Chapter 10: Knock a Little Harder

Seven year-old Xion could not tear her eyes away from it.

It was a gleaming beacon of cuddly cuteness in a pile of stuffed toys. Every other doll was not as cute—actually, they were downright sinister. Heartless, dusks, and unversed weren't exactly the most loveable types, but that just made the one and only moogle stand out. It had an adorable button red-nose, tiny black wings, and a poofy pom pom. Xion wanted to touch it, to feel its soft exterior, but it was trapped in a glass cage, waiting for someone to come along and grant it freedom.

Sora caught his sister staring longingly at the doll. They had just left the grocery store, but right outside was a toy crane machine. He noticed that she would slow down and look at the machine every time they got done with shopping.

This time would be the last.

"Is that what you want?"

The girl squeaked in surprise and blushed. She didn't mean to get caught, but the moogle was too cute! "No—it's okay." She was a big girl now; she couldn't afford to get distracted by shiny things. The money their mom gave them was strictly for groceries, they couldn't spare any extra for fluffy luxuries.

"Don't worry about it," the brunet boy assured. He set down the groceries and pulled back his sleeves. He had been saving money, little-by-little, just for this moment.

"Sora?" she asked hopefully. She felt bad for making him do this, but the thought of having that moogle in her hands replaced any feelings of guilt—which was exactly the what Sora wanted.

"Don't underestimate your brother. I'll definitely get that moogle for you." He pulled out a row of coins from his pocket. They were shiny, hard-earned, and acquired with schoolyard savvy. At school, he volunteered to take on any chores for a nominal fee of one munny per task. His fellow classmates gladly took him up on the offer. So Sora cleaned, washed, and organized things at school for the past two weeks. He didn't mind. If he could see Xion smile, then it would be all worth it.

He had eight munny—only good enough for four tries. It was more than enough. He inserted the coins and grabbed the joystick, which activated the claw. It wouldn't be easy. There was a reason why these machines were always full of prizes, and it had nothing to do with timely restocks. There was skill involved; he had to consider the angle of approach, the claw placement, but the most important factor was simply luck.

This machine was different though. There was only one moogle in a sea of heartless, dusks, and unversed. It was a gamble where even modest success could end in failure. You might win something, but if it was a heartless doll, it was like you still lost anyway. Absolute victory could only be attained through the moogle.

This was going to be tough. The moogle was stuck underneath a pile of monsters, as if they all attacked it at once, trying to smother the poor thing with their bodies. It was time to correct this. With his first try, he positioned the claw above them and pushed the red button on the joystick. The claw descended and it grasped the limbs of one heartless, one dusk, and one inversed doll. It rose, pulling the three creatures out of the way. As the claw carried the toys, they predictably dropped before reaching the dump chute. No matter, he expected that.

Xion was watching anxiously. She didn't want them, but she didn't want her brother to lose either. "You can do it Sora!"

He reloaded the machine and placed the claw over the moogle again. His goal was to reposition it. It was upside down, with its legs sticking up. He couldn't grab it the way it was, so he had to flip it over. The claw dropped and clutched the moogle's stubby foot. It ascended, tugging the doll from the company of its evil brethren, until it was dangling by the leg. As the claw snapped into place, the moogle jolted loose and fell. His only prize was air.

Fortunately, the moogle had fallen correctly in an upright position. All he had to do now was grab it by the pom pom, the biggest part of the moogle. He pushed another coin in, activated the controls, and placed the claw right above the pom pom. He pushed the button and the steel fingers captured it perfectly. The moogle stayed put even when the claw snapped into place.

"Sora, look!" Xion cried excitedly. She couldn't wait. There was no way it could fail; the metal grip was absolutely secure. The moogle was just about to clear the landing zone when the claw suddenly and prematurely let go. "No!" she yelled dramatically. "You were so close!"

Sora laughed. He knew the machine glitched sometimes, which was why he had two munny left. He simply loaded it up again, recaptured the doll, and finally won the prize. He reached into the chute and pulled it out.

"Here you go lil sis."

She squealed excitedly and snatched it right out of his hands, and started hugging it tightly. "Thank you, Sora! You're the best!"

He patted her on the head and smiled. To see her this happy was easily worth the effort. "Anything for you, Xion."

The cellphone sprang to life, spitting out the chorus of the latest pop song to light up the sales charts. A hand reached out from underneath the covers and squelched it immediately.

A head emerged from the blankets, revealing a frumpy Xion. She hated that song now. It probably wasn't a smart move to make her favorite song her alarm tone. It seemed like a good idea at first, but every time she heard the song, it brought back horrible memories of trying to wake up.

She turned over in bed and came face-to-face with an old friend. She put on a nostalgic smile. "Good morning to you too, Mr. Kupo." The moogle had greeted her in the morning dutifully for the last five years. She poked its pom pom, causing it to bounce back and forth. "I know. I feel the same way, but we can't stay in bed forever."

Time to get up! She rolled off the edge of the mattress and hit the ground. She pushed herself up and groggily searched for the bathroom. She stumbled inside, stopping before the sink, and rinsed her mouth. She squeezed a tube and a column of paste topped the bristles of her toothbrush. She was scrubbing her teeth when she heard noises from downstairs. It was six-thirty in the morning, what was Sora doing up? She went down and looked into the living room.

She almost spit out her toothbrush.

"Are my eyes fooling me?" she mumbled, froth threatening to spill from her mouth. "Are you actually studying?"

Sora looked up from his notebook and grimaced. "Spit it out before it gets on your shirt."

She went to the sink and followed his instruction, clearing her mouth of foam. She turned on the faucet to wash away the bubbles. "What's gotten into you?" she asked clearly, the brush no longer stuck in her mouth.

"There's a quiz today. If I don't get a decent grade, heads will roll—mine specifically." He continued to scribble in his notebook. At least he looked like he was working hard.

"Oooh," she drawled tantalizingly. "Kairi's got you in a vice-grip?"

"No," he answered. His job was in jeopardy, Kairi had nothing—actually, Kairi had everything to do with it! If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be worrying about unemployment to begin with.

Xion sat down on the sofa and watched him quietly. There were so many unanswered questions. He was a wonderful brother, but he also had a horrible habit of hiding things. Riku was one example, but another was his late night excursions. He would disappear in the evening and not come back until the next morning. It was a little suspicious—no, scratch that—it was extremely and extraordinarily suspicious. "You know, I've been wondering...what do you do all night?"

Sora stopped his review and sat up straight. He hoped she would've ignored his absences, but it was hard to ignore when he was coming home at four every morning. It was only a matter of time before she asked him about it, so he had prepared a simple but truthful answer: "I got a midnight job."

She read his face. It was somehow true but not true at the same time. She couldn't figure it out. "Hmmm..."

He sighed. She always did that for further prompting. "What is it?"

"I just thought that you were staying out with Kairi all night."

He almost choked on his spit. She was closer to the truth than she thought. "Nah, just work," he excused.

"Why are you working anyways? Do we need money that much?"

"With mom on vacation, somebody's gotta pick up the slack."

Their mom actually found a donor and called him about it yesterday. She told him to keep quiet about it to Xion since she was still in the process of "negotiation." He didn't know what there was to negotiate. Most "donors" were already dead, since people couldn't live without a heart. It was apparently a "complicated situation." On the bright side, his mom said that it was a 90% possibility that it would work it out. He sure hoped so.

"Well, don't run yourself to the ground. School's important." She was starting to sound like Kairi.

Sora smiled at that. Learning that there was a potential donor was a load off his chest. After all the bills were paid, he could quit and focus on school, and then, he could actually start thinking about the future. Kairi repeated the word "future" like it was the be-all end-all of everything. He never gave it much consideration since he lived day to day, but once Xion was cured, he'd have all the time in the world to think about it. "Do you have a dream, Xion?"

The dark-haired girl flipped her feet on the coffee table. She leaned back against the couch and sank into the soft cushions. "Of course."

She said it like it was obvious, but she was the one who was stuck in bed with a sickness that threatened to kill her. Even when she was stuck in a hospital for most her life, she dared to dream. That took…strength and courage. He was kind of jealous. "What is it?"

"I want to be a nurse." She barely gave the question a split second. There was no hesitation, no pause, and no doubt. She knew exactly what her answer was.

"A nurse..." It made sense. She spent a lot of time in the hospital. The nurses were probably the only company she had all day.

"Nurses are amazing people. They do all the dirty work to make sure that the patients are comfortable and happy. I want to be just like them, and take care of people," she admitted enthusiastically.

The words made him feel warm. This girl, despite her difficulties, looked forward to the future with no uncertainty. The question of death didn't even exist. It was as is she knew she'd be alive to see her wish come true. She was truly inspiring sometimes. "I'll support you the best way I can."

"What about you?" she asked back.

"I'm not sure," he confessed. "I haven't really thought about it."

Xion got up and patted him on the back. "You'll find it eventually. Just study hard!"

He cracked a smile. "That's the plan."

"HE WHAT?" Selphie exploded, her screech reverberating through the school halls.

Kairi winced, the sudden outburst of volume hurting her ears. She looked around uncomfortably. People were staring. "Not so loud, please."

Selphie ignored it and continued to bounce eagerly. "I knew it! I knew it! I told you so!" She failed to realize how troubling the whole situation really was.

"You don't understand; this isn't good," Kairi explained.

Talk about putting a damper on the mood. "It isn't good? What are you talking about? This is Riku, the hottest and smartest guy in our grade. Don't tell me you turned him down?" What girl in her right mind would turn down the hottest guy in class?

"I tried, but he forced me into one date."

"Why would you even try at all?" she asked, puzzled.

Kairi massaged her head tiredly. She didn't conform to typical school girl stereotypes. She wasn't into relationships, gossip, or any of that other nonsense. They were just distractions—unnecessary noise. She didn't care if the most popular, most handsome, and richest boy on the island decided to ask her out, because she didn't need, want, or desire a boyfriend, period. "I'm not looking for a boyfriend at all. I need to focus on school, the student council, and other things."

Selphie quirked a brow. She knew that "other things" meant more than it really did. Kairi was still keeping secrets from her. "What other things, Kairi? Don't you know you can tell me anything?"

The redhead stiffened. Selphie was more perceptive than she let on. "There's nothing more to say," she excused. "But since I ended up agreeing to one date, what am I supposed to do?"

Selphie was disappointed that Kairi didn't elaborate further, but she was still willing to provide advice. She was still Kairi's best friend, and she would perform her duty admirably. She looked at the class rep's nervous face and giggled. It was the same look students had before a big final. "Relax Kairi, if he asked you out, then he's the one who has to show you a good time. You don't really have to do anything."

It sounded good on paper, but memories of her last "date" soured the whole concept for her. She wasn't receptive to being strung along at another person's pace again. "So I should let him lead?"

"Just give him a chance. Who knows? You might be surprised and enjoy yourself for once." It sounded like an accusation.

"What do you mean by that?"

Selphie tried to correct course. "You can be uptight sometimes. Loosen up. It'll be fun."

"I don't know, Selphie. So far, me and 'dates' haven't exactly been a great mix."

"You're just exaggerating. It'll be fine."

"I hope you're right."

"What do you think is the world's most popular topic?" Leon asked the class.

The class stared back at the homeroom teacher blankly. The question was so broad; most of them didn't even know where to begin.

"Hmph," Leon chuckled. "Not even a guess? How about you Riku? You're the smartest one here. What do you think the answer is?"

The silver boy was caught off-guard since he was too busy making date plans, but since this was Riku, he thought about it for a few seconds before it struck him. "Love?"

Leon snapped his fingers. "Absolutely correct. In our entire history of literature, nothing has been discussed, studied, and written about more than love. It's a topic as old as human history. Consider that our existence as a species depends on an act most call making love."

A collective rosy hue colored the cheeks of those who picked up the implication. For those less intelligent, they wondered why everybody was acting embarrassed—or in the case of others—extremely amused.

"Charting the evolution of love is a complicated and impossible task that can't be done in the fifty minutes we have for this class—but I'm going to try anyways."

Kairi raised her hand.

"Yes?" he called out.

"Is this part of the curriculum?"

Leon put on an amused smile. "Not conventionally, no, but it's an important lesson, and it's related with the work we're going to read next."

Sora shot Kairi a curious look.

She returned it with a shrug. She just wanted to make sure that the teacher hadn't gone insane or anything like that. It was an odd topic for him. Mr. Leonhart was one of the most focused instructors she knew. Why was he suddenly lecturing about love?

"Now where do you think love comes from? Just a quick answer, nothing too detailed."

"The heart," a girl giggled.

"The brain," someone more pragmatic suggested.

"Nowhere, because love doesn't exist," a pessimist offered.

"Are you sure love doesn't exist?" Leon asked back.

"Love is simply a social convention. It's a matter or convenience."

"And you say this because?"

"Because everybody gets divorced," the student answered.

"Love and fidelity are two separate issues, but you do bring up a good point. You will see that one of the arguments against 'love' in the story is that 'love' is really 'lust.' It's an interesting argument, but let's go a little deeper. Isn't 'lust' just another word for 'survival?'"

The class was utterly confused. They had no idea what he was talking about.

"Intercourse is a mechanism for reproduction, to ensure our species' survival, but time and history has turned it into something much more than a rote biological function. Before there was love, there was sex."

He actually went out and said it. Wasn't that word supposed to be taboo at school? The class didn't care, but it always weird whenever teachers brought up the topic. It was even weirder for two students in particular, whose job dealt with the subject on a nightly basis.

"Do you think the concept of monogamy existed thousands of years ago when people lived as hunter-gatherers? Feelings were primitive back then. Survival took precedence over everything else. The complex feelings we experience today are the result of emotional evolution. Back then, they probably only felt hunger, fatigue, and lust. But was that really all they felt?"

The lecture was veering into wild territory, but the class was enraptured. Who knew theories about caveman romance could be so captivating?

"We know that jealousy and envy are natural feelings. You can see it in nature. Males fight each other over females all the time. The impulse that causes males to fight over females, the impulse that makes parents worry about their offspring—that impulse evolved into love."

It was a conclusion that presented all sorts of problems for modern society. Some of the students were put off by the assertion, and others thought it made perfect sense.

"There's an old philosophical theory of opposites. It posits that something cannot exist without its contradiction. There can be no light if there is no shadow, and there could be no love without hate. It is conceivable that our entire emotional palate came from one single feeling of affection. Love spawns hate, envy, jealousy, anger, sadness, happiness, and joy."

Sora covered his mouth to keep himself from laughing. Mr. Leonhart's theory basically amounted to, "sex is responsible for everything." How could he argue with that? It paid for his sister's medical bills after all.

"The modern concept of love is truly unique. We freely choose our partners today whereas in the past, marriages were mostly arranged out of geographical convenience. When the bulk of life was spent on farming, there wasn't a lot of time to meet new people. Relationships were very local. Nowadays, you can fall in love with someone on the other side of the planet."

Kairi always wondered about that. Was it really possible to fall in love with someone you've never met before? It was such a foreign concept to her. How can that kind of love be real? It was like people wanted to fall in love so desperately, they fooled themselves into thinking that they really did. It would explain a lot about her mom.

"Our life spans are much longer today thanks to advances in medicine. The life expectancy one hundred years ago was around sixty. Go back another one hundred years and it becomes forty. In those times, all of you would be considered adults by now. The girls would already be married off to a much older gentleman and be expected to produce heirs."

The class was a little shocked. They couldn't possibly fathom that kind of society. Even though they liked to think they were mature, most recognized that they were still kids.

"Consider yourselves lucky. Countless generations before have worked hard to ensure that you could stay as kids a little longer. Who knows? Maybe a hundred years from now, kids wouldn't be considered an adult until they're thirty. Knowing the people I know, it may already be a possibility."

Sora mentally scoffed. Kids pretended to be adults, and adults pretended to be kids. Why couldn't anybody act their age? Especially the customers he had to clean up after. From the mess they left behind, they were anything but mature.

"Now then. Let's get started on the actual story…"

Kairi liked to leave school late. Even on days when she didn't have a student council meeting, she would stick around and do her homework. She had an aversion to coming home, and even though the source of that aversion was no longer there, old habits died hard.

That wasn't the only reason though. She didn't like the stampede that followed right after the bell rang. She preferred it when there was hardly anyone around. The school grounds were pleasant without a crowd. There were plenty of trees, some tall, some small, but they gave off the same air of serenity. Sometimes, the wind would blow, and a whirlwind of leaves would fly across the campus. It was nice to sit back and enjoy the scenery. She was walking towards the main gate when she spotted a familiar face.

"Xion?" she called out.

"Kairi!" the middle-schooler greeted back.

"Are you looking for your brother?"

Xion had a mischievous smirk. "Nope. I was actually looking for you."

"Really? What for?" she wondered.

Xion folded her arms behind her back. "Are you free today?"

All her homework was finished, the student council's affairs were in order, and the only thing she had left was to take a nap until work started. In this case, she could put off the nap. "Yes, I am."

"Great!" Xion grabbed the class rep's arm. "Then let's go on a date!"

Another date? When did she get so damn popular?

Kairi allowed herself to be dragged around by the smaller girl for a couple minutes before she got curious."So where are we going?"

"Shopping!" Xion answered cheerily.

The last time she went out shopping with friends was years ago. Clothes were important but…they weren't edible, and they didn't keep a roof over her head. "I don't really have the money."

"Huh?" Xion realized her mistake. "Oh! No, not that kind of shopping, I meant grocery shopping."

Kairi knocked herself on the head for thinking otherwise. She should've known. If Sora was working at Hotel Hearts, then Xion probably wasn't running around and buying clothes, unless he was funding the habit.. "Oh, I'm sorry...I thought..."

"It's no problem! I should be the one apologizing. Even though I asked you out, we're really just doing my chores."

Kairi understood, actually, she preferred to do something like this. She was a little rusty when it came to social activities. If anything, running errands was more familiar ground. "I don't mind at all. Do you often go shopping by yourself?"

Xion shook her head. "Sora usually takes care of it, but I felt like doing something nice for him today. Here we are." They stopped in front of a corner market. The day's specials were plastered on the windows and baskets were stacked near the entrance. Off to the side was an old toy crane machine. Xion gazed at it fondly. "Come on, let's go inside."

Kairi was no stranger to grocery shopping. Her mother was hardly home, so she had to fend for herself. She wasn't a brilliant cook by any stretch of the imagination, but she managed to fill her stomach without getting sick. Her standards were meager, but it was all she needed. "What are we looking for?"

"Some odds and ends, fresh vegetables and meat."

"Sounds like a feast," she joked.

Xion looked over her shoulder and grinned. "You may not know this, but Sora is an amazing cook."

She didn't know how to react to that. The cooking prowess of her classmates wasn't something she thought about, except during home economics. It was, regretfully, one of the few classes she wasn't great at. "I wouldn't know."

Xion inspected a piece of fruit. She turned it over a few times and looked for any bruises. "You should try his food sometime. Our mom has to work, so it's usually just me and him. If he didn't learn how to cook, we would've starved to death a long time ago."

Kairi chuckled. It was interesting to hear about this side of Sora. She had a suspicion that this was information he would never share voluntarily.

"We used to go shopping together a lot. He taught me how to pick out the best fruit, to look at the expiration dates, and to never pick the item in front—always go for the one in the back."

"Sound advice," the redhead agreed.

They walked into another aisle.

Xion loved the market, it brought back many fond memories. She remembered trying to convince Sora to pick up cookies, candy, and ice cream, but he rarely gave in. "I want to thank you, Kairi."

"What for?"

"For taking care of Sora."

Kairi was shocked by the sentiment. "There's no need to thank me." If anything, Sora took care of her, especially at work.

"Don't be silly, I owe a lot to you. This morning, I saw him studying. I've never seen him do that before. Isn't it because of you?"

She wanted to take credit for it, but "Sora already had a natural aptitude for studying. I didn't do much."

Xion smiled softly. "You two are alike."

The comparison was almost offensive, but it was clear Xion meant it in a complimentary manner. "How so?"

"You guys don't like to take credit."

"That's not...true." It was like Riku all over again. They made it sound like she achieved the impossible. When did normal obligations turn into exceptional accomplishments? She was just doing her job.

"I know my brother can be a pain sometimes, but that's only because he cares."

"I find that hard to believe." When she first met him, he didn't care about school or his future. "If he cares, I'd like to know what that is."

"Isn't it obvious?" she answered brightly. "Alright, I got everything, let's go."

Kairi noticed that Xion was struggling to carry the bags. "Do you need help with that?" she offered.

"Yes, please." The dark-haired girl handed the bags over and wiped her forehead. "Thank you. If Sora saw me like this, he'd probably kill me."

Kairi arched a brow. "Why?"

Xion looked at her in surprise. "He never told you?"

"Told me what?"

She shouldn't have been surprised. If he hid things from his own sister, then he would obviously hide things from a classmate, but Kairi was much more than that, even if Sora didn't realize it. She had a right to know. "I'm actually sick."

"Sick?" The word had many meanings, but the way Xion said it was so casual, it didn't sound serious at all, which, ironically, made it sound really serious. It was always the terminal patients who joked about their illnesses. It required a morbid sense of humor.

"Yes…I…I have a weak heart."

The redhead suddenly became worried. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I was just released from the hospital but...I'll need a new heart soon."

Kairi stopped in her tracks to process the information. It was one thing to have a weak heart, but to need a new one? That could only mean one thing: she was dying. That couldn't be true though. This girl was too energetic, too bubbly, too wonderful to be dying. "Is it…that serious?"

"My doctors give me a year at most."

"A year?" That was too short. No way, that couldn't be right! " Xion…"

"You don't have to worry about me, Sora does plenty of that at home," she said jokingly.

Kairi bit her lip anxiously. "I—I'm sorry." It was a clichéd thing to say, but when confronted with such a shocking revelation, it was the only thing she could think of. "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

She appreciated the thought. If anything, she was sorry for putting Kairi in such an awkward situation. She let her cheery mask fall for a moment. "That's why—I don't know how Sora acts at school, but to me, Sora is—he's the best brother I could ask for," she revealed, her voice cracking.

"Xion?"

She let out a sniffle. "Sorry, it's just—Sora never says anything. He's always out, late at night, working. He doesn't think I know, but it's pretty obvious."

Kairi knew exactly what she was talking about, but she knew Sora wouldn't want Xion to find out.

"When I'm in the hospital, I have a lot of free time. I talk to the nurses, other patients, and overhear the staff. I know my treatment is expensive, and there's no way my mom alone can pay for it. Sora doesn't want to tell me he has a job for my sake, but I can tell by how exhausted he is..."

So this was why he worked at the hotel, cleaning up after the wealthy nymphomaniacs. It was all for Xion. It wasn't surprising. She always wondered, if he wasn't doing it for himself, then who was he doing it for? The answer was standing right in front of her.

"That's why—don't think of him as a bad person," she pleaded.

Kairi smiled gently. "I don't—at least not anymore. I know he's a good guy at heart."

Xion was glad to hear that. "All my life, he's watched over me, taken care of me, and spoiled me, but he's never had someone else do the same for him. Can you do me a favor?"

"As long as it's not to spoil him. What is it?"

She giggled and shook her head. "Continue being Sora's friend. Be there for him when he needs someone."

Kairi mulled over the preposition. "I can, but...can't you do that yourself?"

"I think you'll do a better job." Xion put a hand over her chest. It might have been an odd request, but there was the possibility that she could no longer be with her brother. Even though she never acted like it, she was painfully cognizant of her own mortality. "Can you promise me that?"

It was natural for a sister to be worried about her brother, not to mention, Xion was a great person. How could she turn down the request? "I promise."

Xion pulled out her hand. "Do you pinky swear?"

Kairi laughed. "I do."

They linked their pinkies together and sealed the promise. "Thank you...Kairi."

"Don't worry about it. Didn't you say Sora does enough of that at home?"

Xion giggled. "That's true." She stretched out her arms and sighed. She seemed to be going back to her normal self. "So Kairi...what do you like best about Sora?"

"What kind of question is that?" she protested. Xion spun around and put her face dangerously close to Kairi's. She stared for several seconds, unsettling the older girl. "Uh...what is it?

"Aha! I knew it!" Xion yelped.

"Know what?"

"It's written all over your face!"

"What is?" Kairi asked, bewildered.

"You'll know some day. Tee hee."

Kairi didn't like to be teased, but she couldn't get annoyed with Xion, the girl was just too cute. Whatever it was, it was making her pretty happy. As long as Xion was smiling, then Kairi was okay with it.

Although...

She wondered, "What did she see in my face?"