Chapter 10:

P O V: Sylvie Brett

"Fractured Sylvie! You have a fractured ankle, you got stuck with a needle! This is why girls don't belong doing a man's job. After this shift your done with this type of work. I got a house in Anderson, you're going to love it. Sylvie it's a small rancher plenty of yard room so when we have kids they can have their friends over. You will be too busy making it a lovely home, raising our brood to even miss this work. Best part is you'll be safe. Every Sunday you'll stand by my side on the podium like a dutiful wife, mother should be."

The more he talks about this grand future he sees for us. The angrier and more suffocating I feel myself becoming. Does he even know me? God I wish Dr. Halstead had given me something stronger than aspirin. At the time I didn't need it right now I do. My head is growing tighter more painful with each word he is saying. This doesn't sound Like a life in his description. It sounds like entrapment. This is how women lived in the 1800's or the 1950's. This is 2019. No way should any women be trapped into a life of housework, homework car pooling kids and self depervation unless it's her choice.

I love being a paramedic, I love racing to a call never knowing exactly what your about to face. I love being part of a team, a family. Everyone at 51 respects me they know I can do anything the boys can do. Why would I want to give this up?

"Lower your voice Kyle." I hiss no one knows I had accidentally stuck myself. I wanted to keep this that way. "Who cares if anyone heard us Sylvie? You didn't care when you took the risks. You knew we were about to start our lives together. You put yourself at risks for hepatitis B, and hepatitis C, Aids for God's sake! The gay disease what will my parnishers think if my wife catches Aids! They'll think we're untrustworthily, dirty. Do you ever think before you rush into these things? I'll tell you one thing we are not having sex till you get a six month clearance. This isn't what I want but this is the punishment God has handed to you."

"You are being such a drama queen Kyle. I'm fine."

"No your naïve."

"Your naivety will bring you shame. This community will not accept you if you don't repent. Aids is shameful it's the disease of the sinful."

"Kyle I do not have HIV stop acting like I have a death sentence. It was one stick, it probably didn't even have blood in the syringe."

I'm lying I know it but he is being so over dramatic. "You'll have plenty of time to change that tune Sylvie. As soon as your cleared your telling Boden you quit, I'm taking you to Anderson."

"No."

His face shows his confusion his shock. My heart is pumping extra hard, I swear it's even skipped a few times. "What do you mean No?" "Exactly what I just said Kyle. No. I'm not sorry but I am not the woman you want. Not judging by this vision you have of your wife. That's not me, and I don't want it to be me. I have never been a housewife material, I don't want to be a stay at home wife or mother. I want to be a paramedic. Yes it is risky, but it's exiting, it's rewarding. I love this life."

"Your confused Sylvie. You must of hit your head. Your not making any sense."

Kyle's face shows his hurt which I do feel awful for. His eyes flash betrayal. I feel like crap now. I don't want to hurt him he is a good man.

"Kyle I don't want to hurt you. I am truly sorry. This is all happening too fast. I never expected to have feelings for you. It was supposed to be just one date. To please Foster. I don't want to leave Chicago. I won't compromise myself to please you or anyone else."

Gripping my hand he takes a few deep breaths "Sylvie this is just your adrenaline talking. Your confused and scared. Change is hard it is scary."

"I've faced a lot of changes Kyle. This isn't about change, this is about what I want for my life. It isn't what you want."

"I love you Sylvie."

"No you don't if you did than you would get to know me. I left Indiana for so many reasons. Many of them for what you envision your wife to be like. When I think about love Kyle. I think about country songs, sneaking with your secret lover in between ears of corn laughing at those stupid country songs describing the kind of love. I'm living. Love invades not just your heart, it flows through your bloodstream. Sweat, tears, thoughts and nerves. It can leave you crying in terror, and shaking in glee. Love can paralyze you or make you leap over cars. Love leaves you feeling Kyle. I'm sorry I don't love you." I've tried. I wanted to. I just don't."

He is blinking back tears I hold mine inside. Feeling my own heart breaking for him. It hurts just as much to be the dumpee as the one dumped. "I don't want to hurt you." "Snakes never mean for their venom to be lethal either Sylvie. Yet they still kill when they strike it's just how they are breed, cold hearted, heartless, dangerous."

My chest muscles tighten quickly I feel sick to my stomach "Get out Kyle."

He rips the ring out of his pocket so fast I never have time to react before he throws it at me, the cold metal smashes into my eye leaving me momentarily blinded and afraid. "There's a special place in hell for bitches like you Sylvie Brett. I hope God sends you there when your time comes."

"Security!" I hear Chief Boden's deep voice yelling as I vaguely from the corner of my good eye see his hands grab Kyle shoving him outside "No one I mean no one even a man of God will ever attack or patronizing my men and women who risk their lives everyday. If you have a problem than I suggest you take it outside. If I ever catch you near Sylvie again and she isn't asking to see you. Than you and I will have a problem. Am I clear Pastor Sheffield?"

"Crystal you can keep her. She's this eager to stay and keep risking her life. Some girls are just ungrateful."

"Maggie please get security to show Kyle the way out and don't let him back in to see Sylvie."

"Right away Chief Boden and I'll page Dr. Halstead to look at her eye. Monique grab an ice pack for Trauma three stat." "On it Maggie."

Chiefs touch is gentle as he helps me back on to the stretcher. Still I'm left shaken by the whole ordeal. I never excepted Kyle to react in this way. "I know your not okay Brett. I also know you won't admit to not being okay. So I won't ask you, you won't have to lie." I smile back at him. "I'm going to get your paperwork so we can get you out of here. Would you like Matt or Stella to come in and wait with you in the meantime?" "Yes I could use some girl time and Matt's pretty easy to talk to. Thanks Chief."

"Anytime Brett."

Everything is hitting me suddenly the feeling of my face swelling, every bruise scrape and cut I've earned over the last 48 hour shift. Exhausted I lean back "Close your eyes Brett. You've had a shift from hell." I do as he tells me to after all he is my chief and I listen to what he says.

When I open my eyes again. I see Matt, Stella both sitting by me. "This world is really fucked up Matt. People are unbelievable." "That's the truth Brett if I've ever heard it." "For the record I think standing up for yourself and what you know you deserve is pretty bad ass even if it hurts." "especially when it hurts Matt." "True Stella true love is a prickly flower it has many dreams but only one bud." I stare at him "Meaning dear." Stella hands me the water which I gulp down. "You can love many different ways like branches on a tree. You have family, friends, coworkers, who all get a little of your perfect imperfections. But there's only one true all consuming five alarm inferno."

"Matt's right that's the love every song describes that's the love which flowers bloom from." "fields of heaven." "Love can grow from darkness be it's own light." "Love turns frogs into prince, Kyle blinded you but every frog eventually shows it's true warts. Real life isn't Disney on ice."

Instantly I know he is talking about Gabby. Pain is radiating from his cornflower eyes. Every touch of his hand vibrates with pain. He seems far away right now. Taking his hand I run my fingers over his knuckles.

"Love makes no sense Matt. Sometimes it's cruel. Sometimes it's beautiful. It has many names and no names. It's like acid tear drops on your heart." He laughs rubbing my check which still stings

"It sets hearts on fire."

"Love always remembers Sylvie. I'm sorry Kyle hurt you. You deserve better "

"We all do Matt. For the record Gabby was a fool to let you go." I'm staring at his face so hard it brings tears to my eyes. God I want to kiss him. How slutty am I? I just broke up with one man and yet I desperately want to kiss another. Pushing myself up my heart races, my palms sweat. I lay one hand on his check feeling him lean in.

"Do it" a voice whispers. Or is it Stella?