Disclaimer: Proud Good Charlotte junkie. Not proud Harry Potter author.

Dedication: Mara (DA-DADA.Witch), for finally spelling out "roflmao" right. :)

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I am lost in the see-thru
Think you lost yourself too
Through all of this confusion
I hope I somehow get to you

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He clenched and unclenched his fist continuously to try to calm his nerves.

Just looking at her made him like this.

It was ridiculous... but he couldn't help it.

He spent all his time now-a-days worrying about her.

She was muggleborn, a title not safe to wear during times of war.

Her family was in danger; she was in danger.

He didn't know what he would do if anything ever happened to her.

Was it selfish of him, though, that through all this mess and confusion and war... he still wanted her to be his?

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I practiced all the things I'd say
To tell you how I feel
And when / finally get my chance
It all seems so surreal

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Every night in his head he'd go over everything he would say her given the chance.

But, now, standing in front of her, alone, his throat felt dry, his tongue swollen.

"James?"

There was a faint question in her voice. He knew what it meant.

He let out a sigh.

He would tell her everything. He would get it over with. She deserved to know.

"Don't worry about it, Lils."

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'Cause from the first time I saw you
I only thought about you
I didn't know you

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He remembered the first time he ever saw her.

It was at the Sorting ceremony.

While all the other kids looked so nervous walking up to that stool, she had looked so proud. So confident.

From then on he knew she was different.

He often found his thoughts straying to her during boring lessons.

Her initials often found themselves scratched onto his homework or carved into his desks.

He began studying her: the way she would push her hair back with the end of her quill, the way she would put the tip of her forefinger in her mouth when she was thinking, the way her foot tapped when she was angry or impatient, even the way she spat out his name when he upset her.

Yet, he didn't know her.

He didn't know a thing about her, until this year.

This year, they had gotten closer.

He learned all the little things about her he didn't know before and he actually knew her.

He loved her even more for it.

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I wanted to hold on to
All the things you wouldn't say to me

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The things she had said to him hurt him, even if he didn't show it.

But he got over it.

Instead, he held onto the things she wouldn't say to him, the things he could only hear in his dreams.

His dreams filled with Lilys who loved him and Jameses that didn't screw everything up by acting like a bloody wanker in front of her.

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'Cause you said
"You can't change the way you feel"
(I could never do that, I could never do that)

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He remembered the end of last year.

Out of everything she had said to him, nothing had hurt him more than what she had said that day.

She was sitting in the common room, alone, when he, Sirius, and Peter had come back from assisting Remus Lupin, their werewolf friend, on the night of a full moon.

Sirius gave him a gentle nod before grabbing Peter and heading up to the boy's dormitories.

"Hey, Lily."

She visibly jumped.

"Oh, James, I didn't see you there."

He hadn't missed the fact that she had called him James.

He took a deep breath before speaking.

"Lily," he started, "I need to talk to you."

A fleeting look of fear marred her face, but it passed so quickly, he could have imagined it.

"James," she interrupted, "I know what you're going to say."

"Oh." He felt his heart begin to sink down into his stomach.

"I'm sorry, James, but you can't change the way you feel."

He swallowed hard as she turned and headed up the stairs to the girl's dormitories.

"Neither can I!" he shouted after her before falling back into the sofa, where he would remain the rest of the night.

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But you can't tell me this ain't real
'Cause this is real
(And you would see right through that)

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As he had gotten to know her better over the years, he began to understand why she rejected him that night.

She was afraid of being left alone.

Somehow along the way she had picked up the idea that all of James' efforts were only for the thrill of the chase. That as soon as he had her, he would let her go.

That, of course, was far from the truth.

He loved her, yes, loved her, and he wasn't afraid to admit it... at least not to himself.

Now, if he could gather the courage to tell her what he constantly told himself, maybe things would be different.

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Now you've got me watching your eyes
(Watching just to see, watching just to see)
Got me waiting just see
(If you ever look at me)
If it goes the way it never will
(When will it go, will it ever go my way?)

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He constantly watched her.

He loved to watch her.

It was the only way he could feel connected with her.

He especially loved to watch her eyes.

The bottle green eyes were always so full of vivacity and emotion.

But he was never very good at reading emotions.

Still, it didn't stop him from constantly trying to catch her gaze, trying to decipher the passion hidden behind those heavily veiled orbs.

It would be easier, though, if she would just look at him.

She hadn't looked him in the eye since last year.

Her eyes were always directed somewhere around his eyebrows.

She didn't know it, but that hurt him more than anything.

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Your eyes are watching me
And I hope my words will get through
'Cause now I can't forget you
I want to tell you
If only I could reach you
And make you feel this way

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He felt her eyes on the side of his head, but he kept walking.

Patrols always killed him.

Not the actual patrolling part, but the part that forced him to be within a four-foot radius of Lily for a straight hour.

"James."

Her voice was soft and unsure. It wasn't something he was used to.

He questioned her with his eyes, knowing this was the first time they had made proper eye contact in nearly a year.

She stopped walking and looked away.

"What's wrong, Lily?" he asked tenderly, lifting her face up to meet his again.

She was crying. He felt his stomach jump. He had never been good with crying girls, much less crying Lilys.

"I'm so sorry, James."

Her voice was barely a whisper.

"For what?"

"You can't change the way you feel."

The words tore at him.

"Lily-" he started, but she cut him off.

"James, I've tried too long to change how I feel. I can't do it. I'm sorry," her voice faded off and broke into a sob.

James felt like crying himself. It killed him to see her so torn up because she couldn't make herself love him.

"Lily," he choked, "You're absolutely right. You can't change the way you feel, and I could never change the way I feel about you. I'll always love you, Lily."

He started to say something else, but he was cut off again.

This time, though, he didn't really mind being cut off.

Mainly because she cut him off with her lips.

Oh, well, it's not like what he had to say was that important anyway.

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But you said, "You can't change the way you feel"
(I could never do that, I could never do that)

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A/N: I hope everyone understood what happened at the end... I couldn't think of how to word it right. Basically, Lily was saying that she had been trying to convince herself that she didn't love him when she did. This song really makes me sad, so I thought the story should have a happy ending! Anyway, happy (almost) Easter! Leave a review and I'll give you my peeps. I can't eat them. :( When are they going to make gelatin-free peeps?