o o o

Breaking Insanity

Chapter 10 – Going Home

It seemed that the cold spell was only temporary. The snow had disappeared before morning and covered the ground in slush that melted into puddles as the day wore on. The following week had mild weather and time went by quickly. The worse of that term was soon done and over with and the last few days they got their exams and test backs after their teachers had graded their work.

Since the day in the printing room, Kakashi hadn't seen Obito.

Despite all that had happened, the thought to visit him crossed his mind. Maybe he was ill. But going to Obito's place could easily lead to something Kakashi didn't want to so he quickly decided against it. Perhaps he simply was busy with gang politics, covering up tracks or whatever a gang-leader did and simply didn't have time to bother with end of term grades – or Kakashi.

It would be a lie to say that Obito's absence didn't ease him. Obito had made him awfully jumpy (with good reason) and it felt nice and rather pleasant to just go to his lectures and focus on commonplace, tedious things like studying and the weather, rather than how to avoid the leader of the Akatsuki.

Winter break came and they had a Christmas ceremony that felt terribly long and before it finally ended at 10:00 am. Even the principal was yawning at this point, and cut the choir short, delivered a brief, summarizing speech and dismissed the students.

A few hours later, Kakashi was sitting on the train by the window.

He was going home.

So far December had been boringly tame and the temperature had rarely went down to the freezing-point, but presently big snowflakes was falling outside the window as the train drove by big, empty fields. They were dull and brown now, with only a tint of white among dull patches of coarse, yellowed grass and plowed soil. But Kakashi knew that if this snowfall kept up it was only a matter of time before everything would be under white dunes.

He had hoped they would get snow for the holidays. Christmas never quite felt like Christmas without it, and he remembered that Rin had always loved snow very much.

Kakashi hugged his bag a little harder to his chest. He had left most things at his apartment since more than half of his belongings still were at his grandfather's place. His bag was stuffed with unmade but clean clothes, a book of nude models that he had found in a store close to the train station and thought appropriate as a Christmas gift for Jiraiya, and a big box of oven-dried liver he had made himself the night before. The liver was, of course, for Pakkun. Kakashi hoped the smell would have left the apartment by the time he returned.

The train was full and packed with people either going home or visiting loved ones. Not a single sitting place was free anymore and Kakashi was surrounded by people on his every side. He didn't particularly like that, but at least he had gotten a seat by the window, and looking out, he could almost pretend that he was outside on the big fields instead.

A few deer grazed on the dead grass. When the train came they pointed their ears and lifted their slender heads. Within a few seconds they ran with swift, graceful movements. Their forms quickly got smaller as they got further away but they didn't have time to disappear behind the horizon before the train had swished by and Kakashi could no longer see them.

Pakkun would have loved to play on these big fields. He would have wanted to chase the deer, but his short, plump legs wouldn't have given him any chance to get near them. Kakashi smiled. He really missed his dog.

The view outside his window stayed the same and eventually Kakashi grew tired of it and flipped up Icha Icha Violence. The mother in front of him let out a horrified gasp and covered the eyes of her little six year old sitting in her lap. The train was so crowded that there was no room for her to have an own seat. The girl peeled her mother's hands off her. Big, green eyes locked directly with Kakashi's.

"What's that book? Why doesn't mommy want me to see it?"

The mother sent Kakashi a glance of warning.

"It's romance," Kakashi said seriously. "And your mother doesn't want you to leave her for a prince just yet."

The girl smiled and hugged her mother. "Don't worry, mommy," she said. "I won't leave you."

Kakashi's eyes crinkled in a happy smile. The little girl smiled back. The girl's mother kept trying to keep her face straight and solemn, but eventually the corners of her lips tugged upwards and something in her eyes glinted.

The child looked closely at him, her expression changing to thoughtfulness. "Have you colored your hair?" she asked.

"No."

She hummed and sat silent for a while before nodding seriously. "You look very good for you age," she told him. "Your skin isn't wrinkly."

Kakashi's eyebrow twitched. The mother chuckled.

"I'm nineteen. I was born with white hair. It's in the family."

"Really?"

"Yes. My dad and my grandfather also have it."

"Of course they do." She wrinkled her nose. "They must be old."

"…I meant that they were born with it as well."

"Oh. That's cool."

After that the little girl kept asking him questions, mostly about princes and princesses and a few about his unique hair-color as well. It turned out they lived in Konoha too which meant they would be riding with him the entire way. When the train reached its destination and they finally had to part, the little girl hugged him.

Kakashi didn't really know how to respond to that.

"I think it's sweet that you read romance," she said in a very much grown up way. "Not many boys do that."

"Sakura! Come on now!"

"Goodbye. And Merry Christmas!" she said as she spun around, her strawberry blond hair flying over her shoulder as she ran to her mother and took her hand.

"You shouldn't bother strangers," her mother scolded her gently as they walked away. Kakashi shook his head, amused, and turned to his grandfather's truck that was waiting for him.

o o o

When Kakashi got home, a pug ran up to meet him, his tail wigging violently as he tried to be obedient to his training and keep from jumping. Kakashi bent down and petted the impatient little dog whose tongue licked at his fingers.

The two ran outside and Kakashi threw snowballs that Pakkun chased and tried to catch. Then he ran around the house. The snow slowed the pug's movements down so Kakashi managed to hide before Pakkun caught up to him. Pakkun sat his nose to the ground and followed his footsteps to his hiding place. Kakashi sat down and the pug crawled up in his lap and licked his face. Kakashi laughed as he tried to avoid the sloppy dog kisses and leaned back, falling down in the soft snow. Pakkun climbed up on his chest and licked his cheek with his soft, pink tongue. When he tried to lick his lips Kakashi pushed him off gently and Pakkun licked his hands instead. Then he lay down and barked, playfully tugging at his jacket with his teeth. He rolled over on his back and Kakashi scratched his belly.

"I missed you, boy."

Pakkun nuzzled in his pocket.

"I don't have anything on me. But I did bring something with me from town."

Pakkun wagged his tail expectantly, and Kakashi sat up. "No, you won't get any now. You'll just get fat. Jiraiya always feeds you way too much. You'll have to wait until our walk. I just need to unpack first."

Kakashi and Pakkun took a short walk in the woods just before sundown. Kakashi enjoyed the fresh air and the familiar surroundings. He knew these forests as good as the back of his hand. It started snowing again and Kakashi turned home as the temperature dropped. It seemed they would indeed get a white winter after all.

When Kakashi went to sleep it was still snowing. The snow fell quietly, soundlessly in the still, cold night.

o o o

The next day the snow had stopped falling. The ground was covered in ankle-deep snow. After washing up after breakfast Kakashi and Pakkun walked out again. Today the air was perfectly still and not a breeze moved among the trees. Snow covered the bare branches.

Kakashi walked along a path he often used to take. On his way home he spotted a lonely child in the woods who was sitting silently on a big rock. He looked old enough to not get lost and Kakashi figured he would only be found creepy if he tried to talk to him, so he decided to walk past him and let the guy mind his own business. However, once Pakkun caught nose of him, he had other plans than his master and ran to the rock, barking. Kakashi tried to call for him, but at the moment Pakkun wasn't willing to listen to him at all.

The boy looked at the dog and jumped down, crouching down to scratch the pug behind his ears. "Good dog," the child murmured softly. Then, he looked up at Kakashi. "Pakkun, right?"

"Yes." Kakashi tried to remember where he might have met the boy before because he seemed strangely familiar.

"It's nice to see you again, Kakashi-senpai."

If finally clicked. "Right. You are one of Obito's cousins, aren't you?"

The dark haired boy smiled. "Yes. I'm Itachi Uchiha."

"Itachi. Right. You've grown your hair out."

"Hn."

"And you're much taller. How old are you now?"

"Eleven."

"You're still doing judo?"

"I switched to karate."

Kakashi nodded. "I tried a few classes myself – long ago – but I guess I'm too stuck on judo to consider anything else. How's your little brother?"

Itachi's eyes lit up as he started talking about Sasuke. The two of them ended up climbing back up on the rock Itachi previously sat on while Itachi told Kakashi about how Sasuke had started school and already was quite popular with the girls.

"I usually help him with his homework but he's already way past everyone else in class. He's made a new friend named Naruto, but they fight so much sometimes I wonder…" Itachi laughed, the sound ringing clear in the silence. Kakashi smiled. Itachi usually kept to himself with the exception of his best friend Shisui, but for some reason the young Uchiha had never really had a problem talking to him – and he would talk about his little brother to anyone who was willing to listen. "So," Itachi finally said. "I heard you go to a college in Amegakure. Have you seem Obito any?"

"Yes… We go to the same university."

"Is he still angry with you?"

There was no use denying it. Itachi was too smart to buy a straight out lie. "I'm afraid so."

Itachi furrowed his brows. "Is it true that he's creating trouble?"

Kakashi wasn't about to tell Itachi that his cousin probably was the most feared gang-leader in Amegakure so he settled for something a little less dramatic. "He's quite the problem-maker, yes."

Itachi sat silent for a few seconds before he replied. "He's acting like a spoiled child."

Kakashi blinked, and looked at the younger boy.

Itachi looked up at him. "It's true. Everyone loses loved ones sooner or later. Nobody lives forever and though all times people have accepted their loses and been forced to move on. Life goes on. It's been years now and he's being unfair when he's trying to make you feel guilty. It is immature to make life harder for everyone else just because he suffers."

Kakashi thought about that for a while. Itachi had always seemed so much more mature than others his age. It felt more as if he was talking to someone his own age rather than a boy seven years younger than him. "How would you react if Sasuke died?" he wondered out loud, curious about the younger boy's answer.

Itachi clinched his mitten-covered hand. "I don't know," he said honesty. "But if there was an accident I hope I would behave more rationally than Obito does. My parents would be hurting enough with Sasuke gone without having me starting trouble on top of it. It would only be stupid. It wouldn't help anyone and it's wouldn't bring Sasuke back. Obito is only hurting more people."

"I think…" Kakashi began. "That maybe Obito doesn't want to suffer alone."

"It's still stupid. Anyone can see how much you already are hurting. He's lost one of his best friends and you'd think he'd want to make you feel better, not worse. You're all he's got left. If I lost Sasuke, I'd hurt… but I wouldn't push Shisui away."

"But he… he loved her."

Itachi tilted his head softy. "You don't think I love Sasuke? He's my brother but I love him every bit as much, if not more, than Obito loved Rin. I'd do anything for him." They sat silent for a while before Itachi took his hand and pushed up the sleeve of his jacket with his thumb. "…what's he doing to you?"

Kakashi froze as he realized Itachi was searching for bruises or physical injuries on him. He choked out something that was supposed to be a laugh. "You don't think he's really hurting me, do you? Come on. He's your cousin, what do you take him for?"

Itachi looked up and met his eyes seriously. Shit, this kid was attentive.

"It's in your eyes," he told him. "They look haunted again. He's doing or saying things to you that hurt you." Itachi keep his gaze and finally Kakashi looked away. "Or maybe both," the Uchiha added silently.

Kakashi pulled his hand away, glad his fingers had healed enough for him to remove his splinters before Itachi inspected them. "No, it's not that," he lied. "I just can't reach through to him. That's what's hurting me."

"You don't really take the blame for Rin's death, do you?"

Yes he did. Or maybe not. But he felt guilty. He had her blood on his hands… If only he hadn't–

"Because it's not," Itachi snapped, using a sharper tone than the low-voiced boy usually did. "Don't believe what he tells you."

"Thank you, Itachi."

"Hey. Mother and Sasuke were making dough for gingerbread cookies before I left and we're going to make cookies tonight. Would you like to join us? Sasuke would be happy to see you and mother always makes far too much dough for us."

"I'm not very good at baking…"

Itachi snorted. "Do you think Sasuke is?"

"Good point. It sounds fun. I'd like to come, but I have to leave Pakkun at Jiraiya's first."

"I'll walk with you! I like Pakkun. He's cute."

Kakashi and Itachi followed the small path that led out of the forest, Pakkun close behind their heels. Kakashi let Pakkun in and told Jiraiya that he'd be at Itachi's and walked out to the waiting boy. Together they walked to a blue-painted house a mile down the road.

They baked gingerbread cookies until after it darkened. When Itachi's mother put Sasuke to sleep Itachi and Kakashi made the last patch of cookies and watched them closely as the baked in the oven, knowing full well that the second they turned their attention off them they could be burned (and most likely would, gingerbread cookies are predictable like that). The entire house smelled like spices and Christmas. The Uchihas had already decorated the house and taken in a Christmas tree and Kakashi made a mental note of bringing in a tree tomorrow himself. Neither Kakashi nor Jiraiya bothered with many Christmas decorations, but Kakashi always wanted a tree.

Kakashi glanced at Itachi. Maybe, just maybe, he'd ask if Itachi wanted to come with him tomorrow. He did seem fond of Pakkun, after all. He might be a child, but he really wasn't bad company.

Itachi's mother gave Kakashi a big batch of cookies and thanked him for helping while Kakashi replied that the pleasure had been entirely his. Then he said goodnight to Itachi and walked out in the cool night. The snow crushed under his boots and made the darkness a little less black. A white cloud escaped his nose as he exhaled. The sky was unusually clear and filled with stars, and a bright moon lit up the snowy road home.

It was nice to crawl into a warm bed that smelled clean and familiar, knowing there was only a few days until Christmas and two full weeks before he needed to get back to college and the city again.

It was pleasant when Jiraiya checked up on him and when he thought his grandson to be asleep.

It was good to be home. Falling asleep was easy, but everything felt so nice that Kakashi stayed up simply staring out into the darkness and enjoyed the feeling of being back.

Not so much angst, but rather a fluffy chapter. I like writing Itachi, and you can look forward to see more of his pretty face in next chapter. Anyone dare guess who else will finally make an appearance in the story?