Chibi-Kari: You guys are keeping the updates fast! One more after this...it's almost like an epilogue, the last chapter...but not quite. Once again, you can not hold me accountable for what I write...lol! I don't own, but it would be wonderful to have lots of money because I owned it.
From in the middle of the room she hears the conversation moving further from where she's going.
Is this the way you let your problems drift away too?
I don't want you to be, anything at all. I just want you to say you love me. I don't care, just stop living like this. I don't want to be, anything at all. I just want you to see who I am.
-"I Climb" Thousand Foot Krutch
She opened her eyes to the sight of Shelby stretched across Jesse's bed with Beth in a small crib in the space between the two beds. She felt the weight of Jesse's arm across her back and had a moment of pure bliss. This was how her life was supposed to be. She heard a sound come from the open doorway into what she could only assume was Shelby's room originally. She saw her daddy pace past the door glancing in slightly. From this angle she knew he couldn't tell she was awake. She almost broke down into tears again. These people loved her. They really loved her.
Then everything came crashing down. She remembered how she got here. What had happened last night. Panic ripped through her. She needed to find out if Ashley was alright. She fumbled for her pockets and her cell phone before she was ripped into a sitting position by a now fully awake Jesse.
"What's wrong?" He sounded panicked as he looked over her. She heard Shelby shift in the bed next door and heard two sets of footsteps pound from the other room.
All of this didn't matter as much as finding her cell phone and the pounding of the blood in her ears, "I can't find my cell. I need it. I need to find out how Ashley is. What time is it? I have workshops at 10." She was panicking and she knew she was making little sense. Rambling like this was an old habit that she found herself slipping into.
Jesse stopped her by placing his hands on her face and focusing her, "It's 9 in the morning and I have your phone." He reached backwards with one hand fumbling slightly before bringing it forward and holding her phone out.
She fumbled slightly as she saw a text from Alicia. She read it a few times before standing abruptly, "I need to get ready. I need to go." She tossed the phone on the bed and sidestepped Jesse's hand as he made a grasp for her. She remembered to be careful of Beth who was just inches behind her.
She saw her dad move forward and she sidestepped him, too. "I'll come back after. It's a ways away. I need to go. I have to go." She was starting to lose it. She had to get out of the room. She turned abruptly towards the door and caught Shelby's eye momentarily, "I'll come back after. I promise."
She ran out into the hallway ignoring Mr. Schuester as he came out of the elevator. She heard him call for her, but she just kept going, turning abruptly to run down the stairs.
She wasn't sure how she made it to the small theatre. Her mind was a mess, but she stepped forward as if nothing was wrong. She had stopped at a convenience store and took care of her needs on the way. There was no use showing up to work looking like crap and smelling like it. It wasn't professional. She needed to be professional.
She walked in just as everyone was taking their seats. There were a few nods in her direction before the casting director opened his mouth, "Well, I've just heard we'll need to cast a new JoAnne. I hope to have that done by next week, but that really shouldn't hinder practice. It wasn't a large part."
The director nodded and Rachel suddenly flashed back to that horrid boy. She felt sick. How could she have done that just to get a role? How did she fall that low? The director carried on eying her slightly. "I've made a few changes to some of the songs. I feel it better fits the moods of our actors. I know it's a lot to ask to change so often, but that's the business. The show must go on."
Rachel really felt sick now. Everything she had ever thought she wanted seemed so callous. The show must go on? Could it just go on without her, too? Would she just be a bleep in the musical theatre radar and then fall off into obscurity? She was absolutely sickened. If her stomach wasn't already empty she knew she would have lost everything now. Ashley was a footnote now. And inconvenience to them. She was dead and they didn't care.
She stood abruptly. She couldn't take this. She wasn't old enough to handle something like this. She wasn't mature enough. Bright lights were a lot different looking from the outside.
"Rachel?" The director sounded slightly confused. He had noted her appearance when she first walked in and wondered if she had heard of Ashley's death. The two girls were the same age, but during original casting he hadn't seen them associating. It was probably just hitting her hard, "Do you need some water? You look pale." She was his star and he needed to do what it took to calm her down. He would have cast her even if his nephew hadn't told him to. He might not have given her the lead, but he didn't regret it. She was perfect for the role and when they first started she had had this fire behind her eyes. He hadn't seen it in awhile, but that sometimes happened during workshops. The thrill of the first performance almost always brought it back. This little girl would make it big and he loved that he had discovered her.
"I can't do this." Her voice broke slightly.
"Do you need to go home today?" He tried to be kind. He wouldn't ever do this for anyone else, but she was young and finding a future star could do even more for his rising reputation.
"No. I need to go home. I can't do this. I can't be here. I'm not in a good place. I'm sorry." She turned to the casting director who was imitating a fish, "You'll have to recast Michelle, too."
Rachel heard several people call her name as she made her way out the front doors. This would be her last walk out ever. Everything was different now. Nothing she thought was important before was now.
"Rachel." Jesse's voice was smooth as he walked forward engulfing her in his arms in the middle of a New York sidewalk just as she stepped out the front doors.
She looked over his shoulder and saw her parents…all three of them. And her sister, Beth, cradled in her mother's arms. The sight of Beth didn't make her upset anymore. Her entire family was here for her. Her daddy was close to tears as he stepped around Jesse and wrapped his arms around her from the other side. She was quickly engulfed by so many arms that she couldn't see anything anymore. The thought would have been frightening if she wasn't surrounded by people that loved her.
Her voice was soft, but she knew every one of them could hear it. "I want to go home. I need to go home." She momentarily faltered before adding, "I need help."
She felt a sob rack through her dad's body, "We'll take care of it, baby. We'll take care of everything. I'm so sorry this happened. I'm sorry we didn't get your call yesterday. We were on our way. I'm sorry."
Rachel just shook her head, "No. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."
After a moment longer everyone started detaching themselves from her and ushering her back to the street. They hailed two cabs. Before she could get in she heard her name.
Rachel turned to find the director standing there looking at the group of people in front of him, "When you get everything straightened out and come back find me."
Rachel shook her head, "I don't know if I'll come back."
He laughed slightly, "You will. You'll be fine."
For a moment Rachel could find herself believing him. Maybe she would be fine. He turned back inside and she looked back at the people supporting her. It was then she knew she would be. She still didn't know if she wanted to come back, but she knew she would be fine. These people saw her. She didn't have to become someone else or do what everyone else did. They saw her for her. They saw her mistakes and loved her anyway. They would help her. She had let her problems get away and rule her life. Now she didn't have to take it on alone.