hard to concentrate on anything else. It was almost like watching television. "Do you?"

"Yes," Sam said. "He's trying to mend bridges and I appreciate that. Craig loves him. He loves that whole family." We started backing out of the lot, then out of the blue Sam asked, "So how'd you get along with Mom?"

I didn't know how to respond. I wanted to be polite, but I wasn't going to lie. "Why do you ask?"

He shrugged. "Just making conversation." He wasn't. He was so nervous I could feel it in the flavor of his thoughts. "She's a tough cookie."

"I understand why you didn't bring Jannalynn." That would have been a disaster.

"They're both strong personalities," Sam piggybacked with the euphemism of the century.

And just like that—maybe it was something in his tone—the whole Sam-Jannalynn relationship clicked for me. Jannalynn's abrasive, take-no-prisoners attitude reminded Sam of his mother. I hoped I was wrong but I really didn't think I was.

In all my years of knowing him, who had Sam dated? Other than Jannalynn, the only person I could think of was the Maenad, who had definitely been trouble. I felt like I was having the revelation of the century. Sam had such a good head on his shoulders. I'd always assumed he'd fallen into these relationships with scary, domineering women. Did he seek them out?

I was glad Sam couldn't read my mind. "Mom can be a little tough sometimes, but its only because she wants what's best."

Sure, I believed that. Before I got to Wright, I'd thought Craig was a big jerk for abandoning his Mom. Now, I was understood it a little more. I thought it was telling that Sam seemed to love his Mom best and he lived 800 miles away. "How does she get along with your sister?"

"Eh," Sam shrugged. "Glenn, that's my sister's husband, doesn't get along with anyone." I took that to mean Sam's mother and sister weren't on good terms. "But I'm glad you and Mom had a chance to talk."

"Yep." I didn't volunteer anything else.

I had a new appreciation for Eric's stonewalling.

Belongs to Charlaine Harris and HBO. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Vegas is up soon. I'm trying to think of a way to bring in Pam once they hit the big city...