10 - Knight VS Knight (PART 1)

"At last, we arrive at the grand balcony of the heavens!" Shovel Knight cheered.

"Why are you celebrating, my DEAR friend?" Black Knight cackled. "Do you remember what you DID to me back in college, BUCKO?"

"Not particularly, old chap." Shovel Knight replied, scratching his head.

"It was something humiliating, wasn't it?" Jack groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Why, yes, you pathetic little furball, it WAS indeed the most humiliating thing imaginable!" Black Knight laughed, sucking the soul out of Jack with his magic powers.

"JACK!" Quote and Shovel Knight screamed as Jack collapsed onto the ground.

"You...you DISEASE!" Shovel Knight screamed, weeping with rage and sadness. "I work my beautifully toned muscles to the BONE, and THIS is the thanks I get?!"

"Why, yes, I'm afraid it IS!" Black Knight laughed maniacally, trapping Quote behind a forcefield and forcing Shovel Knight to face him one-on-one. "Let's DANCE, motherf***er!"

"NOW IT'S KNIGHT TIME!" Shovel Knight yelled valiantly, brandishing his shovel and charging forward recklessly. "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!"

"NOT SO FAST! METEOR STRIKE!" Black Knight laughed, flying up into the air with his wings and sending a devastating meteorite on a collision course with the roof just as Shovel Knight was about to take a nasty horizontal swing at him.

"SPUR SHOT!" Quote, who had secretly been charging his Polar Star, yelled at the top of his lungs, firing a huge (albeit much smaller than last time) laser beam and shattering the meteor into a hundred pieces.

"FATAL FEATHERS!" Black Knight yelled, producing deadly spikes from the tips of his wings, folding said wings together, and rapid-firing the spikes like a machine gun at Shovel Knight.

"SPIN CYCLE!" Shovel Knight yelled, rotating his shovel around like helicopter blades and somehow managing to deflect every single spike.

"F*** THIS!" Black Knight yelled in frustration, charging straight down at Shovel Knight with his sword and engaging in a ridiculously epic blade duel with him.

"Any last words, Shovel Boy? Looking forward to the living HELL your life is about to become?" Black Knight laughed psychotically, grinding his sword against Shovel Knight's shovel.

"THIS IS FOR RAPING AND KILLING MY MOTHER!" Shovel Knight cried, head-butting Black Knight in the face.

"THIS IS FOR GIVING ME THE NICKNAME 'PROFESSOR PICKS-HIS-NOSE-IN-PUBLIC' AND HANGING ME BY MY UNDERGARMENTS FROM THE TOP OF THE FLAGPOLE IN COLLEGE!" Black Knight screamed furiously, grabbing Shovel Knight's head, slamming it into the ground and stomping on it with the heel of his boot.

"OH, YEAH? WELL, THIS IS FOR BEING THE MAIN VILLAIN OF THIS STORY!" Shovel Knight yelled, tackling him onto the ground and punching him repeatedly in the face with both arms.

"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" Black Knight screamed, pushing Shovel Knight off of him. "YOUR EGO IS FAR TOO MUCH FOR YOU! LET'S JUST SEE HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT TENNIS, SHALL WE?! THERE'S NO DODGING THIS BALL, YOU GODDAMNED MUSCLE HEAD!"

"DARKNESS SPHERE!" Black Knight yelled, gathering an orb of concentrated dark energy into his hand and hurling it directly at Shovel Knight.

"HA! Have you forgotten how powerful my sword is?" Shovel Knight laughed, hitting the ball back with his sword. "It's THE SHOVEL BLADE OF EVIL'S BANE for crying out loud, pay attention to the fine print!"

The cycle of Shovel Knight and Black Knight hitting the ball back and forth continued on like so for about five turns before Black Knight eventually f***ed up and missed.

"AUGGGH!" Black Knight yelled in pain as he was hit by his own attack.

"SPUR SHOT!" Quote yelled at the top of his lungs yet again, firing yet another massive laser beam at Black Knight.

"YAGGGGH! WRETCHED CHILD!" Black Knight screamed in agony as the beam of light penetrated his darkness barrier, reducing him to kneeling on the ground begging for mercy.

"SURRENDER!" Shovel Knight commanded him.

"NEVER!" Black Knight roared in pain.

"THEN LET ME SEE WHO YOU TRULY ARE!" Shovel Knight yelled angrily, yanking Black Knight's helmet and nearly having a heart attack from sheer emotional shock at what he saw.

"WHAT?! WHO- WHAT- WHO ARE YOU?!" Shovel Knight gasped in bewilderment.

"Shovel Knight...I AM YOUR FATHER." Black Knight revealed at possibly the least expected moment imaginable.

"No...no...NOOOOO! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Shovel Knight cried in disbelief.

"Well, geez, I didn't really think it was THAT hard to figure out, I mean, after all, I AM a guy who looks just like you and wields a legendary sword, so I thought you'd at least be smart enough to put two and two together, if you catch my drift!" Black Knight ranted in a fit of disappointment.

"YOU'RE THE WORST GODDAMNED FATHER THAT EVER WALKED THE EARTH!" Shovel Knight roared furiously at him.

"I know..." Black Knight shrugged as he flew away to who-knows-where. "Anyway, before we part, here's one last little surprise for you, courtesy of you-know-who..."

"Where in the name of f*** do you guys get all these goddamned remote controls?!" Quote demanded to know as Black Knight pulled out yet ANOTHER remote control.

"Adios, amigos! Hope to see you in Hell!" Black Knight laughed as he pressed the big red button on his remote control.

"MICROSOFT TOWER SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED! EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY!" the voice of Microsoft Sam warned our heroes as they readied themselves to get the hell out of there as fast as possible.

"Grab Jack and strap him onto your back, we're leaving right now!" Shovel Knight commanded Quote as the two of them made a run for it, jumping back down through the exact same roof hatch that they had made their entrance through.