Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. If I did, Jacob wouldn't have gone through all that torture, because I love him. A big thank you to all my readers for your reviews. I want to clarify your questions, before I say anything else. I had posted chapter 11 too. But I deleted it, since I hadn't edited it. Most of you would've noticed that Kim calls her mother, 'Mum' instead of 'Mom'. I added that variation on purpose, because I wanted a distinctive feature in the character. I will definitely add a lot of romance, as promised. Yes, Bella will bond with others too. Things you need to you know about this chapter:
I would like to make one thing clear that I don't know much about death ceremonies, so kindly bear with me.
If you have any further questions, kindly PM me.
There are parts of SM's work here.
Kindly review
Chapter 10 – Illumination
It was around midnight when I woke up again. I stared out of the window at the full moon. The moonlight was penetrating through my window. I sighed in melancholy, as I recalled Charlie's condition when he returned home. He didn't say anything, but looked traumatized. He refused to eat; and barely acknowledged my sympathy. He sat on the couch for a long time, and I sat next to him, murmuring words of comfort. I wasn't used to all this and I was at loss of words, unknowing what to say, in order to reduce his pain. But looking at Charlie, it reminded me of how I was like when Edward left me. Harry was Charlie's best friend, a trusted comrade, who had helped Charlie till the end. It was a shame that he had to die; he had still many years to live. I felt a pang of sympathy towards Sue, Leah and Seth. Seth was still a kid, not much younger than Jacob.
I decided to leave Charlie alone, and I went upstairs. I couldn't control the train of my thoughts, as they flew from one event after the other, which occurred today. Everyone was having a depressing day. As I thought about Edward, my mind blocked away all the painful memories, and the feeling of numbness remained. This situation may be temporary, and I may go back to clinging on the waning memories of my Romeo. Jacob's sad face entered my mind. Every time I thought about Edward, I felt guilty, and Jacob's face would always pop out of nowhere. It was probably a defense mechanism to remind me of Jacob, and our imprint.
Would I ever be able to give myself to him as a whole? Reassuring him that the strings had detached themselves from me? Or would I go back into depression? With all these queries in my mind, I dozed off into a dreamless sleep, fatigued. Charlie woke me up, and asked me to prepare myself to attend Harry's funeral. I clothed myself in black, and went along with Charlie, in his cruiser to LaPush. The aura in the burial ground was disheartening. Sue, Seth and Leah looked shattered. Charlie immediately went to comfort Sue, and I noticed that almost all the residents of LaPush were present. I was surprised to see their unity. Everyone offered the Clearwaters their condolences.
I saw the Pack helping around everywhere. Sam retained the same expression as yesterday. Emily was sobbing, and Sam was doing his best to placate her. Kim was assisting Jared whenever she could. Billy and Jacob were right beside Sue. I noticed Quil along with two other men there, one sat in a wheel chair who I assumed to be his father and grandfather. Quil didn't look happy either. I was aware that Harry was friends with Quil's grandfather too. I felt out of place in the land of Quileutes. Jacob was with Billy the whole time. It surprised me how Leah didn't snub either Sam or Emily. She looked at her father's body, upset and distressed. She apparently didn't notice either of them, even though they were on the other side of the coffin.
Her father's death clearly mattered more to her, than any betrayal. I realized that this was no place for me, and I hesitated to stand next to Charlie or Jacob. Quil surprisingly picked up a conversation with me. "Hey Bella, how are you?" he asked, trying to be polite. The impish Quil I knew, had disappeared. He had grown taller, so I guessed that he was close to phasing. "I'm fine Quil, and how have you been lately?" I said, conversationally. "Fine, I guess" he muttered. "Your family was friends with Harry too right?" I questioned. He nodded. "Yeah. Grandpa, Dad and Harry were pretty tight. Even more these days, after Sam Uley" he said acidly. I opened my mouth to defend Sam, but reminded myself that Quil knew nothing about it.
So I remained silent. "So, what's up with you these days?" he inquired, trying to be pleasant.
"Who me? Nothing much. Just busy with college admissions and homework" I lied. Well, it was partially true.
"So why don't you hang out with me sometime? Its spring break right?" he suggested.
"Uh... sorry Quil, I can't. The deadline for the admission is approaching, and I'm busy with the applications and stuff" I lied again.
He looked a bit disappointed. "Oh. Which colleges have you applied to?"
"Uh ... university of Seattle, Peninsula community college, and University of Washington" I stated recalling the names of the colleges Angela had suggested. I remembered that I hadn't bought the applications yet. Though I didn't see the need to either. I wasn't leaving Forks either way. It would just be a facade, like everything else. "Oh... did you get accepted anywhere?" he questioned further.
"Not yet" I answered, this was the twisted truth. My conversation with Quil didn't go very well, and he sensed that I was lying, but didn't mention it. I assumed it was anguish of his loss. We stood next to each other, silent. After they buried the body, friends and family went around comforting the Clearwaters. Quil and I joined them. I went to Charlie, and held his hand, in a frail attempt to comfort him. He gave me a small smile. I offered my condolences to Sue, unknowing what to say, but I doubt she even heard what I said, even if it wasn't exactly comforting.
Billy and Jacob's expression mirrored Charlie's. Seth was crying, and I could see Leah and Sue preventing their tears from flowing. It was a sad sight. At noon, everyone departed. I went up to Jacob, who was also clothed in black pant, white shirt, black coat and a tie. "It'll be alright Jake, Billy" I comforted. Billy barely acknowledged my words and Jake just nodded. The atmosphere of the cemetery and Jacob's emotions overwhelmed me. The Clearwaters still stayed behind, saying their last goodbyes to their loved one. The Pack, me, Charlie and the Atearas stayed back with them. Finally we all went to the Clearwaters house to help out. Charlie told me it was alright if I went home. But I wouldn't hear of it. Charlie and Jake needed me.
I helped around with boxes and stuff. That evening passed in a blur. I sat next to Jacob in his garage, while Billy and Charlie stayed in house, grieving. We sat in the rabbit. I entwined my hand with Jacob, and sat close to him. I was his only solace. We didn't speak to each other at all. This was the most silent Jacob had ever been. For two days, I followed the same routine. I would go LaPush with Charlie, who had applied for a two day leave, and help out at the Clearwaters all day. Sue gave me a small smile, and I spoke comforting words to Seth, who politely nodded.
Leah didn't bother to acknowledge anyone at all. She seemed to have reverted back to her old malicious state, as Jacob had stated. Jake and I hardly spoke a few words to each other. Embry, Jared and Paul were the regular patrollers for these two days. Sam had put the wolves on red alert, knowing that Victoria would come back, and try a sneak attack. The other three wolves were not close to the Clearwaters, so they didn't mind patrolling. Charlie went back to work, and brought the college applications, apologizing for the delay. On Jacob's request, I stayed at Emily's place .I couldn't handle the gloomy ambience around me. Even Emily, who was always merry and lively, looked down in the dumps. I requested her to help me fill the applications, as a distraction. I clarified all the questions with Charlie, and finally posted my applications. One week passed, and everyone seemed mollified. It seemed the longest week of my life.
The wolf pack followed its regular schedule. Jacob would always sleep, and wouldn't talk more than a couple of sentences. Billy would always be at the Clearwaters. Renee had called up when she received my email, about Harry's death. She gave her condolences to Charlie. She had known Harry quite well, during her brief stay in Forks. The feeling of numbness dominated most of my heart, along with grief and sympathy. I hadn't cried in one week. I hadn't had any dreams at all, which scared me. I hadn't thought about Edward for a week. I missed Jacob and Charlie. My father hadn't watched television since the past week.
My occasional comforting went unheard, which made me realize how I must've reacted when Edward left me. I realized the embarrassment and humiliation my well wishers went through when I didn't acknowledge their greeting and condolences. Everyone ignored me, unintentionally, dwelling in their own sorrows. Even Jacob. But at least he attempted to talk to me. I hadn't seen a single person around me smile in a week. Even the weather was gloomy. I couldn't think of any way to reduce their pain. I comprehended that I was in the same situation Charlie was in, a few months ago. How heart breaking it must have been for him to see me moping around, lifeless, unable to diminish the ache. That had dug its way so deep, and left a permanent impression.
I frequently began emailing Renee, as a desperate distraction. I had promised Jacob that I wouldn't do anything reckless, but it was hard not to. She updated me about her and Phil's on goings. Phil was doing well for himself. When I couldn't bear to see everyone moping, I decided to reduce their pain, the same way Charlie and Jacob had done for me. It was my turn to give something back to them. When Charlie came home today, I had planned to cheer him up. "Hey Dad" I greeted as he came in; he nodded, giving me a smile.
"Dad... I was wondering, if you would watch a hockey game with me. The one you missed a couple of days ago" I said, cautiously. I had done my research. He looked surprised.
"Since when did you begin to like sports?" he questioned.
"Since now, and you could use a good change too. I've made some popcorn" I answered, smiling. His eyes brightened up tremendously, and he agreed. By the time he freshened up, I got the popcorn ready. For the next three hours, I watched a hockey game with Charlie, who was clearly distracted. So, I had prepared his favourite meal for dinner. He looked tremendously pleased and lightened up. I started a lively conversation with him about the match, though I didn't sound as enthusiastic as planned, he conversed genially. I kept the conversation going, until bed time.
"Good night Bells" he called happily, and retired. I slept with the satisfaction that I had helped my father. The next step was to help Jacob, Billy and Emily. I couldn't spend any time with Jacob, as he was always patrolling. Billy was always at the Clearwaters now, so I would cook all of the edible food stocked, to make it tasty as possible. I went with a baking recipe which I searched on the net to Emily, who assistance I asked to make it. Cooking became a regular distraction for the next few days for her. Kim was grounded for not showing up at home the other day, or I would've asked for her to facilitate too. Everything seemed in control for awhile, until Emily had a breakdown.
She had left me at her place, stating she had for some personal work at the Clearwaters. After a long while, she came back home hysterical. Her eyes were red, and tears flew down her cheeks, and she was sniffing hard. When I frantically questioned her, choking though her sobs, she narrated the cause of her heartache. Leah had apparently got into a fight with her, and things went pretty malevolent. I didn't believe that Leah was as malicious as everyone portrayed her, but after taking one look at Emily tear streaked face, I believed them. Emily was hysterical all day, crying, screaming and wailing. No amounting of consoling worked. I ardently waited for Sam to return, and when he did, I rapidly explained the event that occurred. Sam looked livid, and depressed at the same time. His first priority was to comfort Emily. The pack didn't look happy about it either.
"That Leah's an unpleasant bitch! She keeps saying nasty things to everyone! What's her problem? Emily was just trying to help! Couldn't she appreciate that? After all that she's done for them. Sheesh!" complained Paul. "Her father's dead and I haven't seen a single tear in her eyes"
The pack remained silent. Emily's frenzied crying didn't impede. "Oh! Oh! Sam! She hates me! She really does! She said she'd rather see me dead than enter her house again" wailed Emily. "It's alright honey, I'm sure she didn't mean that" consoled Sam, rubbing her back. "No! It's true! It was all true! She meant every single word!" screamed Emily, tears flowing down her cheeks. I couldn't bear to look at her, and I felt tears form in my eyes too.
"She said I deserved every scar on my face!" she continued. Hearing this, Sam clenching his fist, attempting to control his temper. "She told me that she despised me!"
"She's lost her mind!" exclaimed Jared. "Who the hell does she think she is, saying all that garbage?"
"She's got to mend that attitude of hers!" stated Paul.
"Fat chance that'll happen" said Jacob snorting. "Her bark is worse than her bite"
Embry remained silent. The boys continued their unpleasant comments, until a huge commotion began. "SILENCE!" ordered Sam. He helped Emily into her room, and spent a long time comforting her, while I served the pack. For once, Paul didn't glare at me or make any comments. Everyone worried about Emily, and ate quietly. Jared took off to Kim's and Embry crashed at Jake's. I stayed behind with Jake and Paul. Sam finally came out, looking livid.
Paul informed Sam of the other's two's absence. "Paul, Jake, go home. Bella, stay here with Emily in case she needs anything" he instructed. "Where are you going?" asked Paul. "To the Clearwaters. I'd like to have a word with Leah" he replied curtly. "Uh Sam, I don't think that's such a good idea man" said Paul uncertainly. "Stay out of this. This is between me and Leah" he said, curtly. "I'll come with you" offered Jacob. "No, I'm going alone" he stated coldly. "Be careful Sam, you might lose your temper" warned Jacob. "Yeah, you might need someone to calm you down" backed Paul. "I'll be fine" he said, gritting his teeth, making his way to the door. "Wait Sam, let me come with you" said Jacob, getting up. "I'm coming too" said Paul, joining him.
"Sam, things could get pretty nasty. You'll need us there. Let us come" insisted Jacob. "Alright fine. Come along then" agreed Sam, reluctant. "Stay here Bella" ordered Jacob and all three of them left abruptly. I checked on Emily for the next three hours and she was sound asleep. I realized that everyone was sleep deprived, since the past week. I felt Jacob's anger through our imprint, I distracted myself by cooking. Emily's breakdown terrified me. I realized how she must have felt like when I had my breakdown. My life was the example of irony, because, I began to feel all the emotions others had felt, when they were in the same situation. I realized how hard it must've been for everyone to deal with me.
Sam and the others didn't return, until tea time. Emily was still fast asleep. Sam and Paul came in. Neither of them bothered to acknowledge me. Sam and Paul had black bags under their eyes. "Is Emily still sleeping?" questioned Sam worried. I nodded. He immediately went to check up on her. Paul drank the tea I served, in one gulp. Sam came back after a long time. I offered Sam some tea, and biscuits. "Sam... Paul, are you alright?" I asked hesitantly. "You look tired". Paul grunted, and Sam nodded. "Where's Jacob?" I questioned. "He's still patrolling. Go to his house and wait" he ordered. I nodded and placed all the dishes in the basin, and washed them.
"Dinner's in the fridge" I stated quietly, and went out to the Black's. I was greeted by darkness and silence yet again. Jacob came back two hours later. I served what I had hurriedly prepared for him. He scarfed down the whole meal. "What happened at the Clearwaters?" I asked timidly. "I'll tell you later. We have to go to Sam's for a meeting" he replied. We hastily went to Emily's house. Everyone was already present and surprisingly, so was Kim.
"Hi Bella" she greeted cheerfully. "Oh hi Kim. I thought you were grounded" I said, glad to see her. "Well, Mum let off today. I've been good lately" she replied in her soft voice. I realized how much I had missed her, and seated myself next to her. I saw Emily sitting next to Sam, slouching. She looked tired. "I've called a meeting today because I have important announcements to make" said Sam in his authoritative tenor that I disliked so much. "We are going to have additions to our pack" he informed. Everyone gasped at the plural. "Quil will be joining us soon" he continued. "Along with Seth, Brady and Collin". Everyone gasped. "When I went to visit the Clearwaters, I noticed Seth's growth sprout. I didn't observe it during the funeral, and the week after that either, for obvious reasons" he said, non chalantely.
I could see his attempts to control his emotions. Emily looked miserable. "I received a call from Billy, who had gone to visit the Littleseas, stating that Collin has a sudden growth sprout. He has shown all the symptoms. I happened to meet Brady Fuller today, who also clearly exhibited the symptoms. If we catch the bloodsucker on time, I hope that it will prevent their change. Quil will phase in a few days, so we can't do anything to prevent that. Someone has to keep an eye on him. So, I'm changing the patrol schedules. Bella and Kim and please maintain your distance from him, as you know the consequences" he expounded, emotions flickering across his eyes.
"So, I've decided our schedules. Jacob and I will patrol from four in the morning to eleven in the morning. Paul, Jared and Embry will patrol from eleven to four. Jacob and I will resume our shift four to nine. Then you three will resume your shift from nine to four in the morning. We can't leave the land unguarded for a second. She may come back anytime. Understand?" he explained, carefully. The pack nodded. "Bella, you will stay indoors the whole time. No matter what happens, stay in and lock the door. You will stay in Jacob's house at all times. Make arrangements with him and Billy" he said, looking at me. I nodded. "I've asked Old Quil to keep an eye on Quil, and inform any of us as soon as possible, so stay here or at your places so that you can be available, in case I'm not, and watch over Quil's house"
"Uh Sam, what happened that day? I never got all the details" I asked, quietly. "Well, that seemed to have caused some confusion between me and Emily". Sam gave me a hard expression. "Well, that leech led us into a wild goose chase around the whole forest, and finally we were able to get her. Until she led us to the cliffs and escaped into the water. We almost had her. We can't follow her in the water" he replied, frowning. "But why did you ask Emily to tell me not to open the door?" I questioned curiously. He looked confused. "I didn't ask her to do that" he answered, looking at Emily, who looked up for the first time. "Well Sam, you told me that Victoria escaped" she stated.
"Well yes, she escaped into the sea" he said, surprised. "But I thought that she was still lurking around. I thought you came back only because of Uncle Harry" she said, swallowing. "You told me that the others were still patrolling, so I thought that..." she continued and realized her mistake. "Oh Emily, you thought that she was still here?" he asked. She nodded. "I've been a fool! I called Bella and told not to open the door and oh! Oh! How silly of me!" she moaned in embarrassment and shock. She almost laughed, as she was in the verge of hysteria. "Oh dear! I scared poor Bella and Kim!" she exclaimed. "Is that why you two were sweating bullets?" asked Jacob, turning to me and Kim.
We nodded. "I was really scared" said Kim. "But Bella was so brave. She told me to go home, and she wanted handle the vampire herself". I hid my gaze, as everyone stared at me, in admiration and awe. "She even sent me upstairs to keep Victoria from hurting me" she continued in an awed voice. "I'm sorry Bella, I caused you so much trouble and worry" apologized Emily. "It's alright. It's not your fault you misunderstood" I reassured. "Honestly Emily, do you think that I would be in a hospital while a bloodsucker is on the loose?" asked Sam. "We've been after this leech for weeks. Besides, we would never leave Bella unprotected". A pang of guilt washed over my body. Jacob immediately squeezed my hand. "She's one of us too now. She's Jake's imprint" he continued, looking at Emily, with that adulation filled expression. "I know Harry's as important as Bella, but everyone else was with him. Bella was all alone" he said in a calm voice. "I understand. It's alright" she assured, sadly. "Bella needs you"
If my guilt could overflow through my body, then it just did. Tears formed in my eyes. Even after all that I had put them through; they were still willing to protect me. That stung. It left a cavernous impression on me. Emily's words lingered in my mind. Sam hasn't changed him Bella, you have. So stop accusing Sam of anything. He's only trying to help Jacob. Her words had complete legitimacy in them. I had been wrong about Sam all along. He was willing to choose me over his dear one. Right now, I had never seen anyone as selfish as me in the world.
"Well, I bet you were relieved that it was Jake and not the leech" said Embry, abruptly, addressing me and Kim. He interrupted my string of thoughts, and I looked up at him. "We really were" replied Kim. "I'll say. The way you assaulted Jake Bella that was clear proof" he teased, grinning. "I'm surprised that you didn't wet your pants". "Like I said, you're a worry wart" said Jared, smirking. "How did you...?" I began, forgetting myself resentment, momentarily. "Pack minds Bella" answered Embry. I could've kicked myself. Everyone laughed, while I blushed. I was about to scold him, when Paul interjected. "Yeah, you should've seen it Emily. You'd think they were long lost lovers, the way they hugged" said Paul, chortling. "Jake!" imitated Embry, and hugged Paul, who made kissing noises. Everyone roared with laughter. Even Jake. They went a step further ahead, and began a role play.
Embry pretended to be me, and Paul pretended to be Jake. They stood on either ends of the hall. Embry ran up to Paul, and embraced him tightly. "Oh Jake! Oh! Oh! Jake!" It's you!" drawled Embry, burying is face in Paul's chest, they same I had done with Jake. "Yes Bella! It's me Jacob! Your knight in shining armour!" said Paul raising his hand, as if it were a sword. Everyone burst out laughing. "Oh Jake, I was so worried" continued Embry, fluttering his eyes, giving a very good impersonation of me. Whereas Paul dragged the whole act. "Yes Bella. I'm fine. One vampire can't kill me. I'm invincible!" he exclaimed triumphantly, raising his hand as if it were a sword. Jared hooted, while Jake gave them both a sour look.
Sam, Kim and Emily snickered. They began to make kissing noises, and Embry pretended to cry in relief. "Oh Jacob! You're so strong" gushed Embry, fluttering eyes, the same way I had when I wanted to get information about vampires. That caused pain in my chest. "That I am, and you've got a hot ass" commented Paul winking. That did it. Jake lounged at both of them. Jared hooted encouragingly. I didn't acknowledge Paul's perverted comment, because of the pain in my chest. "I bet five dollars that your Jake won't make it" he bet me. I was temporarily diverted and since I wasn't one to gamble, but I knew that one against two wasn't fair. "What do you say Sam?' he asked, chuckling. Sam merely watched amused. Paul and Embry continued to make kissing noises, even while Jake pounded them. Both of them went for him, but still he managed to win, until Sam stopped them. "Really Sam, couldn't you have waited a bit longer?" grumbled Paul. "We almost had him". "In your dreams" snorted Jacob.
"Bring it on kid" challenged Paul. "You and me alone. Outside". "Bring it on" growled Jake. "Enough!" ordered Sam, who seemed sorry to stop the fight too. "You can use all that energy in hunting the leech" he commanded. "Jake, go home. Embry and Paul back to patrol". They went out, and I went home with Jake, and Kim went with Jared. Instead of going to his bedroom, he went to the garage. "Jake, why are we here?" I questioned, curious. "Shouldn't you be resting?". He shook his head. "Naa. I'll catch some sleep later" he said, and pulled me into the garage, closing the door. He climbed into the rabbit, and I followed, perplexed at his odd behaviour.
I sat next to him, and he pulled me closer, and snuggled up to me. I squeezed his hand, gently rubbing it. "What's wrong Jake?" I asked, feeling sadness float through our imprint. "It's what happened today with Emily" he replied remorsefully. "Well, what about it?" I questioned. "You never did tell me what happened with Sam and Leah this afternoon". He sighed. "Has Emily ever told you Sam's story?"he asked. I shook my head. "Sam had it so much harder than the rest of us. Because he was the first, and he was alone, and he didn't have anyone to tell him what was happening. Sam's grandfather died before he was born, and his father has never been around. There was no one there to recognize the signs. The first time it happened — the first time he phased — he thought he'd gone insane. It took him two weeks to calm down enough to change back.
"This was before you came to Forks, so you wouldn't remember. Sam's mother and Leah Clearwater had the forest rangers searching for him, the police. People thought there had been an accident or something. . . ."
"Leah?" I repeated, surprised. Hearing her name sent an automatic surge of pity through me. I recalled that Harry Clearwater, Charlie's life-long friend, had died just about two weeks ago. And Charlie still hadn't gotten over it, despite my several attempts, though he got better. His voice changed, became heavier. "Yeah. Leah and Sam were high school sweethearts. They started dating when she was just a freshman. I'm sure Emily told you the rest. Leah was frantic when he disappeared."
I supposed it was silly for me to imagine that Sam had never loved anyone before Emily. Most people fall in and out of love many times in their lives. It was just that I'd seen Sam with Emily, and I couldn't imagine him with someone else. The way he looked at her . . . well, it reminded me of a look of how Jacob looked at me, or how Jared looked at Kim.
"Sam came back," Jacob said, "but he wouldn't talk to anyone about where he'd been. Rumours flew — that he was up to no good, mostly. And then Sam happened to run in to Quil's grandfather one afternoon when Old Quil Ateara came to visit Mrs. Uley. Sam shook his hand. Old Quil just about had a stroke." Jacob paused to laugh.
"Why?"
Jacob put his hand on my cheek and pulled my face around to look at him — he was leaning toward me, his face was just a few inches away. His palm burned my skin, like he had a fever.
"Oh, right," I said. It felt so right, having my face so close to his with his hand hot against my skin. I remembered how it felt to have my hand on his warm cheek last night." Sam was running a temperature."
Jacob laughed again. "Sam's hand felt like he'd left it sitting on a hot stovetop."
He was so close, and I could feel his warm breath. He stroked my cheek, and I felt a strange sensation in my stomach, the sensation of excitement. I stared at his flawless face, enjoying the feel of his hand on my cheek. I didn't understand this bizarre feeling. He smiled and continued, still stroking my cheek.
"So Mr. Ateara went straight to the other elders," Jacob went on. "They were the only ones left who still knew, who remembered. Mr. Ateara, Billy, and Harry had actually seen their grandfathers make the change. When Old Quil told them, they met with Sam secretly and explained.
"It was easier when he understood — when he wasn't alone anymore. They knew he wouldn't be the only one affected by the Cullens' return" — he pronounced the name with unconscious bitterness — "but no one else was old enough. So Sam waited for the rest of us to join him. . . ."
I felt Jacob's and my pity surge through my body, and I surprisingly didn't feel the pain when he mentioned the Cullens. I felt just a small twinge. "Poor Sam" I murmured. Jake nodded, stroking my cheek with his thumb. "I misunderstood him all along. I owe him an apology" I said, sadly, gazing at the rabbit's floor. Jake put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. The feel of his arm around my waist, created a strange excitement through me again. "This afternoon, we went to Leah's house. Sue was inside, cleaning, so Seth opened the door, and we noticed that he had grown since the past few days. Sam immediately checked his temperature and stuff. He was pretty warm, though he said that he didn't have a fever. Leah was in her room. Seth called her out, and she came out and gave all three of us a glare. She didn't bother to acknowledge us. That is, until Sam began talking"
He shifted uncomfortably, his arm still around my waist, and I noticed that he looked disturbed. "Sam asked her why she had said all those mean things to Emily, who was just trying to help her. She meant no harm of course" he continued. "Leah ordered us to get the hell out of her house, and Paul got mad. He got into an argument with her, and Leah threw a fruit bowl at him, and asked him get his big wolf butt out of her house, because he's not invited. Sam sent us both outside. He talked to Leah and well he asked her to apologize to Emily, and you can guess, a huge fight broke out, and hurtful words were exchanged. Sam had never lost his cool, especially after what happened with Emily. Seth tried to intervene, and Sue came to see what the commotion was all about, and things went wild. Leah began throwing things at Sam and yelling all sorts of swear words, and he also began arguing. He said some of the most heartless things to her; and he regrets saying it, but Paul thinks she deserved all of them. And much to our surprise, she began crying. Sue sent Sam out and Seth looked ready to cry too. Jared and Embry had already begun patrolling, and I joined them. I did Sam's shift, knowing that he was in no condition to patrol. He looked like wreck after the fight. I let him cool off, and Paul went home. Sam didn't phase for his shift, so I continued patrolling. When he got better, he patrolled with me and Paul, and I did all I could to help him. The same way he had done for me, when I ... I was away from you"
He looked sad, and his arm loosened around my waist, and he turned away from me. I felt his pain, so I placed my hand on his cheek, and turned his face towards mine. "Jacob, it's okay. I'm here now" I comforted. "I'm not going anywhere". He gave me a small smile. He placed his hand on mine, and pressed it tighter to his cheek, and held it tightly, as if he was afraid that I would disappear. "That's the only comfort I have now" he murmured. I guessed that he was speaking to himself, rather than me. He shifted his position, and placed his hand on my waist, and his other hand intertwined with mine. The touch felt very soothing but awakened sensations in me, which I had never felt. "After sorting things, he went back with Paul, and I finished my shift and I came home. I have the rest of the night off, for running double shifts"
I remained silent. "I'm ashamed of myself, Jake. I misapprehended Sam all along. You were right, he's a good guy. And a really nice human being". Jake nodded. "That he is" he agreed. "I'm going to apologize and make it up to him. Do you think he'll forgive me?" I said, mournful. "Of course he will. Like you said, he's a nice guy" assured Jake. "I can't believe that he would choose to protect me, instead of being with Harry" I said, tears threatening to fall down again. "If it makes you feel any better, then, it's not just about your safety, it's about our tribes safety, and our land's safety too. We protect our people from our worst enemies" he stated. "The legend" I said, comprehending. "You're one of us now, so technically, he has to protect you" explicated Jake, shrugging. "We'd have to protect you either way. She would have to cross our land to get to you, and we'd still be patrolling. So even if weren't imprinted, you'd be safe". I shuddered recalling those nightmarish weeks. His arm glided up to my shoulder rubbing me.
"Now, you tell me, what happened with you at Emily's house that day" he said, staring into my eyes. That caught me completely off guard. I had forgotten that incident since Harry's death. "Well, I had another breakdown" I stated, uncomfortably. He nodded. "I guessed that much. Now tell me why" he urged. I fumbled with my fingers, looking at our intertwined hands. "Will you promise not to get mad?" I asked timidly. "I won't get mad. Not with you beside me". I let out a deep breath. In brief, I explained the incident with Emily.
How I had over reacted, how realized that I was wrong about Sam, the Cullens, Edward, how I wept on the cold bathroom floor, how I let the hot tears fall on the icy floor. How I had fainted, and how I realized that he was in trouble, how Emily protected me and Kim, her desperate attempt to choose between me and her uncle, her phone call, and finally his arrival. His emotions varied every moment, which made things harder for me. I began and crying while talking. But surprisingly, this time, I cried without the scorching pain in my chest. Edward's pain was no longer that painful. I knew that it existed, but it didn't ache that much anymore.
Jacob pulled me into a warm embrace. I sighed and melted into his warmth. I never wanted to let go, this physical contact seemed enough to take away the pain. I could hear his heart beat, as I my ear was on his chest. "I'm sorry. I didn't know" he whispered. "Believe me Bells, if I had known that this would happen then...argh! That filthy bloodsucker had to show up right at that time! It was agonizing to stay away from you and not to comfort you" he said, his voice going a few octaves higher. "You don't have to apologize for anything, anymore. Things are going to be fine from now on" I said, comfortingly. He hugged me tighter and I let my hands glide up to his shoulders. "Promise me that you'll be safe" I whispered. "I will" he guaranteed. I slowly pulled away from his embrace, and smiled at him. "Well I'm glad that something good came out of it all though" I stated. "What's that?" he asked, surprised. "I can give myself to you now, completely" I whispered. "With no strings attached, no aching pain, no more breakdowns. Just me, as a whole" I murmured, quietly. He tilted his head lower, until our foreheads touched, and I could feel his warm breath on my face. My breathing went up a notch. "That's all I'm asking for" he murmured back, as one of his hands glided down to my waist, and my hands wound around his neck. Suddenly, I let out a small laugh, recalling the words that I told him not too long ago.
He looked at me confused. "What's so funny?" he asked. I chuckled. "It's not a very good joke" I replied, slowly unwinding myself from his embrace. "Come on, let's go and talk to Sam" I said, sliding down the rabbit. He smiled and followed. I caught Sam, just in time, as he was leaving for patrol. "Hi Sam" greeted Jacob. "Hi Jacob, Bella" he greeted back. "It's not time for you to patrol yet" he addressed Jake. "Uh, no, Bella wanted to talk to you" he said awkwardly."Uh Sam, could I talk to you for a minute?" I asked, hesitantly. "Sure Bella" he instantly obliged. Jacob went in the house, and apparently, Jared and Embry were fighting over the couch again. I heard loud yells. I chuckled. "They never give up" he sighed, tired. "So, what did you want to take about?".
I swallowed twice. I wasn't sure how to do this. I wasn't this nervous when I confessed to Jacob. "Uh... could we go for a walk?" I blurted out, unthinking. He nodded, giving me a queer look. We walked down the road, behind his home. "Hurry up though would you? I have to patrol. Paul's waiting" he said, skeptically. "Sam, I'm... I'm... sorry" I blurted out, unthinkingly. He looked at me bewildered. "Sorry for what?" he asked, mystified. "For everything actually" I replied, honestly. "For misunderstanding you, for unnecessarily hurting you, for causing Emily so much pain. For making Jacob think that he was turning into a bad person, because of you. For making you loathe yourself"
His demeanour instantly changed. He frowned. "I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness. But I needed to let you know that you won't have any problem from my side or Jacob's side from now on" I assured. "I know that you were just trying to help me and Jake. I was wrong about you the whole time. I'm so sorry". He didn't interrupt. "I didn't know what you had to go through. How you coped through all that" I swallowed, trying to hold back the tears. "All that pain and torture. I just added more trouble to your vows. I'm sorry"
"I didn't know what you sacrificed for Emily, me, Jacob, the pack... I can't thank you enough. It seemed so unfair to me that you have to go through all that, especially since you aren't at fault. All those things shouldn't have happened to you. You didn't do anything wrong, you just lived your life, but your life changed due to vampires, I don't know how you dealt with all that. I' haven't seen anyone as strong as you. You've been through a lot. You deserve some happiness. I promise you, after all this is over, I won't interfere in your life again" I said, holding back the sobs.
Sam's hard expression appeased. "Bella..." he began. "I deserved all those words Emily said to me. Each and every single one of them. You're welcome to scold me too" I interjected. "I deserve it all. I'm a horrible person, selfish, self centred and foolish. I didn't realize how much pain I was causing everyone". He raised his eyebrows at me. "Bella, will you let me speak?" he asked, amused. "Sorry" I muttered. "It's okay. I forgive you. I'm not holding any grudge against you or Jacob either. He's my brother, and you're his imprint. And even if you weren't, I wouldn't hold a grudge. What you and Jacob have is something special. I wish I had that with Emily, and so does Emily. We never got the chance to get to know each other. You and Jacob started out as friends, something I should've done with Emily, after the imprint, instead of forcing her to love me. I didn't know how to handle the imprint, and things went out of hand. Look at Emily now. She forgave me, but I'm never able to forgive myself. You're exactly right about the reason why I'm helping Jacob and you, so that he doesn't repeat my mistakes. But Bella, he's not me. He's different. I should've realized that. Your relationship is different. Jacob gets instantly comforted, when he's even around you. I just to say your name, and he smiles. I'm envious Bella, and so is the whole pack. How is that one person can change and affect another so much?" he clarified.
I listened in amazement. "We all want what you have with our imprints or girlfriends. That kind of fantastic friendship and understanding is impossible to find these days. You know what the other one is thinking. It just shows how well you two know each other. I didn't like the fact that Jake imprinted on you. At first, I didn't understand why. But now, I realized that you are made for each other. Actually, you are meant for each other. Think about it Bella. Jacob told me everything. Your whole life story. Having pack minds has its advantages Bella. I was able to see all that you did together, your conversations, you laughs, you behaviour around each other" he explained, smiling. I gawked at him, and almost stopped walking.
"Today, Leah accused my feelings to be fake. None of it as real. But what I had with Leah was real. That was the real way of falling in love. The same way you and Jacob will fall in love. Except that, you are guaranteed soul mates. I didn't realize how badly she was hurt, until today. She questioned my feelings for her. If I really loved her, then why I had imprinted on someone else, INSTEAD OF HER? I couldn't answer that question. That hurt Bella. It really did. I saw torment in her eyes, the same torment I felt from Jacob, when he was away from you. At first, I thought that it was a silly crush, but after entering his mind, I realized that it was love. Jacob really loved you before the imprint and even now. If his love wasn't real, or suffice, he would've imprinted on someone else. But he didn't. It made me question my feelings for Leah" he revealed, and paused. "If vampires and werewolves didn't exist, you and Jacob would still be together. Because that's how it was meant to be. It's nature's law. Things are meant to be this way. But after Jacob imprinted, I didn't understand why it was you. We thought we had the pattern figured out, but we didn't. You turned out to be the strangest, non native imprint so far. Unless there are still chances of you being Quileute"
I was too stunned to laugh at his small joke. I couldn't believe my ears. My pace decreased. He smiled to himself, and looked at me. "Bella, after Jacob imprinted, he drove the pack crazy by avoiding you. I didn't understand why. First, he felt agonized for avoiding your calls, and not seeing you. Now, he felt agonized for deliberately avoiding you. I never understood that boy. He got what he wanted, so why was he staying way? It drove me and pack wild, having to deal with his constant whining and thoughts about it. I thought he was mad. I hated you for putting Jacob and all of us through all that torture. He was foolish to fight something so absolute. Imprinting is everything. The person you imprint around is the centre of the world for you, and it's foolish to run away from it" he continued. "But he did that for you too. That idiot put all his energy into fighting the impossible. That meant only two things. One: he was an idiot. Two: he really loves you. Judging by his character, I think it's both"
He paused for a moment to chuckle, and I had the urge to smile too. "I warned Jake that the separation would kill him, and eventually did, causing both of you to feel sick. I tried to knock some common sense to him, and so did the pack and Billy, but that stubborn brat didn't listen to a word we said. When you showed up, I finally relieved. But the reasons to fight the imprint, seemed logical too. But to add to his complications, you were still in love with you vampire, and well, that killed Jake. The pack went wild again, and so did I. I didn't comprehend why he had so many complications. But after what you did, I think I've begun to like you more. So technically, I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for Jacob. I love that idiot like a brother, so I don't have a choice. So don't delude yourself to thinking that I'm doing all this for you" he elucidated. I realized how much Sam actually loved Jacob.
"But after your brilliant idea, you've earned by respect. I realized that you really are trying. I wish I could do that with Emily, but it's too late now. All that's been done. I'm envious of that brat for having such a wonderful friend, and envious of you for having someone who loves you so much. I know Emily loves me, but I wish we had what you and Jake have, or will have. You may be twisted, but you're a really nice girl. I know how happy you've made Emily. She's been upset and lonely lately, and you've helped her feel better. You're not as bad you think you are. You may have hurt Emily, but it wasn't your fault. I have to agree that Emily had something to do with it" he confessed. He stopped abruptly, and looked ahead; my eyes flickered towards the direction he was looking at, and I realized that we standing in front of the woods. "You know, when I found you the other day, I saw what he had done to you. I couldn't believe what I saw. It was impossible to believe what he had done; that he could hurt you this way" he said, gazing at the woods. My heart almost stopped beating. The pain in my chest seemed to work its way higher. "But things have changed now. You've become wolf girl, from vampire girl" he said, teasing.
I gave him a small smile. "Hanging out with Jake, Emily and Kim has done you some good. You're changing for the better, and let's hope it stays that way" he commented. "So apology accepted, and now, you could say that I may be doing all this to help you too" he said, chuckling. I smiled broadly at him. I was sure that we would hit it off very well from now on. "It's about time I left. Nice talking to you Bella" he said, smiling. "Bye Sam. Thank you for being honest with me. And thank you for accepting my apology. If there's any way I can make it up to you know, let me know" I said, gratefully. "Well, you can help by making Jacob and Emily happy, and also... continue your delicious cooking". He said winking at me for the last part. He ruffled my hair and went into the woods; I bid goodbye to Sam, feeling much better and happy. I went into the house, to inform Jake that I was leaving. "So how'd it go?" he asked. He didn't look as worried as he should be. I rolled my eyes. "You heard everything" I accused. He chuckled. "I didn't want things to get out of hand. Sam's still depressed" he said, calmly.
"Well, things went just fine, and it's about time I went home" I said, sighing. He walked outside with me. "So, who won the couch fight?" I asked, suddenly remembering. "Embry" replied Jacob chuckling. "He ripped Jared's pants off!". I laughed. "Embry yanked the poor guy's pants down, and he was damn embarrassed, since Emily was there, and we dragged his pants back on, Embry was already fast asleep on the couch" he said, chortling. I laughed harder. "They had quite the fight I tell you. I can't wait to rub it Paul's face. He doesn't know what he missed" continued Jake. "Good luck with that" I said, climbing into the truck. He shut the door. "Good night" I said, waving. "Good night to you too. I'm gonna have awesome dreams tonight" he said, winking. For some weird reason, I blushed, and rolled my eyes in unison. "I got a long night's sleep, I have to make the best of it" he stated, smirking.
I tried hard not to blush. "Well bye, Jake" I said, not looking at him. "Bye honey, sleep well. I know I will" he said, amused. "Jake!" I exclaimed embarrassed. He laughed and waved. I carefully drove down the moonlit lane, with a wide grin on my face.