Author's Note: Thanks for all the awesome support, guys. Sorry this took so long. I keep getting ill for some reason, which is slowing down the progress on a lot of stuff recently. I'll do my best to heal up and update as often as possible in the summer! Much love to: NaruHinaforever, Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare, Nusku, darkxwolfxdemon, asdfasdfg, Shina-Chan, glon morski, OyaSUMi-heart, BlueFox of the Moon, knux33, Sungoddess64, Tsumi no Curse, I'm Defective, Aion Laven Walker, twilightserius, whisperypath, MitarashiiDango, reena, -Aeius-, NellaXIval, Sazuka-Chan, stoneygeek, KinKitsune01, whatthehellwasithinkin, SakuraKissy, Chiaki Saruwatari, TheTwisted, fotoshop-cutout, MonElisa, and everyone else who has added me to their favorites/alerts list.

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Lavi should have known better.

He should have known better than to invite the cuddling, the gentle touches between them, the sensual taste of red wine. He and Allen were jilted lovers: one by war, the other by proxy. They were sensitive, wanting, and Lavi should have known better. When Allen had fallen asleep, he should have brought him to bed and that should have been the end of it. But the redhead was curious by nature. Too curious. He couldn't help himself; couldn't still the fingertips that so wondrously explored the smooth lines of Allen's nose and jaw, the softness of his lips. Maybe, just maybe, if Lavi hadn't done that, he wouldn't have been in the situation he was in. But then again, if Lavi hadn't done that, he wouldn't have been on the receiving end of one of the most amazing kisses he'd ever experienced in his life. Allen kissed him with such hunger, a passion of such intensity that Lavi had never felt with Yuu before. It left him hot, panting, and craving more. Allen pressed against him, leaning over him in the moonlit room with his eyes dark and…far away.

"Allen?" he asked, with kiss-bruised lips. His heart sank dramatically at the sight of Allen's hazy gaze, syrupy with memory instead of present reality. Was it even his lips Allen had been kissing with such wild abandon moments before? Within a few seconds of saying his name, Lavi saw the transformation, where Allen's expression went from contently blank to horror-stricken. He felt heat rush to his own face when Allen flushed with embarrassment, jumping back and trying to hide the evidence of his arousal.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Allen said, holding his hands to his face, gripping at his hair with two mismatched hands as he repeated himself over and over again: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Lavi didn't know what to do, sensing it was not wise to near Allen when he was in such a state, but at the same time wanting nothing more than to go hold him in his arms. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry, Rabi…I'm sorry…" Lavi's heart felt like it was breaking to pieces as he watched Allen sink down to the ground in a small heap, looking so ashamed of himself and his actions.

"Allen…" Lavi said quietly, moving off the bed to get closer to the boy, who was rocking back and forth like a frightened child. He couldn't touch him, no matter how badly he yearned to reach forward and place a comforting hand on one of those shaking shoulders. Unintentionally, he'd hurt Allen. He'd hurt Allen into believing something that was untrue. Lavi was not Rabi, no matter how much he wished he could be sometimes. Although, he had to admit that there was something inside of him that had blossomed into fruition: he would do nything to make Allen him happy; anything to see him smile. The redhead did not know where this compulsion came from, but he knew that he had to apologize for the wrong he had committed on such a whim: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Allen. I didn't mean to—"

"No, no, no," Allen cut him off, shaking his head. "It was me. It was me." Allen held himself as he continued to rock backwards and forwards, every motion like a knife wedging itself deeper and deeper into chest. Something inside of him felt like it was breaking at the amount of pain he'd caused Allen. Kiss him again urged that presence inside of him. Let me kiss him again said his redheaded reflection, pleading with one solitary green eye.

I can't hurt him again Lavi insisted, resisting the will inside him. I won't be the one to make Allen cry.

Then let me kiss him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, Rabi, I didn't mean t—" Lavi knew it was wrong, he knew it, he knew it, but he could not quell that urge within him and pressed his lips against Allen's, stopping his words. Allen didn't fight and Lavi felt relief flood through his body. Rightness; content feelings he'd never known before now. A sigh like finally against his psyche, a vision of sunshine and white curtains where Allen was smiling at him shyly, lovingly from beneath the bed sheets. As Allen's hands gripped at his shirt when Lavi pressed the smaller boy down onto the carpet beneath them, the redhead knew they had to stop. His fingers were deftly undoing the buttons of Allen's shirt without his consent and no matter how much he tried to stop himself, he could not. It was almost as if he were locked in a room inside himself, no longer in control of his actions, his lips, his tongue.

"Rabi…" Allen murmured against the lips that were not his own anymore. Gray eyes looked up at him in the dark, like liquid pools of precious mercury. Slants of moonlight fell across the floor from the cracked blinds, casting the silky white of his hair in a soft glow. He was beautiful, even more so when he smiled tearfully, fingers caressing Lavi's jaw in such a way that it sent a shiver to his very core. "…you're…"

"Here."

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When Lavi awoke, it was to a bright, Tuesday morning. Golden sunlight lit the room and the redhead hid from it, burying his way deeper beneath his blankets to escape the rays. In the apartment next door, he could hear the sound of a hairdryer, the drone of the news from the television. Outside, traffic was already picking up. His internal clock told him that he should already be awake, at the university where his thesis was waiting impatiently for him. But Lavi instead was in bed, curled up under the sheets like he had nowhere to be for the rest of the day. Beside him, there was a slight dip to the mattress, another warm body resting against the length of his. In his sleepy state, Lavi smiled, believing it to be Yuu. However, when he opened his eyes, he was not met with the sleeping face of his ex-boyfriend. Instead of the raven locks he had been expecting, messy silver strands filled his vision. Dark lashes against fair cheeks, two pink lips parted in gentle rest, and that scar…

Oh, shit, Lavi thought, his breaths stilling as his body stiffened. His mind woke rapidly, assessing the current situation. He and Allen were in bed, tangled amongst the sheets, and, yes, they were naked.

Oh, shitfuck, Lavi amended in his head, eyes wide with fear and confusion. What had happened last night? Despite the amazing capacity his brain possessed, Lavi found no information of what had transpired the night prior. Somehow, he and Allen had gotten into bed together, gotten naked, and then…Lavi's face heated up with embarrassment and shame. He and Allen had…had sex and, not only did Lavi take advantage of Allen, he couldn't remember anything about it.

Oh, shitfuckdamn, Lavi cursed himself, gripping at his hair, wondering if he ran away now, would he ever escape his guilt? He was spared from having to ponder this too long, the shrill sound of his house phone ringing with painful clarity in the quiet house. Beside him, Allen shot up in bed, looking around in a panic. But when he realized that there was no danger, his eyes turned to look at Lavi. Like a deer in headlights, the redhead couldn't move an inch, or breathe, or do anything at all. The phone rang again, but Lavi did not reach to answer it, his heart hammering unhealthily fast in his chest as he watched Allen's reaction. It turned from confused, to angry, to embarrassed, and then finally to shameful.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Lavi tried to say, but his lips moved without sound so that his apology went unheard. The phone rang a third time. Lavi was too busy staring at Allen, the upper half of his body where fresh scars that had been gaping wounds days before were healing over. But his eyes ultimately focused upon his neck that covered in love bites and bruises that he couldn't remember inflicting. "I—Allen, I didn't…" his voice came out weak and pitiful, trembling slightly as Allen turned his back to him, getting out of bed and hurrying into the bathroom. The door slammed so loudly, Lavi felt it shake the mattress, but he paid no heed to this, staring blankly at the place where Allen had been seconds before.

"Hey, this is Lavi. I'm not in right now, so do your thing at the beep," said his answering machine, picking up the call when he couldn't. Within a second of the tone, a woman's voice sounded: "Hey, Lavi. It's Lou Fa. I'm just wondering if you're okay…we haven't seen or heard from you since Saturday. Tyki's come around a few times looking for you. Man, can you believe his nose his broken? I don't know what happened because he wouldn't tell me, but he seemed like he really needed to talk to you. Shifu and Reiki say hi, by the way—shut up, guys—and department chairman Bak wanted me to tell you that if you don't send in your proposal by winter intercession, he's going to kick you out. So, Lavi, really do your work, okay? If you want me to, I'll come and bring you some soup. I'm good at making soup, like chicken noo—" The tape finally cut off his co-worker's chatter, leaving the apartment in bitter, uneasy silence.

Lavi sat up and strained his ears, hoping to hear something from the bathroom, but it was eerily quiet. With a self-deprecating sigh, Lavi looked over at the nightstand, where an open bottle of lubricant sat. Angrily, he snapped the lid shut and threw it into the drawer loudly, moving to put his head into his hands. He wished there was a way to fix what he had done: go back in time and undo everything that had happened. But there was no such thing and Lavi was left with his mistakes and Allen's bitter opinion of him.

Getting up out of bed, Lavi quickly donned underwear and a pair of sweatpants. As he passed in front of the mirror, Lavi caught sight of his reflection and grimaced. Yuu's abuse stood out in sharp contrast with his fair skin. Dark blue and purple marks marred his back, his wrists in a similar shade. On his shoulders, though, Lavi saw new markings. Red, welt-like scratches had appeared upon his shoulders, as if someone had been gripping on to him, digging nails into the soft flesh as a sweet voice moaned 'Rabi, Rabi…!' over and over with hot breaths against his chest.

Stiffly and with angry, jerking motions, Lavi pulled on a long sleeved shirt to cover up the evidence of the past few days, swallowing thickly as he stood there, clueless and more afraid than he'd ever been in his life. Lavi had always been responsible—always. He had never let something like this happen to him before, where he woke up next to someone he couldn't remember sleeping with. And out of all the people it had to be, it had to be Allen.

"Sorry" would never be enough.

Aggravated with himself, Lavi left and went to pace in the living room. In such a state, he actually began organizing things, anything to calm himself down. His mind was a flutter of activity; guilty feelings like a bat that frantically flapped around in a room it could not escape. In the process of clearing off the coffee table, Lavi found his phone. 15 unread messages, 4 missed calls. Without reading any of the texts or listening to the voicemails, Lavi deposited the cellular on the counter and plugged it in to charge it. Instead, remorseful hands washed the empty wine glasses from the night prior, straightened the couch, and placed the books upon their shelves. The End of Days sat at the bottom of the pile on the coffee table, staring up at him with some sort of mocking that hurt his very soul. Angrily, Lavi snapped the book shut and shoved it carelessly behind his collection of National Geographic magazines on the bottom shelf of the bookcase.

Next to the television sat the box of memories Lavi could not bear to part with. The broken frame holding his and Yuu's smiling faces was on top. Biting the inside of his lip, Lavi turned the picture over and picked up the box. He had a small storage closet by the door where he kept his winter coats, some luggage, and a few plastic cartons of memorabilia from years passed. After moving a large suitcase, Lavi folded the lips of the box down and then shoved it into the back of the closet. Replacing everything so that it was in some semblance of order, Lavi closed the door with a finalizing click, his hand trembling ever-so-slightly on the cool knob. But after a moment, he collected himself and walked back into the living room, not wanting to think about the long-gone past, the perplexing present, or the uncertain future.

From the bedroom, Lavi heard the shower start up and the gentle sound of water splashing in the tub. He breathed an uneasy sigh, securing the bags from their shopping excursion last night. Pulling out the articles of clothing he'd purchased for Allen, Lavi methodically folded the shirts and pants so that they weren't creased or wrinkled. Then he went and placed them outside the door of the bathroom. Quietly, he stripped the bed and placed the comforter back over the mattress so that it was neat, taking the remaining bundle of sheets to put in the laundry basket. Defeated, Lavi picked up the basket and brought it out into the clean living room, grabbing some soap and dryer sheets from his utility closet. He was in the middle of counting out the correct amount of quarters he'd need for the Laundromat when there was a soft knock at his door. With silent footsteps, Lavi went over to the door and peered through the peephole. A dark gaze met him from the other side and Lavi held his breath. This wasn't something he could deal with right now.

"I know you're in there, Lavi," said Yuu. "I can see your feet on the other side of the door." Lavi made a tortured face, realizing that he had no choice but to face the man out in the hallway. With agonizing slowness, he unlocked the door, sliding the bolt undone, removing the chain. The door opened with a small creak, revealing his dark-haired ex-lover. His presence that had inspired nothing but yearning in him only a few days ago now made Lavi feel nothing at all. What had happened to him since Allen awoke from his centennial sleep? Why had it changed everything?

"What?" Lavi asked, not in any sort of social mood.

"I called," said Kanda, as if that explained everything.

"And?" Lavi inquired.

"Why don't you answer your phone?" asked Yuu, crossing his arms.

"I was busy," Lavi answered.

"How busy?" pressed Kanda.

"What is this, twenty questions?" Lavi asked, bitterness leaking into his tone all too easily. Kanda noticed it too, his expression falling from his usual façade momentarily.

"You look like shit," observed Kanda.

"Thanks for coming all the way over to say that," Lavi said, rather unkindly.

"It's that new kid, isn't it?" asked Yuu.

"What are you talking about?" Lavi replied, his heart constricting at the recollection of Allen's look that morning. How was he ever supposed to make things right?

"The kid you're dating. Allen-whatever-his-name-is," Kanda said easily, not stumbling over his words as Lavi had done when he had said 'Oh, so you're dating Lenalee, right?'

"What about him?" Lavi asked.

"He's bad for you," said Yuu, peeking past him before continuing: "Your apartment's never been that clean."

"It's none of your business, like I said before," Lavi replied. Kanda looked down, somewhat guiltily when Lavi brought up their last altercation.

"Sorry," said the Japanese man. His fingers reached for Lavi's wrist, the fingertips just barely brushing against the sleeve of his shirt, surprising Lavi somewhat. The redhead moved his hand away and Yuu's eyes turned darker. It was the same shade those exotic eyes normally turned when Kanda felt guilty, like that time the two of them were hurt on Yuu's motorcycle. Lavi felt badly, but couldn't let himself be touched.

Not right now.

"It's fine," Lavi replied, not wanting to talk any longer. "Look, I have stuff to do. I'll see you later, Yuu."

"Yeah," said Kanda, looking at him long and hard for a moment. It was the look that used to bring Lavi to his knees, weak with the force of the gaze. Now, it was something that made him uncomfortable and Lavi stared stubbornly at the door jam. This was it. It was over. No more of those secret glances between them, no more of Kanda's clandestine visits at random hours of the late evening and early morning. It was the end of everything and Lavi felt a part of him empty, but it was a dull sort of loss compared to what he had done to Allen.

"Yeah," Lavi said, listening as Yuu's footsteps got further and further away. When he was out of earshot, Lavi closed the door and stared at it for the longest time. But there was nothing in him that wanted to cry.

Nothing at all.

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Lavi went downstairs and did six loads of laundry. It was therapeutic in a way, but the monotonous sounds of the washers and dryers made him itch with impatience and confusion. Midday Tuesday left him alone with his thoughts and the smell of detergent, where his green eyes stared uncertainly at the black coat that remained in his basket. It was the one that Lavi had taken off Allen's unconscious form when he'd brought the boy home. Tattered and bloody, Lavi wondered if he should wash it or not. Perhaps Allen would want to keep it in its current condition.

The thought of Allen left a bitter taste in his mouth and he swallowed thickly, pulling the basket closer to him to inspect the coat. His fingertips smoothed over the sable fabric, over the cool metal of a beaten and slightly mutilated Cross Rose, the symbol of the Black Order. Its image, he recalled, was on the title page of the End of Days that was currently suffocating behind yellow bordered magazines on the bottom shelf.

He dropped the coat into the basket, not wanting to touch it any longer. It made a heavy sound when it hit the plastic of the bin by his feet and Lavi's brow furrowed slightly. The buttons weren't the cause of it, nor the badge. It had been something from one of the pockets. Inside one, he found a pair of worn, white gloves, which he placed on the table next to him. In the other, Lavi discovered a small, yet heavy, brass skeleton key. His brow furrowed deeper still at the small tag hanging from the end of it: a thin piece of matching metal with a strange seal stamped into it. The coat of arms was something he'd seen before…somewhere. But no matter how he tried to recall where he'd seen it, Lavi could not place the image before him: an open book, a compass rose, a quill and scroll of parchment, and a balanced scale.

Annoyed with his inability to remember where he'd seen the coat of arms, Lavi put the key back into Allen's pocket and folded the jacket neatly. Placing the gloves on top of it, Lavi stared at the uniform before him on the table. The sunlight spilling in through the dirty windows splayed across the fabric, casting the bloodstains in harsh relief against the dark color. It hurt him to look at it.

When the clothes were done and dried, he dutifully folded them and placed them into the basket. Lavi put the dirty coat on top of his bottle of detergent and box of Cling-Free, doing his best not to look at it as he trekked back up the stairs to his flat. Shifting the laundry basket onto his hip, Lavi unlocked the door and stepped inside, finding Allen sitting on the couch as if he had been waiting. His fingers were working at the smooth band around his finger, moving it up and down repeatedly, nervously. He wore the clothes that Lavi had lain out for him, the top few buttons of the shirt undone casually.

"Hey," Lavi said, once he'd found his voice, closing the door behind him.

"Hey," said Allen, looking down. Awkwardly, Lavi put the laundry down on the counter and pulled Allen's coat from the top of the pile. Holding it flat in his hands, Lavi walked closer to where Allen sat on the couch, wondering if the other boy would run from him again. But he did not, remaining perched on the edge of the sofa, looking at Lavi with an expression the redhead couldn't name.

"I, um…you were wearing this when…" Lavi trailed off, handing it over. Allen looked at it, his eyes softening as he accepted the jacket. Their hands did not touch. "Um, I just, it was in the laundry and…and I didn't want to wash it if…" Allen wasn't listening as he placed the coat upon his knees, his red fingertips touching the white gloves. Lavi watched with amazement, his eyes taking in the left arm of the boy across from him for what seemed like the first time. He couldn't believe that it had taken him that long to notice its strangeness, but he didn't feel disgusted or uncomfortable by it at all. The redhead was intrigued, his own fingers itching to touch it; hold it in his hand, bring it to his lips to kiss it while saying 'Allen, you're beautiful.' But Lavi could not and so he avoided his eyes elsewhere.

"Thank you," Allen said quietly, his fingertips trailing over the ornate buttons of the uniform.

"There's…something in the pocket, too," Lavi offered, looking down with embarrassment as he lied: "It, um, fell out earlier…" Allen appeared confused, reaching into both pockets to search for the item in question. Momentarily, his right hand emerged beneath the black folds, holding the small key. Observing it for a moment, recognition dawned in Allen's expression.

"It's…Rabi's," Allen said and Lavi wished he hadn't said anything. Allen continued somewhat tearfully: "It's the key to…there was a box under his bed where he kept some of his things. I don't know why…he gave it to me…" Lavi shrugged unhelpfully, not having any answer for Allen. All he wanted to do was go hide somewhere, maybe in the cluttered student library at the university, where he could immerse himself in his books and paper…

"Lavi," said Allen, breaking the silence.

"Hm?" Lavi asked, looking up. He couldn't quite meet Allen's eyes, so instead he stared at the pattern of the blanket thrown over the back of the couch.

"I'm…sorry…" Allen said, touching his ring again, pulling it on and off a few times. Lavi swallowed dryly.

"I'm…the one who should be sorry," Lavi replied, regretting his decision to look from the couch to the boy across from him. Dropping his eyes didn't help, either, especially when he could see the marks he'd made in a passion he could not remember. "I…don't know what happened and I can't…"

"Lavi…" Allen said, his warm fingertips touching the back of Lavi's hand. It sent a spark of electricity through him, like something so alive. "Do you remember last night?" Allen's fingers moved around his, holding his hand gently.

"No," Lavi answered quietly, regretfully. "I'm sorry."

"No," Allen said, his voice rather firm. "I'm sorry." Lavi looked at Allen, unsure of what he meant. With an expression of guilt, Allen gave his hand a tug, pulling him down to sit on the couch. The silver-haired boy next to him looked down and away, the fingers around Lavi's own trembling slightly.

"Allen…?" Lavi asked, wondering what Allen was talking about. How could Allen be apologizing when it was Lavi who had committed such a heinous deed?

"I…used you," Allen said quietly, hesitation coloring his tone. His silver eyes were everywhere but Lavi's.

"I…don't understand…" Lavi answered, his brow furrowing slightly in confusion.

"Last night…you…weren't you," Allen replied softly. Lavi, even more perplexed, leaned closer to hear what he was saying. Gray eyes looked up at him, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "I think, I mean, I know…you weren't Lavi last night."

"Then…who was I…?" Lavi asked, his chest constricting in anticipation.

"You were undoubtedly…" Allen said, meeting his eyes without fear. "Rabi."

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THE PLOT THICKENS.

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I don't know about you, but I'm excited :D

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates. I'm finishing up the quarter at my university and it's wearing me down. I just finished midterms and went right into finals. I have to worry about moving out of the dorms, too, which is going to be a nightmare. On top of it, bronchitis hasn't gone away yet. I sort of feel like dying o.o So, if there aren't updates for another week or two, no worries. Once I'm out of school, I'll have more time to update.

Thanks for all your patience!

Dhampir72