Suzu: I should apologize. This chapter is sheer crack (but it does advance the plot!).

Poor, paranoid Boruto.

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Boruto, on his way back from Sai's tent, feels a bit grumpy about life. Why? He hasn't found out Sarada's ANBU password—just that it's something embarrassing.

And.

One.

More.

Thing.

Sarada has a crush on someone.

He pauses mid-step, peeving some jostling people behind him in the crowd, as he's lost in thought.

The fresh hell.

Apparently, Ms. Ice Queen can actually be kind of sweet, though he knew that already. Woah. No. Brain. No.

What did Shino-sensei say again? The more you know, the more you don't know? As kids, his gang used to laugh at this (Shikadai used the adage as justification for why he had no need to learn anything, like, so troublesome, what's the point.) This adage sailed over Boruto's head as a kid, but now, he wants to run up to Shino-sensei and shake him by the shoulders until his teacher coughs up another philosophical saying that's more useful, rather than just painfully true.

The more you know (THE Uchiha Sarada has a crush on someone)—

—the more you don't know (who who who who who?).

Boruto's brain does another somersault.

Gloom and doom crash over his thoughts. Perhaps that person likes her back. Or at least feels strongly enough to show some interest. To ascertain the likeliest candidate, Boruto contemplates hitting on all the studly dudes in their genin class (the studliest which would have been himself). Well, maybe Iwabe? Yuino Iwabe was way taller and older than the rest, and now, he's monstrously jacked. Boruto feels the pit of his stomach fall, for some reason. But… it's probably okay, right? No way Iwabe would like someone as flat-chested as Sarada. He's now got confirmation that's she's pretty much built like a stick. A smart and somewhat pretty stick, but still.

Boruto's about to cruise over to see what Iwabe's up to today (probably chopping firewood or something unfortunately studly) when a cough interrupts his thoughts. He turns to find a figure in green spandex kicking up a cloud of dust. The figure approaches.

"I'm here first!" shouts Metal.

"What?" Boruto is left confused, since no one else is—"Shit!" he slams into a watery apparition turned into living, breathing human.

Rubbing his sore nose, he scans the foreign clothing, then, looking up, sees none other than Kirigakure's Karatachi Kagura. It's not the guy's face that's surprising. Ever since the field trip to Kiri during their Academy days, Kagura's visits have still been crazy popular with the girls. But Boruto's never had to look up at the guy to get confirmation that, despite Kagura's girly face, he's a freakin' tree. Does Sarada like guys built like metaphorical trees?

"S-Sarada-chan? Are you okay?" Metal asks worriedly, taken aback by his beloved Sarada-chan's dainty: 'shit' utterance. "We, uh, had something to ask you… but if you're not feeling well…"

You have no idea. "Not feeling great, cough, cough," Boruto squeaks out a high-pitched little laugh. "Maybe next time?" Or better yet, maybe never?

"Wait, Uchiha Sarada." Kagura's pink face gradually subsides and gets all serious and devastating and sparkly. "It's been a while. It's been harder and harder to find time to visit. If you don't mind, today, there is something I, uh, have to tell you." For some reason, firm fingers grip his—Sarada's—arms, and Boruto can tell they're kinda sweaty and that's definitely not because of his turn-his-body-to-water jutsu. If Boruto himself weren't some hormonal teenage boy, he'd almost mistake this for…

Oh shit. Boruto realizes. I totally left out the foreign ones.

So he does the only sensible thing in this situation.

He bolts.

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Sarada stops from careening into the alley when she spots her body.

Boruto, striking a very uncool, un-Uchiha-like pose, is hunched over on the side of the building. Like a freakin' delinquent. She's amazed no one's found them out yet, as having switched. Then, upon approaching, she realizes he's panting slightly, like he's been running. Well. He's always been a weird kid.

"Girls don't squat like that," she informs him.

"I'm not a girl."

"Well, you're in my body, Stupid. Get up, and lets get back to the ceremony preparations."

This stymies a look upward. Sarada might have registered the look as trauma, or sullen despondency. But it's probably just Boruto being dramatic again. Sarada sighs and tries not to think about what her face usually looks like, scowling at Boruto. She hopes it's not as bad as the expression Boruto's making now. No wonder Chouchou tells her (lovingly) that she can be a frigid witch with a b.

"You're barely a girl, either," is the retort.

"Hah?" Sarada scoffs. "What did you say, Boruto? Wanna fight?"

Finally, he quirks his mouth upward into a wan half-smile. "You're not supposed to call me that in public, remember?"

"I'm pretending to be you right now. All sorts of crazy things usually come out of your mouth," she sniffs.

Boruto humors her and stands. If his eyes are a little less bright, his smile when he wins a brownie argument point a bit less effusive, then Sarada chalks it up to the fact that he doesn't enjoy having to parade around in someone else's body for so long. He's a true narcissist.

"So? Why're you looking for me?" he sighs as they trudge along the road toward the Hokage monument. "You're supposed to be getting ready for the speech from the family box."

She steels a glance his way. It's still weird—looking down, and at herself, too. "Well, about that, I need to save the Rokudaime from imminent death. Your mom—"

"High cholesterol?" Boruto interjects gravely. "Mom mentioned it. You know, Kakashi-ossan comes over for dinner whenever yakiniku's on the menu. Puts the extra in doggie bags to take home too."

Sarada dismisses the absurdity that is Konoha leadership. "Doggie bags might actually be for his dogs."

"Ah." Boruto claps a fist to his palm.

"Wait. Don't get me off topic! The Rokudaime's facing imminent death by your mom. She's holding him hostage until he can think of a nice speech to say for the Hokage's anniversary."

Boruto cringes. "Oy, you know what happens when Kakashi-ossan gives speeches. I wanna enjoy the rest of my day, even if I have to do it as you."

"Gee thanks. Is being me really that bad?"

He pauses. "Well, I didn't realize how scary a lot of guys from our genin class are."

"Scary, how?"

"I think some of them are trying to practice new jutsu on you, Sar—uh, Boruto. You should definitely avoid them for now. Especially Kagura."

"Kagura-kun, from Kiri? He's not in our class, Genius."

Boruto stops. "You call him what?"

"What's wrong? He's a male friend."

"I'm a friend!" Boruto wheezes. "And male!"

She frowns. "Why should I use a suffix with you? I've also known you since you were in diapers." Boruto is still strangely glum, so Sarada switches the topic back to the issue at hand.

"So, anyway," she says. "I was thinking I could give the speech in Kakashi's stead, as you. You know how much I like your dad, so…" She flushes a bit with pride, thinking of what an honor it would be to give the speech commemorating the Hokage's tenth anniversary. "You don't mind if I use your body for it?"

She watches him watch her carefully. Boruto in her body is speechless, and pale, like he's realized something awful. Sarada knows that look, from staring at her own mirror the night after Boruto told her his future goals. And also the night Auntie Shizune told her Mama was taking out a second mortgage.

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A half hour later, when Sarada's gone off to write her speech, Boruto would throw a small pity party for himself in the men's bathroom, oblivious to himself in Sarada's body getting weird looks from all the other guys who're trying to use the urinals.

"I've left out dads," Boruto breathes.

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tbc

Clarification: Boruto's guessing who Sarada fancies.