Oh this is soooooooooooooooooo M-rated. Oh and we're not done. Warning, some references to 'cesty activities ahead, plus much, as the say, sexx-say times (aka SMUT! SMUT! SMMMMMUT!!) so if you are a member of the Prude Patrol, you might steer clear...
The usual disclaimers. And this is not for the kiddies, ok? Oh, and the flashback is in italics...
Also, please, my apologies for being very tardy with this. I hope to reward you with a good chapter, and you reward me with comments below. Thanks.
awk·ward
/ˈɔk wərd/ Show Spelled [awk-werd] Show IPA
adjective
1.
lacking skill or dexterity. Synonyms: clumsy, inept; unskillful, unhandy, inexpert. Antonyms: deft, adroit, skillful, dexterous; handy.
2.
lacking grace or ease in movement: an awkward gesture; an awkward dancer. Synonyms: uncoordinated, graceless, ungainly; gawky; maladroit; clumsy. Antonyms: graceful.
3.
lacking social graces or manners: a simple, awkward frontiersman. Synonyms: gauche, unpolished, unrefined; blundering, oafish; ill-mannered, unmannerly, ill-bred. Antonyms: gracious; polite, well-mannered, well-bred; smooth, polished, refined.
4.
not well planned or designed for easy or effective use: an awkward instrument; an awkward method. Synonyms: unwieldy, cumbersome, unmanageable; inconvenient, difficult, troublesome.
5.
requiring caution; somewhat hazardous: an awkward turn in the road. Synonyms: dangerous, risky, unsafe, chancy; perilous, precarious, treacherous.
It was that fifth definition that characterized the morning after the Oh-My-God-what-a-night before at Granny's Diner. But then, it was not every day you got to see your parental units...well...parental units. It wasn't every night that you saw said parents engage in carnal congress with your best friend, the local doctor, and the woman who tried to kill your soon-to-be wife. It wasn't every night that you saw that not only your mommy and daddy were both highly bisexual, but highly skilled in many of the dark sexual arts. It wasn't every night that you wanted to have mommy and daddy in a similar fashion.
But more than that, it wasn't every night that you witnessed this tableau in the Sheriff's office with the Mayor/ex-evil queen/now fiance AND your deputy who you both have the hots for. Nor was it every night that the tension those visions produce were eased by the aforementioned mayor and deputy back at the mayoral mansion.
So now, after all that, you, your fiance, and your deputy/occasional shared playmate now have to meet at least some of the guilty parties (mom, dad, and the wolf-woman) for breakfast.
Now there was a pre-arranged ulterior motive to all this: Rumple, Belle, and the older Neal had taken young Henry to Six Flags New England. It was assured that Henry would come back to his moms hopped-up and happy, and that the adults come back exhausted, cranky, and financially bankrupt, thanks to probably repeated journeys on Bizzaro. Bonzai, Buzzsaw, not to mention one more run on Cyclone before the nice folks at Six Flags packed that up.
So Emma, Regina, and Tink were expecting at least Snow and Charming there for breakfast, with everyone realizing exactly why Cameron and Jason wanted ditch that Sex Tape in the movie.
They also probably thought that two of the other guilty parties, Whale and Tamara were hiding somewhere, either out of embarrassment, or out of fear that either the Sheriff or the Mayor...or both would be gunning for them for defiling Snow White (which they did...not to mention Ms. White returning the favor...many times that last night).
And, of course, the werewolf, who was probably serving them breakfast.
And now, the mayor, the sheriff, and the deputy have parked outside of Granny's and were stumbling out of Regina's Benz. Actually "stumbling" would be mild considering the lack of sleep the three women received last night...understandable...
Flashback..last night 10pm...City Hall/Sheriff's Office.
"Emma..!" There was almost always some nervousness in Mary Margaret's voice. Emma had heard her mom/best friend's voice nervous, apprehensive, even a bit afraid. Buy this Mary Margaret's voice was one pure out-and-out terror. They both knew what she was afraid of. Both were right.
"M-M-M-Mom...?"
"Em..maaa?"
That preceded the most awkward conversation one can imagine. Questions about did anyone other than Emma see what happened (Yes, Tink [Snow's mortification] and...REGINA [Snow thinks she's going to die!]
Snow's further mortification came when the mortification she THOUGHT she was going to get from her daughter did not come...
Snow: So... (scared as hell)
Emma: "It was ...ok"
Snow: "Oh...kay...?"
Emma: "Uh...yeah..."
Snow: "So you...liked...what you saw...?"
Emma: "Well, if you guys were still Mary Margaret and David, I would have said...you...were...kinda...hot?"
Emma then heard a familiar voice the background...the call obviously on speakerphone...both ways...
David: Emma, we still are Mary Margaret and David...so...thanks...?
Embarrassment and a sizable period of silence occurred after that, when Tink, the soul of discretion, spoke out
"Well, to be honest, when Emma saw what David was packing, she wanted to bust through the screen and get some of that herself. And she's not alone!"
At that point, the scorecard was like this: One eye roll (Tamara), Two dropped jaws (The Charmings), two huge,. lascivious smiles (The Doctor and the werewolf), and a Sheriff and a Mayor literally drooling.
"We'lllllllll...talk about this later...bye!" Having said farewell in a voice squeaky enough to be Minnie Mouse, Emma turned off the monitor.
At first the witch, the savior, and the fairy looked at the blank screen. Their minds filled with the things that had seen that night.
Then they looked at each other. Three women with quivering lips and lustful looks. Then in one moment they grasped hands as if they were reading each other's minds. Rather dirty minds considering the devilish smiles the three bore.
By the time the smoke cleared, the trio materialized in Regina's bedchamber...errrr...bedroom. there were a few moments of shallow breathing, followed by Emma pretty much assaulting Regina and pinning her on her mattress, kissing the Mayor's moth savagely. Tink used fairy power to make her clothes disintegrate and joined the horny twosome.
And for the rest of the evening and most of the morning, Regina, Emma, and Tinkerbell engaged in every conceivable sexual action known to man, woman, and other being-kind. The images the three viewed earlier-on seemed to propel the trio into a highly experimental mode. At one point, Regina in a more-devilish-than-usual mode sat at the head of the bed watching her Swan and her Fairy go at it feverishly whilst the Evil Queen was letting her own fingers do the walking, as one might say. Regina waited for the exact moment, then used her witchy powers to transmit an image of...well...that thing that keeps Snow White happy all the time. A very, shall one say, gargantuan thing...
"DADDDDDYYYYYYY!" Emma screamed at the top of her lungs as release ruptured through her body, sending shockwaves and orgasmic convulsions through her. Yet, somehow, Emma he the wherewithal to maneuver her fingers to get Tink off.
When the two blondes finally came back to earth, they saw Regina sitting at the headboard with her Evil Queen laugh.
However, Emma and Tink just looked at each other with devilish smiles of their own. Smiles that intrigued...and unnerved...the Queen.
Now, Regina had already started to instruct Emma on the finer points of magic, Those lessons on levitation and concentration-while-multitasking came in very handy as Emma lifted her arms. Regina was shocked when she found herself elevated from her bed, naked and horizontal. For a second, images of Regina's youth and her treatment by her mother started to flash. Emma saw surprise turn into fear, so she maneuvered Regina's body to where Emma was kneeling near the head of the bed. The Savior smiled at her Queen: "I won't hurt you. We will not hurt you. Ever..." Regina lifted her head and saw a reassuring smile from Tink.
Then Emma used her powers to lower Regina's body and position it so Mayor's head was placed strategically between the Sheriff's legs in juuuuuuuust the right place.
Then Emma gave a one-word command to Regina: "Eat!"
And so Regina did. Voraciously.
Meanwhile, Tink had found Regina's "toy box," hiding in plain sight poking from under the bed. The fairy levitated the open box and found all sorts of implements and appliances. Tink finally settled on something called "Master Blaster", a rather phallic shaped black massager. It was battery operated, rather large, held four D batteries, and had the following speeds: Slow-Medium-Fast-WTF. And a fifth speed with no label at all. And while Regina was happily dining at Chez Emma, Tinkerbell flipped the switch and applied the Blaster.
The slow and medium speeds did what was expected of the, building Regina's ecstasy levels higher and higher. Tink waited the exact moment...they flipped it to WTF mode. The Mayor went over the top, which led to Emma following suit, loudly and profanely.
And then...maybe curiosity...maybe revenge for all those year on that island...maybe just that for a split second her heart turned dark...Tinkerbell flipped the switch to that unmarked speed.
DAYYYY-YUMMMMMMM!
The vibe went nuclear, and Regina lost all sense of anything. She was screaming like a banshee, bucking like a bronco worthy of being ridden by Larry Mahan. The of Mr. Mahan, of course, was being played this evening by Ms. Emma Swan, who was feeling the vibrations from that Satanic vibe from Regina pooch to hers. Regina's body had already dropped to the mattress, with Emma's concentration on that task having evaporated, the only thing on Sheriff's mind, outside of, possibly, holding on to the Nolan-Swan family tradition to which she was introduced mere minutes ago, was holding on to Regina's head, with Regina trying to hold on to Emma's other lips.
The didn't bother to count the number of orgasms. No one wondered if the noise was being heard outside (there was no Henry to soundproof the room). All that mattered is that Tink was maneuvering that damned Master Blaster with such nonchalance, enjoying the exquisite torture she was putting her two employer/friends through. But all good things come, so to speak, to an end. And with no warning, Tink calmly removed the vibe from Regina and turned it off. The Swan and her Queen collapsed, eventually winding up face-up with eyes wide open, breathing incredibly shallow, and minds totally blank. The green fairy simply looked pleased at her handiwork.
Eventually, some semblance of consciousness reached the two prone women eyes focused like lasers on their torturer, who blew on the vibe like a gunslinger about to holster their weapon, then spoke with just a hint...oh, who's kidding who, smug to the max: "So...like?"
"You little fairy bitch!" Regina got up and crawled slowly on the bed to where Tink was standing, with Emma close behind. They attempted to look menacing, but they couldn't. Too much lust was in their faces. And as they approached, with horniness in the women's faces, all Tink could do was gulp, having an idea what was about to happen to her.
And it was like that all night. When the sun came up and eyes opened, the sight was that of a trashed room. Clothes, towels, and other items strewn all over. This was not the bedchamber of the proper and regal Evil Queen, more along the lines of the aftermath of the last orgy held in Sodom/Gomorrah before shit got real.
Speaking of which, Emma had to do the morning numbers one and two. Also, due to last night's activities, possibly a three, the problem was this beautiful vision on onyx hair that was in front of her, and the arms of a blonde angel...or in this case a pixie..wrapped around her naked waist.
With great skill and much regret, Emma skillfully untangled herself herself from the two women. She hears the distinct text alert sounder from her phone that denotes a message of a law enforcement nature, one that reminds her that in her haste to join her two partners in carnal communion, she forgot a rather balding prisoner at the jail.
Emma gets to the bathroom, settles in to do her business and looks at the text, wondering as she reads and replies why of all days did it have to be...him...
HOOK: Swan...are you there?
EMMA: I'm busy...
HOOK: I can tell. Our folically-challenged guest here at the Greybar Hotel complained of heavy breathing then silence, then saw purple smoke come from the crack in the door...
EMMA: Oops...
EMMA: Wait...you're at the station?
HOOK: Remember you deputized me and gave me the key...remember.
EMMA: Oops...
HOOK: Hey, I have no problem losing you to another woman, but the next time you ladies decide to have an orgy, at least invite me...
EMMA: How did you know?
HOOK: I've been taking calls from various calls all night from citizens complaining about loud screaming banshees coming from 108 Mifflin...
EMMA: Sh!t!
She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, thinking that maybe soundproofing the house may have avoided any embarrassment. Hook's text also mentioned that Snow and David were trying to get hold of Emma. Ho...lee...
Emma texted back that she was going to breakfast then she'd relieve the pirate. And, as usual, the seafaring perv took full advantage of the wording, Emma said goodbye, put the phone on sleep, and wondered if she could file harassment charges against Hook...but then again...
Anyway, Emma put this phone on sleep, finished her business, and decided to get freshened up after the evenings rather strenuous activities. She took off her clothes, entered the shower turned on the water and adjust the temperature just right, and felt the warm water hit her skin.
She almost didn't noticed the sparkles that materialized behind her, and she was almost startled by the fingers and arms that wrapped around her. But she recognized the touches almost immediately. The little kisses on her neck confirmed it. Then Emma turned around to face her new shower partner, then slowly and passionately kissed the lips of Tinkerbell. And then started laughing.
"What's so funny, Emma...?"
"It's like, I spent so many Sunday nights watching 'Tinkerbell' fly around on my TV screen, that I never thought that here I am making love to her in the shower."
Tink started to giggle herself then turned serious and told Emma: "I love you, you know. And I don't care if admitting it costs me my wings, I love Regina...and I love you."
And with that, the fairy pulled Emma by the hair to draw her closer, and kissed the mouth of the Savior. Suddenly, the shower door opened.
"Is this a private party...or can I get invited...?" Leave it to Regina Coralina Mills to know how to make an entrance.
"C'mon in your highness!," said Emma as she and Tink took and arm each and pulled Regina into the shower.
There were kisses, caresses, pokes. and strokes as the trio lavished themselves on each other as the warm shower water danced on their skins. And it all would have gone on longer had Tinkerbell had not said something that shook them irrevocably from their reverie.
"I wonder how we're going to break this to Henry..."
"Henry!" Regina and Emma exclaimed the name of their shared son, with Emma adding a "Shit!" for emphasis. The two mothers had just remembered that Henry was supposed to be back early that day from his Boston vacation along with Rumple and Belle. not to mention that Henry said he had some surprise for one of his moms.
Shower time was over. The three women became a blur as they dashed out of the shower, dried off, shared a hair dryer.
Magic can do a lot of things, especially where you are headed out the door you really need to get dressed fast. Tink back in her uniform, Emma was back in her customary tight jeans and red leather vest, and Regina was back in her customary dark power suit. But before the Evil Queen applied for trademark blood red lipstick, she did one thing . She passionately kissed first the green fairy, and then her Savior. And then she professed her everlasting love for the two. Tink and Emma's eyes glistened with tears as the trio caressed each other one last time smiled I walk out of the mansion and into polite society.
End of flashback
And now the Benz is parked outside of the Inn. An already awkward situation made even more awkward by the fact that The Swan, her Queen, and their Fairy had that freshly banged look on their faces. Having declared their feeling for each other back at the Mansion, the discussion as the departed the car turned to one very familiar to the Mayor.
"Sooooooo...," started Tink's inquiry, "...just to be sure...if you are...say, busy with Mayor duties, and Em and I feel a bit...frisky...no problems..?
Regina answered: "I'm not going to lie to you...your...friskiness would cause a smidgen of jealousy, but I'm sure I'd...ahh...catch up...when I'm done?" Just the way Regina said..."up"..
"Besides, you are lucky I'm not my sister."
"Regina," Emma responded with a raised eyebrow, "you never told me you had a sister..."
"Half-sister, dear...although I wonder sometimes which half. Her name's Zelena, and her jealous fits are so bad her skin actually turns green."
Emma chuckled a bit, "Kinda like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz, right..?"
"How did you know, Em?" Tinks declaration made Emma's eyes grow wide, as Regina simply gave the Sheriff That Look...and motioned for the three to enter the Inn, all while Emma was considering how weird her family tree was becoming.
Speaking of which, as the trio walked into the Inn, there they all were: Snow, David, Whale and Tamara, sitting at the table, with Ruby setting sausage and eggs down, all looking at the three with crap-eating grins on their faces, especially Snow, who held up the damned pair of handcuffs that got them all in this mess in the first place.
"Forgot something, Hon-neeee...?"
TBC
First, thanks for your patience and sorry for the major delay.I hate writers block. Also, yes, I've included Zelena in this. and there will be more to come. Finally, COMMENTS on the page and LIKES are very much welcome.
Right now I write these things because, though I love the characters and the show, I really cannot look at what is on TV. I really can't.
Happy holidays, y'all. Boy this was long...