Blaine knew that he had to talk to Rachel, to tell her what was going on his mind-he had been avoiding her for so long, avoiding dumping everything on her, when that was exactly what needed to happen. She had helped him with so much, she was the only one who could help him with this too.
"Rachel," he said, quietly knocking on her door so her dad's wouldn't awake. "Rachel, please come talk to me."
She came to the door, looking as if she was wiping away a tear, and folded her arms across her chest. "What?" she said sharply, and he felt like he was being stabbed in the chest.
"Just, please, hear me out?" he whispered, and though she glared she nodded, passing by him and heading for the kitchen, Blaine trotting after her. "What I did-I didn't, fuck, Rachel, I'm sorry," he blurted out. She didn't say anything, continuing to sit there quietly while he tried to figure out all the words he needed to get out. "It wasn't that I didn't want to kiss you, because I did, I do, it's just," he let out a deep sigh, and he chanced a look at her. Her face had softened a little, though she still had her guard up. "I'm such a mess right now. Between everything that's happened with my parents, and then realizing everything that I feel for you-"
"I get it Blaine," she said quietly, though she still looked sad. "Your parents kicked you out because you were dating a boy, and now you have feelings for a girl. You don't want to feel like if this had only happened two months ago, things could have ended up differently." Blaine nodded, grabbing her hands. He was so glad she understood, relieved that she knew what was going on with him without making him verbalize it. "But you can't just go around kissing me like that, it can't happen again. It just confuses me, and Blaine-everything is already so confusing, I can't handle any more than you can at this point."
"I know," he frowned, his hand reaching out and stroking her cheek gently of its own accord. "Fuck, I'm sorry, I just can't seem to stop myself. I want you Rachel, and I want to be with you, but I can't, not until-"
"We both have things to figure out Blaine," she told him quietly. She cleared her throat, standing up before Blaine told her to sit back down.
"What do you need? Please, I'll get it for you, just tell me," he said, trying to make amends any way he could. She offered him a small smile before asking for a glass of water, and he immediately retreated to the cupboards to grab a glass and fill it, handing it to her quickly.
She raised an eyebrow as he handed her the cup-he had chosen it due to the large gold star on the side, figuring it would cheer her up- but she took a sip of it regardless. "Is there something wrong with that cup?" he asked, a slight mocking tone in his voice as she let out a small laugh in return.
"No, no, it's just funny-I don't even think you know anything of it, but this is the cup that my mom gave to me."
"Your mom gave you a cup?" Blaine asked, raising an eyebrow at her now.
Rachel nodded. "When I first met her, two years ago, she asked me how I was feeling about everything. I said I was thirsty, because when I was younger my dads used to give me a cup of water anytime I was upset, and now I can't tell if I'm sad or thirsty. So when Shelby came by to-"
"Wait," Blaine interrupted, his brain connecting dots he had barely acknowledged before, "Ms. Corcoran Shelby?" Rachel nodded, and Blaine let out a low whistle. He had thought the resemblance between the two was a little weird, but as he never spent much time with Ms. Corcoran he never put two and two together.
"Anyways, when she came to say that she didn't actually want a relationship with me, after everything she went through to get one-including starting the Jesse saga round one-she gave me this cup, and said the next time I was sad or thirsty, to use it."
"I had no idea," Blaine said, realizing once again how little the two really knew each other's pasts.
"I know, that's why I thought it was funny. Here we are, having this emotional moment, and you choose the one cup that has other emotional significance towards it." He heard the weight of what she was saying, heard the words behind the words in a way that others-Finn, Puck, even Jesse-might not have. He knew her even without knowing specific details, which is why it was only a matter of time for them to be together. They both knew it now, it was only a matter of him figuring out all his own shit.
They both headed back to their bedrooms a little while later, Blaine feeling like less of an asshole as he squeezed her hand before disappearing into his own room. They had come to certain rules, like that they wouldn't crawl into each other's beds anymore, regardless of how upset they might have been. And that there would be no more kissing, not until everything was settled down. Blaine had to admit that rule had particularly pained him, because kissing Rachel was like a drug for him. Once he did it, he couldn't wait to do it again. How he had the willpower the previous winter to reject her in the Lima Bean, he had no idea, but he knew that if he could do it then he could do it again now.
He went to set his alarm for the next day, not even remembering that his phone ringing was what had brought them back to earth, startled to see a missed call.
He was even more startled to see that it was from his parents' house.
His hand started shaking, and he realized he was having trouble breathing as he stared at the familiar number under his missed calls. There was a voicemail attached, and he was torn between deleting it, or saving it for morning, or getting it over with. He wasn't sure why this had him nearly breaking out in hives, except that regardless of how much he missed them, he was sure his parents had fully disconnected him from their life. They were now childless, and he was now parentless, but then there was a message, and he stared at his phone in confusion until he heard Rachel appear in his doorway again.
"Tomorrow do you-Blaine? What's going on?" she asked, her eyes filling with worry quickly, though he could barely see as his own filled with tears, holding out his phone for her to see for herself. "Have you listened yet?" she asked softly, sitting down on the bed beside him. He shook his head no, and she nodded, stroking his leg softly. "Do you want to listen to it right now?"
"I don't know," he choked out, and she sighed, letting him rest on her shoulder as she put the phone down, rubbing his shoulders.
"Maybe it's a good thing they tried to call," she whispered, "maybe they realized that they love you regardless of your sexual preference. Maybe they realized that you're a great guy Blaine, and a wonderful son, who has done nothing wrong."
He shook his head, not wanting to hear her words, knowing they were more than likely false. "Delete it," he said, and when she went to argue his statement, he reached for his phone, deleting the missed call and the voicemail without listening to it.
"Oh Blaine," she said quietly, and he just shook his head, steadying himself now.
"No," he said. "No, if they wanted me they should have tried more than once to call." He didn't say anything else, falling back on the bed, and she grabbed a blanket and threw it over him, and despite their agreement she turned the light off and curled up next to him, whispering soothing words until they both fell asleep.
"You look like crap," Mike said the next day at school when Blaine saw him before lunch.
"Thanks," Blaine smirked, rolling his eyes as he threw his books in his locker. "So great to see you too."
"What the hell happened to you? Did you get any sleep this weekend?" Blaine shrugged, what little sleep he had gotten wasn't exactly restful, and by the time Rachel woke up for school that morning Blaine had already been awake for at least an hour.
"Not really," he admitted. "How was the rest of the party?"
"After you and Rachel left everyone else kind of split off, though I think I heard someone talking about how Kurt, Finn and Puck were throwing things off Santana's back porch. Tina and I left not too long after you guys did." Blaine nodded as they grabbed food before finding a quiet place to eat, walking past the table with Kurt and Mercedes without a word. "Speaking of you and Rachel," Mike said as they sat down, waiting for Blaine to jump in.
"Don't ask," Blaine muttered, but of course Mike just asked again. "Things are weird, okay?"
"Weird how? Weird like, 'hey! You're a girl and I totally want to hook up with you!'? Or weird like 'hey! I'm living across the hall from you, how will we ever get rid of all this obvious sexual tension!'?" Mike chuckled, throwing a French fry in Blaine's direction.
Blaine just rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore both options. "More like 'hey, I just got kicked out for being gay and now I like a girl!' weird," Blaine explained, and Mike nodded, taking it in.
"Well, since you've had eyes for her since before any of the shit with your parents built up, I can safely assume this isn't just a way to get back into your parents," Mike finally said, Blaine rolling his eyes at the accusation. "But honestly, if it came down to it and your parents found out about Rachel, would their approval of her over Kurt really matter that much to you?"
Blaine stared blankly, the thought never having occurred to him. "I don't know," he said honestly, and Mike went back to silently eating his food while Blaine tried to figure out if it would. He wanted his parents to love him, and care for him, and approve of him, but would their approval of Rachel really solve anything? Would they think he had just started dating her to get them to love him again? Mike had opened up a whole new world of things Blaine had never even considered, and now he felt like he was drowning in confusion even more.
"Now, the dance steps for this number are relatively easy," Mr. Schuester went on as they tried, one more time, to learn the choreography for a new number they were planning on using for their next competition. Blaine found himself missing the Warbler's more often than not when it came time to watch as Finn tried to dance, though this number was led by Blaine so he had his own choreography to learn apart from theirs.
"Ouch!" Quinn yelled, Finn apologizing quickly as she glared at him, rubbing her foot that he had obviously just stepped on.
"Amateurs," Blaine heard Rachel mumble next to him, running through the dance moves perfectly on her own while the rest of the club crowded around Quinn to make sure she was okay. He chuckled a little, going back to watching as the rest reassembled in their proper position, Mr. Schuester trying to correct Finn's moves before they continued on.
Blaine's phone went off from his bag across the room, and he walked over towards it, hesitant ever since he had noticed the call last night. When he picked it up, he saw that it was his parents' number again, and with a gulp and a glance to Rachel-who, for her part-had stopped dancing to make sure he was okay, he answered, ducking out into the hallway.
"Hello?"