A/N: Mel- We are not dead!!! I promise, and here's an update! I know I KNOW it's been absolutely FOREVER since out last one but we've just been kinda busy with work for some and vacations for others... that and we're lazy as all hell! ::sniff:: I'm all alone right now tho, Ness and Luth are at the beach together (I went in the beginning of July t'was fun!) So they told me to post and have fun! A happy birthday goes out to our dear Luth (It's tomorrow!!!) Please enjoy!!

Much love!

-Mel

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter not Lord of the Rings! ::sees JK's lawyers advancing:: umm... on second thought, I just own err... well nothing actually. Also I do not own the piece from the WONDERFUL Monty Python and the Holy Grail that's used

No elves were harmed in the making of this fic:

Legolas: Could you explain this to me again, please?

Sam: xshakes head in frustrationx

Liz: Listen, elf-boy. The rules are simple. Samantha over there will ask you whether you want truth or dare. If you say truth, she'll blush and ask you a question. If you say dare, then she'll blush and make you-

Sam: xblushesx Okay, Liz. I think he gets it now.

Mandi: No, go on, this could be interesting.

Sam: Ok Leggy-love, truth or dare?

Legolas: Dare, I suppose.

Sam: xblushingx Ok as much as I'd like to use this dare for my own personal benefit, I dare you Sir Leggings to sing our dearest Mandi-pies, Happy Birthday.

Legolas: xblinksx It shall be my pleasure

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you

You'll never be as old as I am...but Happy Birthday dear Mandi,

Happy Birthday to you!

What did you ladies think, I improvised a little

Mandi: xcatatonic statex

Review thingers:

GreenleafsLover:

Luthien: Oi, thanks for the review. Pay attention to the beeping oven. Don't burn your house down!

Nessa: I'm thinkin' it could be... Thilly Big Bad Wolf. Some advice for you dear, Always check after eating marshmallows... Yeaaah.

Mel: Ewww! You know my views on that particular ship already ::shudder:: and I must comment on Liz's answer Lipth(s) are thexy right Luth? Thankee hun, and please please type... for me??

Rubber duckie lvr:

Luthien: Duct tape tickles your fancy, eh? It's too bad we didn't bring any to Middle Earth. Teehee that could have been really fun. xmaniacal laugh ensuesx

Nessa: I'm so proud that you can keep up with all my ranDOM, unfinished stories - Thanks for boosting our ego(waffles) and looks like I'll be slippin' Reddy some numbers before the seasons over, eh? Hehehe love ya girlie!!!

Mel: Mmm duct tape... whoa sorry slipped out a bit there. As for my ideas... you don't even want to know BWAHAHHA!! Thanks Amber-pies!!

ANC13:

Luthien: Teehee. I love you too! You'd better update your story before I have Sam send her army of penguins after you!

Nessa: Thanks for reading and for the review. Hehehe I love Mandi too. Mandi tis just so loveable. She radiates cuddle waves. I swear, if you squint enough they show up like little rays of wee... Yep...

Mel: Thanks for the review, I concur with Nes... Mandi is just so... lovable like a little ball of fluff really, you just wanna pet and make weird coo-ing sounds

ABrandNewNorthstar:

Luthien: Woot! I'm your hero. Oh, I miss you, too! I'm glad that you are enjoying our story. xhugsx Hey, how's Arby's going? McD's is a bitch. Haha. Oh well. It's money, eh?

Nessa: Hehe thanks for reading Ashley. Hehe you best get back to work lil missy! looks at the rest of the things that need to be packed... but decides typing up these reviews would be sooo much more fun -

Mel: Ehh work, who needs it ::looks at bad grades on her report card:: umm... it is better to work maybe ::runs off to get uber amounts of books:: tell me, do you like working at Arby's? Because I know of a plan involving a cashier at a major grocery store and another worker at a competing fast food place... our I mean their plan... to take over the world! BWAHAHHA!!

Ok MAJOR warning so that we don't get in trouble...uber amounts of swearing and a tad bit of violence occurs in this chapter...You have been warned... ok where is that last line from? Anyone who can tell me gets a wish to put in the story!

"Eck! Stupid fucking light. Stupid ground, stupid grass, stupid clouds, stupid asshole touching my leg that won't be capable of touching anything in a minute if they don't get off NOW!" growled the scowling brunette.

"Oh, why don't you piss off? I'm not in the mood for you right now. I've got bigger problems, believe it or not" Sam retorted irritably.

"You both are going to have a problem in a minute. Nature's a ring-a-fekkin-dingin and you blubberous beasts bashing on my blatter is not exactly helping!"

"I'll give you a blubberous beast... HOCKEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY" Liz wailed banshee fashion and ran full tilt intending to smack into Mandi, who, used to this attack, sidestepped, causing Liz to plummet onto Sam instead.

"YOU FAT BITCH!! I didn't do anything to you!" She cried, yanking on Liz's locks.

"Owwwiieeeeeee" whimpered Liz.

"Whassa matter? Does that hurt?!" Sam mocked.

"Nah, it feels great!" Liz growled through clenched teeth.

"Enough with the sarcasm!" Sam screamed as she yanked even more.

"I've gotta piss like a monsoon!" Mandi announced, overbearing the other two's bickering.

"Geeeeeeeeee thanks for the discretion!" Sam yelled.

THWAP

"Now who's being sarcastic?!" Liz laughed, proud of the red mark Sam now sported across her face.

"AAIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Sam bellowed, hurling herself at Liz. As she caught the flying blonde, both girls tumbled backwards, rolling over the four comfortable hobbits (looking awfully... almost disturbingly close and comfy) (A/N Luth-HOBBIT PORN!)

"Not so rough Mr. Frodo." Samwise mumbled groggily.

"I think I've...broken something..." Merry moaned from under the girls.

"Are you calling me fat??"

"Eep!" Merry cowered under Liz's Glare-of-Death.

"Listen here, Mr. Meriadoc. Just because you're cute and furry and ickle does NOT give you th-th-the right to t-t-taunt me and call me FAT. I'm not fat... A--a--am I?" Liz wibbled, her bottom lip trembling, eyes threatening tears.

"Oh no hunnie, don't you even think that" Mandi cooed, switching to Mum-mode.

"Yeah, it's not your fault furry midgets have no manners or tact." Sam said pointedly, glaring at the guilty looking hobbit.

"But he's right! I- I am F-F-F-FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT" Liz wailed.

"Your pardon, Miss Liz, but you misunderstood me!" Merry squeaked

His pathetic attempts were silenced by a crashing THWAP given by Liz, before she stomped off in a huff.

"Way to go midget" Sam scoffed at Merry.

"Shut up Sam, you're smaller than all of us you bouncing ponce" Mandi growled, following in Liz's footsteps.

"Oh go to hell Mandi, just because you have to fucking pee doesn't give you license to bitch out the whole world." Sam shot back, following her.

"I swear you have got to be the most hypocritical person alive. You wake up bitching and moaning and then tell me not to. Oh you've got a lot of nerve."

"Yeah and you've got morning breath. Go away."

"You followed me. YOU go away."

"No, this is MY side of camp. You leave."

"Shut it, the both of you," Liz broke in, furiously. "This is MY bedroll, get off before I knock you both one."

The bickering between the beautiful maidens... and Liz xvomitx (x's compliments of Mandi)... continued for the entire two hours it took the fellowship to get packed up and ready to move out. The boys (excluding the hobbits who had already been briefed) were in for the shock of a lifetime when they awoke to the three in a tangled heap, fighting on the ground over who had used the last of the strawberry bath wash. The girls were only pacified when Frodo walked by, smelling rather strawberry-ish.

You may all be wondering just what bug had gotten into our girls' well oiled friendship. Well let us just say that circumstances, meaning two weeks of travel, and an unsuspected visit from Auntie Flow, were rubbing on their nerves a tad. (A/N Ness- A tad... pfft.) That's right Ladies and Gentle-Elves, our heroines were suffering from Pissy Maidenhood Syndrome, otherwise known as PMS. See most men would know that if one female is suffering from their monthly ailment, its best to stay clear of her. While with three...they should build bomb shelters and wear helmets. Every move is a gamble. Now, the men in our dear, sweet fellowship... well it shall suffice to say that they were not that bright.

DUN DUN DUN!!!!

"Honestly, now!" An extremely peeved Boromir spat at the fuming girls. It was now the unfortunate man's turn to make sure Liz, Mandi, and Sam didn't kill each other. Aragorn had taken the first 'shift' which ended when Liz managed to accidentally break his nose with a rock she didn't realize she was carrying. Gandalf, being the brains of the operation, decided not to take a shift due to more "important matters". Gimli almost ended up killing them when he found Sam smashing his beloved ax against a rock and his braids singed at the ends (courtesy of Liz). Finally, Legolas gave up when his songs only proceeded to piss off the girls because they couldn't understand the words. "Do I have to separate you?"

"Feh. Like that would help," Mandi drawled, delicately tracing a finger on one of her arrows. The sun was starting to set, and was giving her a malevolent appearance.

"Hey!" Sam piped up. "I have one, too!" With her curls bouncing, she moved to present her own bow.

"I need no weapon to take care of you two!" Liz firmly stated, all the while moving her hand slowly to the hilt of her sword.

"Oh, for the love of taters!" Samwise shouted from a safe distance. "It breaks my little heart to see such good friends bickering so!"

All attention shifted to the, now, very uncomfortable hobbit.

"Hey, those witches are not my friends," Sam barked at Samwise.

"You're the witch, ya... er... witch," Mandi yelled at Sam.

"OOOO, nice comeback!"

"She is a witch! She turned me into a newt!"

Slowly, heads inclined toward Liz.

"A newt?" Merry asked from beside Samwise.

Lizzie blinked and shrugged. "I got better."

"Uh-huh... Maybe you three just need to work out your differences," Samwise said rather hesitantly.

Sam grabbed an arrow out of her quiver and nocked it. "Dammit! Stop telling me what to do! You stupid piece of monkey cheese..." the blonde mumbled as she drew the arrow back.

Off in the distance, Samwise gulped.

TWANG

An arrow whizzed past Sam's ear (the, er, taller Sam) and landed somewhere around Samwise's feet.

Everybody turned around. Sam lowered her bow and let the arrow fall to the ground.

Mandi had a horrified look on her face, and a twanging bow in her hand.

"I always said she'd be the first of us to try to kill somebody," Lizgleefully informed the shocked group.

Without wasting any time, the assaulting blonde ran up to the shaking hobbit, threw her arms around him, and started muttering never-ending apologies.

"You almost killed him!" Sam screeched at a hysterical Mandi.

She sobered right up. "HEY! YOU aimed at him too!"

"You're right, I did. And I probably would have hit my mark!"

"CHOCOLATE!" Lizzie yelled, rather ranDOMly. The confused blondes (Luth-don't say a word!) looked at their 'on a normal day' friend who had a blissful look on her face.

"Why the ding-dong did you say that?" Mandi asked curiously.

Liz wasn't listening, but staring with an open drooling mouth up ahead. Just in front of the fellowship was a large rock. On top of the large rock was a small plate. Sitting on the small plate was a delicious-looking chunk of chocolate.

"Guys, doesn't that seem a bit suspicious?" Sam pondered, showing uncharacteristic wariness.

Mandi looked at Sam and with uncharacteristic disregard for common sense chimed in, "That's not suspicious, it's delicious!"

Without any further questioning, the girls ran over Boromir, hurtled the hobbits, grounded the dwarf, nanced around the elf, and sprinted for the hunk of heaven being chocolate. As they greedily stuffed their faces with huge satisfying bites of the stuff, Gandalf and Aragorn came out from behind the rock.

"Feeling better?" Gandalf asked with that damned twinkle in his eye.

The girls bared a chocolate-y smile before going to devour more.

The two wizened men looked at each other. "Three," Gandalf whispered.

"Two," Aragorn followed suit.

"One," they both said. When they looked back to the girls, the monstrous bitches had been subdued. In their places were three angelically sleeping/snoring, uh, angels with chocolate around their faces that gave them a look similar to Aragorn.

"Quickly, now they won't be down for long. That dose was only enough to keep an oliphant down for an hour."

"Brilliant," Legolas commended the wizard. "But how did you know what their weakness would be?" He said looking at the pile of dark stuff.

Gandy's eyes twinkled the hell out of the elvish princeling before he replied, "I have my ways."

A/N Mel- Ok wow, I swear I am not that much of a bitch...even during my monthly time. But do you know how much fun it is to portray yourself like that? My answer...so much! I noticed a severe lacking of reviewers last chappy, I hope it wasn't that awfully bad or that we haven't driven you lot away by our lack of update-age we will try our hardest (we will we will!!!) to update soon! But in the meantime... Happy trails today and until we next meet for... Three Girls, No Guys, and a Piece of Cardboard! ::dramatic banging of computer desk...I mean music::

Alter ego- Don't try the TV announcer thing, It doesn't work for you ::mutters:: moron

Mel- You're always so mean to me... and to think I let you occupy the space left in my head

Alter ego- Yeah and it's quite a lovely 4 bedroom apartment I have up here too...

REVIEW PLEASE!!

No really

PUH-LEAAAAAASSE!!!

Elves and Spoons,

Mel, Luth and Ness

Mel- ::sneaks in:: Psst! Psst! Ok this story is for all of my fellow shippers...if any read this. It's a Harry Potter slash story between Sirius and Remus it's just a fluffy little ficlet (prolly 3 chappies) that I wrote and the first chapter is posted already. It's called Hiding Here, There, and Everywhere by well... me. If you're interested please read it and let me know what you think, toodles!

::hangs head in shame for plugging her own story::